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What are my rights as a single mother?

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stephgts

Member
What is the name of your state? Florida

I'm 24 and the father is 22. We do not get along, I think mainly because we got pregnant the minute we started dating and the relationship lasted only 2 months because of the stress and fighting. I was really hormonal and quick to yell at him when he annoyed me. At the same time, he said that I was using the pregnancy as an excuse to be mean and would not read up or talk to any doctors about hormones and depression during pregnancy. He told me that I should be able to overcome my bad moods and deal with it. Eventually I did realize that I was having an anger problem and so I told him that I was going to ask the doc for help at my next apt. I started to get a little bit better about the yelling and stuff but then he started not calling me when he was going to be late (and he was using my car for the past 2 months because his has been broken down) and would come home sometimes as much as 3 hours late. He also stopped showering in a normal manner. He would go 3 to 4 days without showering saying that his work had him to tired to do it. He was also giving me a hard time about money for groceries, wanting to only give me $40 for two weeks worth of groceries when he had over a grand in the closet and over $1500 at his parents house and makes around $100-$200 a day as a bartendar. I ended up breaking up with him because I couldn't deal with living with these issues.

Since the break up he has missed the one and only doctors apt that I asked him to go to. He lied to me about having someone to cover for him at work when he really didn't. Now he's trying to convince me that I'm crazy and that he had explained to me before why the girl didn't come in that day. My cousin came over last night and told me that Tim (my ex) told him that I punched him in the face. This is NOT true. One night we had been fighting for an hour and for that whole ENTIRE hour I kept telling him to leave (the apartment is in my name only) and he wouldn't get out of the house. I was worried about me being so upset and pregnant and the effects on the baby. He wouldn't leave me alone. At one point I was in the bathtub taking a bath and he was standing next to it yelling at me. I got sick of it, stood up and shoved him about four times telling him for the hundredth time to LEAVE. After I shoved him most of the way away from my I through a punch at his arm, which is wrong I know--but I didn't him him anywhere near the face. Also the same night, previous to that I got so mad I told him that I might hit him becasue I was really losing my temper. He told me to do it and I said that I didn't want to, that was the point. But he kept on yelling at me and wouldn't leave and so I snapped a litte.

I went over to his parents this morning to ask him why he was telling people that I punched him in the face. We ended up getting in a big arguement and apparently his friend at work found stuff that I wrote about him on my journal on the internet and printed it out for him. Now he says he's going to sue me for slander, which I know he can't do becasue you first have to prove that what I wrote was a lie (and it wasn't) and then prove that it brought him down somehow in the eyes of society. He's also talking about a restraining order. He also says that I don't have a choice about him being in the delivery room because he's the father. AND he says that when I have the baby I have to let him take her without me coming along even though I'm going to breastfeed. I also have issues with him taking her because 1) he has a drinking problem, and 2) I've never seen him around babies before and I don't want him to take my child without me until I'm sure that he knows how to handle things well.

I am currently on Zoloft now becasue I did ask the doc for help and he's berating me for taking "drugs" while being pregnant even though I told him that they've done studies and tests on it. Also when we broke up I asked him to get us counceling for the simple fact that we need to learn how to get along better for the baby's sake, it's been 3 weeks since he was supposed to do that, he hasn't done it. My insurance won't cover it and his does. He is also really trying to convince me that I'm crazy because of the rants that I wrote on my online journal when I was mad at him at different times. Also he seems to remember almost EVERYTHING differently then I do and is trying to convince me that I'm crazy because I can't remember how things really happened in problems we've had in the past. I have NEVER had anyone tell me that before and never had so many "supposed" problems remembering things correctly so I know he can't be right about all of it. I admitt that through human error and perception I might remember some things wrong, but not ALL of them.

Another big issue that I"m worried about is that he has an "under the table" paying job. And his job pays him really well but there's no record of it. So what's going to happen when I file for child support??

My father says that I'm overreacting to this and that Tim doesn't have any case against me (he read all the stuff I wrote about him) and refuses to help me financially get a lawyer until when/if Tim files something against me. But I've been really worried about it because I have NO clue what my rights are.

I am currently 13 and a half weeks pregnant and also I'm not contacting the father anymore because all we do is fight and I think it's just better to leave it alone. But I still want to be prepared if he does something.

What are my rights? What should I do?
 


E

eme76

Guest
my head hurts now

no legal advice because i am not sure what your question was:confused:
if you want help here you might try giving only the important parts of the story and ask a clear question
 

stephgts

Member
eme76 said:
no legal advice because i am not sure what your question was:confused:
if you want help here you might try giving only the important parts of the story and ask a clear question
Sorry I thought it was pretty obvious, I was just trying to give you guys all the info. My questions are what are my rights as a single mother. I was explaining why I have a problem with him and just want to know if he can take the baby without me being there? Who has the main custody, him or I? things like that and any other advice is helpful too.
 
E

eme76

Guest
ok...he has no rights until paternaty is established
after that he will probably be granted visatation of some kind and ordered to pay child support

maybe someone else will give you more advice...or you could use the serch function and read some other threds with simalar topics and learn more

good luck it sounds like you(and your child)are going to need it
 

stephgts

Member
I did look at the other threads and stuff, but no one lived in Florida like me with a similar problem so I didn't know if I would get the same answers that they did.

Also what about child support when he's being paid under the table? And if he tried to get sole custody of joint custody what are his chances? I know it depends on the situation a lot but just as a man, what are his chances? I don't think I would mind joint custody but I don't know how bad this is going to get so I just want to know what to watch out for.
 
N

nicetryadmin

Guest
stephgts said:
What is the name of your state? Florida

I'm 24 and the father is 22. We do not get along, I think mainly because we got pregnant the minute we started dating and the relationship lasted only 2 months because of the stress and fighting. I was really hormonal and quick to yell at him when he annoyed me. At the same time, he said that I was using the pregnancy as an excuse to be mean and would not read up or talk to any doctors about hormones and depression during pregnancy. He told me that I should be able to overcome my bad moods and deal with it. Eventually I did realize that I was having an anger problem and so I told him that I was going to ask the doc for help at my next apt. I started to get a little bit better about the yelling and stuff but then he started not calling me when he was going to be late (and he was using my car for the past 2 months because his has been broken down) and would come home sometimes as much as 3 hours late. He also stopped showering in a normal manner. He would go 3 to 4 days without showering saying that his work had him to tired to do it. He was also giving me a hard time about money for groceries, wanting to only give me $40 for two weeks worth of groceries when he had over a grand in the closet and over $1500 at his parents house and makes around $100-$200 a day as a bartendar. I ended up breaking up with him because I couldn't deal with living with these issues.

Since the break up he has missed the one and only doctors apt that I asked him to go to. He lied to me about having someone to cover for him at work when he really didn't. Now he's trying to convince me that I'm crazy and that he had explained to me before why the girl didn't come in that day. My cousin came over last night and told me that Tim (my ex) told him that I punched him in the face. This is NOT true. One night we had been fighting for an hour and for that whole ENTIRE hour I kept telling him to leave (the apartment is in my name only) and he wouldn't get out of the house. I was worried about me being so upset and pregnant and the effects on the baby. He wouldn't leave me alone. At one point I was in the bathtub taking a bath and he was standing next to it yelling at me. I got sick of it, stood up and shoved him about four times telling him for the hundredth time to LEAVE. After I shoved him most of the way away from my I through a punch at his arm, which is wrong I know--but I didn't him him anywhere near the face. Also the same night, previous to that I got so mad I told him that I might hit him becasue I was really losing my temper. He told me to do it and I said that I didn't want to, that was the point. But he kept on yelling at me and wouldn't leave and so I snapped a litte.

I went over to his parents this morning to ask him why he was telling people that I punched him in the face. We ended up getting in a big arguement and apparently his friend at work found stuff that I wrote about him on my journal on the internet and printed it out for him. Now he says he's going to sue me for slander, which I know he can't do becasue you first have to prove that what I wrote was a lie (and it wasn't) and then prove that it brought him down somehow in the eyes of society. He's also talking about a restraining order. He also says that I don't have a choice about him being in the delivery room because he's the father. AND he says that when I have the baby I have to let him take her without me coming along even though I'm going to breastfeed. I also have issues with him taking her because 1) he has a drinking problem, and 2) I've never seen him around babies before and I don't want him to take my child without me until I'm sure that he knows how to handle things well.

I am currently on Zoloft now becasue I did ask the doc for help and he's berating me for taking "drugs" while being pregnant even though I told him that they've done studies and tests on it. Also when we broke up I asked him to get us counceling for the simple fact that we need to learn how to get along better for the baby's sake, it's been 3 weeks since he was supposed to do that, he hasn't done it. My insurance won't cover it and his does. He is also really trying to convince me that I'm crazy because of the rants that I wrote on my online journal when I was mad at him at different times. Also he seems to remember almost EVERYTHING differently then I do and is trying to convince me that I'm crazy because I can't remember how things really happened in problems we've had in the past. I have NEVER had anyone tell me that before and never had so many "supposed" problems remembering things correctly so I know he can't be right about all of it. I admitt that through human error and perception I might remember some things wrong, but not ALL of them.

Another big issue that I"m worried about is that he has an "under the table" paying job. And his job pays him really well but there's no record of it. So what's going to happen when I file for child support??

My father says that I'm overreacting to this and that Tim doesn't have any case against me (he read all the stuff I wrote about him) and refuses to help me financially get a lawyer until when/if Tim files something against me. But I've been really worried about it because I have NO clue what my rights are.

I am currently 13 and a half weeks pregnant and also I'm not contacting the father anymore because all we do is fight and I think it's just better to leave it alone. But I still want to be prepared if he does something.

What are my rights? What should I do?
Oh for cryin' out loud...who's gonna bother reading all of that. Just the pertinent facts...not the emotion, when he left, what he's like blah blah blah.
 
N

nicetryadmin

Guest
stephgts said:
I did look at the other threads and stuff, but no one lived in Florida like me with a similar problem so I didn't know if I would get the same answers that they did.

Also what about child support when he's being paid under the table? And if he tried to get sole custody of joint custody what are his chances? I know it depends on the situation a lot but just as a man, what are his chances? I don't think I would mind joint custody but I don't know how bad this is going to get so I just want to know what to watch out for.
Your situation is no different than many others. Just because you're in Florida really doesn't change much. There are single mom's outside of FLA.

He could file for sole custody. He could file for joint custody. Once paternity is established that deems him the legal father, he WILL have rights to his child and there is nothing you can do to prevent it. You will be treated as "equal" in the court when it comes to parental rights and responsibilities. Public policy supports the child having BOTH parents in the child's life (although you will have certain groups made up of idiots who try to spin it differently).
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Well...first, he can't be in the delivery room unless you want him there. So he is full of hot air about that.

Until he establishes paternity and a judge orders that he gets alone time with the baby, he can't take the baby without you being there, unless you agree.

I would recommend that for the sake of the health of the pregnancy that you simply stay away from him. You don't need the added stress.
 
Also, be sure you let the hospital staff know there is a problem when you arrive in labor. They can remove you from the patient list & if someone calls to find out info about you, it will look as though you aren't even a patient there. The only visitors and/or phonecalls that you have are ones that YOU have informed people about. I had to have my room changed during my week there b/c of harrassing phone calls on my 5th day. Ridiculous, I know...
The staff was excellent & told me not to worry or be embarrassed b/c that was not the first time, nor would it be the last time they have to remove someone from the patient list. YOU are also in control of who you want in the delivery room with you.

I applaud you for admitting you had a problem and are taking the necessary steps to change it. My pregnant niece just moved in w/me & we had to MAKE her talk to her doctor... although I think she needed it before the pregnancy too. But, the change has been tremendous. Thank God for Lexapro! :D

Good luck to you & stay away from the ex. No need to keep you any more stressed out than you already are. You have to put the baby first. Nothing will be resolved til after the baby is born anyway. Not sure how you are filing for CS, but if you go through CSE -it will establish paternity & set CS... but it WILL NOT address custody or visitation. Those are seperate issues. Be prepared - he IS entitled to rights to the child, just as you are. (Mine pays CS, but won't ever try to have visitation :( His loss!).

I'm not sure how they will look at his wages... maybe previous tax returns??
 

Kane

Member
Obviously, it's all his fault. First he won't read up about your hormones, and then he makes you hit him!

It's a good thing you've only had one baby by this loser.
 

CJane

Senior Member
stephgts said:
What is the name of your state? Florida
I have NO clue what my rights are.

I am currently 13 and a half weeks pregnant and also I'm not contacting the father anymore because all we do is fight and I think it's just better to leave it alone. But I still want to be prepared if he does something.

What are my rights? What should I do?
Leave the man alone - COMPLETELY - until the child is born and paternity is established. Until those two things happen, he is not the father, he owes you nothing, and you are harrassing him.

Once the child is born, if you want child support, you'll have to file for it and establish paternity legally (DNA test or Paternity Affidavit signed at the hospital). Once paternity is established, the father will have the right to establish visitation/custody of the child.

BEFORE paternity is established, you have all of the rights/decision making powers.
 

stephgts

Member
CJane said:
Leave the man alone - COMPLETELY - until the child is born and paternity is established. Until those two things happen, he is not the father, he owes you nothing, and you are harrassing him.

Once the child is born, if you want child support, you'll have to file for it and establish paternity legally (DNA test or Paternity Affidavit signed at the hospital). Once paternity is established, the father will have the right to establish visitation/custody of the child.

BEFORE paternity is established, you have all of the rights/decision making powers.
I was not harassing him and he is the father and acknowledges the fact. His problem is lying about me to people and then lying to my face about that also. He is making my life miserable and turning my friends against me because I'm not there to defend myself. I already said that I'm not going to have contact with him and I do know that he has visitation rights after he's proved paternity BUT I didn't know what those rights would entail. Of course he's going to come see the baby and I wouldn't stop him from it. I just didn't know if he had the right to take the baby from me for visits if I didn't consent to it until I was sure that he was fit to do so.

Can I ask the judge to make him take a parenting class and also to have him monitored for his drinking problem?
 

CJane

Senior Member
stephgts said:
he is the father and acknowledges the fact

<snip>

Of course he's going to come see the baby

<snip>

Can I ask the judge to make him take a parenting class and also to have him monitored for his drinking problem?

If he KNOWS he's the father, make sure he signs an affidavit at the hospital. Otherwise, you'll need DNA/him to admit it in court.

He may or may not choose to see the child - largely depending on how he's feeling about YOU since your presence will be required for a little while.

You can ask the judge anything you wish. Whether or not it's granted is another story entirely. BUT, most people tend to assume that if you thought he was good enough to have sex with, you thought he was good enough to share a child with. Complaining about his behavior/predilictions now is rather pointless unless you can PROVE he's dangerous to a child.
 

ceara19

Senior Member
IF he is proven to be the father and IF he asks for visitation, you ca ASK for any kind of restrictions or provisions you want to. Just don't actually count on getting any of them unless you are willing to do the same.

My question is, haven't you people ever heard of a BANK? It's not very smart to leave thousnds of dollars in CASH all around town. :rolleyes:
 
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