Wife left with daughter and refusing visitation

[Just Blue]

In NC there isn't a action for Legal Separation, separation is the act of living apart with the intention to stay living apart. As soon as the wife left you were eligible for file for a custody action in NC. Your county should have some agency that assists parents with this, it is typically the same agency that handles DV cases. They will get you in front of a judge the next day typically for a Ex Parte order. The most likely result is the child is ordered back into the county under your care. There be another hearing about two weeks later for Temp/Emergency custody, at this hearing the Ex Parte order is not given much (or any weight) there will some type of custody determined and it is most likely the child is to stay in the county under the temporary orders.

I would suggest as the other poster did you not go to "take" the child. You will likely find yourself on the other end of a Ex Parte order.

Px Hx**************...

 

[Zigner]

In NC there isn't a action for Legal Separation, separation is the act of living apart with the intention to stay living apart.

Wrong...

The official term for the "legal separation" action in North Carolina is "Divorce from Bed and Board."

 

[LdiJ]

In NC there isn't a action for Legal Separation, separation is the act of living apart with the intention to stay living apart. As soon as the wife left you were eligible for file for a custody action in NC. Your county should have some agency that assists parents with this, it is typically the same agency that handles DV cases. They will get you in front of a judge the next day typically for a Ex Parte order. The most likely result is the child is ordered back into the county under your care. There be another hearing about two weeks later for Temp/Emergency custody, at this hearing the Ex Parte order is not given much (or any weight) there will some type of custody determined and it is most likely the child is to stay in the county under the temporary orders.

I would suggest as the other poster did you not go to "take" the child. You will likely find yourself on the other end of a Ex Parte order.

Nobody is going to get an ex parte for something like this. Also, how do you know that mom left the county?

 

[CJane]

My advice - do NOT involve the courts in any way, unless you are 100% prepared to permanently split with your ex. Oftentimes, someone files in the hopes that it will convince the other party to "behave" in a specific manner, only to find that their bluff gets called.

 

[HammerDad]

Just do not advise. Seriously.

Why? And care to point out to me what was actually legally wrong with my post? Because from what I read, the child is likely a child of the marriage and as such there is no need to establish paternity and as such the OP is equally entitled to custody of the child.

Edit - unless you are suggesting the OP try to get back together with the ex, or otherwise use kids gloves with the ex. Than feel free to ignore what I said.

 

[Just Blue]

Why? And care to point out to me what was actually legally wrong with my post? Because from what I read, the child is likely a child of the marriage and as such there is no need to establish paternity and as such the OP is equally entitled to custody of the child.

Because there is not enough information.

 

[HammerDad]

Because there is not enough information.

Did I, or did I not also mention. Oh yeah, I did - "We don't know if the reason for this split was DV or not, as such it doesn't make much sense to speculate either way. Right now it is garbage in, garbage out."

And I also made mention to the fact that the advice changes if there was a DV or restraining order out there. So yeah, I did cover that as well "unless the OP has an order restraining them from contacting the ex...."



So, yeah, if you actually read my post you'd see that I covered off your concerns.

 

[Just Blue]

Did I, or did I not also mention. Oh yeah, I did - "We don't know if the reason for this split was DV or not, as such it doesn't make much sense to speculate either way. Right now it is garbage in, garbage out."

And I also made mention to the fact that the advice changes if there was a DV or restraining order out there. So yeah, I did cover that as well "unless the OP has an order restraining them from contacting the ex...."



So, yeah, if you actually read my post you'd see that I covered off your concerns.

There is not enough info to advise OP. And you are irresponsible to advise OP as you did. That is MY opinion. Others may feel differently...

 

[HammerDad]

There is not enough info to advise OP. And you are irresponsible to advise OP as you did. That is MY opinion. Others may feel differently...

Sorry, but I have issues with any parent that tries to play keep-away with the kids unless there is solid, verifiable, reasoning to do it. It is irresponsible, and not in the child's best interests, to prevent their other parent from spending parenting time with them, again, without legitimate reason.

I am also not the type to sit here and think the worst of the OP. Yeah, it could be a DV or worse (sexual matter) that caused the ex to go. Or it could be that the ex just "wants their space" and has no legitimate reason for withholding the child. I agree, we don't know and as such any "advice" would be fluid. Yeah, if the OP wants to salvage their marriage, going nuclear isn't generally the first best option. But I have very little regard for those parents who unnecessarily and unreasonably interfere with the child's relationship with the other parent. Outside of getting the ex's panties in a knot, there is no reason not to come off strong as one can always lighten up should the ex relent.

 

[Silverplum]

Sorry, but I have issues with any parent that tries to play keep-away with the kids unless there is solid, verifiable, reasoning to do it. It is irresponsible, and not in the child's best interests, to prevent their other parent from spending parenting time with them, again, without legitimate reason.

I am also not the type to sit here and think the worst of the OP. Yeah, it could be a DV or worse (sexual matter) that caused the ex to go. Or it could be that the ex just "wants their space" and has no legitimate reason for withholding the child. I agree, we don't know and as such any "advice" would be fluid. Yeah, if the OP wants to salvage their marriage, going nuclear isn't generally the first best option. But I have very little regard for those parents who unnecessarily and unreasonably interfere with the child's relationship with the other parent. Outside of getting the ex's panties in a knot, there is no reason not to come off strong as one can always lighten up should the ex relent.

You have that aggressive DADHASRIGHTS kind of attitude. It doesn't really help in a situation like this, and it's not the tone of this website. We promote the relationship between both parents and their child/ren, but we also know that posters tell just their side of the story. UNTIL we know why Mom left, there's no point in giving advice, and certainly not the type of advice that will inevitably lead to aggression between the parents.

And for you, HammerDad, there is no "we" at this time.

 

[LdiJ]

Why? And care to point out to me what was actually legally wrong with my post? Because from what I read, the child is likely a child of the marriage and as such there is no need to establish paternity and as such the OP is equally entitled to custody of the child.

Edit - unless you are suggesting the OP try to get back together with the ex, or otherwise use kids gloves with the ex. Than feel free to ignore what I said.

He hasn't even said why his ex left yet. Married couples get into arguments and take cooling off periods all the time. She has only been gone since Friday. Its WAY too soon to say that the marriage is over and that court proceedings need to begin. Sheesh, he hasn't even given his wife a week yet. Its only been 4 days.

 

[HammerDad]

You have that aggressive DADHASRIGHTS kind of attitude. It doesn't really help in a situation like this, and it's not the tone of this website. We promote the relationship between both parents and their child/ren, but we also know that posters tell just their side of the story. UNTIL we know why Mom left, there's no point in giving advice, and certainly not the type of advice that will inevitably lead to aggression between the parents.

And for you, HammerDad, there is no "we" at this time.

Unfortunately you don't know me very well. I have the aggressive "ChildhasRights" attitude. Parents have obligations. One of those obligations is to facilitate the child's relationship with the other parent. Playing keep away is the opposite of that.

IMO, the reasoning behind the ex leaving is less important than maintaining a relationship with the child. There are innumerable reasons why the ex could leave and none of them really matter, save and except for DV and/or sexual assault. What we do know is that the ex is playing "hide the child" from the OP. And unless the ex has solid ground to do so, I think we can all agree that the ex's actions are inappropriate.

 

[Silverplum]

Unfortunately you don't know me very well. I have the aggressive "ChildhasRights" attitude. Parents have obligations. One of those obligations is to facilitate the child's relationship with the other parent. Playing keep away is the opposite of that.

IMO, the reasoning behind the ex leaving is less important than maintaining a relationship with the child. There are innumerable reasons why the ex could leave and none of them really matter, save and except for DV and/or sexual assault. What we do know is that the ex is playing "hide the child" from the OP. And unless the ex has solid ground to do so, I think we can all agree that the ex's actions are inappropriate.

I already told you, there is no "we" at this time.

And we've all told you that we disagree with your position.

 

[LdiJ]

Unfortunately you don't know me very well. I have the aggressive "ChildhasRights" attitude. Parents have obligations. One of those obligations is to facilitate the child's relationship with the other parent. Playing keep away is the opposite of that.

IMO, the reasoning behind the ex leaving is less important than maintaining a relationship with the child. There are innumerable reasons why the ex could leave and none of them really matter, save and except for DV and/or sexual assault. What we do know is that the ex is playing "hide the child" from the OP. And unless the ex has solid ground to do so, I think we can all agree that the ex's actions are inappropriate.

There is no indication here that the ex is playing "hide the child". The only thing is we know is that the ex has been gone for 4 days and hasn't allowed him to see the child during those 4 days. I certainly do not agree that the ex's actions are inappropriate because I have absolutely no idea WHY she has done that.

 

[Just Blue]

What I, and others, are trying to say is that OP needs to disclose the reason for this sudden split. It may make a difference for the advice we give.

All of us are about the best interest of the child. That is why we ask the questions we do.