will like custody of niece in foster care

[Proserpina]

yes the child is currently 23 months and when I first contacted social services she just turned a year. The whole process has being going on for over 10 months in court now.

I'm still not sure why pulling this child from the only home she's ever known is in her best interests.

That aside though, the longer this takes the less likely it seems that you'll be successful. Then again, no matter what ANYONE on this forum tells you, the person you need to listen to is your attorney.

 

[fediana]

I'm still not sure why pulling this child from the only home she's ever known is in her best interests.

That aside though, the longer this takes the less likely it seems that you'll be successful. Then again, no matter what ANYONE on this forum tells you, the person you need to listen to is your attorney.

yes I am taking the advice of my attorney and whatever happens I will post on the forum and maybe someone who is in my shoes may have some support if they are going through a similiar situation. I love my niece and feel she should be placed with her family. I am in no way trying to harm her or the foster parent. I know I can provide a loving home and would never try to obtain custody if I was not able to provide a loving home. As i told social services it hard to explain the pain I feel and unfortunatley I know how it feels on both sides bc I have done their job before and now I am on the other side of the fence. Its hard for me and my family as well for the foster parents as well. Foster parents are great and thanks God for them who decide to open their homes to kids everyday. My niece has plenty of family members that are able to provide great homes too. I pray God will decide the most appropriate thing and I truly trust him to make the right decision.

 

[Proserpina]

No offense meant, but I'd rather the Judge rules in the best interests of the child and keeps religion out of it.

 

[PQN]

I'm still not sure why pulling this child from the only home she's ever known is in her best interests.

Of course it is not in the child's best interest. In my state (IL), once a child has been with the same foster family for over a year, they become second in line for permanency (reunification remains first, unless/until TPR). Only if that family does not want to adopt will late-to-the-case relatives be considered.

It sounds like this baby was a newborn when she went to the foster family. Emotionally that IS her family. To take her from them will traumatize her. OP, as a social worker, you should know that! Trying to get custody of her is 100% about you and 0% about the baby.

 

[Ladyback1]

yes the child is currently 23 months and when I first contacted social services she just turned a year. The whole process has being going on for over 10 months in court now.

So, you want to take a child out of the only home she's known? You want to uproot her from where she has been raised?

If you have as much experience as you say, then you KNOW that with young children consistency and routine are so very important at this age! And you want to change all that??

Please for the love of all that is Holy, think of what is in the best interest of the child.
Just because you can take custody doesn't mean you should.
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's ethically and morally correct.

 

[fediana]

So, you want to take a child out of the only home she's known? You want to uproot her from where she has been raised?

If you have as much experience as you say, then you KNOW that with young children consistency and routine are so very important at this age! And you want to change all that??

Please for the love of all that is Holy, think of what is in the best interest of the child.
Just because you can take custody doesn't mean you should.
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's ethically and morally correct.[/QUOTE

I do love my niece dearly. I am sure she is being taken care by her foster parents and will not say any ill statements about them. I try to be a fair person and positive. I hear all the post but I am grateful I have a strong support of family, friends, and coworkers during this difficult time and that means more than anything else. We including her father want my niece to come home where she can be raised with her family. Her father heart aches for her everyday, I have seen him cry over knowing he may not never have the chance to go to the park with his daughter, see her grow up and go to college, and may never have the chance to give her away one day at her wedding. We may never see her ride a bike for the first time, lose her first tooth, or even tie her first shoe. at family gathering we will always have someone missing and will always wonder how she is doing, what she is doing, she will never sit at thanksgiving dinner with us, and never go anywhere with us. We will miss her presence and miss her while she grows daily. I think about my niece everyday, have thought about her all the time since she was a born. God knows if I knew about the situation I would have been present at the door steps of the courthouse when she was removed. No one knows and can only make assumptions about this situation. Some may say that is selfish but if you have any niece or nephew these are the things you look forward to seeing and being part of. I do care about her well being and I do want her to be loved and happy and thrive daily. I do care about her because when I see her my heart melt and I just want to take care and love her more. We want her to be part of my family too so we can love her too.

 

[Proserpina]

I have nieces, nephews, great-nieces, great-nephews, children, grandchildren...

And you know what comes first? THEIR wellbeing.

Sure, I'd be heartbroken if I wasn't able to see or contact any of them. But it's not about me. And this isn't about you.

Yet all we're seeing is how hurt and sad you and your family are. It's me, us, we. It's not actually about the child.

That makes me sad for the child.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Maybe I missed it, but why did your brother do nothing when his daughter went into the system?

 

[fediana]

I have nieces, nephews, great-nieces, great-nephews, children, grandchildren...

And you know what comes first? THEIR wellbeing.

Sure, I'd be heartbroken if I wasn't able to see or contact any of them. But it's not about me. And this isn't about you.

Yet all we're seeing is how hurt and sad you and your family are. It's me, us, we. It's not actually about the child.

That makes me sad for the child.

I knew you would respond to the post and say what you said. I do care about her well being and who says her well being is not being with her family, oh yeah you said it so it must be correct right. I am happy you are not the judge in my custody case because I would only be bashed and criticized for not caring about my niece but thank goodness you aint. Hey what can I expect from a site that may be crowded with foster parents or others. I do hope to become a foster parent one day and take kids in that need a home and love them too. I still stick to it foster parents are great and my mind will not change because of the current custody case.

 

[Ladyback1]

I do love my niece dearly. I am sure she is being taken care by her foster parents and will not say any ill statements about them. I try to be a fair person and positive. I hear all the post but I am grateful I have a strong support of family, friends, and coworkers during this difficult time and that means more than anything else. We including her father want my niece to come home where she can be raised with her family. Her father heart aches for her everyday, I have seen him cry over knowing he may not never have the chance to go to the park with his daughter, see her grow up and go to college, and may never have the chance to give her away one day at her wedding. We may never see her ride a bike for the first time, lose her first tooth, or even tie her first shoe. at family gathering we will always have someone missing and will always wonder how she is doing, what she is doing, she will never sit at thanksgiving dinner with us, and never go anywhere with us. We will miss her presence and miss her while she grows daily. I think about my niece everyday, have thought about her all the time since she was a born. God knows if I knew about the situation I would have been present at the door steps of the courthouse when she was removed. No one knows and can only make assumptions about this situation. Some may say that is selfish but if you have any niece or nephew these are the things you look forward to seeing and being part of. I do care about her well being and I do want her to be loved and happy and thrive daily. I do care about her because when I see her my heart melt and I just want to take care and love her more. We want her to be part of my family too so we can love her too.

You loved her so dearly that you had no idea she was in foster care for 18 months?

If you truly care about this child, please put her well-being first. Not what you want, not what you "feel"--

And, oh yeah--I have nieces and nephews: Their health, happiness and well-being comes first, not mine. Just like my own children's needs, and well-being comes before my own.

which brings me to my next question: do you have children of your own?

 

[Proserpina]

Epic fail.

 

[fediana]

You loved her so dearly that you had no idea she was in foster care for 18 months?

If you truly care about this child, please put her well-being first. Not what you want, not what you "feel"--

And, oh yeah--I have nieces and nephews: Their health, happiness and well-being comes first, not mine. Just like my own children's needs, and well-being comes before my own.

which brings me to my next question: do you have children of your own?

So when you say her well being you are referring to her being removed from her foster parent home. I do care about her happiness and her health because I inquire about it all the time.I do care if she is happy or sad. I live in a different state than my niece and I received pictures about her on a weekly basis as with any relative that is not in the same state as their siblings. I had other nieces and nephew in different zip codes and loved them dearly even if I did not meet them in person until I meet them in person. I do not have any kids of my own but I have asked many people who have kids and for some reason they dont feel the way you do about the situation. When I worked in the social services I remember a foster parent with very similiar views like most of the posts on here. She never understood anything anyone said to her about the child going back home after two years. The child was returned home but sadly the mother was unable to properly provide for the child and she was quite surprise after eight months the child did not remember her and his former old surrounding. I am not saying this is the case for every child before I get bashed again but I bet no one will ever admit that this is possible. I loved the foster mother but no one in the department including the judge could convince her of anything. My question when a child is removed from home how long do you think the child should remain out of their parent care before their well being will be affected if they go back home. I know for a fact most service plan are not completed in six months because the more requirements a parent have such as housing, employment, parenting, anger management classes and the list can go on will not be completed in six months. I never had a parent complete a service plan in six months because you have to establish housing for at least six months before the child can return home.

 

[Proserpina]

So when you say her well being you are referring to her being removed from her foster parent home. I do care about her happiness and her health because I inquire about it all the time.I do care if she is happy or sad. I live in a different state than my niece and I received pictures about her on a weekly basis as with any relative that is not in the same state as their siblings. I had other nieces and nephew in different zip codes and loved them dearly even if I did not meet them in person until I meet them in person. I do not have any kids of my own but I have asked many people who have kids and for some reason they dont feel the way you do about the situation. When I worked in the social services I remember a foster parent with very similiar views like most of the posts on here. She never understood anything anyone said to her about the child going back home after two years. The child was returned home but sadly the mother was unable to properly provide for the child and she was quite surprise after eight months the child did not remember her and his former old surrounding. I am not saying this is the case for every child before I get bashed again but I bet no one will ever admit that this is possible. I loved the foster mother but no one in the department including the judge could convince her of anything. My question when a child is removed from home how long do you think the child should remain out of their parent care before their well being will be affected if they go back home. I know for a fact most service plan are not completed in six months because the more requirements a parent have such as housing, employment, parenting, anger management classes and the list can go on will not be completed in six months. I never had a parent complete a service plan in six months because you have to establish housing for at least six months before the child can return home.

You care so much, but you were unaware that she'd been in foster care for 18 MONTHS?

Please, re-read your own thread and posts.

 

[armstrong1988]

why it took so long? did they asking you for a high cost or something that causes to be long?

 

[Ladyback1]

So when you say her well being you are referring to her being removed from her foster parent home. I do care about her happiness and her health because I inquire about it all the time.I do care if she is happy or sad. I live in a different state than my niece and I received pictures about her on a weekly basis as with any relative that is not in the same state as their siblings. I had other nieces and nephew in different zip codes and loved them dearly even if I did not meet them in person until I meet them in person. I do not have any kids of my own but I have asked many people who have kids and for some reason they dont feel the way you do about the situation. When I worked in the social services I remember a foster parent with very similiar views like most of the posts on here. She never understood anything anyone said to her about the child going back home after two years. The child was returned home but sadly the mother was unable to properly provide for the child and she was quite surprise after eight months the child did not remember her and his former old surrounding. I am not saying this is the case for every child before I get bashed again but I bet no one will ever admit that this is possible. I loved the foster mother but no one in the department including the judge could convince her of anything. My question when a child is removed from home how long do you think the child should remain out of their parent care before their well being will be affected if they go back home. I know for a fact most service plan are not completed in six months because the more requirements a parent have such as housing, employment, parenting, anger management classes and the list can go on will not be completed in six months. I never had a parent complete a service plan in six months because you have to establish housing for at least six months before the child can return home.

And that ladies and gentlemen is the real reason she wants her niece....