What can I do?

[mgwilson78]

Georgia. Here's some bullet points.
Was the caretaker of my 3 kids during the marriage.
Guardian ad Litem rrecommended joint physical and legal.
Judge granted her full physical and joint legal.
She moved with her mother over an hour away 4 months after divorce.
Took a year off work to otain her master's moved her boyfriend in To replace my duties as primary caretaker.
She began drinking daily and has driven the kids after drinking. Once admitted to after only 2 glasses of wine.
After boyfriend cheated on her he moved out and she began a series of relationships leading my 8 year old daughter's to tell me their mom cusses during sex etc.
Got back with her cheater and makes the kids uncomfortable that the 2 walk around the house nude.
Her mother makes the girls shower with her and is an actual nudist. She has slapped one of the girls kicked a chair that the other was using as a stool to get her clothes from the stackable dryer causing her to hit the floor.
My ex calls the kids pet names like f###tard a$$hole and dipsh##. Constantly screams at them. Does things like makes the kids do chores all week during spring break and takes her boyfriend camping that weekend where my parents took me as a kid during spring break.
Also next school year my 10 yr old will have to walk to school through his Grant Park neighborhood which is known for it's rise in robberies and crime. She doesn't have a way for him to get to his school but her brother and boyfriend take the girls to their school thankfully. My son turns 11 in August.

Can I do anything to get custody of my kids. I have a stable home. Remarried a woman my kids love. She has 3 kids my kids love. We all want my kids with us. They can enjoy their childhood and not be second fiddle to my ex wanting a life and her mother's abusive and weird ways. Thank you.

 

[Ladyback1]

Georgia. Here's some bullet points.
Was the caretaker of my 3 kids during the marriage.
Guardian ad Litem rrecommended joint physical and legal.
Judge granted her full physical and joint legal.
She moved with her mother over an hour away 4 months after divorce.
Took a year off work to otain her master's moved her boyfriend in To replace my duties as primary caretaker.
She began drinking daily and has driven the kids after drinking. Once admitted to after only 2 glasses of wine.
After boyfriend cheated on her he moved out and she began a series of relationships leading my 8 year old daughter's to tell me their mom cusses during sex etc.
Got back with her cheater and makes the kids uncomfortable that the 2 walk around the house nude.
Her mother makes the girls shower with her and is an actual nudist. She has slapped one of the girls kicked a chair that the other was using as a stool to get her clothes from the stackable dryer causing her to hit the floor.
My ex calls the kids pet names like f###tard a$$hole and dipsh##. Constantly screams at them. Does things like makes the kids do chores all week during spring break and takes her boyfriend camping that weekend where my parents took me as a kid during spring break.
Also next school year my 10 yr old will have to walk to school through his Grant Park neighborhood which is known for it's rise in robberies and crime. She doesn't have a way for him to get to his school but her brother and boyfriend take the girls to their school thankfully. My son turns 11 in August.

Can I do anything to get custody of my kids. I have a stable home. Remarried a woman my kids love. She has 3 kids my kids love. We all want my kids with us. They can enjoy their childhood and not be second fiddle to my ex wanting a life and her mother's abusive and weird ways. Thank you.

If you are concerned about the safety and welfare of your children, why have you not contacted Child Protective Services (or the equivalent in your area)?

 

[mgwilson78]

The kids school has sent dfacs out 3 times in the past year or so. They call and set up a time to visit giving her opportunity to prepare the house and put on the same I'm a good mom show she put on for the judge. She is a kindergarten teacher to and uses that title to make people think she likes kids. She doesn't. It's an easy job with summers off and benefits. She makes good wages with a master's degree teaching at a public school in Dekalb County. Dfacs always tells me they will send a report and never has. I've called several times and still haven't. It's Fulton County and I live and work in Carroll where the divorce took place.

 

[Zigner]

The kids school has sent dfacs out 3 times in the past year or so. They call and set up a time to visit giving her opportunity to prepare the house and put on the same I'm a good mom show she put on for the judge. She is a kindergarten teacher to and uses that title to make people think she likes kids. She doesn't. It's an easy job with summers off and benefits. She makes good wages with a master's degree teaching at a public school in Dekalb County. Dfacs always tells me they will send a report and never has. I've called several times and still haven't. It's Fulton County and I live and work in Carroll where the divorce took place.

You have no right to see the report they generate.

Being a kindergarten teacher is not an "easy job".

 

[LdiJ]

You have no right to see the report they generate.

Being a kindergarten teacher is not an "easy job".

No kidding...its not one bit easy at all.

 

[mgwilson78]

No kidding...its not one bit easy at all.

That was her response when I asked her why she decided to be a kindergarten teacher. Didn't mean to offend anyone. She used to do retail mgmt so I think she thought having a set schedule, and summers off makes that job easier than retail. Since taking this position a kid has punched her, another kid has tried to stab her with a pencil, and another kid jumped the fence during recess and ran down the rd. Luckily he was stopped by an administrator and brought back. Irony is, though she is a teacher my son goes to Saturday school at his school every Saturday morning for math, and my girls are struggling in reading. When she picks them up from After School around 6p.m. they go home, get ready for dinner and are in bed at 7:30 every night Mon-Sun. She gets off work at 2:30, and could spend time with the kids and work with them instead of wait til last minute to get them, feed them and send them to bed right? Am I being too judgmental? I help the kids a bit, but her being a master degree earned teacher with more time with them, you would think that would be something she would focus on right?

 

[LdiJ]

That was her response when I asked her why she decided to be a kindergarten teacher. Didn't mean to offend anyone. She used to do retail mgmt so I think she thought having a set schedule, and summers off makes that job easier than retail. Since taking this position a kid has punched her, another kid has tried to stab her with a pencil, and another kid jumped the fence during recess and ran down the rd. Luckily he was stopped by an administrator and brought back. Irony is, though she is a teacher my son goes to Saturday school at his school every Saturday morning for math, and my girls are struggling in reading. When she picks them up from After School around 6p.m. they go home, get ready for dinner and are in bed at 7:30 every night Mon-Sun. She gets off work at 2:30, and could spend time with the kids and work with them instead of wait til last minute to get them, feed them and send them to bed right? Am I being too judgmental? I help the kids a bit, but her being a master degree earned teacher with more time with them, you would think that would be something she would focus on right?

Dad, I really think that you need to look at this from an outsider's point of view.

She is a kindergarten teacher and still has her job so she has to be good with kids. (or she would lose her job)

She has your mutual children in bed at a hour that guarantees that they will be fully rested and ready for the next day at school.

I come from a family of educators and no, she does not get "off" at 2:30. Every teacher out there has a couple of hours, or more, a day of time needed to prepare for the next day. Plus, your children probably get homework assistance while they are in after school care, so I am not surprised that she picks them up later in the day.

She is getting your son the extra help that he needs for a subject about which she is probably not an expert.

The rest of the stuff that you are worried about is all things that you cannot possibly know on a first hand basis. You are apparently hearing things from your children that you do not like (drinking, nudity, crazy grandma) that are very likely to be quite exaggerated.

Dfas has been out three times and finds nothing wrong.

I do not blame you for being concerned, but unfortunately you do not have anything concrete that would justify a change in custody. I also think that your children could be telling you what they think you want to hear, which is very, very common. You can certainly talk to a local attorney, who is more familiar with the climate of your local courts that we would be, but I cannot really see you getting anywhere, at this point, with a custody suit.

 

[Zigner]

I help the kids a bit, but her being a master degree earned teacher with more time with them, you would think that would be something she would focus on right?

Perhaps you need to help more than "a bit".

 

[mgwilson78]

Dad, I really think that you need to look at this from an outsider's point of view.

She is a kindergarten teacher and still has her job so she has to be good with kids. (or she would lose her job)

She has your mutual children in bed at a hour that guarantees that they will be fully rested and ready for the next day at school.

I come from a family of educators and no, she does not get "off" at 2:30. Every teacher out there has a couple of hours, or more, a day of time needed to prepare for the next day. Plus, your children probably get homework assistance while they are in after school care, so I am not surprised that she picks them up later in the day.

She is getting your son the extra help that he needs for a subject about which she is probably not an expert.

The rest of the stuff that you are worried about is all things that you cannot possibly know on a first hand basis. You are apparently hearing things from your children that you do not like (drinking, nudity, crazy grandma) that are very likely to be quite exaggerated.

Dfas has been out three times and finds nothing wrong.

I do not blame you for being concerned, but unfortunately you do not have anything concrete that would justify a change in custody. I also think that your children could be telling you what they think you want to hear, which is very, very common. You can certainly talk to a local attorney, who is more familiar with the climate of your local courts that we would be, but I cannot really see you getting anywhere, at this point, with a custody suit.

Ok. Last hope =last question. If I file for a modification on the grounds of the kids moving could I request my son speak with the judge. My son turns 11 in August and is not looking forward to walking to school by himself since he lives in the Grant Park area of Atlanta which has been on an upswing in crime including mugging people. His mom says she is getting him a phone so he can call if he is in trouble. I look at a 10 or 11 yr old walking a mile to school with a phone in rush hour traffic as a dangerous distraction if he can't resist walking and watching YouTube. Or a target for the morally bankrupt who are on the rise in the area.

Thank you for your time and help.

 

[I'mTheFather]

How long ago did she move? What would you hope to modify?

 

[stealth2]

I feel a need to send you to this site:

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewforum.php?f=7

And listen to the guys. Please?

 

[mgwilson78]

Perhaps you need to help more than "a bit".

Would love to. Hence wanting the change of custody to provide more time to do it. She wanted to be primary of education and told me my job is to be Disneyland dad. I read with the girls every night they stayed here. But she is right. As she throws un my face often, she is the primary. Wouldn't want to step on her toes. Had to threaten her with an order 2 years ago just so she would finally put them in something extracurricular. She went to one practice and one game. Now she signs them up for activities provided by the asp so she isn't bothered by there stuff.

Oh. For the comment at least she is getting him help...She signed him up for Saturday tutoring. She took him the 2nd weekend of February. Hasn't been on her time since. I live 8 minutes from Alabama and get the kids up at 6am to get the 3 ready and him to school from 8-10. I kill time with the girls and pick him up praying I have the gas to make it back since I pay her 1000 a month making 14 bucks an hour.

 

[mgwilson78]

They moved in March of 2012. Her notice said they were moving in May. I filed a change pro se and her attorney and a mediator told me to give them something that I can live with basically because I wouldn't win. They wrote up an agreement for her to get the kids a phone line that she still hasn't done and allow from 6 to 8 time permitted for me to call. Well. She picks them up around 6 has them in bed 30 mins before the allocated time is even up and hasn't provided a phone and doesn't answer hers unless I am calling her back for something she wanted to talk about.

 

[I'mTheFather]

They moved in March of 2012. Her notice said they were moving in May. I filed a change pro se and her attorney and a mediator told me to give them something that I can live with basically because I wouldn't win. They wrote up an agreement for her to get the kids a phone line that she still hasn't done and allow from 6 to 8 time permitted for me to call. Well. She picks them up around 6 has them in bed 30 mins before the allocated time is even up and hasn't provided a phone and doesn't answer hers unless I am calling her back for something she wanted to talk about.

Apparently, you've been fine with the arrangement for 3 years. That's how the court will see it. There isn't much of a chance to change things now.

 

[mgwilson78]

They moved in March of 2012. Her notice said they were moving in May. I filed a change pro se and her attorney and a mediator told me to give them something that I can live with basically because I wouldn't win. They wrote up an agreement for her to get the kids a phone line that she still hasn't done and allow from 6 to 8 time permitted for me to call. Well. She picks them up around 6 has them in bed 30 mins before the allocated time is even up and hasn't provided a phone and doesn't answer hers unless I am calling her back for something she wanted to talk about.

She's the mom who tells 5 year old girls there isn't a Santa after my wife and I spent 3 grand on Christmas for 6 kids and made the house evident that Santa was there by writing a personal note. Leaving a trail of candy canes from their room to their presents disposing of cookies etc leaving half eaten one on the last page of twas the night before Xmas. She wants the paycheck not the kids. Everyone knows the type but somehow they always get custody. Ugh