Another CS question.(long)

[ajritter04]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico
Sorry for this being so long.
Well this kind of stems off my other thread.

Today my husband called CSED to find the total amount owed to the state cause he wants to pay it all off at once CSED didn't know how to respond to that but told him how much he owes and who to send the payment to. Next they tell him his court ordered monthly payments after the arrears amount was paid off would also be. He was NEVER notified about a court date or hearing NOTHING! Yes his name is on the Birth Certif cause at the time he beleived he was the father cause his ex was the first woman he was ever with...however he wasn't the only guy she was with at the same time. Well later after the child was born his ex admitted that he more than likely is not the father but at the time he had a job, the most money, and a car and the other guys didn't so now he's stuck and there is nothing he can do about it (her words) We have asked over and over again for a paternity test to which his ex replies " NO I have nothing to prove to you and I'm not putting my daughter through that" At the same time she has asked him several times to sign over his rights so her husband can adopt the child.

So I guess I have a couple of questions.

1.)If she keeps on refusing a paternity test how could we make her do one anyways? BTW she lives in Hawaii now with her husband.

2.) If she wont give him a paternity test could he sign over his rights for her husband to adopt?

3.) If he signs over his rights and her husband adopts the child is my husband still obgliated to still pay the support?

My husband has no problem paying the CS if the child is his and he will want half custody of the child is his..He is concerned about how the child will react to us the child has been told all the time that we hate her and dont want anything to do with her and that she isn't wanted basically all kinds of trash about my husband. We have both tried to tell her that isn't true but the child wont listen. This is hard on all who involved...it hurts my husband when the child says all the hateful things her mother is feeding her and its hurting the child cause she is being told all kinds of stuff by her mother. The couple times we have had her in our home we have gone out of our way to make the child feel at home with us. but she is very mean to our other 2 children as well as mean to both my husband and I. We are lost on where to start or to what to do. Please help!

Thank you!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico
Sorry for this being so long.
Well this kind of stems off my other thread.

Today my husband called CSED to find the total amount owed to the state cause he wants to pay it all off at once CSED didn't know how to respond to that but told him how much he owes and who to send the payment to. Next they tell him his court ordered monthly payments after the arrears amount was paid off would also be. He was NEVER notified about a court date or hearing NOTHING! Yes his name is on the Birth Certif cause at the time he beleived he was the father cause his ex was the first woman he was ever with...however he wasn't the only guy she was with at the same time. Well later after the child was born his ex admitted that he more than likely is not the father but at the time he had a job, the most money, and a car and the other guys didn't so now he's stuck and there is nothing he can do about it (her words) We have asked over and over again for a paternity test to which his ex replies " NO I have nothing to prove to you and I'm not putting my daughter through that" At the same time she has asked him several times to sign over his rights so her husband can adopt the child.

So I guess I have a couple of questions.

1.)If she keeps on refusing a paternity test how could we make her do one anyways? BTW she lives in Hawaii now with her husband.

That depends to a great extent on the age of the child.

2.) If she wont give him a paternity test could he sign over his rights for her husband to adopt?

Only if she is in agreement to that.

3.) If he signs over his rights and her husband adopts the child is my husband still obgliated to still pay the support?

No, if someone else adopts the child he would no longer be the legal father, and therefore no longer obligated for child support.

My husband has no problem paying the CS if the child is his and he will want half custody of the child is his..

That's not a realistic option if the child lives in Hawaii.

He is concerned about how the child will react to us the child has been told all the time that we hate her and dont want anything to do with her and that she isn't wanted basically all kinds of trash about my husband.

Well...it sure sounds to me like that would actually be the truth, based on what you have written here. Obviously your husband isn't too interested in the child if he is willing to give up his parental rights.

We have both tried to tell her that isn't true but the child wont listen. This is hard on all who involved...it hurts my husband when the child says all the hateful things her mother is feeding her and its hurting the child cause she is being told all kinds of stuff by her mother. The couple times we have had her in our home we have gone out of our way to make the child feel at home with us. but she is very mean to our other 2 children as well as mean to both my husband and I. We are lost on where to start or to what to do. Please help!

Again, based on what you have written it sure sounds like mom may not be lying to the child.

 

[ajritter04]

The Child is 6 and my husband has told the child over and over again that he doesn't hate the child and that he does care for her....the giving up parental rights is moms idea not his, his ex keeps pushing for it to advoid a paternity test. And being that the child is in hawaii now she has lived most of her live in the same state as my husband most of the time his ex lived around 30 mins away from the town we lived in and she refused to let him have any contact with the child...as stated before we actually convinced the mother to let us have her over night and for most of the next day. That was horrible the child beat up on our other 2 children saying she hates them cause her dad loves them more he mommy said so. the child also told my husband that her mommy said that he hates her....we have tried telling her that what her mommy said isn't true but the child wont listen. So I guess in a way my husband has given up cause his ex has told the child so many lies it doesn't do any good for him to talk to the child she just ends up telling him she hates him. And loves her real daddy only (the ex's husband)

 

[LdiJ]

The Child is 6 and my husband has told the child over and over again that he doesn't hate the child and that he does care for her....the giving up parental rights is moms idea not his, his ex keeps pushing for it to advoid a paternity test. And being that the child is in hawaii now she has lived most of her live in the same state as my husband most of the time his ex lived around 30 mins away from the town we lived in and she refused to let him have any contact with the child...as stated before we actually convinced the mother to let us have her over night and for most of the next day. That was horrible the child beat up on our other 2 children saying she hates them cause her dad loves them more he mommy said so. the child also told my husband that her mommy said that he hates her....we have tried telling her that what her mommy said isn't true but the child wont listen. So I guess in a way my husband has given up cause his ex has told the child so many lies it doesn't do any good for him to talk to the child she just ends up telling him she hates him. And loves her real daddy only (the ex's husband)

With the child being six, its probably too late to get a paternity test......and dad could have avoided the child feeling the way that the child does by taking action to enforce his parental rights much sooner than this.

He can give up his parental rights so stepdad can adopt if mom agrees.

 

[fairisfair]

The Child is 6 and my husband has told the child over and over again that he doesn't hate the child and that he does care for her....the giving up parental rights is moms idea not his, his ex keeps pushing for it to advoid a paternity test. And being that the child is in hawaii now she has lived most of her live in the same state as my husband most of the time his ex lived around 30 mins away from the town we lived in and she refused to let him have any contact with the child...as stated before we actually convinced the mother to let us have her over night and for most of the next day. That was horrible the child beat up on our other 2 children saying she hates them cause her dad loves them more he mommy said so. the child also told my husband that her mommy said that he hates her....we have tried telling her that what her mommy said isn't true but the child wont listen. So I guess in a way my husband has given up cause his ex has told the child so many lies it doesn't do any good for him to talk to the child she just ends up telling him she hates him. And loves her real daddy only (the ex's husband)

How exactly were you expecting a 6 year old to act? One, who has been through this kind of tug of war, who was sent to spend the night with strangers who "had no contact with her". Yeah, giving up on your child at six years old, great

 

[ajritter04]

It wasn't lack of trying...myself and my husband have called several several times and his ex wont let him talk to the child, We've tried sending cards not just on birthdays or christmas just saying hey cards and her mother throws them away...I even offered to pay for half a plane ticket for the child to come for the summer....my husband may have stopped the payments to the state....but he has still provided for the child as much as he is allowed which isn't much cause her mother wont allow anything. I have never once pretended to be a mother to this child cause I'm not....And the childs mother is a very jealous person...she isn't with my husband and it kills her that we're together and happy. So she goes around telling everybody who will listen that we hate her and the child and that we wont support them.....she pissed cause we dont support her sitting on her ass all day. She also has 3 other kids by 3 different guys...so my husband does have a very good reason to doubt paternity.