+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 32
  1. #1
    mommykathy32 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    1

    What is "reasonable" phone calls for my ex to call my son?

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

    Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of times that a non custodial parent can call their child.

    My ex is now calling 2 or three times a day to my son who is 5. Half the time, my son doesn't want to talk to him but he will make him.

    Am I being unreasonable to think that that is excessive? I let my son call him whenever he asks (which isn't often considering the amount my ex calls as it is). A lot of times my ex will call after 9 pm which is too late and I have told him before to call by 7:30 if he wants to call him which he doesn't do. He is now calling in the morning or afternoons and also at night every day.

    I also think my son would be more excited to talk to him if he called less often like 2 or 3 times a week.
    Do any of you have set call schedules?
  2. #2
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    St. Odo of Cluny Parish
    Posts
    29,533
    Q: Am I being unreasonable to think that that is excessive?

    A: Yes. Dad misses his kid.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  3. #3
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,363
    Quote Originally Posted by mommykathy32 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

    Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of times that a non custodial parent can call their child.

    My ex is now calling 2 or three times a day to my son who is 5. Half the time, my son doesn't want to talk to him but he will make him.

    Am I being unreasonable to think that that is excessive? I let my son call him whenever he asks (which isn't often considering the amount my ex calls as it is). A lot of times my ex will call after 9 pm which is too late and I have told him before to call by 7:30 if he wants to call him which he doesn't do. He is now calling in the morning or afternoons and also at night every day.

    I also think my son would be more excited to talk to him if he called less often like 2 or 3 times a week.
    Do any of you have set call schedules?
    More than once a day is definitely excessive. Once a day would be ok. Don't answer the phone after the child has gone to bed, and maybe not after dad has already spoken to him once that day.
  4. #4
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    St. Odo of Cluny Parish
    Posts
    29,533
    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    More than once a day is definitely excessive. Once a day would be ok. Don't answer the phone after the child has gone to bed, and maybe not after dad has already spoken to him once that day.
    Baloney.

    You're heartless.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  5. #5
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Posts
    65,363
    Quote Originally Posted by seniorjudge View Post
    Baloney.

    You're heartless.
    Come on SJ...

    There does reach a point where its excessive. When the child has to be forced to talk on the phone, its reached the point where its excessive.
  6. #6
    wileybunch is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Southern NV
    Posts
    3,577

    Wink

    What kind of parenting time schedule does Dad exercise? Do you all live in the same area? How long are these phone calls? How does Dad "make" son talk to him when he doesn't want to talk?
  7. #7
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    St. Odo of Cluny Parish
    Posts
    29,533
    Quote Originally Posted by mommykathy32 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NY

    Just wondering what is a reasonable amount of times that a non custodial parent can call their child.

    My ex is now calling 2 or three times a day to my son who is 5. Half the time, my son doesn't want to talk to him but he will make him.

    Am I being unreasonable to think that that is excessive? I let my son call him whenever he asks (which isn't often considering the amount my ex calls as it is). A lot of times my ex will call after 9 pm which is too late and I have told him before to call by 7:30 if he wants to call him which he doesn't do. He is now calling in the morning or afternoons and also at night every day.

    I also think my son would be more excited to talk to him if he called less often like 2 or 3 times a week.
    Do any of you have set call schedules?
    Would you like to talk to your son just two or three times a week?
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  8. #8
    SMinNJ is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    255
    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Come on SJ...

    There does reach a point where its excessive. When the child has to be forced to talk on the phone, its reached the point where its excessive.

    I don't want to get in the midst of this argument, but we tell parents all the time that they must force their child to go for visitation, even if the child says they don't want to. Why is it then excessive to force them to talk to their other parent?

    I do agree with seniorjudge on this one - no parent would ever claim that speaking to their child 2 or 3 times a week was enough...
    Last edited by SMinNJ; 08-21-2008 at 02:35 PM. Reason: I don't know how to properly punctuate...
  9. #9
    wileybunch is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Southern NV
    Posts
    3,577
    Quote Originally Posted by mommykathy32 View Post
    I also think my son would be more excited to talk to him if he called less often like 2 or 3 times a week.
    Do any of you have set call schedules?
    My kids' dad is kinda weird in this regard. Would NEVER call them between visits and only asked for 3 visits/year (he moved away). I asked him to please call between visits and he's started to call once/month on last Sunday of month. That's it.

    My DH's 4th/last child is 13yo and her mother calls every day when she's with us or not at all. She's one extreme or another. Her calls were limited by court order to 10 minutes a day b/c she was obsessively calling daughter and texting her on the cell phone she'd given for visits.

    I don't think there is one "right" answer which is why I asked the questions above. On the face of it, 2-3 times a day every day -- on the surface that comes off as needy on Dad's part. But, I also think once/day when DH's DD is with us is needy for her mom to call her, too, based on facts in this situation, whereas in other cases once/day would be "normal". When my kids are with their Dad, I tend not to call at all to respect the time they have, but I may do one check in over a 4.5-day period (they're 9yo). We don't have a set rule b/c I've never abused the situation.
  10. #10
    jbowman is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,183
    OP, put the shoe on the other foot. Really do it and imagine.....


    My child just spent summer with NCP. During the summer our visitation is swapped. I get EOW and NCP has the rest of the time. Do you know how difficult this is? I just kept putting myself in NCP's place thinking how difficult it must be for him to go 14 days straight and only see his kid for 2, then another 14 days. SUCKY. No matter what a jerk he may be to me....

    Think about it that way. If YOU could didnt have primary custody and all you could do is call... wouldnt you? A Lot? yeah.
  11. #11
    penelope10 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    2,509
    Quote Originally Posted by jbowman View Post
    OP, put the shoe on the other foot. Really do it and imagine.....


    My child just spent summer with NCP. During the summer our visitation is swapped. I get EOW and NCP has the rest of the time. Do you know how difficult this is? I just kept putting myself in NCP's place thinking how difficult it must be for him to go 14 days straight and only see his kid for 2, then another 14 days. SUCKY. No matter what a jerk he may be to me....

    Think about it that way. If YOU could didnt have primary custody and all you could do is call... wouldnt you? A Lot? yeah.
    Guys what the OP said was that the NCP calls 2 to 3 times a DAY not WEEK. I can believe that a 5 year old might run out of things to say if one of his parents called two to three times a day. Now if Daddy wanted to touch base once a day this might be a different story.

    And I tend to agree, if Jr has a bedtime, and Dad knows what the bedtime is (keep in mind kiddo is only 5), Mom should not be obligated to go wake up the child to speak with Daddy. (Or to constantly break a routine when she's trying to get Jr. to wind down to go to bed). Keep in mind, Daddy has already probably spoken to Jr. at least once or twice that day already.

    When my child is with the NCP I feel no compulsion to call 2-3 times a day. Even when she's on an extended vacation with Dad, even if I miss her. This is her time with Dad. I figure, if I should call and the phone isn't answered, then they are having a good time together and are bonding. In fact, I've had this attitude all along, and I really don't call much. Seems to have worked out pretty well. Now that Lil Bit is 13 (and even before) she calls me usually every day she is away on vacation. And if she doesn't, I don't fuss at her. (She now has her own cell). I think she LIKES to touch base because I never played the "guilt card" or made her feel uncomfortable about the time she spends with her Dad.

    To me, even if one misses their child, two to three times a day is a might excessive. There are other issues at play with this NCP IMO.
    Last edited by penelope10; 08-21-2008 at 03:46 PM.
  12. #12
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    St. Odo of Cluny Parish
    Posts
    29,533
    Quote Originally Posted by penelope10 View Post
    ...
    Guys what the OP said was that the NCP calls 2 to 3 times a DAY not WEEK.
    ...
    And I said there is nothing wrong with that.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  13. #13
    Conan77 is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    25
    As a father that has shared custody of his kids I will say that I feel like I want to talk to my kids between visits. I am going to call, I have even equipped my kids who are 10 and 8 with a cell phone that they can use only to call me day or night. And because of this I talk to them daily sometimes more and is certainly not excessive, Dads are parents too!
  14. #14
    jbowman is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    2,183
    Quote Originally Posted by penelope10 View Post
    Guys what the OP said was that the NCP calls 2 to 3 times a DAY not WEEK. I can think of a 5 year old perhaps running out of things to say if one of his parents called two to three times a day. Now if Daddy wanted to touch base once a day this might be a different story.
    If the child is being upset by the calls, I can see a problem. But if not, who cares? I mean, how does it screw up OP's life that dad is calling a few times a day for a 2 minute conversation? I mean, realistically, a 5 year old is not going to talk longer than that. So have 10 2-minute calls vs. one 20 minute call when the kid sits there in silence.

    The NCP in my case calls whenever he wants. If we are not in the middle of the movie theater or something like that, what the heck difference does it make? Is it hurting someone? Why turn something into a problem?
  15. #15
    SMinNJ is offline Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    255
    Quote Originally Posted by jbowman View Post
    If the child is being upset by the calls, I can see a problem. But if not, who cares? I mean, how does it screw up OP's life that dad is calling a few times a day for a 2 minute conversation? I mean, realistically, a 5 year old is not going to talk longer than that. So have 10 2-minute calls vs. one 20 minute call when the kid sits there in silence.

    The NCP in my case calls whenever he wants. If we are not in the middle of the movie theater or something like that, what the heck difference does it make? Is it hurting someone? Why turn something into a problem?
    I agree. As custodial parents, we talk to our kids multiple times during the day. One of my husband's co-workers is on the phone with her kids about 10 time each work day (a whole other issue, I know :-)). I talk to my husband during the day about three times, and each time, he says hi to our 2 year old, and listens to our son babble. Why should it be considered excessive for him to try to have that same sort of relationship with his 14 year old who lives with her mom?

Similar Threads

  1. "excessive" phone calls (Colorado)
    By bdhippie in forum Debt Collections
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 07-15-2009, 03:03 PM
  2. Unpaid "On Call" or "Stand By" time
    By Dragoon777 in forum Wage & Salary Issues
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-26-2009, 05:32 PM
  3. Misssouri. What about phone calls,I can't call her, she thinks she can call me?
    By lukehardy in forum Divorce, Separation & Annulment
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-15-2007, 10:25 PM
  4. mortgage "servicing" company / phone calls and such
    By gynadia in forum Debt Collections
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 08-06-2007, 08:24 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

© 1995-2012 Advice Company, All Rights Reserved

FreeAdvice® has been providing millions of consumers with outstanding advice, free, since 1995. While not a substitute for personal advice from a licensed professional, it is available AS IS, subject to our Disclaimer and Terms & Conditions Of Use.