Who has custody of baby when mom is a minor?

[hannahpreggo16]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Hi my name is Hannah and I live in Spokane Washington. I am 16 and am 6 months pregnant. Please no lectures, I know, I am just looking for legal advice.

My mom and dad are divorced. I live with my mom and visit my dad in Nevada on most holidays and during the summer. I got pregnant when I was with my mom but didn't know about it until I was already with my dad for the summer. My stepmom and dad have been very supportive , but my mom is very religious and so she is very mad at me for having sex getting pregnant.

My mom keeps telling me that when the baby is born that I have to drop out of school to take care of the baby. She refuses to let me put my baby in any kind of daycare, she has always been a stay-at-home-mom and says that the baby should be raised by me only . She wouldn't sign me up for a school program made for teens who are pregnant or moms and made me go back to my regular high school. She won't talk to me about any plans for when the baby is born and when I try to talk she just tells me that "if you thought about that before maybe you wouldn't have been a slut."

I will be 17 when the baby is born, can I go live with my dad? Or do I get automatically emaciated when I have the baby? My stepmom said she would help with taking care of the baby so I can go to school and go to college too. I don't think that my mom can make me stay out of school when the baby is born but she says that since won't be 18 then she will have custody of the baby and not me. And that if I move out or leave that she can keep the baby She also said that if I don't live by her rules then she will kick me out and keep the baby. Is that true? I don't have any money for a lawyer but I do have some from babysitting and stuff and I want to be able to go to school and to college so that I can get a good job and take care of my baby Can my dad get custody of me if my mom won't let me go to school? I have no money to get my own house or anything and my mom said that if I try to move out now then she will just make me come back until I have the baby because she still has custody of me. I know I made mistakes but I think it would be a bigger mistake for me to not go to school anymore!

And oh yeah, my mom thinks that because the dad is 17 that he has no rights to the baby either, but does he? Or does his parents have guardianship of the baby because he is a miner? I am not allowed to talk to him and a few times his partents called my mom and she yelled at them that their son was satan's pawn to make me sin and that she was in charge of the baby so they can't see it.

 

[Rushia]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Washington

Hi my name is Hannah and I live in Spokane Washington. I am 16 and am 6 months pregnant. Please no lectures, I know, I am just looking for legal advice.

My mom and dad are divorced. I live with my mom and visit my dad in Nevada on most holidays and during the summer. I got pregnant when I was with my mom but didn't know about it until I was already with my dad for the summer. My stepmom and dad have been very supportive , but my mom is very religious and so she is very mad at me for having sex getting pregnant.

I hope you can understand your mother's anger. Most parents are angry when their child turns up pregnant.

My mom keeps telling me that when the baby is born that I have to drop out of school to take care of the baby. She refuses to let me put my baby in any kind of daycare, she has always been a stay-at-home-mom and says that the baby should be raised by me only . She wouldn't sign me up for a school program made for teens who are pregnant or moms and made me go back to my regular high school. She won't talk to me about any plans for when the baby is born and when I try to talk she just tells me that "if you thought about that before maybe you wouldn't have been a slut."

You do not have to drop out of school. She cannot stop you from putting your child in daycare. That decision is yours alone. She doesn't have to pay for it either.

I will be 17 when the baby is born, can I go live with my dad?

No. Not unless he files for custody of you and the court decides that it is in your best interests to do so.

Or do I get automatically emaciated when I have the baby?

You are NOT emancipated. You are medically emancipated, meaning that you can make medical decisions for yourself and your child, but that is it.

My stepmom said she would help with taking care of the baby so I can go to school and go to college too.

That's very kind of her. Be warned though: DO NOT SIGN CUSTODY OR GUARDIANSHIP PAPERS for them without reading them carefully. Search threads of how many parents did that and not cannot get their child back.

I don't think that my mom can make me stay out of school when the baby is born but she says that since won't be 18 then she will have custody of the baby and not me.

Untrue. Only you will have custody of your child. Your mother only has custody of you.

And that if I move out or leave that she can keep the baby

No she cannot. Only you will have custody of your child.

She also said that if I don't live by her rules then she will kick me out and keep the baby. Is that true?

She cannot kick you out. Your mother is legally bound to care for you until your 18th birthday. If she takes your child, that is kidnapping and you can press charges for it.

I don't have any money for a lawyer but I do have some from babysitting and stuff and I want to be able to go to school and to college so that I can get a good job and take care of my baby Can my dad get custody of me if my mom won't let me go to school?

Your father certainly use that as grounds to attempt to obtain custody of you.

I have no money to get my own house or anything and my mom said that if I try to move out now then she will just make me come back until I have the baby because she still has custody of me.

She is correct. She will have custody of you until your father gains custody legally or until your 18th birthday.

I know I made mistakes but I think it would be a bigger mistake for me to not go to school anymore!

I agree.

And oh yeah, my mom thinks that because the dad is 17 that he has no rights to the baby either, but does he?

He won't until he legally establishes paternity and he is granted some.

Or does his parents have guardianship of the baby because he is a miner?

No. Only you have custody until paternity is established. His parents are also LEGAL strangers (as is your mother) to your child.

I am not allowed to talk to him and a few times his partents called my mom and she yelled at them that their son was satan's pawn to make me sin and that she was in charge of the baby so they can't see it.

Your mother doesn't have to let you talk to your bf. If she says no then it's no. The law will back your mother on this one. However, she isn't in charge of the baby and never will be. Your bf will have to file for visitation. That means he will be able to see his child, NOT you.

 

[ecmst12]

It's going to be awfully hard for the teenagers to co-parent their child if they're not allowed to speak to each other, it's perfectly ridiculous for mom to try to interfere with this relationship when it's obviously in the baby's best interest to have his/her parents communicating. This is obviously way beyond the typical "you'll date who I tell you that you can date!" parental edict. And seriously, how much more trouble can they get into, it's not like she can get any MORE pregnant!

OP, look at it this way - your mom is not just mad at YOU for getting unintentionally pregnant, she's also mad at HERSELF, because she knows she failed to give you the proper guidance to allow you to make better choices so this would not have happened. She is taking her guilt and feelings of failure out on you. HOPEFULLY she will come around and see reason before the baby is born. She's still your mom and loves you very much and wanted a better life for you.

She can't keep you out of school though, and if she tries, she can actually be cited/fined for it. She is actually legally required to make sure you GO to school. And if your dad wants to sue her for custody of you, her keeping you from going to school would be very valid grounds for him to do so. But that's solely your dad's decision. You should start looking into alternative child care options in case he does NOT get custody though.

As far as your boyfriend, you are the baby's mom and it is YOUR decision who gets to spend time with him/her. If you want to give dad and his parents visitation, your mother can't stop you. If his parents are willing to provide child care or even if they just want to have a relationship with their grandchild, it is your choice to allow it. Dad doesn't HAVE to get a court order for custody/visitation if you and he can work it out yourselves.

 

[Rushia]

It's going to be awfully hard for the teenagers to co-parent their child if they're not allowed to speak to each other, it's perfectly ridiculous for mom to try to interfere with this relationship when it's obviously in the baby's best interest to have his/her parents communicating. This is obviously way beyond the typical "you'll date who I tell you that you can date!" parental edict. And seriously, how much more trouble can they get into, it's not like she can get any MORE pregnant!

OP, look at it this way - your mom is not just mad at YOU for getting unintentionally pregnant, she's also mad at HERSELF, because she knows she failed to give you the proper guidance to allow you to make better choices so this would not have happened. She is taking her guilt and feelings of failure out on you. HOPEFULLY she will come around and see reason before the baby is born. She's still your mom and loves you very much and wanted a better life for you.

She can't keep you out of school though, and if she tries, she can actually be cited/fined for it. She is actually legally required to make sure you GO to school. And if your dad wants to sue her for custody of you, her keeping you from going to school would be very valid grounds for him to do so. But that's solely your dad's decision. You should start looking into alternative child care options in case he does NOT get custody though.

As far as your boyfriend, you are the baby's mom and it is YOUR decision who gets to spend time with him/her. If you want to give dad and his parents visitation, your mother can't stop you. If his parents are willing to provide child care or even if they just want to have a relationship with their grandchild, it is your choice to allow it. Dad doesn't HAVE to get a court order for custody/visitation if you and he can work it out yourselves.

Legally, OP's mother CAN prevent a relationship. She can cut off any communication between the parents if it strays outside of baby discussions and is well within her rights to do so. I agree with you but don't give OP any false hopes or impressions that she can "talk" to her bf outside of her mother's authority.

I also agree that they don't necessarily NEED a court order, but if OP's mother remains adamant about things it may be better to have one.

 

[ecmst12]

Mom preventing a civil working relationship between her grandbaby's parents would just be more fuel for the fire, should dad want to file for custody.

 

[Rushia]

Mom preventing a civil working relationship between her grandbaby's parents would just be more fuel for the fire, should dad want to file for custody.

That's what I'm talking about. I'm not sure that OP's mother could stop a "so today at baby's well being check.....", but she can sure stop a "Oh Honey, I miss you, how are you...."

 

[cyjeff]

Legally, the parents of a minor child have the absolute right to decide whom that minor associates with.

Even if that person that the minor wants to associate with has had sex with the minor in the past.

In fact, the fact that mom doesn't want her minor daughter to care for TWO kids could be seen as an excellent reason to keep the two little lovebirds apart.

When the father establishes paternity, he will have a right to see his child... not the minor child he impregnated.

Legally, this is plain.

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

I have a question. Since the poster is 16 and pregnant isnt her desire as to what parent she would like to stay would going be given a lot of weight in a custody change? If her father files for change obviously.

 

[hannahpreggo16]

Thanks for the advice but you guys don't know my mom. I don't want to go into it here, but I have had to live with my grandparents 3 times while she had to work with CPS to get custody back. When my big sis was 17 my mom threw her on the street because she was 'trying to steal' my mom's boyfriend (who was a total perv and now in jail for molesting my neighbors kid).

The dad is not my boyfriend. We have never dated, just always been really good friends and the only time we had sex I got pregnant. His parents have offered to finiancially help out even before a court order is put in place and to let me use their car whenever I need it. My mom stood me up in church and proceeded to tell everyone how I am a whore and going to hell, that she is so sad that her granchild is going to hell because it's being born out of wedlock, etc. She is becoming very emotionally abusive, but the GAL says that it's 'just her parenting style.' The school will not let me change my curriculum without her consent, which she is refusing. I am going to talk to my grandparents tommorrow and see if they would be willing to try to get guardianship of me, since at least that way the dad and his family can be involved. If they can't then I will try to go live with my dad.

In the worst case scenario, if I run away will the cops physically drag me back to my mom? Or can they take my baby as long as I am taking care of it? I do know a few people who have offered to help, but I don't want to get anyone in trouble for helping me. If I move in with my aunt can she be arrested for kidnapping me if it's against my mom's wishes?

 

[Hisbabygirl77]

Yes the can drag you back or put you in juvenille detention. yes your Aunt could be arrested for having you in her home without your moms consent. You need to be mature since your going to have a baby and do this the right way. Speak to you father and see if he can file for modification of custody. There are no promises but at least its legal and worth a shot.

 

[ecmst12]

You *may* be able to file for full emancipation, but I would suggest you talk to a lawyer before going any further with that. Planned Parenthood or maybe a school counselor might be able to point you to an organization or service that can provide legal aid for teens in bad situations. But if your grandparents had custody in the past, they might be able to get it again. Working with the adults in your life that you can trust is a good idea no matter what, even if you did get emancipated (which might not even be possible unless you can show you are financially supporting yourself, but really I'm not sure at all), you're still a teenager and will need help to raise your baby and finish school and be able to get a good job later on.

It sounds like your mom could have some emotional issues. YOU sound like you are doing pretty well (all things considered) given the way she's been treating you. Try to stay strong. But yes, if you run away, the police will force you to go home. You need to go through legal channels.

 

[Rushia]

OP is NOT going to be emancipated. Any small shot she had at that flew out the window the second she became pregnant. No judge in their right mind is going to emancipate a pregnant teen so that she can play house with her bf. Pregnancy proves that the OP needs MORE supervision, NOT less. Her only option at this point is to either suck it up until she's 18 or have another adult attempt to gain custody (and not the baby's father's family either).

 

[LdiJ]

OP is NOT going to be emancipated. Any small shot she had at that flew out the window the second she became pregnant. No judge in their right mind is going to emancipate a pregnant teen so that she can play house with her bf. Pregnancy proves that the OP needs MORE supervision, NOT less. Her only option at this point is to either suck it up until she's 18 or have another adult attempt to gain custody (and not the baby's father's family either).

I agree that either her father or her grandparents need to try for custody, and it needs to be on the basis that her mother is going to force her to quit school.

In fact, one thing that her father could do for her right now, is to take the issue of her schooling to court to try to get a judge to force her mother to allow her into the program for teen mothers.

Her father should talk to an attorney to see if there is any shot at doing it on an emergency basis.

 

[hannahpreggo16]

Rushia- Thanks for your opinion, but as I stated, I am not dating the dad and have no intention of trying to 'play house' with him. I do not know what your experience in life has been, but please don't assume that just because I am a teenager that I have some romanticized version of all of this in my head.

I AM trying to be mature about this. My mom has abused me my entire life, and all the legal system has ever done is give her a slap on the wrist and ordered parenting and anger management classes. My dad has taken her to court several times for contempt and the judge gives her a slap on the wrist. She can do anything she wants to me and the law may slightly reprimand her for it, but it will not erase what she has done. I have accepted this. But I will NOT accept it for my baby. I have been failed by the legal system and I am not willing to just wait around and hope that it does slightly better for my baby.

If I am going to be physically forced to stay with my mom I would rather the baby live with it's dad than with her. But for now I am not going to give up on keeping my baby and getting out of her custody. I will let you know when I have news.

 

[Isis1]

Rushia- Thanks for your opinion, but as I stated, I am not dating the dad and have no intention of trying to 'play house' with him. I do not know what your experience in life has been, but please don't assume that just because I am a teenager that I have some romanticized version of all of this in my head.

I AM trying to be mature about this. My mom has abused me my entire life, and all the legal system has ever done is give her a slap on the wrist and ordered parenting and anger management classes. My dad has taken her to court several times for contempt and the judge gives her a slap on the wrist. She can do anything she wants to me and the law may slightly reprimand her for it, but it will not erase what she has done. I have accepted this. But I will NOT accept it for my baby. I have been failed by the legal system and I am not willing to just wait around and hope that it does slightly better for my baby.

If I am going to be physically forced to stay with my mom I would rather the baby live with it's dad than with her. But for now I am not going to give up on keeping my baby and getting out of her custody. I will let you know when I have news.

look, whatever you do, do NOT sign custody away to ANYONE. guardianship is revokable. at any time. custody, is a harder route. the only ones that should have custody is you or dad. no one else. don't sign anything without an attorney consult.

good luck, and don't be afraid to ask any questions.