When ncp doesn't follow order

[coolmomof4]

When ncp doesn't bring home child after visit

What is the name of your state? GA

Bio-mom from NC picked up child on Friday and drove him back to NC for summer visit. The order says she is responsible for all summer visit transportation but we agreed 3 months ago to meet her halfway on the return trip this Saturday. (She can keep him until Mon but decided that she would give up 2 1/2 days of visit to have help with transportation).

Bio-mom called today and tried to get me to agree to have my parents drive him home for her. They live about 30 minutes away from her in NC. My parents don't want to and shouldn't have to. They are getting back from vacation themselves on Friday.

So now, she's saying either we have to allow him to fly home or pick him up in NC ourselves. She also did this to us last year and my parents ended up driving him home for her (12 hr round trip).

Our attorney advised us to not agree to airline travel outside of court for many reasons. We do not have a problem with the airline travel, but there are so many problems with the current situation, she feels we should hold off and let her take us to court over it, then bring up all of the other issues in response to her motion for modification.

So if he isn't home on Monday, what should we do? Call the police? Because of the situation being like it is, we don't want to continue to give in to everything she wants, such as driving to NC to pick him up when she should be doing it herself and we already made plans to be away from home for half a day to meet her in SC Saturday.

Any advice would be appreciated!

 

[coolmomof4]

Anyone, please?

 

[raddadthomas]

Tough Call

I read your thread and can't really offer any other advice than what you already know. I just felt like I should respond so you know your cared about.

The only thing constructive I can add is an article I found in one of my fathers groups. It says to notify childrens services instead of the police when facing parenting time / visitation denials. I'm unsure if I would agree totally but here is the article anyway.

Just wanted you to know I care..



Damn, Now I cant find it! I'll keep looking and post this in the meantime.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Ok I'm a little lost. How come she wants him to fly home now? The original agreement was to meet her halfway right? How come the attorney doesn't want the child to fly? Just curious so I can figure out what's going on so I can try to add some input for you.

 

[coolmomof4]

Grace

I hate to make it sound like a game but unfortunately that's what it seems to be turning into.

We (along with our attorney) are not opposed to flying. Our attorney is opposed to agreeing to it outside of court. It is the one thing that the ncp keeps demanding. We are having so many problems with the ncp and the loose wording of the order that she keeps arguing about. Since we live out of state, we don't want to go to NC and file a modification. Besides, ncp keeps threatening to anyway. At this point we wish she would so we can have the other problems heard as well by a judge. (These are things that we couldn't come to an agreement with outside of court and they were worded in the order as being decided on later by the court.)

We offered to meet her half way but she doesn't even want to do that now (of course this comes up AFTER she has child at her house).

As for the airline travel, she keeps trying to back us into a corner to be forced into agreeing to it, so that she can use it all the time. Again, the problem is not airline travel, it's agreeing outside of court to it.

Does that help?

 

[JaneyS4]

What happens if you just say no?

Would she dare not bring the child home on time?

I don't know what to tell you. Seems like she really does have you backed into a corner. Maybe she's trying to get you to take her to court for the same reasons your waiting for her to file?

Sorry I can't help.

 

[slshiv]

I feel for you. My hubby and I had a similar situation with his daughter when the mom had custody. She moved out of state and although the court said we had to meet 1/2 way (it was a 16 hour drive round trip). She would wait until the day before we were to get visititation and then call with some lame excuse as to why she could not meet us. This happened a few times. We always went. I know this is tough on you but think about how the child feels. Your child is probably aware of the game that the NCP is playing and is probably very scared and worried about how he/she is going to get home. It is not worth putting the child through that kind of uncertainty. We now have custody of my Step daughter and the mother has again moved to yet another state. However, she has since had another child and that childs father has joint custody. He has no drivers license so she has to make the entire trip everytime she wants to see either child. If I were you I would be the bigger person and go get your child and just document it for when and if the NCP ever does go back to court for any modification. Good things do come to those who wait. Hope this helps.

 

[knorris]

I went through years of this same situation, were my ex would pick up our two daughters [ I always meet him halfway ] and then when it was time to return them he would tell me if I wanted them back home I would have to come get them. and many times I contacted the police, and a few times they would contact him and tell him he needed to return them back to me. but they were not able to make him get in his car and drive them home only suggest it, so it was like he had me against the wall if I wanted them home [ which I did ] he knew I would drive the 300 miles one way to get them. I know you said you don't want to have to go back to court. but that is just what I had to do. and when we went back and the judge found out all the trouble I had been going through he told my ex that unless he could pick them up and return them home as order. then the next time we came to court he would be at risk of loosing all visitation for contempt. you should get back in court and get a very strict order making it very clear who is responsible for what and exactly what she must be willing to do to be able to visit her child, I know you don't want to have to make this long trip, but do go pick up your child and get him back home with you. and then get a court date to get her back in court , GOOD LUCK, Kathie

 

[pthalo]

knorris has it right....

Go back to court and nail down the specifics... Not just when each parent has the child, but also how, when , where and so on for all changes of physical custody... One of two things will happen

1. she will change her ways and begin to abide by the court order in fear of losing her child... or
2. she will think that the courts can't do that, break the court order and face contempt charges...

Its weird how many people have this problem... What are NCP's thinking.. You can't have your child unless you do this... Its just a power trip and in no way does it benefit the child (more so it harms the child's relationship with the NCP)

About the air travel thing.. That's the way I would go.. No meeting halfway BS.. Just make it known in the new orders that mom uses these airports and dad uses these airports.. Costs are split 50/50 and there is a time that the child needs to be on the flight...

There's a good parenting plan on this web page that deal with long distance joint cusody (has a great detailed plan for air travel)

www.deltabravo.net

 

[Grace_Adler]

Yeah, I think maybe you may not have another alternative except to go back to court since this is an ongoing thing. I don't understand why parents on both parts (not saying you ) can't just work something out. I guess it usually turns into a battle because both parents want the child with them most of the time. In other cases it's out of spite, vengence, power trip, jealousy or all of the above. Well I don't know what else to say except I hope everything works out. What does your attorney think you should do?

 

[coolmomof4]

Well, my mother offered to bring him halfway for her, so I guess we'll meet them on Saturday. Our attorney said to go ahead and do that and to remember that when we go to court, ncp is going to look real bad. Then after the holidays, we'll straighten out the airline travel thing legally.

 

[haiku]

to heck with waiting, go get your kid, and then take her back to court to iron things out.

this is why i like the arrangment my husbands lawyer thought up.

the parent who WANTS the child, goes ALL the way to get the child.

Example: When my husband has visitation he goes all the way to her town to P/U at the designated time. When visitation is over she goes all the way to our town to P/U at the designated time.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Hey, I like that arrangement!!