Worried about mother's mental health.

[JollySpider]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

I have primary custody of our young child. Her mother, to whom I was never married, seems to be self-distructing. She is very agressive (not physically), paranoid, and erratic. She cannot hold a job or be on time to anything. She has, in the last year, alienated herself from all of her friends by accusing them of sabotoging everything in her life from relationships to jobs. She is insulting and derogitory to and about both me and my wife. If I am nice to her, she becomes paranoid and illucid. If I am stern, she becomes combative and insulting. Either way she is very un-cooperative.

Is there anything I can do or someone I can call to have her evaluated? I am not worried about her physically hurting our child. I certainly do not think she is beyond mental and emotional manipulation.

Thanks,
JS

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

I have primary custody of our young child. Her mother, to whom I was never married, seems to be self-distructing. She is very agressive (not physically), paranoid, and erratic. She cannot hold a job or be on time to anything. She has, in the last year, alienated herself from all of her friends by accusing them of sabotoging everything in her life from relationships to jobs. She is insulting and derogitory to and about both me and my wife. If I am nice to her, she becomes paranoid and illucid. If I am stern, she becomes combative and insulting. Either way she is very un-cooperative.

Is there anything I can do or someone I can call to have her evaluated? I am not worried about her physically hurting our child. I certainly do not think she is beyond mental and emotional manipulation.

Thanks,
JS

No, there is no one you can call to have her evaluated. I am not sure what else to say to you, because I find your post disturbing in a couple of different directions. On one hand your description seems to indicate that you think that mom may have a mental problem or a physical problem that is resulting in changed behavior, yet on the other hand you seem to think that you are allowed to be "stern" to her, and more concerned about her influencing the child against you, indicating the opposite.

In any case, you have no authority to call someone to evaluate her.

 

[BL]

No, there is no one you can call to have her evaluated. I am not sure what else to say to you, because I find your post disturbing in a couple of different directions. On one hand your description seems to indicate that you think that mom may have a mental problem or a physical problem that is resulting in changed behavior, yet on the other hand you seem to think that you are allowed to be "stern" to her, and more concerned about her influencing the child against you, indicating the opposite.

In any case, you have no authority to call someone to evaluate her.

Well said .

I find it ironic the poster refers to being " stern " which is an attempt at domination , and for every action there is a reaction .

In this case probably justified by her .

She has not been deemed unfit or dangerous to the child .

 

[JollySpider]

Not sure how you took me to mean stern. Stern only comes as a reaction. You can only handle so much of it with a smile. I am not concerned about her influencing the child against me. I have a great relationship with our child.

Anyway thank you for your answers. At what point do I get a right? Must there be physical abuse?

 

[mommabearx1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

I have primary custody of our young child. Her mother, to whom I was never married, seems to be self-distructing. She is very agressive (not physically), paranoid, and erratic. She cannot hold a job or be on time to anything. She has, in the last year, alienated herself from all of her friends by accusing them of sabotoging everything in her life from relationships to jobs. She is insulting and derogitory to and about both me and my wife. If I am nice to her, she becomes paranoid and illucid. If I am stern, she becomes combative and insulting. Either way she is very un-cooperative.

Is there anything I can do or someone I can call to have her evaluated? I am not worried about her physically hurting our child. I certainly do not think she is beyond mental and emotional manipulation.

Thanks,
JS

You said you were stern that how they took you to mean it??

 

[JollySpider]

OK. By stern I meant behavior like:

Hanging up on her while she screams at me over the phone. (while i can hear child in the background asking her to stop yelling)

Not responding to combative arguments. (especially in public)

Asking her to have the child home at the time stipulated in our agreement, dispite the fact that she thinks it's unfair. (even though she signed it willingly)

Perhaps I used the wrong adjective.

Our child loves his/her mother dearly and I do not want to take and time with her away. I am simply concerned for her and her ability to parent rationally.

 

[BL]

Too bad ,the mother of your child doesn't seem to conform to your liking .

Different strokes for different folks .

There's nothing you have said that changes anything .

 

[Isis1]

to be stern is to admonish. that's controlling behavior.

to stand your ground is one thing. that's controlling yourself. keeping yourself in check.

 

[Ohiogal]

OK. By stern I meant behavior like:

Hanging up on her while she screams at me over the phone. (while i can hear child in the background asking her to stop yelling)

Not responding to combative arguments. (especially in public)

Asking her to have the child home at the time stipulated in our agreement, dispite the fact that she thinks it's unfair. (even though she signed it willingly)

Perhaps I used the wrong adjective.

Our child loves his/her mother dearly and I do not want to take and time with her away. I am simply concerned for her and her ability to parent rationally.

She doesn't have to conform to your way of doing things. If she had most likely you two would still be together. You are not. Quit trying to CONTROL her.

 

[JollySpider]

So, Just to be clear.

I have to sit and watch my child's mother tailspin, losing job after job, moving from place to place. Short of making her dependant on me, which i cannot afford to do, I can do nothing.

Co-parent relationship aside, and if I was concerned as a friend. Many of her lifelong friends have recently expressed this to me, friends she has alienated via this behavior. Would there be no course of action?

 

[JollySpider]

She doesn't have to conform to your way of doing things. If she had most likely you two would still be together. You are not. Quit trying to CONTROL her.

Actually, in our legal agreement, it stated that neither parent should badmouth the other, we should not argue in fornt of the child. And it stipulates custody times. So none of those things I mentioned are my way of doing things. They are legally agreed upon way.

 

[Isis1]

So, Just to be clear.

k

I have to sit and watch my child's mother tailspin, losing job after job, moving from place to place. Short of making her dependant on me, which i cannot afford to do, I can do nothing.

how is your child being affected? still food on the table? clothes are still being provided? a roof over the child's head at all times? how is your visitation being affected?

Co-parent relationship aside, and if I was concerned as a friend. Many of her lifelong friends have recently expressed this to me, friends she has alienated via this behavior. Would there be no course of action?

there is no law that requires anyone to remain with the same circle of friends for any length of time. i don't have the same friends i had 3 years ago. i don't have the same friends as i had 10 years ago.


dude, you're grasping at straws here.

 

[Isis1]

Actually, in our legal agreement, it stated that neither parent should badmouth the other, we should not argue in fornt of the child. And it stipulates custody times. So none of those things I mentioned are my way of doing things. They are legally agreed upon way.

so then don't argue. if things get conflicted, hang up. you can't argue by yourself. she can't argue by herself. you can help by not contributing to the situation. therefore, no argument.

how much does mom deviate from the visitation time? are we talking 10-15 minutes? or is she denying you time all together?

 

[JollySpider]

k
how is your child being affected? still food on the table? clothes are still being provided? a roof over the child's head at all times? how is your visitation being affected?

I have been asked several times by mother to pack food for child for the visit to mothers, since mother was 'short on cash'

Yes mother has been without legal residence at least once that i know of.

 

[Isis1]

I have been asked several times by mother to pack food for child for the visit to mothers, since mother was 'short on cash'

mom used a source to get food. you. the child was fed. now if the child went hungry, then it would be an issue.

you did send food right?

Yes mother has been without legal residence at least once that i know of.

when you say legal residence...that means what? she was sleeping in a car? under a bridge? bus stop bench?

or was it a hotel? a friend's couch?