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Wife left with kids

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JacobJoel

Member
Look,

Men seem to go into some sort of daze when faced with losing wife/children.

everyone does, but men really seem to go into jello meld.

they don't sort things out fast enough, they think leaving the kids w/mom is the answer and they hope/believe either that mom will come back or they will get a fair shake in court.

all to often they do not.

an angry woman bent on retaliation can do you just as much damage as a controlling male still trying to control the mother of his children.

none of us know what this guy has been dealing with or thinking during this time, and yes, five months is (almost) established status quo.

so dad is behind the eight ball.

but mom got caught playing games and then took her toys, which included dad's children, and left.

and she's been spinning dad like a top every since.

he needs to get on it and find out what he can do for the sake of his kids.

Custodial parent is a hugely high shot. Kinda like military beer math, where one asks for a six pack for everyone in the company and is grateful for two per person.

and i didn't say it would be easy. but it is certainly worth a shot.
 


jdavis1115

Junior Member
Look,

Men seem to go into some sort of daze when faced with losing wife/children.

everyone does, but men really seem to go into jello meld.

they don't sort things out fast enough, they think leaving the kids w/mom is the answer and they hope/believe either that mom will come back or they will get a fair shake in court.

all to often they do not.

an angry woman bent on retaliation can do you just as much damage as a controlling male still trying to control the mother of his children.

none of us know what this guy has been dealing with or thinking during this time, and yes, five months is (almost) established status quo.

so dad is behind the eight ball.

but mom got caught playing games and then took her toys, which included dad's children, and left.

and she's been spinning dad like a top every since.

he needs to get on it and find out what he can do for the sake of his kids.

Custodial parent is a hugely high shot. Kinda like military beer math, where one asks for a six pack for everyone in the company and is grateful for two per person.

and i didn't say it would be easy. but it is certainly worth a shot.


about time someone realizes that in this world time goes by fast and things happen to cause delays. yes first 2 months i thought she would come back, she had left a few years back before then came back. then the rest i was just trying my best to work it out with her, then she acted as if she was going to come back then she got back with her boyfriend. so now i am done with it want it over with.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Absolutely. He's wondering his chances for 50/50 custody and he surely has a shot at that.
No he doesn't. Not without Mom's agreement.

He's ALREADY shown everyone in the world what he thinks is best for his kids. And that is exactly what's been going on for the past FIVE MONTHS.

Not everyone should be the primary parent. Dad himself says that he was NOT their primary care taker because he was working so much. Clearly he's not been primary parent of the 6 month old.

Yeah, his brain went into jello... great. He CHOSE to keep it there for 5 months. No sympathy from me. I allow myself 48 hours of "Oh holy HELL what am I gonna DO?" And then I take action.

He chose not to. That speaks TONS towards his true intent. Which is no child support.
 

JacobJoel

Member
maybe.

could be you are right.

my observation is that he isn't asking for child support, either.

and he isn't trying to jump in and hijack the children, he wants an equal split.

he's in a spin and has been in a spin.

what he does from here is what will matter. he might pull out beautifully.
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
No he doesn't. Not without Mom's agreement.

He's ALREADY shown everyone in the world what he thinks is best for his kids. And that is exactly what's been going on for the past FIVE MONTHS.

Not everyone should be the primary parent. Dad himself says that he was NOT their primary care taker because he was working so much. Clearly he's not been primary parent of the 6 month old.

Yeah, his brain went into jello... great. He CHOSE to keep it there for 5 months. No sympathy from me. I allow myself 48 hours of "Oh holy HELL what am I gonna DO?" And then I take action.

He chose not to. That speaks TONS towards his true intent. Which is no child support.
Dad's stated reasons for the time that has passed since she left in Jan (which is actually only 4 months, not sure why he's saying 5) during which time he has also had to keep up stability in his job and filing for divorce/custody wasn't necessarily a slam dunk, he thought she may come back, but ultimately after 4 months that's apparently not going to happen. During this time, he's kept a good amount of parenting time up. OP's attempts for 50/50 custody are not on the basis he is more fit than mom, but EQUALLY fit.

It may also be that he doesn't want to pay child support and we'll never know true intent, but OP has spent a good deal of time with his children and there's no reason why he should not share 50/50. If the argument is age, they can work on a graduated schedule.
 

jdavis1115

Junior Member
No he doesn't. Not without Mom's agreement.

He's ALREADY shown everyone in the world what he thinks is best for his kids. And that is exactly what's been going on for the past FIVE MONTHS.

Not everyone should be the primary parent. Dad himself says that he was NOT their primary care taker because he was working so much. Clearly he's not been primary parent of the 6 month old.

Yeah, his brain went into jello... great. He CHOSE to keep it there for 5 months. No sympathy from me. I allow myself 48 hours of "Oh holy HELL what am I gonna DO?" And then I take action.

He chose not to. That speaks TONS towards his true intent. Which is no child support.


so you think its fine for a woman to leave screw around with my mind acting as if she is going to come back. then just go off with another man, have that man call threaten me and think that its okay. for the time we were seperated i have done NOTHING but take care of the kids. 400 a month in child support plus EVERY copay and EVERY medicine and medical insurance. i buy them food and clothes and do everything for them. i get them everyweek for sure and then atleast 2 days thru the week sometimes 7 days a week. their mother my "wife" has decided now that clubbing and her dating this piece of crap is more important that dealing with the issues at hand. so now i have to take the ball and take care of it for myself. i'm tired of people thinking fathers are not needed or that every father doesnt want to pay child support or support their kids. the kids are my life. i dropped all i had at 17 when my daughter was born and worked 2 jobs 7 days a week to support her and my kid. did this until just a few months ago when my job i had at night moved me to days, but still i work at night 4 days out of the week to make extra cash to cover what she left me with. SHE IS THE ONE THAT LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN. THIS IS THE 4TH MAN SINCE SHE LEFT. yes i'm nieve for thinking she was coming back but then again i didnt think after just one year of marriage and the purchase of a house and two kids she would just up and leave to start a new life with another man.

so supporting my kids is not the issue, child support not an issue. i want 50/50 because i want just as much time in their lives as she has. i want to raise my kids right and not let her control every instance in their lives.


yes you have picked a nerve because YOU dont know the entire story.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
so you think its fine for a woman to leave screw around with my mind acting as if she is going to come back. then just go off with another man, have that man call threaten me and think that its okay. for the time we were seperated i have done NOTHING but take care of the kids. 400 a month in child support plus EVERY copay and EVERY medicine and medical insurance. i buy them food and clothes and do everything for them. i get them everyweek for sure and then atleast 2 days thru the week sometimes 7 days a week. their mother my "wife" has decided now that clubbing and her dating this piece of crap is more important that dealing with the issues at hand. so now i have to take the ball and take care of it for myself. i'm tired of people thinking fathers are not needed or that every father doesnt want to pay child support or support their kids. the kids are my life. i dropped all i had at 17 when my daughter was born and worked 2 jobs 7 days a week to support her and my kid. did this until just a few months ago when my job i had at night moved me to days, but still i work at night 4 days out of the week to make extra cash to cover what she left me with. SHE IS THE ONE THAT LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER MAN. THIS IS THE 4TH MAN SINCE SHE LEFT. yes i'm nieve for thinking she was coming back but then again i didnt think after just one year of marriage and the purchase of a house and two kids she would just up and leave to start a new life with another man.

so supporting my kids is not the issue, child support not an issue. i want 50/50 because i want just as much time in their lives as she has. i want to raise my kids right and not let her control every instance in their lives.


yes you have picked a nerve because YOU dont know the entire story.

And YOU are not taking any responsibility! 4th man? Why didn't you do something one, two or three men ago? YOU have done NOTHING about this issue legally. They are NOT just your children. Go to court, file for divorce and request custody. You may or may not get it. How is this hurting your children quite frankly? PROVE that this is harming your children. And then be able to prove that your reasons for letting this continue over the past 5 or 6 months was for a GOOD reason and not because you loooovvvveeeddd her which resulted in whatever detriment to your children. Understand? You are doing a lot of whining and not a whole heck of lot of manning up and being an adult.

When you decide to be an adult come back and talk to us. Until then, keep whining and saying how we don't get it.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Dad's stated reasons for the time that has passed since she left in Jan (which is actually only 4 months, not sure why he's saying 5) during which time he has also had to keep up stability in his job and filing for divorce/custody wasn't necessarily a slam dunk, he thought she may come back, but ultimately after 4 months that's apparently not going to happen. During this time, he's kept a good amount of parenting time up. OP's attempts for 50/50 custody are not on the basis he is more fit than mom, but EQUALLY fit.

He's kept up every weekend and one evening per week. THAT is the absolute BEST he can hope for in court, and he's likely looking at less.

You'd be hard pressed to find ANY case law in GA (or really anywhere) in which 50/50 physical placement was awarded against staus quo and without agreement of the parties. The very NATURE of 50/50 REQUIRES excellent communication and co-parenting skills. These two don't have that, and that will definitely affect the children.

DAD wants 50% of the time because of HIS desires. He has YET to mention even ONE of the 'best interest factors' in his tirades.

It may also be that he doesn't want to pay child support and we'll never know true intent, but OP has spent a good deal of time with his children and there's no reason why he should not share 50/50. If the argument is age, they can work on a graduated schedule.
I never said he SHOULDN'T. I said he's very unlikely to get it w/out the agreement of the other party.

And OP, what I PERSONALLY think is "OK" is 100% irrelevant... to your case or anyone else's.

Frankly? What Mom does is not and has never been within your control. And it will never BE within your control.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

Wife left back in January after confronting her about text message she had been sending to another man. She then claimed the next day she left because I was always a jerk and she didnt love me. We have two kids, my daughter is 3 my son is 6 months. She left to live with her mom, left me with mortgage, bills, and everything, never once helped. I pay her 100 a week in child support I get to see them every weekend (which is a must, or she threatens I never can see the kids again) I also started getting kids every wed. to talk to church. I pick kids up after work any day they need me to or I would like to. My wife is very rarely home on weekends, she is either clubbing or off with one of her men. 99 percent of the time I have to deal with her mother about the kids because my wife will not answer the phone or is gone off with her ‘boyfriends’. On top of the child support I pay their health insurance, I even helped her on medication for my son, but when it came to where I paid for doc visit and medication she did not want to help.
I know of atleast 2 guys she has let take my kids along with my wife out to do something multiple times. But will not allow me to do anything with her and the kids because “we are not together”. To me that is the same as basically trying to deny me as a father of her kids. I am always there for my kids and my kids love me. My daughter cries when she has to leave me.
She will not go and get divorce with me because she is afraid of back taxes since she hasn’t paid taxes since 2004 and has made atleast 30k a year under the table. She also keeps claiming that I am a horrible father and that she will get custody and that I really owe her 800 a month for child support. She seems to be talking out the side of her neck on a lot.

Now that you have a brief background, my question is how hard would it be to get 50/50 joint custody having kids every other week for week at a time. I think this is the fairest way of doing it and would not effect kids since they are not in school and the baby sitter lives near me anyways. When it comes to divorce she said she does not want the house or anything so I don’t think it’s a fight there but I want a divorce final and custody to be joint no one paying any child support that way just splitting child care
That is a truly horrible schedule for an infant. The infant has no way of understanding what is going on and would spend a great deal of his time grieving for the absent parent...it would be an ongoing cycle. Its not as bad for a 3 year old, but still, its not good as more frequent contact with both parents.

The infant absolutely needs more frequent contact with both parents.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Well, at first I thought the poster's wife might have post-partum depression, but then he tries to make out that she's been like this for years. So then I've got to think, "Well, you picked her. Have you gotten paternity tests done on the kids yet?"

But has anyone else noticed the following:

after 5 months of fighting back and forth and going to lawyer twice and her getting "cold feet" everytime, i think i have tried, i have been over backwards to make things work out best for kids...my daughter sleeps in the same bed as her mother and my wifes mother and my son is in a play pin next to them. they all FOUR share ONE room. what kind of living is that. I have their beds their rooms, their toys so how is it in the best interest of the kids to be with mom?
Actually, some people share a room intentionally. It's called co-sleeping, attachment parenting. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie do it (not that I'm fans of theirs, but just pointing out that co-sleeping does not necessarily mean impoverished lifestyle.) For the older child, this might help with separation issues involved with the change of household.

However, if your wife is getting drunk or using drugs (which I hear is common among clubbers) and then co-sleeping, this is a big no-no, and is dangerous.

It seem that you two have wildly different parenting styles. This is not good if you really want a 50/50 arrangement - how topsy turvy to toss a baby and preschooler back and forth between 2 households with completely different rules every week! You clearly don't understand how important consistency and bonding with the primary caretaker is for a baby.

well they will make me out to be a bad father because of things they have taught my daughter to say like i'm an ass and i wanted to kill her mommy and stuff, i have never once said anything or even came after my wife. i worked 2 jobs alot of weeks 7 days a week to support her thru pregnancy and for her 6 weeks off after she had my son. i got my son to sleep 99 percent of the time not getting sleep and still went to work and back home to repeat it again. i was there for my children always, i never got to do much with them because i was working to dig us out of the hole she puts us in. i think its really screwed up how a 'mother' can just leave the husband and make the husband pay for it all and get the short end of the stick.
Sheesh. Isn't he the generous one - 6 weeks of leisure. *sarcasm* Perhaps it's because I had a c-section and drs orders prohibited me from driving a car for a month or lifting anything heavy other than the baby, but if this is the father's attitude, then I am not impressed.

Finally, I am sure that Georgia, like most states, has some form of Family Court where you could have applied for visitation by now. My estranged husband managed to figure out how to submit paperwork for visitation within days of being served with an Order of Protection - without a lawyer.

My impression is that the real reason you want 50/50 is to get out of paying child support. When would you even have time to take care of 2 children, were you to get 50% parenting time?
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
He's kept up every weekend and one evening per week. THAT is the absolute BEST he can hope for in court, and he's likely looking at less.

You'd be hard pressed to find ANY case law in GA (or really anywhere) in which 50/50 physical placement was awarded against staus quo and without agreement of the parties. The very NATURE of 50/50 REQUIRES excellent communication and co-parenting skills. These two don't have that, and that will definitely affect the children.
I don't know. I think much rides on how assertive OP's attorney is advocating on his behalf. They JUST split max 4 months ago and that's w/o OP knowing that a divorce was inevitable. If I were OP, I'd file for divorce NOW and go for as much custody as I want to be part of the kids life, up to 50%. If he doesn't get it, he doesn't get it, but he won't get it if he doesn't try.
 

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