Braces Again?

[OnceUponATime]

Virginia

I have posted a few times before, and just to be clear, I am the stepmom. My husband has 2 kids, 14 & 17, joint custody on both, with him having primary on the 17 year old son, mom has primary on daughter (split custody). Court order states that medical decisions are joint, and orthodontics are to be split 60/40. The 14 year old had braces for 5 years (age 9-14), she got them off early this year. My husband has paid over $6k and mom has paid $4k over the years for the orthodontics. Mom just emailed dad today saying that daughter has lost both retainers, has not worn them for months, and her bottom teeth have moved. She needs 2 new retainers, and possibly bottom braces again, and is informing him because he is required to pay his fair share.

Here are my questions:

1. My husband (not me, I'm honestly asking for him) always has and always will support his children, however he feels at some point enough is enough with the braces. He agrees with the new retainers, but he said he is not paying for braces again, if mom wants to do it, she can pay for them on her own. Obviously mom will object and take him to court...any thoughts?

2. My husband would like to use his 2008 flexible spending account to pay for his share of the retainers, and he told mom not to obligate him financially until he can check with his insurance company and verify that if the retainers are made and billed in 2007, he can use his 2008 account to pay for it. She responded that she had to know by Monday, and she will decide on her own if they cannot decide together by Monday. He feels she's being unreasonable, since 2008 is only 2 weeks away, but she doesn't seem to care. What can he do if the insurance says he can't use his 2008 account?

I appreciate everyone's opinion, I try and stay neutral on these issues, but I know I cannot be totally unbiased, and I welcome different points of view. Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

Virginia

I have posted a few times before, and just to be clear, I am the stepmom. My husband has 2 kids, 14 & 17, joint custody on both, with him having primary on the 17 year old son, mom has primary on daughter (split custody). Court order states that medical decisions are joint, and orthodontics are to be split 60/40. The 14 year old had braces for 5 years (age 9-14), she got them off early this year. My husband has paid over $6k and mom has paid $4k over the years for the orthodontics. Mom just emailed dad today saying that daughter has lost both retainers, has not worn them for months, and her bottom teeth have moved. She needs 2 new retainers, and possibly bottom braces again, and is informing him because he is required to pay his fair share.

Here are my questions:

1. My husband (not me, I'm honestly asking for him) always has and always will support his children, however he feels at some point enough is enough with the braces. He agrees with the new retainers, but he said he is not paying for braces again, if mom wants to do it, she can pay for them on her own. Obviously mom will object and take him to court...any thoughts?

2. My husband would like to use his 2008 flexible spending account to pay for his share of the retainers, and he told mom not to obligate him financially until he can check with his insurance company and verify that if the retainers are made and billed in 2007, he can use his 2008 account to pay for it. She responded that she had to know by Monday, and she will decide on her own if they cannot decide together by Monday. He feels she's being unreasonable, since 2008 is only 2 weeks away, but she doesn't seem to care. What can he do if the insurance says he can't use his 2008 account?

I appreciate everyone's opinion, I try and stay neutral on these issues, but I know I cannot be totally unbiased, and I welcome different points of view. Thank you.

While dad might be wanting to use his 2008 flexible spending account its quite possible that mom is trying to use up her 2007 flexible spending account before she loses it. That might be why she isn't particularly interested in helping out dad.

 

[OnceUponATime]

Good point. During the previous treatments, the year wasn't an issue, because orthodontics are an ongoing treatment. Hopefully the insurance company will view this the same. Any thoughts if mom pushes to have braces? At some point I would think braces a second time around would definitely be cosmetic.

 

[majomom1]

While dad might be wanting to use his 2008 flexible spending account its quite possible that mom is trying to use up her 2007 flexible spending account before she loses it. That might be why she isn't particularly interested in helping out dad.

And mom trumps dad... because???

 

[texastepmom]

about the flex plan... when i signed up for my flex plan, i asked if i could use it for my husbands kids, i was told that we could only use my plan or my husband's plan if the kids were living in our home and we claimed them on our income tax... i assume that because then both parents could take out flex money on one kid which would be more than the allowable amount...

is this correct? if so, OP does your husband have custody? if not he probably isn't supposed to be using his flex on his kids anyway... i could be wrong on this though.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Most likely, the flex plan will allow the parent to use it if he/she is the one who actually PAID it.

The IRS will allow you to deduct medical expenses (if you actually have out-of-pocket expenses greater than 7.5% of income) on either parent who actually PAYS it. It is NOT dependent on who 'claims' the child.

Now, most likely, the answer on the flex is when the bill OCCURS. So, if mom gets the retainers now, it is a 2007 expense for Flex. If dad PAYS it in 2008, it would be considered 2008 for IRS, but not for flex.

 

[nextwife]

daughter has lost both retainers, has not worn them for months, and her bottom teeth have moved.

Sorry, folks, but this is ridiculous. Mom had the retainers in her home, and was obviously careless enough to allow BOTH to be lost! (This coming from myself, who wore retainers as a teen). Why should mom's failure to keep track of either retainer now be dad's financial problem? He DID pay for retainers, and the child lives with mom. Geesh!


BTW - I am getting ALL the stages and needed appliances for my kiddo's orthodontal work will be a flat $2900 because I used a Dental College clinic. Maybe mom needs to now find a more economical approach to orthodontics, as she can't seem to instill responsibility for the pricier orthodontic devices in her home.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

NW, thanks for verbalizing what I was thinking. Why isn't the daughter having to babysit (or whatever tasks can be done) to 'earn' money towards helping pay for the replacement. The daughter needs to learn responsibility here too.

 

[LdiJ]

And mom trumps dad... because???

I didn't say she did. I was simply pointing out a possible reason why she may not wish to cooperate.

 

[OnceUponATime]

Her father agrees that the daughter needs to take responsibility, but mom has always been under the opinion that ALL medical options are owed to the kids, no matter what it costs. I have my own children and I haven't spend a quarter of the medical bills mom has insisted on for her kids over the years. My husband is afraid to object because he said a judge will think he's being petty. We have spent over 2k a year on medical for his daughter, besides the braces. Physical therapy because she was twisted her ankle, she did cross country and had normal achy muscles, mom insisted on a bone scan, she took both kids to a pediatric cardiologist because mom's father has a heart issue, and the list is endless.

Sorry to go on and on. I guess the bottom line question is that if dad says forget it on paying for the retainers and/or braces again, how do you think a judge would view this? I realize it takes a certain amount of speculation, but any input would be appreciated.

 

[nextwife]

she took both kids to a pediatric cardiologist because mom's father has a heart issue, and the list is endless.

Good thing she's not my kids mom. Being an orphanage adoptee, just IMAGINE all the genetic predispositions that COULD be in her family history that we don't know she doesn't have.

 

[OnceUponATime]

Most likely, the flex plan will allow the parent to use it if he/she is the one who actually PAID it.

The IRS will allow you to deduct medical expenses (if you actually have out-of-pocket expenses greater than 7.5% of income) on either parent who actually PAYS it. It is NOT dependent on who 'claims' the child.

Now, most likely, the answer on the flex is when the bill OCCURS. So, if mom gets the retainers now, it is a 2007 expense for Flex. If dad PAYS it in 2008, it would be considered 2008 for IRS, but not for flex.

Thank you Ginny, I was afraid his flex plan wouldn't pay for it next year if she receives the retainers this year.

 

[MrsK]

Sorry, folks, but this is ridiculous. Mom had the retainers in her home, and was obviously careless enough to allow BOTH to be lost! (This coming from myself, who wore retainers as a teen). Why should mom's failure to keep track of either retainer now be dad's financial problem? He DID pay for retainers, and the child lives with mom. Geesh!


BTW - I am getting ALL the stages and needed appliances for my kiddo's orthodontal work will be a flat $2900 because I used a Dental College clinic. Maybe mom needs to now find a more economical approach to orthodontics, as she can't seem to instill responsibility for the pricier orthodontic devices in her home.

I was thinking this too.

Mom can hope AT BEST that dad would have to help pay for retainers. I dont see a judge giving her free reign to rack up a few $k more in braces b/c she was responsible.

I'd let it go to court if she isnt OK with retainers in 2008, personally.

 

[LdiJ]

I was thinking this too.

Mom can hope AT BEST that dad would have to help pay for retainers. I dont see a judge giving her free reign to rack up a few $k more in braces b/c she was responsible.

I'd let it go to court if she isnt OK with retainers in 2008, personally.

While I don't necessarily disagree with this, the longer you go without retainers the more likely it is that braces will be needed again to resolve the issue. I know this because I wore braces for 4 years, and went two months without retainers when I needed to be wearing them, and it was too late at that point to use retainers. My teeth moved enough in two months that retainers were of no use. Pushing it off to 2008 might be contrary to what the orthodontist says is necessary.

I am also not sure that you can count on a judge ruling that the ncp isn't responsible for that medical expense because the child was irresponsible.

In addition, unless the ncp is going pro se on the case, the cost of hiring the attorney might be higher than the cost of handling the issues with the braces.

 

[OnceUponATime]

While I don't necessarily disagree with this, the longer you go without retainers the more likely it is that braces will be needed again to resolve the issue. I know this because I wore braces for 4 years, and went two months without retainers when I needed to be wearing them, and it was too late at that point to use retainers. My teeth moved enough in two months that retainers were of no use. Pushing it off to 2008 might be contrary to what the orthodontist says is necessary.

I am also not sure that you can count on a judge ruling that the ncp isn't responsible for that medical expense because the child was irresponsible.

In addition, unless the ncp is going pro se on the case, the cost of hiring the attorney might be higher than the cost of handling the issues with the braces.

Very good points, and in all honesty, the retainer thing could have just as easily happened here at dad's also. Dad hasn't really asked the daughter about the retainers in months, so I don't think dad paying his fair share is an issue, and I'm hoping mom will agree that waiting 2 more weeks isn't going to be that big of a deal....it's been months afterall. The braces are another issue, and hopefully it won't come to that, and I won't have to bug all you nice people here