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What R my rights as single mother??

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SunnyDayC

Guest
What is the name of your state?CA

My childs father has been in and out of 5 substance abuse programs in the last 6 months and claims to now have 2.5mo sober and is demanding to see his son or he will take me to court. I've set down some stipulations ie-random drug testing upon supervised visits once a week for two hours providing he has proof of following a program. He's abusive emotionally and physically to me, and although I haven't seen him in months, I'm still scared. What rights to I have to keep my son safe???? Or to avoid complications in court..?
 


Are there any Court orders?

If so you have to follow them (visitation) or have it modified due to the circumstances.

If there are no Orders you are under no obligation and let him take you to Court they will likely give him the same stipulations you have.

How old is the child?

Has paternity been established?
 
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SunnyDayC

Guest
Nothing has been taken to court yet, I don't have the money to file the paperwork...is there anyway to get that fee waived?
I have the signed declaration of paternity, yes...
He's almost 5 months old now, was in the hosp till 2.5 mo due to prematurity, but has been soley in my care since he came home.

If I keep my son from him completely due to my fear of his problems, can that be used against me in court? Would it look better for me if I filed the paperwork rather than him?
 

karma1

Senior Member
Smurf....

"If there are no Orders you are under no obligation and let him take you to Court they will likely give him the same stipulations you have."

Now, how can you know what a judge might order?


Sunny-
they have fee waiver forms you can fill out when asking for your paperwork.. should you choose that course of action.
I'd make sure you have hard proof that biodad is in fact, or has in fact, gone through drug programs.....I'd also be careful with stating that he abused you--without hard proof (police reporst, etc...)because the fact still remains that you chose to have a child with this person and he does have rights as the father.

good luck
 
S

SunnyDayC

Guest
I HAVE filed a police report in regards to the domestic violence, and do have proof of each of the treatment centers he's been involved in and failed, including the one he's in now(took him to most of them).

All of the incidents occured after the discovery of my pregnancy. CPS has come out to my house in response to the police report and found my home to be fit for an infant and advised me to get a restraining order against the childs father. This was rejected, with no explanation.

He also has assault and battery on his background, 2 DUI's, and was arrested for public intoxication about 3 months ago after harrassing my family and friends.
His family has money and are claiming to have hired a lawyer, I, on the other hand am a single teenage mother working full time and am sqeaking by by hoarding all the free advice and legal aid possible....
 

karma1

Senior Member
curious

how old are you?

*and a bit of advice--I'd take your babies full info off a public board---just not wise to post this*
 

nextwife

Senior Member
You, know, I read post after post by young woman complaining about what a scumbag, druggie, criminal loser biodad is and all the terrible things he's done for so long, and it is REALLY hard to understand WHY any woman would even want to have sex with a guy like this, much less UNPROTECTED sex, much less let themselves get pregnant by him.

Doesn't anybody try to spend a few years as a real couple anymore BEFORE rushing into baby making?

Geez, when I think of the losers I dumped at the end of the first date, it's really hard to even comprehend anyone wanting to get that close to some of these guys!
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Heck, I don't care what kinda silver tongue (and you can take that however you wish) he was gifted with, there really are a whole lotta fish in the sea, and some of them really need to be thrown back before even pulling them in the boat!
 

casa

Senior Member
In CA most judges order mediation (in cases where you have documentation and proof of past offenses and drug abuse especially) Provide all your documentation and statements from witness' to his recent arrest for public intoxication- They will take into account his history.

You can apply for legal aid, though in CA it's a very very long wait list. You can also go to the Law Facilitator at the local courthouse for help with what forms to file. Not ideal, but an alternative to having your son be in jeapordy.

Good luck to you.
 
karma1 said:
"If there are no Orders you are under no obligation and let him take you to Court they will likely give him the same stipulations you have."

Now, how can you know what a judge might order?

If all the information given was correct and not exagerated in the original post and dad is a drug abuser and physical/emotional abuser then the trend seems (likely) to go in the direction of random drug testing and supervised visitation. But if I gave false hope and caused the OP to believe that was the only possible outcome I jumped the gun and apologize. I should know better.
 
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SunnyDayC

Guest
and it is REALLY hard to understand WHY any woman would even want to have sex with a guy like this, much less UNPROTECTED sex, much less let themselves get pregnant by him.

Doesn't anybody try to spend a few years as a real couple anymore BEFORE rushing into baby making?

Geez, when I think of the losers I dumped at the end of the first date, it's really hard to even comprehend anyone wanting to get that close to some of these guys![/QUOTE]

:confused: Please don't take this the wrong way, but what the heck??? Him and I were together for 3 years, and DID have protected sex. Had I known he would get abusive and into drugs when our son was born and he was overwhelmed with responsibility, maybe I would have gotten an abortion.

I cannot predict the future and I cannot control accidents; I have regrets, but I cannot change the events of the past. All I CAN do is wake up each morning and make the right decisions to make sure that my sons life runs a little smoother and in the right direction---that is why I am at this site asking for some assistance, and I don't appreciate the critisizm for doing what I feel is right.

So................in reference to my questions :eek:
I have proof of everything he's been through, police reports, witnesses and statements (we worked together at a prestigous company for nearly a year, and my current supervisor is one of them).
Do you think that my chances of getting full legal custody are fairly good???

If he can prove that he's had almost 90 days of sobriety will that impact my chances?
..and
Does the fact that I've taken care of and supported our son for the last four months by myself (with the exception of $125 he sent me last week) support my case at all??

I'd appreciate any POSITIVE responses I can get! Thank you so much!
 

cascole

Junior Member
In CA mediation is required. You can ask for mediation to be done seperately if you are afraid of him or feel you will be intimidated by his presence. If you are concerned about violence &/or drug use you can ask for supervised visitation and drug tests. Be ready to submit to drug testing yourself.

I am not a lawyer, so can only offer what my own experience has been. Odds are that he will get visitation & it would probably be based upon a step-up plan over a period of time. In my case, the mediator recomended a step up plan over the next two years for our baby - culminating with EOW. There was/is no drug use or allegations of abuse on either party. (Dad just chose not to spend any time with the child for the first 5mos of life.)
 
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SunnyDayC

Guest
Thank you, I appreciate your input. I have talked to a lawyer (free assistance of course) and some close friends of mine have gone through mediation and are going to help me with how to talk to the mediator and explain my case in the most professional manner. I too have been accused of doing drugs, but upon a test they'll see is merely an accusation.

The most frusterating part is that I don't personally believe in my heart that he is stable (emotionally, financially or physically) enough to take care of, or be around our son. He's dangerous, and although I know he has rights, and the love fora child is unconditional, I'm scared for my son, and for myself. I'll DEFINATELY file for seperate mediation, and thank you for the tip on the fee waiver form. I'm heading out to the courthouse monday morning to get that paperwork.....thanks!
 
SunnyDayC said:
and it is REALLY hard to understand WHY any woman would even want to have sex with a guy like this, much less UNPROTECTED sex, much less let themselves get pregnant by him.

Doesn't anybody try to spend a few years as a real couple anymore BEFORE rushing into baby making?

Geez, when I think of the losers I dumped at the end of the first date, it's really hard to even comprehend anyone wanting to get that close to some of these guys!
:confused: Please don't take this the wrong way, but what the heck??? Him and I were together for 3 years, and DID have protected sex. Had I known he would get abusive and into drugs when our son was born and he was overwhelmed with responsibility, maybe I would have gotten an abortion.

I cannot predict the future and I cannot control accidents; I have regrets, but I cannot change the events of the past. All I CAN do is wake up each morning and make the right decisions to make sure that my sons life runs a little smoother and in the right direction---that is why I am at this site asking for some assistance, and I don't appreciate the critisizm for doing what I feel is right.

So................in reference to my questions :eek:
I have proof of everything he's been through, police reports, witnesses and statements (we worked together at a prestigous company for nearly a year, and my current supervisor is one of them).
Do you think that my chances of getting full legal custody are fairly good???

If he can prove that he's had almost 90 days of sobriety will that impact my chances?
..and
Does the fact that I've taken care of and supported our son for the last four months by myself (with the exception of $125 he sent me last week) support my case at all??

I'd appreciate any POSITIVE responses I can get! Thank you so much![/QUOTE]



Why were you with him 3 years if he is so bad?

You may think this an unpositive post but it could be a pertinent question to ask of yourself and bare in mind your X is not here to defend himself. whatever his problems (I assume they are recent or otherwise you would not have been with him for three years)

If this guy was a good guy for the firsty 2 1/2 years then you should consider working with him and giving him the opportunity of being a father to his and yours child. Your child deserves this. it is about the child and not your personal feelings towards the father.

If he was truly a **** for 3 years then you shoulder the choice that you made in creating a child with him.

Try to understand many men find it difficult and stressful to deal with the responsibility of Fatherhood and may need some space and help to adapt. Annoying I know but the truth nevertheless.

If he was a good guy for 2 1/5 years then he could be a good guy again.

Go sort it with him and stop thinking legal.
 

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