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What happens in a deposition?

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OR

My attorney has submitted a letter to my ex's attorney, along with a court Notice of Deposition for my ex to appear this Friday for deposition. My ex's attorney keeps objecting to everything my attorney requests, including Request for Production of Documents for the use of assessing child support (my ex is asking for sole legal and physical custody.)

Can my ex's attorney refuse to allow my ex to be deposed? I don't understand why/how he continues to be so uncooperative through these legal proceedings.

I guess I'm just anticipating another objection. They (my ex and his attorney) have produced no parenting plan and my ex has not fulfilled any of the court ordered mediation appointments. I'm having a difficult time understanding this process and how (if at all) he can be forced to cooperate.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
He can object but it won't get him anywhere except to stall. The judge can and most likely WILL order your ex to appear and be highly unhappy with them for pulling this.
 

profmum

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OR

My attorney has submitted a letter to my ex's attorney, along with a court Notice of Deposition for my ex to appear this Friday for deposition. My ex's attorney keeps objecting to everything my attorney requests, including Request for Production of Documents for the use of assessing child support (my ex is asking for sole legal and physical custody.)

Can my ex's attorney refuse to allow my ex to be deposed? I don't understand why/how he continues to be so uncooperative through these legal proceedings.

I guess I'm just anticipating another objection. They (my ex and his attorney) have produced no parenting plan and my ex has not fulfilled any of the court ordered mediation appointments. I'm having a difficult time understanding this process and how (if at all) he can be forced to cooperate.
Your ex CANNOT refuse to be deposed, if the notice for deposition has been served correctly. if he refuses to produce documents, file a Motion to Compell and if it is granted you will get your attny fees. If he refuses court ordered mediation and does not show up at the deposition, ask for a telephone status conference with the judge to let him/her know what is going on or file a status report. Your EX is in big trouble if he continues to behave this way.
 
What Happens in a Deposition

He can object but it won't get him anywhere except to stall. The judge can and most likely WILL order your ex to appear and be highly unhappy with them for pulling this.
I can only think their reason for doing this is to stall. I'm sure Ex has a darn good idea of what he'll be asked during the deposition. He has been in drug rehab since December and supposedly has to check in weekly for drug testing. If he's failed even one, his parents told me they'd cut him off all around but I think they were in denial about the situation (and their ability to maintain their position as financial providers) when they said that. Ex has not had a job since January 2005 but supposedly has a job, which he just started within the last few weeks. It will be interesting to see what his tax returns and expenses have been during that time.

Naturally, I'm concerned they have something up their sleeve since they're being this arrogant about stalling. The judge is already unhappy that the kids have been driving the boat and have not stayed with me since April (even though our order shows they're to be with me every other week).

Once the kids were not within my physical custody, I have felt I had no control over what's been going on. Damed if I do, Damned if I don't. If I swooped in and grabbed my kids for my visitation, I was told that the courts frown on that too.

Back to the stalling issue: I could speculate the intention of stalling is to drain me financially, since I cannot compete with Ex's parents never-ending funding. I'm sure not unlike many people in my situation, I had to mortgage my house to pay for my own attorney's fees but it takes income to pay those loans back. It's going to be even more difficult to pay the loan once/if I'm ordered to pay child support.
 
Your ex CANNOT refuse to be deposed, if the notice for deposition has been served correctly. if he refuses to produce documents, file a Motion to Compell and if it is granted you will get your attny fees. If he refuses court ordered mediation and does not show up at the deposition, ask for a telephone status conference with the judge to let him/her know what is going on or file a status report. Your EX is in big trouble if he continues to behave this way.
I'm relieved to know he cannot refuse. I can't for the life of me understand how they can ask for child support, then object to providing documents after receiving my attorney's Request for Production of Documents. How do they think a judgment amount will be determined? Magic?

The Notice of Deposition was filed with the court by my attorney so I would assume it's been done properly.

I think the think that breaks my heart most is that my kids have been put in the position to make the decisions. Way too much burden on them. I completely understand the need for ex's attorney to request that the court appoint an attorney for the children (which he did) but in addition to his request, he enclosed letters from my children, addressed to the Judge, pleading not to make them live with me. While I took under consideration the content of the letters, what really upset me was imagining my kids sitting there at the kitchen table, as my ex dictated the letters. They may have been based on the kids' true feelings, but the format and language used was right off the tongue of my ex. I have rules (and my husband backs me up) about bedtime, good housekeeping, homework, no phone calls after 9pm - the usual. It's far from boot camp but ex's house is very loose. The kids don't like boundaries (what kid does?) after being at their dad's, where they have very little supervision and are sometimes left alone overnight. (They are 14 and 16) Different parenting styles but I would hope a judge would not consider my ex's style preferred over mine.

I'll cross my fingers and hold my breath through Friday and see what happens. Thanks!
 
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tuffbrk

Senior Member
It may be as simple as your Ex trying to ignore it all. There is not much his attorney can do if his client does not provide what is needed. Stay on top of your attorney and make certain they continue to demand that your Ex be compelled to produce. Mine didn't and so my Ex got away with everything by simply doing ...nothing!!
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I'm relieved to know he cannot refuse. I can't for the life of me understand how they can ask for child support, then object to providing documents after receiving my attorney's Request for Production of Documents. How do they think a judgment amount will be determined? Magic?

The Notice of Deposition was filed with the court by my attorney so I would assume it's been done properly.

I think the think that breaks my heart most is that my kids have been put in the position to make the decisions. Way too much burden on them. I completely understand the need for ex's attorney to request that the court appoint an attorney for the children (which he did) but in addition to his request, he enclosed letters from my children, addressed to the Judge, pleading not to make them live with me. While I took under consideration the content of the letters, what really upset me was imagining my kids sitting there at the kitchen table, as my ex dictated the letters. They may have been based on the kids' true feelings, but the format and language used was right off the tongue of my ex. My husband have rules about bedtime, good housekeeping, homework, no phone calls after 9pm - the usual. It's far from boot camp but ex's house is very loose. The kids don't like boundaries (what kid does?) after being at their dad's, where they have very little supervision and are sometimes left alone overnight. (They are 14 and 16) Different parenting styles but I would hope a judge would not consider my ex's style preferred over mine.

I'll cross my fingers and hold my breath through Friday and see what happens. Thanks!
as a parent, i have a problem with that statement. why is your husband handing out rules? those are YOUR children. not his. he shouldn't be handing out any rules. my two younger children's father tried that with my two older children. didn't work. i lay down the rules and he had the ability to back me up, but he is NOT to arbitrarily CREATE rules. he was able to assist in parenting as much as a baby sitter, or a teacher. as the mother, it was me that did the actual rules. he was allowed to agree and support. if he felt something was unfair, he brought it up later and we discussed it.
 
It may be as simple as your Ex trying to ignore it all. There is not much his attorney can do if his client does not provide what is needed. Stay on top of your attorney and make certain they continue to demand that your Ex be compelled to produce. Mine didn't and so my Ex got away with everything by simply doing ...nothing!!
That is a bummer! I just don't get how he expects the court to come up with a dollar amount for support (assuming he'd get it) if he has not produced his own documentation of income.

My attorney and I are taking the high road. Sometimes, I feel like he is being too polite. But when you compare the actions of my ex and his attorney, one can only hope that the judge will see through the crap.
 
as a parent, i have a problem with that statement. why is your husband handing out rules? those are YOUR children. not his. he shouldn't be handing out any rules. my two younger children's father tried that with my two older children. didn't work. i lay down the rules and he had the ability to back me up, but he is NOT to arbitrarily CREATE rules. he was able to assist in parenting as much as a baby sitter, or a teacher. as the mother, it was me that did the actual rules. he was allowed to agree and support. if he felt something was unfair, he brought it up later and we discussed it.
Okay - so let me rephrase: I have rules and my husband backs me up. Being a step parent is a difficult position and I have nothing but praise for how my husband takes on this role. He typically will not interfere with how I set the rules. And yes - if he disagrees, he has always been discrete in addressing it, making sure that it is not discussed in front of the children.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
as a parent, i have a problem with that statement. why is your husband handing out rules? those are YOUR children. not his. he shouldn't be handing out any rules. my two younger children's father tried that with my two older children. didn't work. i lay down the rules and he had the ability to back me up, but he is NOT to arbitrarily CREATE rules. he was able to assist in parenting as much as a baby sitter, or a teacher. as the mother, it was me that did the actual rules. he was allowed to agree and support. if he felt something was unfair, he brought it up later and we discussed it.
So, let's say the step comes home and finds that the child is putting his barbie-doll shoes down the kitchen sink, then running the garbage-disposal for fun...the step can't make the rule of "no putting non-food objects down the disposal"? :cool:
The step is in a very precarious position. Of course, the "big" rules (ie: "No dating until you're xxx age", etc) would be for the parent, but the step does (and should) have a say in "household" rules.
 

2Mistakes

Senior Member
Okay - so let me rephrase: I have rules and my husband backs me up. Being a step parent is a difficult position and I have nothing but praise for how my husband takes on this role. He typically will not interfere with how I set the rules. And yes - if he disagrees, he has always been discrete in addressing it, making sure that it is not discussed in front of the children.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't your husband push or shove your son? Or is that a different poster?
 
Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't your husband push or shove your son? Or is that a different poster?
Correct. That was the ONLY time he tried to assert his authority. Stepping in to intervene was within his authority but pushing him took it one step too far and I'm not saying it was right - not at all. However, the kids, their attorney, my ex and his attorney have all formally stated that this one-time incident is a non-issue in this case at this point.

My kids, their dad and even their paternal grandparents have always thought of my husband as a great guy and still do. He is human and he made a mistake and he knows it.

I know many people will pass judgment on me for this.
 

2Mistakes

Senior Member
Correct. That was the ONLY time he tried to assert his authority. Stepping in to intervene was within his authority but pushing him took it one step too far and I'm not saying it was right - not at all. However, the kids, their attorney, my ex and his attorney have all formally stated that this one-time incident is a non-issue in this case at this point.

My kids, their dad and even their paternal grandparents have always thought of my husband as a great guy and still do. He is human and he made a mistake and he knows it.

I know many people will pass judgment on me for this.
I got news for ya -- if your ex brings it up in court, it will NOT be a non-issue. People can SAY anything they want.

IMO, your husband pushing your son is a huge issue.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
So, let's say the step comes home and finds that the child is putting his barbie-doll shoes down the kitchen sink, then running the garbage-disposal for fun...the step can't make the rule of "no putting non-food objects down the disposal"? :cool:
The step is in a very precarious position. Of course, the "big" rules (ie: "No dating until you're xxx age", etc) would be for the parent, but the step does (and should) have a say in "household" rules.
the way mom presented it in her post, was that SD was sitting around the table and stating HIS rules. if she said WE, it would a couple parenting issue. which is perfectly fine. it was her "my husband's rules" that brought speculation.

which is why i stated assist, such as a teacher or a babysitter. SD should never have authority over actual MOM or DAD.

and i have to say if my two younger kids dad ever pushed ANY of my children including our two, he'd have a pot embedded in the back of his head. and he KNOWS this.
 
the way mom presented it in her post, was that SD was sitting around the table and stating HIS rules. if she said WE, it would a couple parenting issue. which is perfectly fine. it was her "my husband's rules" that brought speculation.

which is why i stated assist, such as a teacher or a babysitter. SD should never have authority over actual MOM or DAD.

and i have to say if my two younger kids dad ever pushed ANY of my children including our two, he'd have a pot embedded in the back of his head. and he KNOWS this.
You people all post as though I condone what my husband did. Absolutely NOT. Things like this happen so fast. The moment I saw physicality, I said "Whoa! Back off!" and that was the end of it.

At least I'm not trying to paint lies about what really happened here by withholding the fact this event occurred.

The judge has already ruled on this event and heard both sides. He's not going to tolerate rehashing this when he's already given his ruling. Ex can bring it up again if he wants - I know this. I asked my attorney about that already, which is why I'm confident the judge isn't going to want to hear it all over again and make a TV Drama out of it.
 
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