Can a 14 year old REFUSE Visitation withe other parent even if therre is agreement?

[hello25]

Virginia

Please help!

My son is 14years old . When he was 8 his father and I went to court moderator and made up a agreement that father would get visitation on weekends. ( the Judge singed this) At the time I mostly aloowed him to go over to visit his grandam. But He has NOT honored that for at least 5 years and THANKFULLY ! Since then he has got 2 DWIs in 2 states and has come over drunk to out house on a few occassions. The only way he has seen his son is when he has come to our house and even then its only a short time becasue he always partying....

My son and I dont like this man ! He also refuses to call my son by his real name given at birth and decided to name him something else that him and his family call him. Needless to say this really HURTS my son and he has askes at least 1000 times to stop calling him this! But they refuse! this is mental abuse and it could even cause an identitiy problem later in life if I allowed him to visit. Thats just a small reason we dont like this man, safety is the MAIN reason. DRUNK driving! Mental abuse, and he does not like him!

NOW Iam going to court to collect my arears in child support and he threatend me that he will persue the weekend visitation!

My son does not want to go anywere with this man!!!! WHAT can I do? Im just sick over this! Is my child allowed to refuse going with him for the weekends? He is 14 yrs old now ans should have a say !


PLEASE HELP, Iam so worried and my blood pressure is sky high from all this! What can I do so he does not have to do visitation, please help....Thank you so much!

 

[Banned_Princess]

absolutely not. he must follow the court order. If he doesnt like it, you are free to go in to request a change to the visitation.

 

[justalayman]

you need to address this in the courts. Self help is frowned upon.

 

[hello25]

So he can visit when he pleases? Like after 5 years, lol..I dont think thats correct....

Self Help? this forum is called Free ADVICE, its just advice ! But thanks for answering...Iam just wondering WHAT this forum is for? I thought it was to ask for help

 

[>Charlotte<]

lol..I dont think thats correct....

Think what you want, but if you don't obey that court order you're in contempt.

You can't just take it upon yourself to act in defiance of a court order, no matter how good you think your reasons are. A court order is an order, not a suggestion. If you don't like it, try to get it modified.

 

[hello25]

Ok, well the father did VILOATE the order legally weh he did not excersize the visitation for 5 years, so now he must be in contempt! It sure cant go one way!

 

[Antigone*]

Ok, well the father did VILOATE the order legally weh he did not excersize the visitation for 5 years, so now he must be in contempt! It sure cant go one way!

You have every right to file that contempt motion. Make sure you put in your motion that even though dad has not exercised his rights in the past he wants to now. Please come back and tell us what the judge says.

 

[hello25]

Can you please tell me what you mean by that? Are you saying that if he tried to attempt visitation now I am allowed to file contempt again HIM since he hs not excerised his rights in all these years ? I dont think it would make much sense that a parent can let all thiose years go by and then one decide to take the child away for the weekends. My son cant stand him, he is a drunk! Thanks for all your help, I do appreciate it!

 

[Isis1]

Ok, well the father did VILOATE the order legally weh he did not excersize the visitation for 5 years, so now he must be in contempt! It sure cant go one way!

good god! visitation is a right. not a requirement. yes! dad can stop ulitizing his visitation for 5 years and decide to start back up. he has an order that says he can.

mom's fault for not modifying the court order when dad stop visiting on his own accord.

unless it's joint legal and joint physical, dad is not in contempt for not visiting.

 

[Isis1]

Can you please tell me what you mean by that? Are you saying that if he tried to attempt visitation now I am allowed to file contempt again HIM since he hs not excerised his rights in all these years ? I dont think it would make much sense that a parent can let all thiose years go by and then one decide to take the child away for the weekends. My son cant stand him, he is a drunk! Thanks for all your help, I do appreciate it!

it is the non-custodial's constitutional right to suck as a parent.

 

[LdiJ]

Can you please tell me what you mean by that? Are you saying that if he tried to attempt visitation now I am allowed to file contempt again HIM since he hs not excerised his rights in all these years ? I dont think it would make much sense that a parent can let all thiose years go by and then one decide to take the child away for the weekends. My son cant stand him, he is a drunk! Thanks for all your help, I do appreciate it!

Unfortunately its not contempt if a parent chooses not to exercise their visitation. Visitation is a right rather than a requirement.

However, you can file a motion to modify visitation based on the fact that dad has not exercised it fully in 5 years, and that the child wants things to remain as status quo. (dad visiting in your home).

You may not get the result that you want, but it might avoid the child having to visit for full weekends.

I would also bring up to the judge that dad and his family refuse to call the child by the child's real name, and that this greatly upsets the child.

Or, you could sit back and wait and see if dad tries to carry through on his threat, and THEN file for the modification. If dad is the partier that you state that he is, it may be an empty threat.

 

[BL]

If in fact Dad did not exercise his rights to visits nor had any meaningful contact in 5 years there would be good cause to File a modification Petition through the Court and request visitation to occur starting with gradual visits to reintroduce the child with the father .

However , you state " WE" and the child can not stand " the man " , and that he has had short visitations at your home .

So apparently there has been some ongoing contact and If so you won't get the gradual reintroduction visitation schedule .

You can request it along with an order Dad is not to consume any alcoholic beverages or illegal drugs at least 24 hrs, prior and during visitations .

You will have to prove to the court Dad does these things you state .

We are not saying that you don't have remedies .
We are stating until the orders are modified through a court order ,you can find yourself in contempt for withholding visitations in the meantime ,if Dad request them as per his rights .

Also , as much as you may dislike the father , he has rights and if you are putting the child in the middle , Dad can proclaim you are alienating his son from him .

He is the child's Father .That will not change .

As far as the family calling the son by another name , not sure what the name is ,but if it's not derogatory ,children often are given a nickname ,so to speak .Depends what the name is , I suppose .

 

[hello25]

good god! visitation is a right. not a requirement. yes! dad can stop ulitizing his visitation for 5 years and decide to start back up. he has an order that says he can.

mom's fault for not modifying the court order when dad stop visiting on his own accord.

unless it's joint legal and joint physical, dad is not in contempt for not visiting.

Seriously Isabella YOu ARE ANGRY! Please dont use this board to vent your ander issues!

 

[hello25]

Thanks to all the OTHERS for your time and patience helping me! ANyways, after reviewing the order myself I just realized ne has lost his visitation rights. It says he is ONLY allowed visitation while residing in the State of VA. He already moved out of State at least 3 times, so I think its appears maybe it ended a LONG time ago. Do you know if thats possible?


AND...Im very much against FORCED visitation for any child, it seems like it only causes more stress on the child......I will go get it modified. Thanks

 

[hello25]

BL, Thanks for answering ..I have tried my best to be reasonable with his father and he seems like he wants the title "dad" but does not deserve it in any way....The decision is my sons and he does not like him at all...He has never been banned from seing my child or from my home, but there is a limit too...He is using this as a tool so I dont collect ( threat) the arears he owes me..before this he never mentioned it .... we went to court MANY times for child support and he never brought it up then.. I left everyhing alone because he showed NO intererest. Actually the order is older than I thought, it was from 2000. its going on 10 years , and that was about the last time he took him for weekends..time flles but how do you forget yout kids? 5 years ago it was modified for child support, but visitiation was 10 yrs ago. When your 4 you are too young to decide, but now hes 14 and he has a lot to say....Thanks again !