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  1. #1
    spunkyjunior2 Guest

    Angry What can I do about my niece and nephew?

    I live in VA and I have a great concern for my neice and nephew. See they hate living with their parents and want to live with me. My niece more than my nephew is being mistreated, I have seen this myself. And my sister-in-law drinks alot and cuts on herself and my niece has to stay up to take care of her while my brother stays on the computer constantly. They are made to do everything around the house and hardly get to play as children should.It is to the point my neice gets sick at school and when at my house begs for me to take her away from them and becomes sick and hurts with her stomach severely. How can I help her she is almost 12 years old. Can I take her or is it possible for her to file to be considered an adult? She can't take it any more and is scared because her parents want to move away from here and we won't get to make sure they are taken care of. They hardly ever have enough food in the house and my sister-in-law will call me asking me to keep them as much as possible. And lately has done everything to put my niece down to everyone. Please help!!! Also I forgot to mention my sister-in-law is mentally ill and has been for about four years due to a anerism (I know I spelt that wrong) she had to have a emergency operation on the brain due to it and hasn't been fully functional since. And my brother doesn't work but I do give him credit because thats why he is moving he is trying to get a job. Also when she gets sick at school I am the one that has to drive 20 miles to go get her because the mother won't and just recently made the comment that unless she is puking her guts out she can't be checked out again. The child's grades are starting to show she is under severe stress. I raised these children since I was 16 because the mother was abusive to her, two years ago is when she decided she don't like me because her children love me and want to be with me instead of her and put them in a school 20 miles away from me and 15 miles away from her. The child had starting stealing things from other children at school and the mother said it's ashame it wasn't 20's we could have used them. She said that when they move that they would come and stay with me during the summer thats fine, it's what going on between then and I know she will try to keep them away because she hates me, she always has, she had a problem with stealing and forgery. She (the mother) would steal my things and forge my name on my check I got while I was in school and drawing disability from my dad. Anyway my niece works for me babysitting my 6 year old and 8 year old while I do work around the house, I don't think she is old enough to babysit with out me around and she also helps outs around the house. She wants out now but I know I can't do it that fast and she is scared of telling anyone because she don't want to have to face her parents with this, because she knows if this isn't won she will never see me again and also because of how hard she will be whipped for it. She has to fix her own food most of the time and allot of times my sister-in-law calls and says they don't have food will you keep the kids so they can eat and then calls that night drunk. If she can't feed them how can she buy the alcohol? Please I need to know what to do, if I call DSS and they don't see anything physical my niece will get in major trouble and has been whipped before to the point it left welts on her legs. So I am torn. Any advice will work even if it's to but out. Please this is urgent.

    Last edited by spunkyjunior2; 05-16-2003 at 12:36 AM.
  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Las Vegas NV

    That was long and somewhat confusing....

    and I'm curious as to how hold you are?
    You basically claimed the mom does not want you around the children but one of them babysits for you? and you are on the pick-up list at school? Just trying to get this straight.
    What, exactly, are you asking for? Do you want custody? Your niece cannot file anything since she is not an adult.
    What kind of relationship do you have with your brother? Can you appoach him with any of this? perhaps suggest counseling? maybe direct him to state aid to see if they qualify for help?
    Church organizations might be able to help, too.
    I'd do what I could to help out the family, as a whole. Suggest counseling, contact church organizations, etc....your niece's school should have counselors she can talk to as well.
    While I see your concern and worry, I sense more anger on your part towards the mom. If you really feel the children are being neglected or abused, then if talking to dad doesnt help, I'd make that call to CPS/DSS-especially if there are welts, etc... Children don't necessarily have to have physical marks on them to start an investigation. Calls are confidential---but, know this, if they do suspect abuse or neglect, the children may be pulled from the home and you might not know where they end up at....just something to consider.
    JMO and best wishes

  3. #3
    spunkyjunior2 Guest

    what can I do for my neice and nephew

    I am 27 years old. I guess there is some anger, she has hurt my neice so many times mentally. I done everything I could when I was raising her to bring her up honest and let her know I love her. I do have two children but I don't ask her to baby-sit often. The mother is awful to this child and my brother refers to his wife as evil, he knows whats going on. As for counseling my sister-in-law was going to counseling by herself until they wanted to commit her then she quit going. When the children come to see me they get to play with reassurance that they won't get into trouble if they get dirty and will have someone there to make sure no one gets hurt. Their mother if she actually lets them play sends them to neighbors that she don't know the parents and if she does know the parents doesn't care that they maybe on drugs and even talks about these people like dogs. Today my neice called and said her mommy let her go to the neighbors to play on the trampoline and that she got hurt but couldn't sit down to rest her knee because she had to fix her something to eat. No the mother doens't want the kids around me unless she needs something. And if I tell my brother that they should go to counseling he'd laugh and say it's only for crazy people. Me and my brother hardly ever talk she won't let me talk to him because she is afraid I will tell him how she goes around telling lies on him. But I do e-mail him because that is the only way to get to him. He did tell my mother not to long ago that he had originally planned on moving and taking the kids from her and just ending the marriage because she is driving him crazy, thats when he said she was evil. And as for church he says he don't beleive in preachers that they just want your money. Cruel huh? The school that my neice is at don't have a counselor or even a school nurse. When I wrote the letter my neice was standing over me hoping someone would hurry and answer it yes theres anger from me but from her too. See her brother is mistreated by my brother he thinks downing him will make him more of a man but only does it in front of freinds, the rest of the time my nephew plays on his games and don't even want to go outside except when he's up here, but my niece is the one that has to clean up after everyone including the dogs her mother has and even has to clean her brothers room to keep from getting in trouble. I understand some of it you know teaching her how to take care of a family but what about being able to enjoy childhood, your only young once. Everytime my neice comes up here she tells me and my mother all sorts of stuff that upsets us both very much we don't let her know, but she beggs constantly to get out, if there was a way I could get my neice If she would get help it's possible she could be a good mother but everytime she goes to the doctor she just ends up on more medicine that just messes her up even more, she is one about eight meds and only two are claritan and a heart pill the rest are narcotics that she mixes with alcohol. But I will do like you suggested and see if I can get him alone to tell him what I have seen and heard, I just hope he doesn't punish her because of what she told me and try to keep her away. I agree they need counseling but I doubt he will go along with it. But it's worth a try. Thank you so much and I apologize for this being so long.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Las Vegas NV

    Well, the way I see it....

    you are providing an "out" for these children, but, legally, I dont think there is anything you can do.
    In all of this though, I'd make sure not to bad mouth either parent--just listen, continue to see them when you can. Talk to or email your brother--you dont have to say what you have been told by the kids, just be creative...
    are there any other family members who get to see the kids or do they get to visit others in their homes? maybe some other family member can talk to your brother, too?
    Do the kids have a teacher they can talk to, too? since no counselor or nurse at school?
    just throwing some more ideas to you....

  5. #5
    spunkyjunior2 Guest

    Thank you

    Thank you for your advice, and no we don't bad mouth the parents because I don't want to turn the kids against me thinking I'm just as bad. I try to comfort them. But as for other family members no there aren't any others except her mother and she only knows the lies that she is telling, well she does know about her cutting on herself but thats as far as it goes, the children don't like her so they don't go around her, but my brother does talk to other family members like cousins and stuff if he sees them out and he don't know hough that they won't go around them because of his wife, they won't go visit my brother or even call him because of her lies, they are sick of hearing them and everyone thinks of her as a thief so they don't invite them up, because she is known for stealing anything she can if your not looking she has done it to me, my cousin, and my aunt. For that matter she has done it to her own kids, so we learned not to just give them money but to take them somewhere to spend it before returning home. Her mother even talks bad about her, and has told her husband he should have never gotten involved with her that she was bad. See her bio-mom sold the kids and killed herself the bio-dad noone knows about. The woman that got my siter-in-law never legally adopted her she just had her baptised with thier last name and then got a social security card for her and then let her other child thats adopted molest her so she has been messed up all her life it just got worse after surgery. But that is a good idea to just be creative in what I say. Thats how I let him know she was calling me at 1:00 and 2:00a.m. drunk so he started hiding the phone from her. That seems to be the only time she wants to talk to me but remembers none of it the next day so I have been told alot of info from her and she don't know it. Thanks Again and GOD Bless

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    The rainy state... Where's the sun???
    If what you are saying is true, the kids are being emotionally abused and mistreated. CALL the POLICE. Tell them the WHOLE story, tell them you would be willing to take the kids until you can go before a judge to get temp custody. If the police think the issues you raise is important enough to look at, then THEY will be the ones to contact the parents. If they don't think there is any reason to make contact with the parents, then the parents will never know what you tried to do. And the children will be 'safe' for another day.

    If the police contact the parents, then DSS will be involved and you can tell the social worker all that you have witnessed. The kids will have to talk to the social worker also. If the parents are contacted but there is not enough proof of abuse, then there is a real good chance that the social worker will stay in contact for at least a few months. The best chance of the kids being removed is how the house or the kids look.

    Are these two children the only two in the house?
    Does the mother lay in bed all day?
    Can you call the school and ask them to check on the kids daily and let them know what's going on?
    Do they get free breakfast and lunches? Summer is coming, there are MANY schools that provide lunch through the summer, and maybe ask the principal to recommend the kids to summer school, at least for their safety.

    Good luck.

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