When can child decide whether to visit

[onehappywmn]

What is the name of your state? NC

Hi! I am new to this so I hope i am doing this right. I was wondering if anyone knows if there is an age that a child can say they don't want to go and visit the non-custodial parent. my daughter is 11 now and her dad lives in FL and she really doesn't want to go see him. I was just wondering if she got to make that decision or since it's court ordered visitation she has to go no matter what.

thanks for any help

[JaneyS4]

I believe if its court ordered, she pretty much has to go. If you don't make her, YOU are in contempt of court.

[huskerfan41]

You would need to have a court ordering modifying custody/parenting time.

at 11 years old the court would probably listen to her --

however, if you want my two cents -- i would encourage her to see her father.

just because the two of you are divorced -- it is a shame that she cannot be close to her father as well.

maybe she has another man in her life that acts like her father...

but, it isn't the same and she is missing out on all the joys of life by not having her biological father in her life.

[pthalo]

huskerfan, when it comes to visitation its not that easy.. in fact its not just jump up and go to court any time you want something changed... most courts will refuse to hear a case unless there has been a SUBSTANTIAL CHANGE IN CIRCUMSTANCES. little mary not wanting to go to florida is not a change in circumstances.. also a court will NEVER (ok maybe not never but in this instance I think itsdamn close to never) listen to a child that says I just don't want to go.. Do some research on PAS and it will shine a whole new light on why the court won't but its nose in here (they would be getting involved in some issues that are not theirs to consider)....

Onehappy, she's gotta go if its court ordered.. lets look at it this way either she goes to Florida or you go to an eight by eight cell... It sounds extreme but its all possible.. just follow the orders and understand that your daughter is a child and not able to make decisions like this... I know an 11 yo is pretty knowledgeable about what she wants, but is far from knowing all that he/she needs to live her life on her own.. You have to be the one making decisions and she needs to know that it is you making the decisions not her... parents who want things to change in situations they have no control over often let their children express ideas thinking that if the child says it then the court will listen... lol...

[stealth2]

She can make that decision when she's 18. Until then, she goes until the court order is modified - or *you* suffer the consequences.

[njmom]

If you keep your posts together on one thread, then we know what the situation is, I just replied to one of your posts thinking that it was your only post out there. I am assuming that your newest post is in relation to this one, therefore you may want to keep them together.

I agree with the other replies, your daughter must have some good reasons for not wanting to spend time with her father. Just think how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot, you as the mother must encourage that relationship, not find ways for her to get out of it! Good Luck!

[huskerfan41]

pthalo...

i have to disagree with you.

in most states -- when you modify parenting time or visitation -- you do not have to prove "substantial change in circumstances" -- you only need to prove "best interest of the child."

You are correct that to modify custody you must prove substantial change in circumstances and best interest of the child.

------------

pssssst -- i do think we are on the same side though....

i am a children's advocate -- and am pro family -- i believe strongly in true 50/50 splits and in father's rights.

[pthalo]

you are a child advocate... ok note here that I am not going to argue with you again as I really am going to need your imupt or resources.. I do think that daughter wanting a change is a bit of a stretch to get this back in court though and may start to irritate a judge.. JMO

[huskerfan41]

absolutely is a stretch -- and reeks of PAS...

but, chances are with our judicial system -- the judge may hear it...

the father in this case is going to need to gear up with a lot of evidence/documentaion of PAS to fight for his rights.

i find it extremely interesting that an 11 year old would want to sever ties...

and, it makes me sad.

[VeronicaGia]

I have kept my mouth shut time and time again when I see this type of question posted, but today I'm in a mood.

No offense to you "onehappywmn", but what if you were in an intact relationship with the father of this child, and the child "didn't want to see him?" Would you kick him out? Divorce him? Tell your daughter he has no say in her life and to not listen to him? Tell her to ignore him? Send her off to live with someone else so she didn't have to see him?

Who is the parent and who is the child? Who is raising whom? If your child wanted to quit school at 11, would you let her? What about every other little iota of rebellion she will have in the future, will you just let her do whatever she wants?

GEEZ! ARGGGHHHHHHH!

Ok, I'm done, for now.

[pthalo]

damn libertarians and their outbursts... lol... thanks for the input.. I really don't know if the poster is even listening to any of this...

[MindyT]

OK pthalo, I got one for you, and it's a serious one, not sarcasm!! What if there is scheduled visitation rights and not only does the child not want to come, but the NCP doesn't want to force the issue? The NCP would love to have his child over, but the child is miserable the whole weekend due to extreme attachment to the mother (because of mental problems and delays). The NCP doen't want to force the child to stay the weekends, but DOES visit in other ways., like at her home or visits here where she goes back home with Mom. Is anyone violating a court order there? REPEAT: this is NOT sarcasm, it's a real question, and it does pertain to my husband (which I guess is no longer an issue since she hauled butt out of state, but curious anyway). Thanks in advance!

[onehappywmn]

thanks for all of your so called opinions. i should have known that since i can't tell the entire story here on this board--i will just keep my questions to myself from now on. you need not reply anymore--i will not be posting again.

i do care about my child and want what is best for her. until you are in my particular situation--i think you should keep your sarcastic remarks to yourself

good luck to you all--i hope you will be much kinder and open minded to others who are seeking some advice. i got what i paid for!!!!!!

[haiku]

Oh boo hoo! good luck in court sweetie!

[MindyT]

Onehappywmn, I've been on quite a bit in the last few months with various problems, and have gotten slammed really hard by the couple of jerks that post on here, but most of these folks are very nice and try to be helpful, and take it from experience, it's the way you come across in your posts that make a difference on here. You have to give as much of the issue as possible to get the right answers. It's all in how you word it. I knwo I wasn't being rude or sarcastic to you, and it didn;t seem that anyone else was either, just stating things that a court may bring up so you'd know. This is an awesome board, don't quit us so quickly! I didn't and I've REALLY been dogged before. Good luck!