Am I supposed to give back child support?

[softballmom16]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

If my daughter is staying with her Dad, am I obligated to give him back the child support?

I have sole legal custody of my 13 year old daughter. My ex and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3 years. 9 Months ago my boyfriend moved in with me and my daughter (My boyfriend has never been anything but nice to my daughter and me). Well she didn't like it and neither did my ex husband. Ever since then my ex husband puts down my boyfriend to my daughter, has revealed divorce details to my daughter. Says negative things about me and my family to my daughter. My daughter started lashing out and disobeying me and not caring about anyone in "my" family. Talking back, she is even physically abusive to me. He almost suceeded in totally turning her against me. I had her going to counseling (which she didn't like)--I would go with her sometimes. Her Dad would tell her that she doesn't need counseling that I do because I am whacko, etc, etc. Anyway she went to stay with her Dad for a while. Which totally tore me apart but has turned out to be a good thing for her and I. She is going to be moving back with me at the end of this month. She will have stayed with her Dad for about 3 months. During this time he wanted me to give him back child support. I told him if he wanted child support from me to get the law involved. Am I obligated to return child support to him?
The funny thing is, is that if he were not so nasty to me, I probably would have given it back. He calls me names---and I mean not nice names in front of my daughter. He stopped paying me for his portion of her braces, medical bills, etc last Sept. He even went as far as having my phone shut off. -because it was still in his name even though I had been paying the bill for the last 5 years. anyway that's another storyWhat is the name of your state?

 

[stealth2]

No, you're not obligated to refund him the CS he's ordered to pay unless a court has ordered you to. But.... if Dad's not onboard with her moving back out, expect that he'll be filing for custody very shortly. And frankly, he'd be right - allowing a child to make these decisions sets the stage for a very bad situation in coming years.

 

[nextwife]

He even went as far as having my phone shut off. -because it was still in his name even though I had been paying the bill for the last 5 years. anyway that's another storyWhat is the name of your state?

Good grief. He gave you five years to get your phone account transferred over into your own name and you still had never bothered? How long did you THINK he should have waited for you to get the account out of his name?

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state? Illinois

If my daughter is staying with her Dad, am I obligated to give him back the child support?

I have sole legal custody of my 13 year old daughter. My ex and I have been separated for 5 years, divorced for 3 years. 9 Months ago my boyfriend moved in with me and my daughter (My boyfriend has never been anything but nice to my daughter and me). Well she didn't like it and neither did my ex husband. Ever since then my ex husband puts down my boyfriend to my daughter, has revealed divorce details to my daughter. Says negative things about me and my family to my daughter. My daughter started lashing out and disobeying me and not caring about anyone in "my" family. Talking back, she is even physically abusive to me. He almost suceeded in totally turning her against me. I had her going to counseling (which she didn't like)--I would go with her sometimes. Her Dad would tell her that she doesn't need counseling that I do because I am whacko, etc, etc. Anyway she went to stay with her Dad for a while. Which totally tore me apart but has turned out to be a good thing for her and I. She is going to be moving back with me at the end of this month. She will have stayed with her Dad for about 3 months. During this time he wanted me to give him back child support. I told him if he wanted child support from me to get the law involved. Am I obligated to return child support to him?
The funny thing is, is that if he were not so nasty to me, I probably would have given it back. He calls me names---and I mean not nice names in front of my daughter. He stopped paying me for his portion of her braces, medical bills, etc last Sept. He even went as far as having my phone shut off. -because it was still in his name even though I had been paying the bill for the last 5 years. anyway that's another storyWhat is the name of your state?

You're icky to him; he's icky to you; nothing ever changes; no one has the integrity or character to do better.

Put yourself in his shoes, for Pete's sake: Would YOU like to pay CS to YOUR ex if your kid was living with YOU?

 

[CandiceH]

What I dont understand is WHY you would want your daughter to live with her father when, as you say "he is turning her against me"?! I dont think you are thinking clearly. This is NOT a decision your CHILD should be making, you are the parent. Counseling is a wonderful thing and it is something that has to be followed through. It is not an immediate cure-all.

IMO - If I were in your situation, I would not let her move, continue with the counseling and learn to deal with her behaviors. There are some great parenting groups out there, as you are not the only one in this kind of predicament. And yes, your ex could definitely file for custody while she is in her care and there may be a good chance that he would succeed, so think long and hard.

 

[Shawna]

Your daughter needs to be home with you. Maybe you should both get some counseling separate and together. YOU are the PARENT, SHE is the CHILD!! It's up to YOU what SHE does and what SHE doesn't do. Take control!

 

[softballmom16]

Boy oh boy

geeeez, you ask a question and everyone's an expert.

Stealth, thank you for your reply.

Nextwife, The phone was transferred when we sold our house and we seperated and I moved to another town and got an apartment. I just transferred the phone to my new address and it was in both of our names (we were only seperated at the time so I figured I would leave it as it was) I guess he was primary and they would not change it back to my name without his permission. I asked him to do this several times. I suppose I could have called or had someone call and "pretend" that they were him to get his name off...but dind't think that would be right. The day he CANCELLED the phone I called the phone company and they said that if he called back that day and said it was okay to put the phone in his ex-wife's name that they would do it....when I called my ex-husband to ask him if he would do this, he told me to F-off.

Silverplum, I have always gone out of my way to make things easy for my ex husband and not be "icky" to him. I never yell at him or have called him names...So much to the point I have been critisized for it. Ex: On his weekend, he has to bring my daughter back early, I say that's fine, okay and make sure I am home when he says...if for some reason I was going to be late (after 6:00pm maybe 7 or 8) he would scream and yell at me and ask me why and say, things like, well if you don't want her, I'll keep her then. I have been seperated/divorced from my ex husband for 5 years, in that time he has only seen my daughter every other weekend, no summer breaks with him, no winter breaks with him, no spring breaks with him, no vacations with him. I was advised from an attorney when she first went to stay with him that I have a "LEGAL DOCUMENT" stating that he was to pay me child support and that unless I was instructed by the courts to do otherwise, that I should not give him back any child support money. The other statement that was made was that I could view this the same way as him having her for the summer, etc. and I WAS in his shoes when I was seperated and he was NOT paying me any child support. So get off your soap box. He also decided last year that he was not going to pay his half of my daughter's braces or his 1/2 of her medical bills, etc. all because I have a boyfriend and his is jealous I guess. I have NEVER asked him to give me 1/2 of the insurances payments that I make for her or school fees, books, etc...because I go out of my way NOT to upset him...kind of like when I was married to him.

Candice,
I DON'T want my daughter to live with my ex-husband it completely tore me apart and I know he is not the best influence on her, he manipulates her to see things the way he does, your Mom is this and your Mom did that and Your Mom shouldn't do that and that is wrong of Your Mom to do that. This is what he does, and THIS is why I don't get the respect from her as her Mother should get, because her Dad doesn't respect me as her Mother and says negative things about me and calls me Stupid C--- and F-ing B--- in front of my daughter. HOWEVER, all this being said, my daughter has now seen that life with her father is not all fun and games and that her Dad is not always right (like she used to believe hands down 100%). Just last night she said to me, Mom, I am not taking sides. Sometimes Dad is mean and sometimes you are mean. I saw this statement as great progress because in the past she would have never said her Dad was anything but perfect. I am glad she saw that her Dad does not walk on water, and life will now get back to normal at home and will now be better, I know. (she was staying with my ex-husband at his girlfriend's home sleeping on an air mattress in the basement)

Shawna, You said like my counselor! Her and I did go to counseling and we went together as well, but she had to be forced to go because her Dad kept telling her it was stupid and a waste of time. I know I am the parent, but when you tell her one thing and her Dad is telling her that your Mom is nuts and to not do what she says, and it serves the purpose at the time for the 13year old because she is mad at her mom and doesn't want to do what she says.....what are you going to do? If I tried to come in between her Dad by limiting his visits, she would have resented me for it....and I probably would have lost her forever..

Anyway, life goes on and she is a very good kid. Me and my family are the only people that she has lashed out at..until recently when she started having problems with her DAD after living with him for a couple months.

Lastly, I would like to say that IF I had had my ex's support in trying to deal with or fix my daughter's behavioral problems and he didn't start getting nasty by not paying his portion of her bills (AS IT STATES IN OUR DIVORCE PAPERS) and have my phone cut off.. and starting calling me up and yelling at me and calling me every name under the sun, and she still decided that she wanted to go stay with him for a "break" ..and he asked me nicely instead of calling me and demanding his child support back you *$*& ($( )$*&$*( ...I would have given it back to him gladly..

Boy you people sure do attack others without even knowing the whole story...

 

[Silverplum]

geeeez, you ask a question and everyone's an expert.

Stealth, thank you for your reply.

Nextwife, The phone was transferred when we sold our house and we seperated and I moved to another town and got an apartment. I just transferred the phone to my new address and it was in both of our names (we were only seperated at the time so I figured I would leave it as it was) I guess he was primary and they would not change it back to my name without his permission. I asked him to do this several times. I suppose I could have called or had someone call and "pretend" that they were him to get his name off...but dind't think that would be right. The day he CANCELLED the phone I called the phone company and they said that if he called back that day and said it was okay to put the phone in his ex-wife's name that they would do it....when I called my ex-husband to ask him if he would do this, he told me to F-off.

Silverplum, I have always gone out of my way to make things easy for my ex husband and not be "icky" to him. I never yell at him or have called him names...So much to the point I have been critisized for it. Ex: On his weekend, he has to bring my daughter back early, I say that's fine, okay and make sure I am home when he says...if for some reason I was going to be late (after 6:00pm maybe 7 or 8) he would scream and yell at me and ask me why and say, things like, well if you don't want her, I'll keep her then. I have been seperated/divorced from my ex husband for 5 years, in that time he has only seen my daughter every other weekend, no summer breaks with him, no winter breaks with him, no spring breaks with him, no vacations with him. I was advised from an attorney when she first went to stay with him that I have a "LEGAL DOCUMENT" stating that he was to pay me child support and that unless I was instructed by the courts to do otherwise, that I should not give him back any child support money. The other statement that was made was that I could view this the same way as him having her for the summer, etc. and I WAS in his shoes when I was seperated and he was NOT paying me any child support. So get off your soap box. He also decided last year that he was not going to pay his half of my daughter's braces or his 1/2 of her medical bills, etc. all because I have a boyfriend and his is jealous I guess. I have NEVER asked him to give me 1/2 of the insurances payments that I make for her or school fees, books, etc...because I go out of my way NOT to upset him...kind of like when I was married to him.

Candice,
I DON'T want my daughter to live with my ex-husband it completely tore me apart and I know he is not the best influence on her, he manipulates her to see things the way he does, your Mom is this and your Mom did that and Your Mom shouldn't do that and that is wrong of Your Mom to do that. This is what he does, and THIS is why I don't get the respect from her as her Mother should get, because her Dad doesn't respect me as her Mother and says negative things about me and calls me Stupid C--- and F-ing B--- in front of my daughter. HOWEVER, all this being said, my daughter has now seen that life with her father is not all fun and games and that her Dad is not always right (like she used to believe hands down 100%). Just last night she said to me, Mom, I am not taking sides. Sometimes Dad is mean and sometimes you are mean. I saw this statement as great progress because in the past she would have never said her Dad was anything but perfect. I am glad she saw that her Dad does not walk on water, and life will now get back to normal at home and will now be better, I know. (she was staying with my ex-husband at his girlfriend's home sleeping on an air mattress in the basement)

Shawna, You said like my counselor! Her and I did go to counseling and we went together as well, but she had to be forced to go because her Dad kept telling her it was stupid and a waste of time. I know I am the parent, but when you tell her one thing and her Dad is telling her that your Mom is nuts and to not do what she says, and it serves the purpose at the time for the 13year old because she is mad at her mom and doesn't want to do what she says.....what are you going to do? If I tried to come in between her Dad by limiting his visits, she would have resented me for it....and I probably would have lost her forever..

Anyway, life goes on and she is a very good kid. Me and my family are the only people that she has lashed out at..until recently when she started having problems with her DAD after living with him for a couple months.

Lastly, I would like to say that IF I had had my ex's support in trying to deal with or fix my daughter's behavioral problems and he didn't start getting nasty by not paying his portion of her bills (AS IT STATES IN OUR DIVORCE PAPERS) and have my phone cut off.. and starting calling me up and yelling at me and calling me every name under the sun, and she still decided that she wanted to go stay with him for a "break" ..and he asked me nicely instead of calling me and demanding his child support back you *$*& ($( )$*&$*( ...I would have given it back to him gladly..

Boy you people sure do attack others without even knowing the whole story...

We go by what you give us.

I stand by what I typed.

 

[AHA]

geeeez, you ask a question and everyone's an expert.

Stealth, thank you for your reply.

Nextwife, The phone was transferred when we sold our house and we seperated and I moved to another town and got an apartment. I just transferred the phone to my new address and it was in both of our names (we were only seperated at the time so I figured I would leave it as it was) I guess he was primary and they would not change it back to my name without his permission. I asked him to do this several times. I suppose I could have called or had someone call and "pretend" that they were him to get his name off...but dind't think that would be right. The day he CANCELLED the phone I called the phone company and they said that if he called back that day and said it was okay to put the phone in his ex-wife's name that they would do it....when I called my ex-husband to ask him if he would do this, he told me to F-off.

Silverplum, I have always gone out of my way to make things easy for my ex husband and not be "icky" to him. I never yell at him or have called him names...So much to the point I have been critisized for it. Ex: On his weekend, he has to bring my daughter back early, I say that's fine, okay and make sure I am home when he says...if for some reason I was going to be late (after 6:00pm maybe 7 or 8) he would scream and yell at me and ask me why and say, things like, well if you don't want her, I'll keep her then. I have been seperated/divorced from my ex husband for 5 years, in that time he has only seen my daughter every other weekend, no summer breaks with him, no winter breaks with him, no spring breaks with him, no vacations with him. I was advised from an attorney when she first went to stay with him that I have a "LEGAL DOCUMENT" stating that he was to pay me child support and that unless I was instructed by the courts to do otherwise, that I should not give him back any child support money. The other statement that was made was that I could view this the same way as him having her for the summer, etc. and I WAS in his shoes when I was seperated and he was NOT paying me any child support. So get off your soap box. He also decided last year that he was not going to pay his half of my daughter's braces or his 1/2 of her medical bills, etc. all because I have a boyfriend and his is jealous I guess. I have NEVER asked him to give me 1/2 of the insurances payments that I make for her or school fees, books, etc...because I go out of my way NOT to upset him...kind of like when I was married to him.

Candice,
I DON'T want my daughter to live with my ex-husband it completely tore me apart and I know he is not the best influence on her, he manipulates her to see things the way he does, your Mom is this and your Mom did that and Your Mom shouldn't do that and that is wrong of Your Mom to do that. This is what he does, and THIS is why I don't get the respect from her as her Mother should get, because her Dad doesn't respect me as her Mother and says negative things about me and calls me Stupid C--- and F-ing B--- in front of my daughter. HOWEVER, all this being said, my daughter has now seen that life with her father is not all fun and games and that her Dad is not always right (like she used to believe hands down 100%). Just last night she said to me, Mom, I am not taking sides. Sometimes Dad is mean and sometimes you are mean. I saw this statement as great progress because in the past she would have never said her Dad was anything but perfect. I am glad she saw that her Dad does not walk on water, and life will now get back to normal at home and will now be better, I know. (she was staying with my ex-husband at his girlfriend's home sleeping on an air mattress in the basement)

Shawna, You said like my counselor! Her and I did go to counseling and we went together as well, but she had to be forced to go because her Dad kept telling her it was stupid and a waste of time. I know I am the parent, but when you tell her one thing and her Dad is telling her that your Mom is nuts and to not do what she says, and it serves the purpose at the time for the 13year old because she is mad at her mom and doesn't want to do what she says.....what are you going to do? If I tried to come in between her Dad by limiting his visits, she would have resented me for it....and I probably would have lost her forever..

Anyway, life goes on and she is a very good kid. Me and my family are the only people that she has lashed out at..until recently when she started having problems with her DAD after living with him for a couple months.

Lastly, I would like to say that IF I had had my ex's support in trying to deal with or fix my daughter's behavioral problems and he didn't start getting nasty by not paying his portion of her bills (AS IT STATES IN OUR DIVORCE PAPERS) and have my phone cut off.. and starting calling me up and yelling at me and calling me every name under the sun, and she still decided that she wanted to go stay with him for a "break" ..and he asked me nicely instead of calling me and demanding his child support back you *$*& ($( )$*&$*( ...I would have given it back to him gladly..

Boy you people sure do attack others without even knowing the whole story...

You know what, it shouldn't take 7 posts and pulling teeth to get the "whole story", so either shape up or ship out.
This is pathetic!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[GrowUp!]

geeeez, you ask a question and everyone's an expert.
..

Then you know what?

Take your attitude and your BS story and pay an attorney to tell you what you received here for free.

And on your way home from that attorney, pick up some Raid (or another type of bug killer) to kill the bug up your backside.