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abusive manipulative husband says he'll take my husband

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scared-n-ohio

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Ohio

:( Hello, I am a 22 year old mother of two in Columbus, Ohio. When I was 19, I met and married my 2nd childs father (he will be two on the 25th). My daughter from a previous relationship was 3 when we married. He was so great to us for about 6 months. He was so great he didn't even want me to work (should've been sign #1). He said he'd rather me stay at home and do the housework, clean, cook, everything I was used to anyway as a mother and since I'd been on my own since 16. I thought it'd just be a nice relaxing few months, no rushing my daughter to the sitter's every morning just cleaning and cooking and enjoying the whole stay-at-home-mom thing. I was thinking after a few months, he'll want my income back and I'll get back into my rountine. Well, here I am, 3 years later, emotionally, mentally, and sometimes phycially beat down by the man I vowed my life (and my daughter's life too),haven't worked since I was 19, nothing material to my name anymore (he made sure my resourceful belongs that I brought into the relationship slowly disappeared), I never complained, as long as my babies were healthy and with mommy everynight, I cared less for those things he seen as a threat to my independence. When I had nothing left to take, the angry, controlling man was always present. He would just come through the door angry and staring right through me and I'd ask "What I did to make him mad" he'd always say, this is just me, if you don't like the way I am, there's the door, leave. (knowing I'd been stripped of things that make it easier to go, and most importantly, stripped of confidence in myself and brainwashed by his threats if I did head toward the door). If I would cry, it would anger him as if I had just slapped him, this usually would cause physical attacks on me, then he would laugh and say, stop crying you big baby. I couldn't believe this was the same person I married. He started doing this when I was in the 1st weeks carrying the child he insisted on conceiving right away. He'd never physically attack me in front of my daughter (knowing she can tell) but verbal abuse to her and I were nonstop. When she would run and play in the house to where you could here her in the next room, he'd call her in front of him and ask her in a calm voice "Why do you always act like a f*cking idiot", she would just drop her head and walk away, tears running down her cheeks. I would plead with him and stress the importance of a child's brand new mind being protected. He would just keep his head on the TV everytime and usually turn the volume up to block out my concerns. Our son, however, he was/is very compassionate and loveable with and my daughter (and I) craved that love. But still despite his love for our son, he never hesitated coming at me with him in the room, next to me, or even in my arms. At a year old, our son would scream, cry, and run to my side if anyone was to even hug me, a year later and still witnessing these things, he still doesn't like anyone touching mommy. He made sure though everytime to not punch or slap me in case a mark would remain. He'd usually drag me through the house by my hair, choke-slam me, throw me across the room, and then remind me of how he could "break my face". This always happened when I'd show any reaction to his cold, dissrespect. And I was sure to never show anger, I never dared challenge his strength. The most recent attack, was the 1st week of July, when I didn't jump as soon as he demanded, he drug me by my hair, again with our son just feet away, out to our driveway where I was told to be. Never once was sorry said, not that it'd be sincere, but it was just like he was justified in ever hateful action and word that he did. About 2 weeks ago, his mother was staying in town at our place and I felt so close to her (although not close even to tell her about her sons faults, noone knew these except my best friend). He surprised me when he verbally lashed out and ran at me his mother's 1st night there, and again two nights later. What surprised me more was how she continued to joke and laugh with his best friend while he was running at me. I was also surprised that he showed this side in front of people who could repeat what had just happened, but also knowing they wouldn't. His mother and best friend....yeah the same two people who ran to his defense when a couple of week ago I decided my babies aren't healthy and after he just all of a sudden decided it's ok to show others how he really is sometimes, that's when he raised his to my mother after defending my daughter when she told my mother about the punishment she received from his hands when she came into my room to see what I was doing. (My babies are always by my side and if they lose track of me in the house, they catch up quickly). After his confrontation with my mother and bragging about it in front of me to his mother and best friend, I knew that he has no desire to be anything but this hateful man, and being able to show it in front of a few people felt better. So, without a job, a house, money; I packed up my babies in one of the cars "that's in his name", like I was reminded of anytime the front door seemed to close and didn't know where I was going what I was doing or I was acting irrational. But I didn't turn around, just drove and contacted everyone I knew to help me gain a few neccessary resources.
At this point, he'd been roughing up my reputation to his relatives for a few weeks and telling people he didn't know why I didn't get the hint that he just realized he didn't even want to keep me there anymore (he'd been secretly talking to an ex from his home town). So he thought instead of telling me the truth when I asked "Do you want to be together anymore" saying "yes" and kicking the abuse up a notch should really let me know what he wants. He still said that he was going to take obtain full custody of our son, which has always been my biggest fear. A few days after I left I started getting angry calls from his sister saying "I can't believe he put up with you for as long as he did" and his mother talking down to me "I've never seen this side of you Melissa, you should think about other people sometimes". Because I finally decided this isn't love, my babies are going to be horribly effected even more than I know if I kept finding a way to justify his actions and try to better mine for him. So now 2 weeks into this, I know I did the right thing, even though I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. He wanted to have our son for the weekend until Monday morning, as soon as I strapped him in his dads car and they drove away, I felt that I made a huge mistake, I know tomorrow morning I still won't have my son, and he'll say I won't until we are in court. I'm freaking out now, my daughter goes to her father's everyother weekend and I never think twice, but my husband (even though he has 2 other children one who he has never seen, signed over his rights the day he was born to the girl's new boyfriend, and the other child is 8, hasn't attempted to contact her since she was 2, when he was getting her regulaly on the weekends. I'm sick to my stomach that it'll be months before I see my little man again, I couldn't sleep last night. I just know how he works, I had to tiptoe around the way I know he works for almost 3 years, no matter the situation, he goes for blood, to hurt. And I am scared that when we go to court they will award him sole custody because he's more financially stable. I can't lose that baby boy, I just can't. I know he can't lose me, and I wouldn't keep him from his father but he tells everyone it's best to keep him from me. I'm terrified, sorry for such a long thread, but I felt you had to feel how he choses to act to feel why I am terrified about not seeing the little guy that I've been with everysecond of his almost 2 years. He also told his family that he was worried about my daughter and he hopes she'll be ok. The opposite of him looking right at me when I asked, "Do you love her?", he said, "No, she's annoying". And kept right on what he was doing. If anyone had the patience to read this, I am in desperate need for insight. I've fought from the time I was 15 to make sure my children are loved and assured mommy is always there. Please any advice?:(
 


ceara19

Senior Member
Your post is too long and needs to be broken down into paragraphs. The way it is now is very hard to read.
 
N

nicetryadmin

Guest
Nope...this is NOT the poster troll, Kelly!!! S/he/it has its' own form and this is not it.
 
Maybe A womens shelter can help you even though your not in that environment. Go to family court and ask what you could do, Im not sure how divorce works or if anyone could help you out with borrowing money for a lawyer.

But one thing I would have never let him take the son. He wouldnt have known where I was if that was the case.

I hope for the best.
 
N

nicetryadmin

Guest
Momto1yrold said:
Maybe A womens shelter can help you even though your not in that environment. Go to family court and ask what you could do, Im not sure how divorce works or if anyone could help you out with borrowing money for a lawyer.

But one thing I would have never let him take the son. He wouldnt have known where I was if that was the case.

I hope for the best.
There is no "family court" in Ohio. Not every state has this and telling someone to "go there and ask" is not correct, as court personnel are NOT to give legal advice.
 
nicetryadmin said:
There is no "family court" in Ohio. Not every state has this and telling someone to "go there and ask" is not correct, as court personnel are NOT to give legal advice.

What I was referring to as family court there are legal aid lawyers there (im just not sure how it works). I wasnt saying ask the clerks for help.
 
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nicetryadmin

Guest
Momto1yrold said:
What I was referring to as family court there are legal aid lawyers there (im just not sure how it works). I wasnt saying ask the clerks for help.
Uggh...are you in Ohio?!

Legal Aid lawyers are through Legal Aid, not the court system. A Defendant/Respondent can request an attorney/public defender if they are indigent, but they have to fill out a financial disclosure (or whatever they call it) form.

The ONLY time the clerks can assist with the completion of forms is for restraining orders/protection orders.

When you stated "go to Family Court and ask" IS telling the OP to go to Court to ask for legal help. Period! Who do you think is at the desk when you ask for forms? Ummm, PERSONNEL. There is Juvenile Court in Ohio, which is where parenting issues are addressed where couples have never been married.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
legal Aid will not be able to help in this case. There is supposed abuse but unless this woman can PROVE abuse -- has she ever reported it, are there restraining orders -- she may be out of luck for Legal Aid. Legal Aid is limited in what types of cases they can take throughout the state of Ohio. Divorce cases are done by Legal Aid but they are noncontested or in severe abuse cases. I worked for Legal Aid while in law school. The other reason Legal Aid will NOT help is because this woman claims she has an attorney in another thread.

Unless this woman has proof of abuse -- police reports, pictures and the like -- the judge will chalk up any claims now to nothing more than traditional child custody tactics. they hear it all the time. PROOF is essential.

Family court doesn't exist in Ohio as NTA said. It is either Domestic Relations (for married couples to deal with divorce, custody and support issues) or Juvenile court to handle unmarried couples and their custody and support. In many places these courts are not even in the same building or location.
As NTA said, this girl cannot go to the court and ask.

She has an attorney according to one of her other threads saying the same thing. So legal aid will definitely NOT intercede on her behalf. That attorney said she has a very strong case for primary custody. Yet she is here whining about not being able to see her son because the man she chose and who is the father of the child has taken him to be with him and she has decided to back off. If she were that concerned for her child, she would go to his house and get him. Or she would file for a temporary order of custody and go get him. But she won't. Why I don't know. Why her attorney she claims has isn't telling her to do that, I dont know. But if she has an attorney, she shouldn't be here. The attorney knows more about the case then we do.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
OP's long and rambling posts and actions such as leaving her husband, being unemployed, child from an previous relationship, as a teen aged mother age 16, left her parents home early age 15, do not bode well for OP if child is in a stable environment with husband and his family. She may in fact find her custody of the other child questioned as well.

OP please contact your local domestic violence hotline or crisis center and get some counseling.
 
nicetryadmin said:
Uggh...are you in Ohio?!

Legal Aid lawyers are through Legal Aid, not the court system. A Defendant/Respondent can request an attorney/public defender if they are indigent, but they have to fill out a financial disclosure (or whatever they call it) form.

The ONLY time the clerks can assist with the completion of forms is for restraining orders/protection orders.

When you stated "go to Family Court and ask" IS telling the OP to go to Court to ask for legal help. Period! Who do you think is at the desk when you ask for forms? Ummm, PERSONNEL. There is Juvenile Court in Ohio, which is where parenting issues are addressed where couples have never been married.
Listen I NEVER said I was in OHIO ok. I was just explaining why I suggested going to family court I said I didnt know how it worked for legal aid it just so happens here you can apply for that in the family court building. I did clarify I didnt know how it worked.

I was trying to suggest ideas never claimed to be legal advice ok just ideas to look. Instead of making her feel even worse. Im sure a womens shelter can point her in the direction for legal help and help with forms isnt that what they are there for. This site has some dang time bombs. They interepret something into something else and bam they explode.
 
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