What are his rights?

[Anonymous1072]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

Little background on our situation. I have been divorced from my two children's dad for 4 years. He didn't contest the divorce and never wanted the children in the least. I have full sole physical and legal custody, while he was granted supervised visitations.

Recently he has moved back and has become to insist he needs to know everything about the children, daily. He texts me mean texts demanding that I give him the information and my lawyers name and number. He also texts about personal stuff about me.

I' have ask him to respect that I don't want to speak to him except concerning the children, so he went from harassing me about me, to harassing me about the children.

He texts at least 4-10 times a day to demand things from me and threatens me all the time that he knows his rights.

What are his rights? How often do I have to answer him and what information am I obligated to give him? Also do I have to give him a lawyers name and number? If he was serving something or wanted something changed, wouldn't he serve me papers and then I get a lawyer?

 

[Anonymous1072]

Addition

I forgot to add, in the past he hasn't seen them even when he lives in the same town as us, though I have never refused him to see his children. Any time he wants to set up a visitation, I do make that happen. I'm not trying to get him out of our lives, I'm just looking for some stability for the kids.

 

[single317dad]

You should look into using a controlled communication program such as Our Family Wizard (there are others as well). Ask the court to order that all communication between the parties be done through the program if necessary.

You do not have to provide any attorney information unless you have an attorney (seems silly to have to say that, but in practical application "some people" don't seem to understand self-representation).

What was the intent of the supervised visitation order (or better yet, the exact language)? Was Dad to exercise supervised visits for X amount of time then transition to standard visitation?

 

[Anonymous1072]

Decree

All it says is "Respondent is not permitted to have any unsupervised contact with the minor children."

I was thinking about going back to court to say that we needed a mediator, but when I had a lawyer he said that taking things back to court was dangerous and it could lead to things I didn't want, so just deal with it while I could.

Thank you for your quick response.

 

[Proserpina]

All it says is "Respondent is not permitted to have any unsupervised contact with the minor children."

I was thinking about going back to court to say that we needed a mediator, but when I had a lawyer he said that taking things back to court was dangerous and it could lead to things I didn't want, so just deal with it while I could.

Thank you for your quick response.

Very interesting. I hadn't realized that custody was based on what the parent wants.

 

[LdiJ]

Very interesting. I hadn't realized that custody was based on what the parent wants.

Come on Pro...we all know why the lawyer advised that. The lawyer advised that because if it ends up back in court its possible that a judge would end up giving dad a phased in visitation schedule that would eventually result in dad having at least standard visitation...and the lawyer isn't sure that is in the best interest of his potential client or in the best interest of the children.

However, mom and dad have been divorced for 4 years, dad either didn't care enough at the time of the divorce to fight for his children, or was either so unfit at the time of the divorce that he was given nothing more than supervised visitation, with no plan for that to change.

Dad is apparently unhappy with that now. Hopefully because he wasn't unfit and has recognized that his children need him and he needs his children...and he isn't unfit now or has changed his ways, and hopefully not because a new significant other is unhappy that he is paying child support for children he doesn't see.

Bottom line. Dad has every right to file to modify things so that he can develop a relationship with his children. However, that does not mean that he has any right to be making demands (in quite a harassing manner) to mom at this point. He has no right to anything other than what the court orders give him. Mom should make it clear to dad that she will communicate with him on arranging supervised visitation, but otherwise will not communicate with him. If he wants anything else, he needs to take it to court.

Mom isn't the bad guy here.

 

[Anonymous1072]

Thank you LdiJ, I am not trying to be the bad guy, I am trying to do what's best for my children. They have a half sibling that lives here with me (and them) and before I knew he was going to try to harass me into things, I had decided to move to further my education. I am also worried about how this will effect things.

I don't want to be stuck in this tiny town without being able to finish my degree, but I don't want it counted against me that I was/am planning to move (within state).

 

[Proserpina]

Come on Pro...we all know why the lawyer advised that. The lawyer advised that because if it ends up back in court its possible that a judge would end up giving dad a phased in visitation schedule that would eventually result in dad having at least standard visitation...and the lawyer isn't sure that is in the best interest of his potential client or in the best interest of the children.

However, mom and dad have been divorced for 4 years, dad either didn't care enough at the time of the divorce to fight for his children, or was either so unfit at the time of the divorce that he was given nothing more than supervised visitation, with no plan for that to change.

Dad is apparently unhappy with that now. Hopefully because he wasn't unfit and has recognized that his children need him and he needs his children...and he isn't unfit now or has changed his ways, and hopefully not because a new significant other is unhappy that he is paying child support for children he doesn't see.

Bottom line. Dad has every right to file to modify things so that he can develop a relationship with his children. However, that does not mean that he has any right to be making demands (in quite a harassing manner) to mom at this point. He has no right to anything other than what the court orders give him. Mom should make it clear to dad that she will communicate with him on arranging supervised visitation, but otherwise will not communicate with him. If he wants anything else, he needs to take it to court.

Mom isn't the bad guy here.

Perhaps it was the tone and use of the emoticon that raised my eyebrow.

You're right on the rest of it though (yes, I stand by what I said) - this doesn't give Dad permission to harass her even if he is a jerk.

 

[Anonymous1072]

Perhaps it was the tone and use of the emoticon that raised my eyebrow.

You're right on the rest of it though (yes, I stand by what I said) - this doesn't give Dad permission to harass her even if he is a jerk.

You upset that I was thanking the person who answered me quickly with a smiley face? That's kind of harsh. I'm not looking into getting into any fights or interested in being talked down to. I just want the answers to my questions.

 

[Proserpina]

You upset that I was thanking the person who answered me quickly with a smiley face? That's kind of harsh. I'm not looking into getting into any fights or interested in being talked down to. I just want the answers to my questions.

I sincerely apologise.

 

[Anonymous1072]

I sincerely apologise.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

 

[single317dad]

All it says is "Respondent is not permitted to have any unsupervised contact with the minor children."

I was thinking about going back to court to say that we needed a mediator, but when I had a lawyer he said that taking things back to court was dangerous and it could lead to things I didn't want, so just deal with it while I could.

Thank you for your quick response.

With language like that, the judge was obviously not impressed with Dad's parenting abilities. I wouldn't put up with any BS from Dad. Respond only to inquiries regarding his visitation. Do not discuss court or the possibility thereof with him. As far as things like medical and educational information, I'd respond in a very factual but brief and even terse manner: "Bobby got 3 As, 2 Bs, and a C- this semester" or "Sally got her Kindergarten booster shots today." You may or may not be required to provide even that much information to him, but you have to decide where to draw the line between placating him and irritating him further.

If Dad indeed does file for increased visitation, you should probably support a plan for supervised visitation which transitions to short unsupervised visits and eventually full weekends and holiday time.

 

[Anonymous1072]

He wasn't happy the he didn't bother showing up to court. He was also physically and emotionally abusive to me and had anger issues that he started taking out on our oldest daughter.

I don't mean to sound trite, but I would very much like to keep it to supervised visitation if I could...

 

[Proserpina]

He wasn't happy the he didn't bother showing up to court. He was also physically and emotionally abusive to me and had anger issues that he started taking out on our oldest daughter.

I don't mean to sound trite, but I would very much like to keep it to supervised visitation if I could...

I think you have a splendid chance of supervised visitation being ordered. But I do not think it will be for too long; if he behaves himself eventually he will get the "normal" visitation if he wants.

I'd like you to read something, too. Google "signspinner freeadvice.com". (I do it that way because the site's own search engine just doesn't like me)

Spinny was initially the victim; Mom upped and left and took their daughter. I could go on, but you'll understand when you read it.

It's basically a window into "How to mess up your custody case even when you're in the right". The reason I raised it is to show you that even when you're in the right, you can sink yourself.

(Spinny - remember, he was the one in the right initially - ended up with one of the most restrictive orders I've ever seen. I can give the details if anyone is interested)