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At what age cn the child say no to visitation?

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BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
It's crystal clear, you idiot ... I'm not arguing with you about anything. I replied to a post and told the OP that YES, she can be held in contempt, and that her child could possibly face an unruly child charge for refusing to go to visitation ... it happened to my husband ... I then get attacked because my parenting plan and views are somewhat different than most. I PERSONALLY DIDN'T VIOLATE ANYTHING, so you can just shut the hell up about that.
and you also have not posted anything that is releveant to THIS POSTER"S situation. So, enjoying a little mental masterbation I see.
 


and you also have not posted anything that is releveant to THIS POSTER"S situation.
What the hell is your issue? I answered her question in my first response to her ... YES she can be held in contempt if she does not force her son to go to visitation with his father ... I believe that is relevant. And for someone who is constantly taking jabs at others who "can't spell"... take at look at your own mistakes, jackass.
releveant
 

casa

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
Oh dear. You know, it's so hard when posting on a board like this to put in every fact, and every detail of a situation...

I am also divorced, with children from my first marriage. My ex and I have one of those rare and wonderful post-divorce relationships where we don't fight and argue, or trash talk each other to the kids ... and visitation is now, and has always been, a very open and very changeable thing ... especially now since the kids are older and more involved in after school activities and after school jobs. So, yes, our kids do make up their own visitation schedule, and that works for us. One kid will call and say "Hey dad, I have a dance on Friday, can I come next weekend instead?" and dad always says "Sure hon, I'll come get your sister this weekend and you can come next weekend." Or if they both have something going on one weekend, they'll call and ask if they can do the next 2 weekends in a row, but skip the "regular" visit. It's just a non-issue with us.

However, my husband's relationship with his exwife is very different. He tries to be a lot like me ~ very open and flexible, and he never forced the kids to come for visitation if they didn't want to, or if they wanted to reschedule because they had something else going on in their lives (a dance, a slumber party) ... why make a kid miss out on something like that, when it's so easy to just rearrange your parenting time with them? I understand that some parents drive many hours to see their kids every other weekend ... but when you live closer to your kids, why not accommodate their schedules when you can, so they don't have to miss out on the fun stuff?

Anyway...my husband understood his daughters' reasons for not wanting to go to visitation with their mom that day ~ so he told them to talk to her, and it was fine with him if they want to change days if that was ok with mom. Of course, when mom showed up (45 minutes early, I might add, which is why they were unable to reach her by phone), and then threw a complete hissy fit in the driveway, yelling such things at them as "What? You don't love me anymore? Is that it? You'd rather be here with your dad and his bitch than come spend a few hours with me? Is that what it is?? Fine, if that's the way you want it, maybe I'll just go home and kill myself, then you won't have to worry about coming to see me anymore!" Yeah...I'd really want to get into a car and listen to that for the next 3 hours. Their mother was prone to these kinds of outbursts, especially when she was drinking (which I thought might have been the case that day, but couldn't prove it) ...I didn't blame them at the time for not wanting to go with her that day. It was such an easy solution...such a small request from her children "Please mom, can't we just stay here today so we can get caught up on our school work, finish unpacking our things, and get settled in...but then we can come spend the whole day with you on Saturday or Sunday?" I would have granted that request if it had been my children.
Every parent is going to, at one time or another, want to make a change to their visitation schedule...and likewise have to accept a change on the other parent's end. That's not the point. The point is the children cannot choose to change the schedule. It's an issue to be addressed/managed by the adult parents. The parents then agree, or follow the court order.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
What the hell is your issue? I answered her question in my first response to her ... YES she can be held in contempt if she does not force her son to go to visitation with his father ... I believe that is relevant. And for someone who is constantly taking jabs at others who "can't spell"... take at look at your own mistakes, jackass.
get a new medication.
 
get a new medication.
I'd love to...what is it that you're on? I think I could use some of that.

casa~ while I do agree that kids should not be allowed to make "grown-up type" decisions, I also know what works well for me, my kids, and my ex. Yes, we are very different. Yes, we have a parenting plan all spelled out and on file at the courthouse, but we threw that out the window the same day we got divorced. As I stated before, my ex and I have a very rare post-divorce relationship - but that works for us. My ex lives 2 hours away...and sometimes it's hard for him to be there for those every-day, normal kid things (an awards assembly, a sporting event, etc) ... so when the kids have time off from school, or during the summer months, I just tell the man "If you want them, come get them." And he always checks their schedules before making plans ... because he knows, understands, and supports the fact that they are now teenagers and have more going on in their lives. That's not a bad thing ... I don't bash other people for strictly sticking to their parenting plan, and I won't be bashed for not sticking to mine when how my ex and I handle visitation works so well for both of us, and for the kids.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
I'd love to...what is it that you're on? I think I could use some of that.

casa~ while I do agree that kids should not be allowed to make "grown-up type" decisions, I also know what works well for me, my kids, and my ex. Yes, we are very different. Yes, we have a parenting plan all spelled out and on file at the courthouse, but we threw that out the window the same day we got divorced. As I stated before, my ex and I have a very rare post-divorce relationship - but that works for us. My ex lives 2 hours away...and sometimes it's hard for him to be there for those every-day, normal kid things (an awards assembly, a sporting event, etc) ... so when the kids have time off from school, or during the summer months, I just tell the man "If you want them, come get them." And he always checks their schedules before making plans ... because he knows, understands, and supports the fact that they are now teenagers and have more going on in their lives. That's not a bad thing ... I don't bash other people for strictly sticking to their parenting plan, and I won't be bashed for not sticking to mine when how my ex and I handle visitation works so well for both of us, and for the kids.
More irrelevant crap. So, you think this has anything whatsoever to do with the ORIGINAL post?

You really love to hear yourself type don't you?
 

casa

Senior Member
MomIsWorried said:
I'd love to...what is it that you're on? I think I could use some of that.

casa~ while I do agree that kids should not be allowed to make "grown-up type" decisions, I also know what works well for me, my kids, and my ex. Yes, we are very different. Yes, we have a parenting plan all spelled out and on file at the courthouse, but we threw that out the window the same day we got divorced. As I stated before, my ex and I have a very rare post-divorce relationship - but that works for us. My ex lives 2 hours away...and sometimes it's hard for him to be there for those every-day, normal kid things (an awards assembly, a sporting event, etc) ... so when the kids have time off from school, or during the summer months, I just tell the man "If you want them, come get them." And he always checks their schedules before making plans ... because he knows, understands, and supports the fact that they are now teenagers and have more going on in their lives. That's not a bad thing ... I don't bash other people for strictly sticking to their parenting plan, and I won't be bashed for not sticking to mine when how my ex and I handle visitation works so well for both of us, and for the kids.
Your situation is irrelevant because you and your X are in agreement. That is not the case in the situation we are referring to. In absence of an agreement- you must follow court order, Period.
 
In absence of an agreement- you must follow court order, Period.
Exactly. Which is what I said to the OP...that yes she can be held in contempt if she does not force her son to go to visitation.

My other ramblings were in response to other posts, pointed in my direction, about how my husband dealt with his situation when he was found in contempt for not forcing his children to get in their mothers car, and then somehow took the direction they did when yet another poster made a snide comment about how children do not have the option to choose. I was simply saying that there are better ways to deal with the whole visitation issue.

OP~ did not mean to take away from your post ... my sincerest apologies.
 
MomIsWorried said:
Exactly. Which is what I said to the OP...that yes she can be held in contempt if she does not force her son to go to visitation.

My other ramblings were in response to other posts, pointed in my direction, about how my husband dealt with his situation when he was found in contempt for not forcing his children to get in their mothers car, and then somehow took the direction they did when yet another poster made a snide comment about how children do not have the option to choose. I was simply saying that there are better ways to deal with the whole visitation issue.

OP~ did not mean to take away from your post ... my sincerest apologies.
Why even bother responding to Belize? He's often been found to be quite the twit. Do yourself a favor and ignore all posts by him.
 

mehr

Member
Wow!!! What's the deal with people being so gruff and calloused? Just because some of you are bitter with your life doesn't mean you need to get on here and pound everyone else into the ground. How about a little compassion? I was so right a couple days ago about some of you..... you just wander this forum looking for people to tear apart or say your famous "why did you choose him as a dad?" question. Thank GOD I don't carry so much bittnerness.

Yes.... until the child is 18, you need to drop him off with the dad. Even if he is a scumbag. It stinks, I know, but this is an opportunity you have to help him learn to self-regulate his emotions. It is a difficult thing to learn, and instead of saying he is distraught and thus must be taken away from the conflict, you should teach him how to deal with these feelings and still go through with his committments. He is committed to visiting his dad, and you want to teach him to honor his committments. I had to visit my mom, even though she insulted my dad sometimes. Sure, it stinks, your son could express his feelings clearly to his dad and stepmom. But he can't just avoid the situation altogether. He needs to visit his dad until he is 18 and then you have done your part and it is his responsibility.
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
mehr said:
Wow!!! What's the deal with people being so gruff and calloused? That is truly "Calling the Kettle Black." It appears, you have been quite gruff and calloused in your own posts.
 

mommyto4

Member
as I have been told before "the law isn't compasionite"

these people are here to help and not sugar coat things. personally I would want the truth that is why you come here.
 
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