Angry X playing games

[4bidN2father]

What is the name of your state?WA
I had been paying child support by directly depositing it into my X's acct at her bank. I am to pay each installment by the last 2 mondays of each month. I have recently started mailing my checks to her on Friday of the week prior. I tried to talk to her about this but she refuses to speak with me. I need to have a paper trail to prove I am making payments since she has threatened me time and time again. Shes angry that I didnt ask her permission before doing this and is now saying that she hasnt recieved any money from me. I suspect that she is throwing the mail away thats from me. She had to have gotten it before now and it hasnt been returned to me. Shes now threatening to take me to court for not paying child support. Is there something I can do, some other way to make payments without handing it off to my child and without putting it in the bank for her, to ensure that she gets the check. She wont sign for certified mail so I cant do that. Please help!

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state?WA
I had been paying child support by directly depositing it into my X's acct at her bank. I am to pay each installment by the last 2 mondays of each month. I have recently started mailing my checks to her on Friday of the week prior. I tried to talk to her about this but she refuses to speak with me. I need to have a paper trail to prove I am making payments since she has threatened me time and time again. Shes angry that I didnt ask her permission before doing this and is now saying that she hasnt recieved any money from me. I suspect that she is throwing the mail away thats from me. She had to have gotten it before now and it hasnt been returned to me. Shes now threatening to take me to court for not paying child support. Is there something I can do, some other way to make payments without handing it off to my child and without putting it in the bank for her, to ensure that she gets the check. She wont sign for certified mail so I cant do that. Please help!

Go to court and ask them to garnish your wages. The employer will have to send it to the county child support office, and they will in turn send it to her. They will have records, your employer will have records and you will have records. Then she can wait to get her checks like everyone else. LOL!

 

[4bidN2father]

ok

But for now, what should I do? I thought of making a photocopy of each check and filing it, just to have proof that I am really sending the checks. Shes demanding that I go deposit money into her acct now regardless of whether or not I mailed a check. She is afraid shes gonna bounce checks. I dont really think its my responsibility to make sure that doesnt happen. Shes making alot of threats and I dont understand it.

 

[USMOM]

Don't ask for garnishment

Can you make an electronic payment to her account? That would give you the proof you need. Otherwise ask for a receipt when you make a deposit and make sure that somewhere it is noted on the receipt that it is child support. Glad to see a guy that cares about his children. Keep up what you are doing. Your ex may mellow out a bit in time. Try sending her an e-mail that states what you are doing. I wouldn't ask them to garnish your wages (even though it might be a little funny to see her wait). This would go on your credit report as a judgment, even if you ask for it. Also, there are fees associated with this and you could better use the money to take the kids to the zoo or something. I hope this helps.

 

[haiku]

I do believe that the US postal service is gauranteed, as is, but to be totally safe,still send it certified.

She will look like a TOTAL ass in court, when she claims you have not paid, and you have a boatload of postmarked refused certified letters, and a very fat bank account from the uncashed suport checks still inside. SHe will be limping out of court due to the large bullet sh eshot through her foot with the judge.

I am not a big fan of garnishment, the less governement involvment the better, I say.

 

[USMOM]

Go Easy

Please don't go into this with the attitude Haiku suggests. He/she is right about the mail service however. Look at the quote about building children at the bottom of Haiku's message. My ex has three attorneys fighting for him so that he doesn't have to pay child support and what ever else he can dream up. Not too long ago I was feeling like a fool for always responding reasonably. However, my twelve year came to me because her dad told her that I was a B*&%$# and a fool because he always can get to me. She told me her dad was the fool because he only sees her twice a year and is mad all of the time and she sees me having fun with them all of the time. She also said that doing the right thing is not foolish. Out of the mouth of babes. I hope your ex doesn't persist as long as mine has, but act according to a higher value.

 

[BethM]

I agree with USMOM, don't let your motivation in this be to make the mother look like a fool. Sounds as if she does a pretty good job of that on her own.

I am curious about one thing though. Why did you decide that you no longer wanted to deposit the checks in her account? If you do that you have a deposit slip with an amount and date on it. That is a paper trail isn't it?

It sounds to me like there might be a bit of a power struggle going on between the two of you. She wants the money deposited and won't accept the checks, you want to send checks and won't deposit the money. As long as you were depositing the checks you had a paper trail with the deposit slips and you weren't having to deal with her in anyway regarding the support. Now that you have stopped depositing them you are, basically, behind in support, have no paper trail and are going toe to toe with your ex wife over the issue.

You might go to the bank, deposit all that she has been refusing as far as the checks so that you can catch up on the child support and then put some thought into whether or not it's worth doing battle over.

I can't think of anything easier than driving through the drive through window of a bank and giving them a check twice a month myself...what am I missing? What was behind your decision to change the routine?

 

[4bidN2father]

The deposit slips are very small and altho I have proof that I have less money in my acct due to placing some in hers, I dont actually have a slip that says I placed the money in her acct or what the money is for. And she also shares that same acct with her mother who also is the daycare provider. I decided it was easier for me to keep track of bank statements than the tiny lil receipts the bank gives, which again does nothing more than show how much less I have in my acct. She also likes to make requests for money for lots of other things such as soccer fees, doctor fees and it would be easier to keep track of what is for what especially considering that she threatens me that she will say Im not paying the amount Im supposed to. I dont see why the way I choose to pay should make a difference to her as long as its there on time. I would hand the checks directly to her but thats a whole other issue. Its just easier to mail it than to interact with her. Also there are times when I cant get to the bank due to work, but I can toss a check in the mail from my job. Im just looking for an easier more efficient way for me without causing conflict. But with her, its always something. I wondered whether or not to mail the checks to her atty's office....but maybe thats a bad idea too. I dont want to interact with her. Shes always screaming and carrying on.

 

[BethM]

Go to the court clerk of the court that handled your divorce. He/She will be able to tell you what to do to start paying her through the clerks office. You can then send the checks directly to the court clerk and they will log it as paid and send a check to her. You might want to explain to the clerk that she is refusing to cash the checks you have been paying also.

Either that or a voluntary garnishment. My ex did the court clerk thing for a couple of years. It was a pain in the butt for me because I then had to wait for the clerk to process the checks and get them out to me.

If you have her account info it would be easier to start a voluntary garnishment through your work. It would go directly into her account. That would keep her happy and also give you a trail.

As for the other money she wants...not much you can do about that except deal with her.

 

[haiku]

what attitude? He fulfills his monthly obligation by mailing a monthly support check.

the guy pays his support monthly , and on time as he is supposed to do. A check in the mail is what accomplishes that. it SHOULD be that simple. A signed cashed check is the best receipt were mom to ever to take him to court in the years to come.

He is not calling the mom an ass or doing anything to imply she is one, by mailing suport as virtually every other human being does.

I was making the point she will make herself be one if she continues to not open her own mail and get the money owed her child. And then take him to court and waste everyones time.

Our poster should NOT have to jump through hoops for something so simple. He has not made himself behind in support- his ex is NOT cashing his checks. And that is NOT his problem at all.

 

[critterperson]

What is the name of your state?WA
I had been paying child support by directly depositing it into my X's acct at her bank. I am to pay each installment by the last 2 mondays of each month. I have recently started mailing my checks to her on Friday of the week prior. I tried to talk to her about this but she refuses to speak with me. I need to have a paper trail to prove I am making payments since she has threatened me time and time again. Shes angry that I didnt ask her permission before doing this and is now saying that she hasnt recieved any money from me. I suspect that she is throwing the mail away thats from me. She had to have gotten it before now and it hasnt been returned to me. Shes now threatening to take me to court for not paying child support. Is there something I can do, some other way to make payments without handing it off to my child and without putting it in the bank for her, to ensure that she gets the check. She wont sign for certified mail so I cant do that. Please help!

Hi!
If you go to the post office you can send your checks with delivery confirmation for about 55 cents.......That tells you when the mail man delivered it to her house it's up to her to cash them...you can't do everything.

 

[Smarty Panties]

I'm curious to know if his court order specifies how the support is supposed to be paid.

 

[stealth2]

You're both playing games, to be quite honest. Almost every bank now has online banking and you can set up - and track - a regular transfer to her account without either of you having to go to the bank. Both of you need to grow up a little.

 

[stepmom65]

Go to the court clerk of the court that handled your divorce. He/She will be able to tell you what to do to start paying her through the clerks office. You can then send the checks directly to the court clerk and they will log it as paid and send a check to her. You might want to explain to the clerk that she is refusing to cash the checks you have been paying also.

Either that or a voluntary garnishment. My ex did the court clerk thing for a couple of years. It was a pain in the butt for me because I then had to wait for the clerk to process the checks and get them out to me.

If you have her account info it would be easier to start a voluntary garnishment through your work. It would go directly into her account. That would keep her happy and also give you a trail.

As for the other money she wants...not much you can do about that except deal with her.

Although the garnishment issues is invasive, my husband quickly opened up to that idea and now likes it. Sound's like he was married to you X one time or another...she went to the county to start garnishing his checks (he was never late and always mailed the check 5 days before the 1st of each month), he was furious when the county got involved. She did this because she wanted more $$ and he said you can get it through the court system, whatever the judge said, he would pay. After a while, he realized the benfits of garnishments, he doesn't have to hear her crap again. Now she has to wait until she gets her money. When she started the garnishiment, she wasn't getting her money in time to pay her rent and wanted him to ask the county to stop garnishing his wages....she thinks she has brass balls apparently. To this day, she sweats it out on Rent Day. She's rotten at managing money.

Hope this helped....remember though, when the kids are of age and child support is supposed to end, you have to file for a modification or termination. The county won't just stop taking it out of your check automatically.

 

[4bidN2father]

As for going to the county clerk's office, she works there so that might not be a good idea especially considering that she likes to tell everyone Im stalking her.
I dont see why I got blasted for this. I am not having a battle of control with her over this issue. It is what it is. I need a paper trail that I am comfortable with. She made threats to me about not having proof about me paying child support. We currently bank at the same bank and my deposit slip only states that I deposited some money in a different acct, not the exact amount and not where, it only states my end balance then. Theres no acct number or anything. So I decided to take initiative and keep a record myself by using checks. I mailed them ahead of time so she would get them on time. There is no court order telling me how to pay. It seems to me that everytime I dont lick her ass, I get chewed out for it. My reasons for doing this is to protect myself against this evil cold hearted woman who I was stupid enough to every marry and have a child with. SUddenly b/c I choose to pay my support differently, Im treated like Im a deadbeat. I have NEVER missed a payment. I have NEVER been late but who would know that? I have no proof. Which is what I was attempting to get. My bill collectors sure dont care how I pay as long as I do pay.