Wrong to deny visitation for unfit mother

[vclem27]

Everyone is always so quick to defend the rights of the parent. What about the rights of the child? Doesn't a child have the right to grow up in healthy home, living a happy life thinking about kid things instead of adult things? No wonder our world is full of screwed up children. They just get lost in the mix. I am one father who is trying to do the right thing for my daughter and provide her with a healthy happy childhood. Is that so wrong? Or do you feel sorry for this woman who obviously doesn't have a care in the world for anything or anyone other than herself. BTW, evidence isn't too hard to subpeona, right?

 

[casa]

Everyone is always so quick to defend the rights of the parent. What about the rights of the child? Doesn't a child have the right to grow up in healthy home, living a happy life thinking about kid things instead of adult things? No wonder our world is full of screwed up children. They just get lost in the mix. I am one father who is trying to do the right thing for my daughter and provide her with a healthy happy childhood. Is that so wrong? Or do you feel sorry for this woman who obviously doesn't have a care in the world for anything or anyone other than herself. BTW, evidence isn't too hard to subpeona, right?

Right now you both have equal rights to the child bc you were married when you had her, and there is no standing court order establishing who has primary custody. ie; Mom could come pick her up and not bring her back, just as easily as you are denying visitation.

File in court for custody. Provide school records, Dr. records, affidavits/declarations from neighbors & family etc. who are witness to you having the child in your care since March.

You can go pay a fee to get a copy of any police reports re; the mother. (DUI) Hospital records are a whole 'nother nightmare bc of confidentiality laws~ but you could mention the hospitalizations and your concern re; your child while in Mom's care.

File all this in court. Make sure you file properly and serve the mother properly per your state's proof of service guidelines.

You have a good chance at establishing primary physical custody- and likely will have some form of joint legal custody.

 

[willy777]

thank you casa

Casa...

Thank you this is what I was trying to say...but you did all that and much more.........great advice

 

[vclem27]

Response to casa

Thank you for your non-judgemental opinion. The mother has never once asked for custody and has said she agrees with me having sole custody. She does make about 40K more per year and is more afraid of what she will have to pay in child support than seeing her daughter. My daughter is 7, has ADHD and a whole other slew of problems that seem to be clearing up since she has moved in with me. She was so angry at the world (mostly b/c that is how her mother is and she has mocked that behavior), was getting in fights at school and her demeanor is much better now that she is with me. Once again, I am not concerned with her mother taking her, as she has a 2nd shift job and has all of her family agrees that the child should be with me, so she has no care for her while she is at work. Not to mention, she would much rather be out drinking in a bar than spending quality time with her daughter. We almost had this all figured out at one point where we agreed on everything, except the cs. She doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent. She has another child from a previous marriage who is 14 and she is the NCP for the same reason.

 

[casa]

Thank you for your non-judgemental opinion. The mother has never once asked for custody and has said she agrees with me having sole custody. She does make about 40K more per year and is more afraid of what she will have to pay in child support than seeing her daughter. My daughter is 7, has ADHD and a whole other slew of problems that seem to be clearing up since she has moved in with me. She was so angry at the world (mostly b/c that is how her mother is and she has mocked that behavior), was getting in fights at school and her demeanor is much better now that she is with me. Once again, I am not concerned with her mother taking her, as she has a 2nd shift job and has all of her family agrees that the child should be with me, so she has no care for her while she is at work. Not to mention, she would much rather be out drinking in a bar than spending quality time with her daughter. We almost had this all figured out at one point where we agreed on everything, except the cs. She doesn't want the responsibility of being a parent. She has another child from a previous marriage who is 14 and she is the NCP for the same reason.

If your child is Dx as ADHD, does she have an active 504 program at school &/or an EIP? If so, this is another meeting you've attended which will show the mother not in attendance. Make sure you are providing for her disability via Positive Reinforcement at home...stability is even more important for ADHD kids~ you demonstrating to the court how you handle her disability and her improvements since living with you, will also help your case.

There is a good website for parents of children with ADD/ADHD which is CHADD. Check it out if you haven't already.

 

[vclem27]

ADHD and other activities

Oh yes, the child is in several programs at school, as well as counseling, etc. Truth be told, I don't even think the mother knows the name of her teacher this year. She is that absent! It will not be hard to show her absense from my daughter's life. Even the mother's own family supports me having custody. Pretty sad. The daycare, school, doctors, etc. have all had bad encounters with this woman. She has also come over to our home (I live with my current gf of two years and her daughter in a house we bought in June) trying to physically attack my gf and myself. We have police reports on that as well. I still have this question. If I file for temporary custody, will she automatically get visitation, or will she have to file for visitation. Or will the visitation not be set until all is final? Thanks again for the help!!!

 

[casa]

Oh yes, the child is in several programs at school, as well as counseling, etc. Truth be told, I don't even think the mother knows the name of her teacher this year. She is that absent! It will not be hard to show her absense from my daughter's life. Even the mother's own family supports me having custody. Pretty sad. The daycare, school, doctors, etc. have all had bad encounters with this woman. She has also come over to our home (I live with my current gf of two years and her daughter in a house we bought in June) trying to physically attack my gf and myself. We have police reports on that as well. I still have this question. If I file for temporary custody, will she automatically get visitation, or will she have to file for visitation. Or will the visitation not be set until all is final? Thanks again for the help!!!

It's common for the judge to order a temporary custody/vistiation order pending the final ruling. What the schedule will be, will depend on how the judge views the evidence you provide.

Let me give you some advice: Focus on ONLY the things you can prove ie; things you have police reports of. Judges DO NOT like parents just bashing &/or accusing the other parent- bc it happens in court ad naseum. Just focus on YOUR caretaking and concern for your child. Address the things you have documentation/proof of, and the rest should be focused solely on what is best for your child.

Get affidavits/declarations from anyone/everyone who will give them. Teachers, counselor, Dr...those people pull A LOT of weight with the judge.

 

[vclem27]

Advice appreciated

I couldn't agree more. The situation should focus on what is in the best interest of my daughter. And I have full faith that a judge will award me custody, and I wish that she could see her mother, b/c she NEEDS her mother. Unfortunately, her mother doesn't see that it is important to get her act together to be a good role model. In any event, I will get statements from the professionals that have spent time with my daughter, as well as witnesses to her mother's behavior and hope that the system does my daughter right! I was hoping to not spend a fortune on this, as I don't have the extra money (hence, the reason why I'm asking opinions in a forum) , but I appreciate and respect your advice.

 

[lizbeth17]

never realized

I just read the post about a parent not being denied custody because of alcoholism...is that really true? Or is it because alcoholism is difficult to prove if their haven't been arrests for DUI's?

 

[casa]

I just read the post about a parent not being denied custody because of alcoholism...is that really true? Or is it because alcoholism is difficult to prove if their haven't been arrests for DUI's?

It's true unless it can be proven the parent is a danger to the children. ie; documentation and evidence which proves the parent is incapacitated by the alcoholism. DUIs, Arrests, Rehab etc.

The reason for that safequard (requiring proof) is that parents say ANYthing during custody battles/conflicts. There have been posters upset that a parent had a few drinks one night while out with friends. Anyone can say anything...but without proof it means nothing.

IF a parent is truly alcoholic, it's only a matter of time before they begin to make mistakes and accrue police reports, DUIs, arrests etc.

 

[vclem27]

I guess you could always get a witness statement from the bartender at the local pub. So we know that hospital records cannot be submitted based on privacy or whatever, but what about the people who can attest to her trying to commit suicide and that know about the hospital stays. Won't their statements be relavant? She tried to overdose on xanax. An aquaintance works with her and knows that she was on disablity for anxiety (gimme a break, anxiety - you don't have either of your two children living at your house, what could you possibly stress over?). Do witness statements have any bearing on a judge's decision?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

This has turned from a valid question of rights to a fishing expedition and it's geting ridiculous.

A parent's rights cannot be withheld based on ANYTHING that has been posted in this thread, or anything ALEGED in this thread. While those rights MAY be supervised, there are only specific reason under law to deny constitutional rights of a parent and nothing to this point, has been proven to come close.

 

[DelanaH]

Since you have they child in your phsycal custody but no order in place yet....and the mother wants to see the child.... and considering that she is unfit....have you though of maybe allowing supervised visits.... I would think this would look better for you in the eyes of the court if you allowed some kind of visitation instead of totally denying all contact.

 

[casa]

I guess you could always get a witness statement from the bartender at the local pub. So we know that hospital records cannot be submitted based on privacy or whatever, but what about the people who can attest to her trying to commit suicide and that know about the hospital stays. Won't their statements be relavant? She tried to overdose on xanax. An aquaintance works with her and knows that she was on disablity for anxiety (gimme a break, anxiety - you don't have either of your two children living at your house, what could you possibly stress over?). Do witness statements have any bearing on a judge's decision?

Anxiety disorders happen to people even without children. Don't waste your time Dx whether there is cause for her anxiety or not- You are not a Dr.

Affidavits/Declarations or reports from Drs, teachers, counselors etc. have a lot of weight in court. When the affidavits/Declarations are from friends/family members, they count less- it's assumed one parent's friends/family will support that particular parent & vice-versa.

Don't count on her 'friend' from work giving testimony against her in a custody battle.

The MAIN focus in this case is that Dad has been primary caretaker and is demonstrating he is a capable parent by addressing the child's welfare, education and disabilty needs.

 

[vclem27]

Ok Belize.....

So answer the question that I have been asking all along...what constitutes supervised visits? Does the OP have to be a drug addict, or a rapist? I would like to know what conditions the system thinks are OK for a child to see? I know, I know...you're going to tell me it is up to the specific judge. Just wondering what people can get away with and still have rights to their kids. Last I checked, just b/c someone got pregnant, doesn't give them a right to screw up a human beings life. Or does it? According to you, it does. They can screw up an innocent child's life b/c they gave birth to them and have the same DNA. I am trying to PROTECT my child.