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  1. #1
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Question Wife left with kids

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia

    Wife left back in January after confronting her about text message she had been sending to another man. She then claimed the next day she left because I was always a jerk and she didnt love me. We have two kids, my daughter is 3 my son is 6 months. She left to live with her mom, left me with mortgage, bills, and everything, never once helped. I pay her 100 a week in child support I get to see them every weekend (which is a must, or she threatens I never can see the kids again) I also started getting kids every wed. to talk to church. I pick kids up after work any day they need me to or I would like to. My wife is very rarely home on weekends, she is either clubbing or off with one of her men. 99 percent of the time I have to deal with her mother about the kids because my wife will not answer the phone or is gone off with her ‘boyfriends’. On top of the child support I pay their health insurance, I even helped her on medication for my son, but when it came to where I paid for doc visit and medication she did not want to help.
    I know of atleast 2 guys she has let take my kids along with my wife out to do something multiple times. But will not allow me to do anything with her and the kids because “we are not together”. To me that is the same as basically trying to deny me as a father of her kids. I am always there for my kids and my kids love me. My daughter cries when she has to leave me.
    She will not go and get divorce with me because she is afraid of back taxes since she hasn’t paid taxes since 2004 and has made atleast 30k a year under the table. She also keeps claiming that I am a horrible father and that she will get custody and that I really owe her 800 a month for child support. She seems to be talking out the side of her neck on a lot.

    Now that you have a brief background, my question is how hard would it be to get 50/50 joint custody having kids every other week for week at a time. I think this is the fairest way of doing it and would not effect kids since they are not in school and the baby sitter lives near me anyways. When it comes to divorce she said she does not want the house or anything so I don’t think it’s a fight there but I want a divorce final and custody to be joint no one paying any child support that way just splitting child care
  2. #2
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    It's unlikely that a 50/50 split will be ordered for several reasons.

    1) The ages of the children. A week is a very long time to an infant.

    2) Status quo - you currently have the kids every weekend and one night per week. That's far more than 'standard' but not anywhere near 50/50. Status quo almost always rules.

    3) 50/50 is not something that is commonly adopted by the courts as it's not been shown to consistently be in the best interests of the children. If the courts have to make a determination, they generally default to the e/o weekend and one night / week with split holidays/summers model.

    4) A 50/50 split in no way guarantees that there would be no child support owed by either party.

    5) Mom taking the kids places w/other adults (regardless of gender) is not going to be seen as a bad thing. You presumably take the kids to church, with other adults w/out Mom. Yes?
  3. #3
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    so 50/50 is out?

    what about me getting custody and her e/o weekend. she already wants nothing to do with them on the weekends, her mom picks them up everyday and wife never gets home till after 9 on weekdays. she much rather go and party/ date than be home with her children.

    and i didnt think the issue with her taking kids with other adults was an issue, but the issue i had (which i forgot to mention) is that her new "boyfriend" runs his mouth about me dealing with him on the issues with the kids and to stay out of their lives. thats my main issue

    and church its my parents and me, i'm not dating will not be becaus i'm just concerned with my children.
  4. #4
    JacobJoel is offline Member
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    stirring the pot

    you need to educate yourself on father's rights.

    now.

    to many dads lose big time where it comes to their children because they have this steadfast idea that they won't win against 'mom'.

    get yourself over to deltabravo.net and educate yourself. those are your kids and you need to know how to make sure they stay bonded to you and you are recognized as their father in solid, continuing ways.

    geez.

    i'd even go so far as to say you are not divorced and there is no reason why YOU shouldn't have custody of YOUR kids, right now.

    Just don't take them back. she took off with them, you have their home and presumably their way of life that they are accustomed to, even tho they have been gone for a few months.

    if you wanted custody after the divorce you would be faced with the same needs, i.e., childcare and such. figure it out now while you are still 'married' and get on with it.

    get the kids, get a restraining order against her taking them back, whatever, but learn right now that you have to take a stand against being alienated or ousted from their lives right now.

    and anger isn't the answer.

    i know i will get fried for this probably so let me say this is only my opinion and it isn't strictly legal.

    it is, however, based on seeing so many guys trying to do the right thing and getting fried in the process by angry, vindictive exwives.

    yeah, i'm jaded.
  5. #5
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    JJ ~ One of these kids is only SIX MONTHS OLD. Mom moved out in JANUARY. That kid doesn't KNOW the 'marital home'.

    It is NOT in those kids' best interests for Dad to swoop in and take them after FIVE MONTHS. Maybe at first. Not NOW.

    And Dad, Mom has had primary custody for FIVE MONTHS w/your tacit agreement. It's HIGHLY unlikely that you'd now get primary.

    Father's rights have NOTHING to do with this. NOTHING at all.
  6. #6
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    JJ ~ One of these kids is only SIX MONTHS OLD. Mom moved out in JANUARY. That kid doesn't KNOW the 'marital home'.

    It is NOT in those kids' best interests for Dad to swoop in and take them after FIVE MONTHS. Maybe at first. Not NOW.

    And Dad, Mom has had primary custody for FIVE MONTHS w/your tacit agreement. It's HIGHLY unlikely that you'd now get primary.

    Father's rights have NOTHING to do with this. NOTHING at all.


    after 5 months of fighting back and forth and going to lawyer twice and her getting "cold feet" everytime, i think i have tried, i have been over backwards to make things work out best for kids...my daughter sleeps in the same bed as her mother and my wifes mother and my son is in a play pin next to them. they all FOUR share ONE room. what kind of living is that. I have their beds their rooms, their toys so how is it in the best interest of the kids to be with mom?
  7. #7
    ProSeDadinMD is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    JJ ~ One of these kids is only SIX MONTHS OLD. Mom moved out in JANUARY. That kid doesn't KNOW the 'marital home'.

    It is NOT in those kids' best interests for Dad to swoop in and take them after FIVE MONTHS. Maybe at first. Not NOW.

    And Dad, Mom has had primary custody for FIVE MONTHS w/your tacit agreement. It's HIGHLY unlikely that you'd now get primary.

    Father's rights have NOTHING to do with this. NOTHING at all.
    I agree with all of the above.
  8. #8
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdavis1115 View Post
    after 5 months of fighting back and forth and going to lawyer twice and her getting "cold feet" everytime, i think i have tried, i have been over backwards to make things work out best for kids...my daughter sleeps in the same bed as her mother and my wifes mother and my son is in a play pin next to them. they all FOUR share ONE room. what kind of living is that. I have their beds their rooms, their toys so how is it in the best interest of the kids to be with mom?
    I'm very sorry, but this amounts to a whole lot of blah blah blah. You did NOTHING for FIVE MONTHS... Status quo rules.

    If you had issues w/it you should have done something THEN. You chose not to, for whatever reason. You must live with those choices NOW.

    You can probably find an attorney that specializes in 'fathers rights' and you can pay him a ton of cash to 'ensure' that you'll get the 'fairest plan possible', and you'll end up with what's in the best interests of the children which according to your own inaction is MOM as primary and YOU as e/o weekend and one night during the week - maybe a provision for you to provide child care if she's not home.
  9. #9
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    JJ ~ One of these kids is only SIX MONTHS OLD. Mom moved out in JANUARY. That kid doesn't KNOW the 'marital home'.

    It is NOT in those kids' best interests for Dad to swoop in and take them after FIVE MONTHS. Maybe at first. Not NOW.

    And Dad, Mom has had primary custody for FIVE MONTHS w/your tacit agreement. It's HIGHLY unlikely that you'd now get primary.

    Father's rights have NOTHING to do with this. NOTHING at all.
    also. what was i suppose to do? go and just get the kids bring them home and lock the door, do exactly what she did to me? okay yea its been 5 months. that makes a difference how? things have changed, i have gone from working 3pm to 11pm to 8-5. we had agreed once i changed shifts that we would have it every other week. she backed out on that. just because its been 5 months doesnt mean alot has changed.
  10. #10
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by CJane View Post
    I'm very sorry, but this amounts to a whole lot of blah blah blah. You did NOTHING for FIVE MONTHS... Status quo rules.

    If you had issues w/it you should have done something THEN. You chose not to, for whatever reason. You must live with those choices NOW.

    You can probably find an attorney that specializes in 'fathers rights' and you can pay him a ton of cash to 'ensure' that you'll get the 'fairest plan possible', and you'll end up with what's in the best interests of the children which according to your own inaction is MOM as primary and YOU as e/o weekend and one night during the week - maybe a provision for you to provide child care if she's not home.


    YOU CAN NOT SAY I HAVE DONE NOTHING, 2 trips to the lawyer, 2 times wife has changed mind on EVERYTHING. so i get punished for trying to work with the mother instead of just going and letting court handle it?
  11. #11
    ProSeDadinMD is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdavis1115 View Post
    YOU CAN NOT SAY I HAVE DONE NOTHING, 2 trips to the lawyer, 2 times wife has changed mind on EVERYTHING. so i get punished for trying to work with the mother instead of just going and letting court handle it?
    Kinda sorta, but not really. After the 1st time Mom "changed mind on EVERYTHING", you had an opportunity to take legal action that might have changed the situation. Not so much now…
  12. #12
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ProSeDadinMD View Post
    Kinda sorta, but not really. After the 1st time Mom "changed mind on EVERYTHING", you had an opportunity to take legal action that might have changed the situation. Not so much now…
    yea i'm guessing your right, but when the mother/wife seems to be working with you and the minute i give into her crap and try not to screw her over with taxes and crap then she backs off and changes her mind on alot. she even goes as far as saying that i cant get the kids or see them if i dont do this or get them this day so she can go out on a date. to me this is crap and i dont know what much i can do
  13. #13
    JacobJoel is offline Member
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    told you!!

    told you i would get fried!

    i'm not wedded to the 'child is SO young they need mom CONSTANTLY' theme.

    i'm just not.

    dad, you need to first educate yourself while simultaneously working out the details if you believe you can handle being custodial parent.

    then you have to focus on that goal and work towards it.

    and you will get a fight every inch of the way. the ONLY way you will be able to live with yourself and maintain dignity with your children is if you do everything in your legal, non-angry power, to be their father.

    if it turns out you are a butt and mom did the right thing to leave you, that will become self evident at some point, way before you succeed and i will rescind my stance.

    but you just can't go in their willy nilly. and you can't let everyone around you make decisions for you or brow beat, intimidate or jaw jack you into a corner.

    and don't get offended by differing opinions. learn from them and think this through.

    i could be wrong.

    it happened once. i ended up in the Marine Corps.

    not such a bad thing.
  14. #14
    jdavis1115 is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by JacobJoel View Post
    told you i would get fried!

    i'm not wedded to the 'child is SO young they need mom CONSTANTLY' theme.

    i'm just not.

    dad, you need to first educate yourself while simultaneously working out the details if you believe you can handle being custodial parent.

    then you have to focus on that goal and work towards it.

    and you will get a fight every inch of the way. the ONLY way you will be able to live with yourself and maintain dignity with your children is if you do everything in your legal, non-angry power, to be their father.

    if it turns out you are a butt and mom did the right thing to leave you, that will become self evident at some point, way before you succeed and i will rescind my stance.

    but you just can't go in their willy nilly. and you can't let everyone around you make decisions for you or brow beat, intimidate or jaw jack you into a corner.

    and don't get offended by differing opinions. learn from them and think this through.

    i could be wrong.

    it happened once. i ended up in the Marine Corps.

    not such a bad thing.


    well they will make me out to be a bad father because of things they have taught my daughter to say like i'm an ass and i wanted to kill her mommy and stuff, i have never once said anything or even came after my wife. i worked 2 jobs alot of weeks 7 days a week to support her thru pregnancy and for her 6 weeks off after she had my son. i got my son to sleep 99 percent of the time not getting sleep and still went to work and back home to repeat it again. i was there for my children always, i never got to do much with them because i was working to dig us out of the hole she puts us in. i think its really screwed up how a 'mother' can just leave the husband and make the husband pay for it all and get the short end of the stick.
  15. #15
    Zigner is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jdavis1115 View Post
    YOU CAN NOT SAY I HAVE DONE NOTHING, 2 trips to the lawyer, 2 times wife has changed mind on EVERYTHING. so i get punished for trying to work with the mother instead of just going and letting court handle it?
    2 trips to the lawyer...5 months. Yes, one can say that.

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