What can I do if father who has custody ends up not being biological father of child

[lunamom]

TEXAS....
my ex-husband and i have joint custody of our child, with our child having primary residence with his father. I just recently found out that my ex husband is not the childs biological father, although he has his last name and is on birth certificate, as well as has raised him with me.
do i have a chance to fight this in court to prove that he is not the father and will the judge give me back the primary custody rights to my son?

i moved to california on a job offer and the agreement my ex and i had was that i would get settled in and once school was out then our son would come move to california from texas with me, my ex however changed his mind and took me to court to fight full custody, and being that the judge was biased, which we have proved, he gave my ex the primary, and i just came to find out that my ex is not the biological father so i wander if this would even be worth bringing up in court at this time, since our son is now nine years old, and i wouldnt want this to effect my son in a negative way.

PLEASE HELP WITH THIS QUESTION!!!!!!!!!

THANKS YOU

 

[voxdracanis]

TEXAS....
my ex-husband and i have joint custody of our child, with our child having primary residence with his father. I just recently found out that my ex husband is not the childs biological father, although he has his last name and is on birth certificate, as well as has raised him with me.
do i have a chance to fight this in court to prove that he is not the father and will the judge give me back the primary custody rights to my son?

i moved to california on a job offer and the agreement my ex and i had was that i would get settled in and once school was out then our son would come move to california from texas with me, my ex however changed his mind and took me to court to fight full custody, and being that the judge was biased, which we have proved, he gave my ex the primary, and i just came to find out that my ex is not the biological father so i wander if this would even be worth bringing up in court at this time, since our son is now nine years old, and i wouldnt want this to effect my son in a negative way.

PLEASE HELP WITH THIS QUESTION!!!!!!!!!

THANKS YOU

Are you out of you mind? Even if the man is not the childs bio father has he not been the only father the child has ever known for the last 9 years?

Forgive me, being a non bio father of 2 myself and knowing what it would do to the 2 children if this would have been tried by my ex, This post pains me bad. I hope you choose another route.

 

[lunamom]

that always crosses my mind, however, my ex-husband, whom by the way, we were not married when i got pregant, and my ex husband has no idea that this child may not be his.
anyway, my exhusband is not in his right mind right now, he failed 2 cocaine drug tests, and the judge still allowed him to let my son live with him, only because he got married, he decieved me, and plotted this against me and has put me in $20,000 debt, and not to mention, he cares nothing for my son, all he cares is that he doesnt have to pay child support, my son hates living with him, my son wants to be with his mother, ive never neglected or abandoned my child, ive never done drugs, i have a college degree, great career, and just becuase im not remarried does not mean im not a good mother, and i dont want to do this, but my ex husband leaves me no choice, and is keeping my son from, he wont allow me to talk to nor see him only when its my weekends, which is not right, he is basically trying to keep my son out of my life, and is trying to replace me with the step mom, even my son notices that, cus we are really close and tells me all these things.
i just want to know if i have the right to get my son back if i take it to court to prove that he is not even the biological father. i just want my son back and to be happy, cus he is really depressed right now without me.

 

[voxdracanis]

that always crosses my mind, however, my ex-husband, whom by the way, we were not married when i got pregant, and my ex husband has no idea that this child may not be his.
anyway, my exhusband is not in his right mind right now, he failed 2 cocaine drug tests, and the judge still allowed him to let my son live with him, only because he got married, he decieved me, and plotted this against me and has put me in $20,000 debt, and not to mention, he cares nothing for my son, all he cares is that he doesnt have to pay child support, my son hates living with him, my son wants to be with his mother, ive never neglected or abandoned my child, ive never done drugs, i have a college degree, great career, and just becuase im not remarried does not mean im not a good mother, and i dont want to do this, but my ex husband leaves me no choice, and is keeping my son from, he wont allow me to talk to nor see him only when its my weekends, which is not right, he is basically trying to keep my son out of my life, and is trying to replace me with the step mom, even my son notices that, cus we are really close and tells me all these things.
i just want to know if i have the right to get my son back if i take it to court to prove that he is not even the biological father. i just want my son back and to be happy, cus he is really depressed right now without me.

Forgive me again. I have my own little custody issues Im dealing with so I got a little touchy when I read your post. I have 4 kids. 2 are mine (damn I hope) and 2 are not but they are all the same to me. If it was me and the ex was doing all you are saying here then I would try just about anything to get custody back. drug use would be the kicker for me. Good parent or not I couldnt let be around my children.

I Wish you luck!

 

[lunamom]

thank you so much for your input, i finally got to speak to my son after 3 days. i even bought him a cell phone last september, and my ex husband doesnt even allow him to carry it around, he takes it away as soon as he gets off the phone with me, how wrong is that, my ex knows that my son and I close and my son keeps telling his dad that he wants to live with his mom in cali, and so his dad trys his best to keep him from me. we actually appealed the judgement which was in december and now we are requesting a new trial, new judge, and a jury trial, because this judge was an a-hole. even my ex doesnt want my son to allow my mother (his grandmother) to pick him up when I cant, when in fact, he never had a problem with it before, so now I had to purchase over $1000 worth of flight tickets just so he can be here in cali every other weekend. my ex -husband is just abusing his new custody power, and the person getting hurt in all this is my son. thanks again though,

 

[Silverplum]

(snip) "i dont want to do this, but my ex husband leaves me no choice, and is keeping my son from, he wont allow me to talk to nor see him only when its my weekends, which is not right, he is basically trying to keep my son out of my life" (snip)

Your X is only required by law to give you access to your son during your parenting time, or allow calls that are covered in a court order. Anything else is extra and him being "nice." (Personally, I think parents should be able to call their kid at any reasonable time.)

(snip) "we actually appealed the judgement which was in december and now we are requesting a new trial, new judge, and a jury trial, because this judge was an a-hole."

So you lost primary custody, moved away, appealed, lost again, and now want a new trial with a judge? I'm assuming you have legal grounds other than "this judge was an a-hole."

(snip) "so now I had to purchase over $1000 worth of flight tickets just so he can be here in cali every other weekend" (snip)

It is usual and right for the moving-away parent to pay for the transportation. The person who creates the distance should, and usually does, pay.

 

[Ambr]

Can't help much with the cost of flights, but here are some suggestions.

Buy the tickets at least two weeks in advance, will cut down on the cost of tickets greatly! You should be able to get the ticket around 250-300.

Sign up with the airline that use for their mileage plan. There are usually all kinds of perks with this. Extra bonus miles for signing up, ordering tickets directly on line through them. Using on-line check in, etc. Plus you get miles for the tickets you buy. They also have partners, hotels, rental cars, on line shopping stores, stuff like that, that matches dollars with miles. Eventually it adds us and free tickets are available.

 

[msfurman]

Talk to an attny but I have been told that biological parents take presidence over non-biological. My situation is different than yours and my child is 4. But someone else has recently found to be the biological father. We are waiting for court, but from what I ve been told so far is.........if I can prove drug use from the other party, then that's a reason to limit visitation or for it to be supervised. And secondly, that since the man has found not to be the bio father, it will dismiss all actions before the court.....custody, visitation and child support. The only way that visitation will continue to occure with the now non-biological father, is if the court feels its in the best interest of the child. So, talk to an attny but with the experience and advise I have gotten, if he is not the father all actions for custody would be in favor of the biological parents before the non-biological. Meaning, you would get your son.However, the courts could still force you to do visitation with the man since your child is 9 years old. Why? Because, the court may feel that a parent/child bond has been created and the breaking of that would notbe in the best interest of the child. Keep in mind, that he might not have to pay child support anymore and still get visitation. My question is...is the guy that came forward who is the actual bio father.....does he want a part of the pie? Does he want to visit and create a bond with your son? If so, I was told by the court Guradians that if that is the case, that the non-biological parent takes a back seat and is known as a third party and would have no rights, if both bio parents step forward. But keep in mind, he could get a little visitation....even if its once a month. It would break the non-biological father heart to not see his child. Because it is his child in his eyes. And to your son too. Your son may not like him or like it there, but thats the only father the child knows. The only way he knows. But if he is not the father, unforturntely for the non-father, he could lose alot. but if he is really into drugs that bad and the child knows of it and you could prove it...the you hve a case where it may not be in the best interest of the child to continue a visitation or relationship with the man since he is not the bio father.

 

[lunamom]

thanks for the input and advice.
first, I am still in process of appeal of requesting new trial with a jury which will take a few more months.
i had to come back to california since this is where my job is at and i have no other source of income, and i cant find a job in dallas that is related to my carrer and major as well will pay me enough to pay bills and etc. so my attorney suggested i stay in LA untill we go back to court again.
the sad part of it all is that we presented all the facts against my ex, with his failed cocaine drug test, witness who claimed to see him do drugs while my son was in the other room, etc. i even had witness testify that they knew that my ex and I had an agreement that it was a temp situation that my son would stay with him as well as my mother while i got situated in cali, because i wanted to make sure that i had a secure job, a good place and school district for my son, etc, i never knew my ex would be doing drugs and then would use this against me, basically, he changed his mind after meeting his new wife and allowing her to move into the house we owned together without me knowing. its all messed up. but with all the facts, the judge still ruled against me, even after i said that i would move back to texas if i had to in order to have my son, but the judge ruled against me and had the primary custody turned over, so now that I know that my ex husband who at the time was someone that i was seeing when i became pregnant, is not the father, then i feel like i should do this, the only thing is that the real father and I had a private paternity test, so im not sure if that would be submicable, and im not sure if the judge would still rule against me, being that my son has lived with his UNbiological father for the last year. i havent told my attorney yet, just because i dont want to cause any more drama nor pain to my son, especially if the judge still rules against me. any ideas??? does anyone know texas family very well that could help me on this???
thanks

 

[MinCA]

PLEASE use the drug use as grounds for change of custody. Don't let your case become case law stating that a person believing himself to be the father, the only father the child has ever known, can lose rights to a child based on the mother's infidelity/sleeping-with-someone-else-and-telling-one-man-he's-the-father/etc.

Your ex will far more likely than not retain rights as the father as this is info YOU could have known and that he had no way of knowing. YOU knew and chose to not tell until it could benefit you, even if it means destroying lives, and it will. He's held himself out to be the father, you've held him out to be the father. He's supported the child, right? Doesn't beat him or starve him? And think about how much it would hurt your son to be told the man he knows as his dad isn't really his dad. Your son would be devastated and probably pissed off at you for the rest of your life, like you betrayed him for lying to him about who his father is and taking him from the one father he has. You take him away the only father he has and he will join those who don't have dads. Don't do this to your son. You slept with someone else and told this man he's the father. Don't spill the beans now and cause that type of pain to your child.

Fight for him on the grounds of his fitness, like the drug use. If you get your son based on fitness grounds, fine, at least he still has a father. If you get him on grounds that the other man doesn't match DNA, you've taken him from not only the only father he has known, but he now has to learn to not have any father at all, and to somehow accept the Mommy lied to him, and he will hate you.

You know this will hurt your son. He is apparently not in a life-or-death situation of abuse. He could hate living with hid dad because he has to abide by rules with him that he may not have with you. His dad may make him do homework he doesn't want to do, then he goes and sees you and life with mommy seems like a vacation from school, and we all know kids love vacations!

You moved, right? You're going to have one helluva time explaining why you moved when you son lives in another state, and to show it is in the CHILD'S best interest to me moved away from his school, his friends, everything he finds familiar. The judge on the case was obviously unlikely to give custody to a parent who is moving out-of-state. Work it on grounds ONLY of parental-fitness, the type of area he lives in, stuff like that. Whatever you do, DO NOT RUIN YOU SON'S LIFE BY TAKING AWAY HIS FATHER. It was YOUR fault for letting it go this long.

Look, my aunt got sole custody of her daughters on grounds the the father isn't biological, and both girls were in shock at first, then after a couple of years, betrayal set in. Both girls ran away from their mom when they were 15 and because they were so hurt and lied to. Now both girls had babies at 16 (almost like the younger is copying the older), and the older had a second at 18. They are reckless and said in court that if they couldn't trust their mom, who could they trust? And both seemed almost fine finding out Daddy wasn't "really" their daddy for the first couple of years.

 

[nextwife]

This man IS your child's LEGAL parent. Period. It may be possible for the child's biological father to petition to establish paternity, but you apparently had no problem with having this man believe he was the biodad all these years. You don't get to personally put that genie back in the bottle because you want to use it against him for custody reasons.

I HATE it when women play "I want you/I want you not" games with their child's paternity to suit their needs of the moment. You chose the guy you named as the father!

Any challenge to custody can NOT be based on paternity. Just as he could not now walk from being the parent to avoid Child Support, you cannot conveniently discover that you apparently slept with a different guy during the window of conception time. "Oh my, how could I have forgotten about that for nine years and 9 months?"

 

[msfurman]

The child still has the right to know who his real father is. Wether mom tells the child now or later. It still needs to be known. Wether she trys to get custody after taking a paternity test or not, it still needs to be known. Maybe right now is not the best time to tell the child. I'm not a psycologist. However, I did hear from an attorny that no biological mother ever lost custody to a "third party" man, meaning a non-biological father. Unless she was like a prositute, drug dealer, leaving her kids with others for days and stuff like that. No reasonably good mother has lost custody of her child to the non-biological person. That's automatic grounds for custody change. However, he can still have visitation rights. You could use the drug stuff against him and try to take that from him....but is that really the best thing? That is your choice and not ours. It seems to me a child should not be around that, especially if thats not his father. But on the other hand...that is his father, to him/her. I would definalty tell my attny about the paternity test. In your attny's eyes, that positive, , meaning, the push that your attorney needs. So that basically, no matter what the situation is, it can turn to your favor. But keep in mind the courts will most likely force you to have visitation with the non-bio dad wether they release him from child support obligation or not. SO......If you want your child to live with you, tell the attny about the paternity test.

 

[nextwife]

The child still has the right to know who his real father is. Wether mom tells the child now or later. It still needs to be known. Wether she trys to get custody after taking a paternity test or not, it still needs to be known. Maybe right now is not the best time to tell the child. I'm not a psycologist. However, I did hear from an attorny that no biological mother ever lost custody to a "third party" man, meaning a non-biological father. Unless she was like a prositute, drug dealer, leaving her kids with others for days and stuff like that. No reasonably good mother has lost custody of her child to the non-biological person. That's automatic grounds for custody change. However, he can still have visitation rights. You could use the drug stuff against him and try to take that from him....but is that really the best thing? That is your choice and not ours. It seems to me a child should not be around that, especially if thats not his father. But on the other hand...that is his father, to him/her. I would definalty tell my attny about the paternity test. In your attny's eyes, that positive, , meaning, the push that your attorney needs. So that basically, no matter what the situation is, it can turn to your favor. But keep in mind the courts will most likely force you to have visitation with the non-bio dad wether they release him from child support obligation or not. SO......If you want your child to live with you, tell the attny about the paternity test.

Sorry, dear, but you are flat out wrong. A legal parent, whether bio or otherwise has the SAME legal right as the other parent. ONLY if paternity is challenged by the biodad in an effort to ESTABLISH his paternity, can the legal father's rights potentially be NOW challenged. While the drug angle is indeed a valid challenge to custody, it would be so if the roles were reversed and dad were challenging biomom's custody due to drug use.

An adoptive parent, for example has rights SUPERIOR to those of the bioparent. So you are way off base. Being bioparent does not necessarilly create any rights superior to those of parties who have been established as the LEGAL parents.

 

[MinCA]

It's unethincal to lie for all these years, and then decide to tell the truth to suit your own needs. The judge could use it against you. YOU LIED. PERIOD. And your willingness to hurt your child shows you need help. He is not old enough to know anything about this. Are you ready to tell him his daddy isn't his daddy because mommy had sex with someone else when he asks you how his daddy isn't his daddy? IF he's told, it should be until much later.

You also stole nine years of this boy's life from the biological father.

It suited you to let the world think this man is the father, and now that you can use it against him, you think the court will look at the favorably? Keep your mouth shut or you will be harming this child.

You complain over not talking to your some enough, right? Well, you want to take him completely away from daddy and probably sue for child support, huh? Whatever suits only you.

Children do sometimes end up in the custody of a non-bio parent when the mother lied like this. Three of my cousins' babies are with men who we now know aren't their biodads. The three idiot girls gave the dads custody, then one found out how much she could get in child support and tried to get her baby back. The other two followed. The judge (same one for all three) ruled that they can't use biology to get the babies back when it was their lie. They can't just conveniently pop out something like that, and he ws quite angry with them for even trying it. So three guys out there have custody of babies who don't match their DNA, but that they ar the proud fathers of.

 

[msfurman]

But your cousins situation is differnet becasue you said they gave them up. I was talking about a situation where there is a custody fight and one is not the biological parent. They just dont do that. NOW, if this lady gave up her children to this man, and he isnot the biological father, YES...SHE MOST DEFIENALTY WOULD HAVE A difficult time in getting back. I dont think she could. In that instance, your right. But her ex definatly, wether she gets her child physically living with her or not, in the eyes of the law will always be that childs father. Especially if the real bio dad isn't in the picture. And he will get visitation rights weather he pays child support or not.

And as MInca said, yes, Adoptive parents have rights over bio parents. But he hasnt adopted in the eyes of the law. And adoptions is a little different becasue bio parents have 6months to try to fight back. after that 6 months, no one can try and get those kids back. Bioparent or not. With BIOlogical parents, the law changed in 2000. It used to be that after a year, neither party could bring paternity issues into court as a matter of custody rights unless it was for a really good reason like, a childs medical condition. But it could not be used for taking child. After 2000, the law changed and any party can re-hash the issue of paternity at any time for any reason. Tha'ts why if she went to the courthouse today, she could get a hearing for paterinity testing and the judge would order it. BUT that does not mean, that she can kick the man to the curb, because after 9 years, she cant. Yes, she has to live with the mistake. .

NEXTWIFE - I am a biological mom with a 4 year old child who has challenges paternity. My situation is way different though. Dad is in and out, my son and him dont even have the dad/son bond. He has drug problems and even was arrested for child abandonment of the same child. Jailed for not paying child support and is in arrearage again at about 17k. Biological dad has taken a test and the courts have told me that if the test shows that bio dad is really bio dad, that all custody and visitation and support issues will end and that his family will have no rights for visitation. The only way he can get court ordered visitation is through proving a father /son bond, which he cannot. NOW, I do understand family bond. THats why I am trying to be sensitive here. His mother wants visitation with my son. And I hve decided to allow it. Through talking with people here, it is inmy child best interest because though he has not developed a relationship with dad, he has with grandma. This manwho is not the bio dad wants custody as well. But will not get it because I have been told by the court that they will not do that over the objection of the bio-parents.

So if this man in her life does have a drug problem, yes, she needs to bring it forward and work off of that because thats what she has, as far as changing custody, but she also has a little bit as a punch with it that its not the dad.

I'm only speaking from my personal experience. Not trying to give legal advice or say that I KNOW THE LAW. I am only giving this lady advise from what has gone on with me in a similar but not the same situation. So when I say my advise, its from what I have gone through and I know to be true in my situation. I dont know about adoption law......my kids arnt adopted. I dont know about women who hand kids over to men who are not the bio dads. I just know a mom with a child who found out the man is not the bio dad. I dont know how it plays since this ladys child is 9yrs old. Mine is not that old. Her childs father has played an active role, mine hasnt but is trying to claim he has. Im just telling her what I know to be true because its what I m living. So I am givign her advise from what attorneys and judges have told me.