I know my niece knows her current foster parent as her family and will never say otherwise. I see your point of view and at least you presented in a constructive way compared to others on this site. If my niece is placed in my custody one day when she is older I will have to explain to her what happened when she was young. I know I am able to deal and provide the irreducible needs of a child like
1.Ongoing nurturing relationships
2.Physical protection, safety, and regulation
3.Experiences tailored to individual differences
4.Developmentally appropriate experiences
5.Limit setting, structure, and expectations
6.Stable communities and cultural continuity
7.Adults to protect the future
The foster system are trying to find more relatives placement and they are doing it but sometimes it is not explored enough. Its hard trying to find relatives and can be very time consuming. I myself at times had a really hard time finding relatives and sometimes I would have to ask the parents about family placements everytime we had a face to face and at times it took forever. Its a hard job, hard work. One situation I vividly remember is a new case I received and the aunt left a message on my telephone crying and stated she has tried effortly to reach the worker for four months in order to have her nephew placed with her and the worker never returned her phone call. I immediately called her back and she was still crying and I immediatley went out to her home and completed a homestudy. She was a great women and didnt really spend alot of time with nephew before because the mother kept him away but when she found out he was in foster care she immediately stepped forward. I didnt bash her for not knowing he was in foster care but rather listened to her end of the story and considered her before deciding to not return her phone calls. you are right they have been my niece family and have no problem saying their family and I am grateful they have taken care of her. My only problem I have is those individual who will say I am not family but a stranger. I have family members that I never met or met later in life for the first time and even if I didnt know them they are family and will always be considered family. I recently got in contact with my mothers sister and kids and even though I never knew them I was rather excited and happy that I have extended family and they are my family and Im looking forward to meeting them for the first time. Foster parents are also considered family especially those that have kids placed in their homes for an extended period of time too.
I am going to try one more time....
What are your earliest memories? Do your remember your bond with your mother and father at that age or even somewhat later? Can you put yourself into the shoes of a child who has someone who is mommy and daddy and imagine what kind of traumna it would be to be ripped from that mommy and daddy?
What people here are trying to make you understand is that if you go forward with this, and prevail, you are going to be ripping a child from the people who form that child's primary bond. CPS has to do that all the time when children are not safe with their parents...and it damages them then even if they have been abused or neglected, which is one reason why the primary goal of CPS is to provide services to the parents so the reunification can happen.
Yes, kinship care is also something that CPS works towards when possible, because that keeps children with people who are at least their secondary bonds, if not almost primary. However, you are NOT that for this child. To this child, you are a stranger. This child does not know you from adam...this child won't care that you are a blood relation. All this child will know is that you ripped them from the people who formed their primary bond. Yes, eventually you will likely develop a primary bond with the child, but it will still traumatize the child to be ripped from the people who are their primary bond now.
So...you have to decide what you are going to do based on what is in the best interest of the child...not you...not your family...but what is best for the child.
If you had had a close relationship with the child I doubt that anyone would fault you for what you are doing...but you didn't and don't. It wasn't your fault, but its reality. This child is a human being with emotions and feelings all of her own. She may be young, but that doesn't mean that she doesn't have feelings and emotions. It doesn't mean that she doesn't identify people as "her people". So, please make sure that whatever you do is based on what is really best for HER.