Can the father of my spouse's children come after me for child support?

[jrr1207]

Hi, new here and looking for some advice on a VERY touchy subject between my (possible future) wife and myself.

We live in Virginia and she has a nine year old son who she had in a previous relationship. She was never married to the father, but he managed to take her to court, take full custody of the child and have her pay him child support. He also lives in Virginia. The father is a deadbeat that can rarely hold down a job. She is a full time student and can usually only find part-time jobs during the summer. She has fallen extremely behind on payments. When the father does get a payment, it's squandered on video games, alcohol and other useless garbage.

What I need to know is, if she and I were to marry, could he legally come after me for the payments when she cannot pay them? Do I become legally responsible because our finances would become one in the state's eyes?

Up until now, I have always refused to chip in any money because I knew exactly where it was going when he got it. I have a $50K+ per year job. I work very hard for that money and makes me sick to the stomach to think it could be forcefully taken from me and handed to this guy. I also own a small business under an LLC banner and I am afraid he could try to come after that asset, as well.

His lawyer did a real number in court on her and really painted her as a horrible mother. He managed to get the court's sympathy and that is why she is where she is today in this matter. I could see him using the same tactics to come after me and I want to avoid it. Even if that means walking away from her and not asking for marriage.

Thanks, in advance!

 

[Proserpina]

Hi, new here and looking for some advice on a VERY touchy subject between my (possible future) wife and myself.

We live in Virginia and she has a nine year old son who she had in a previous relationship. She was never married to the father, but he managed to take her to court, take full custody of the child and have her pay him child support. He also lives in Virginia. The father is a deadbeat that can rarely hold down a job. She is a full time student and can usually only find part-time jobs during the summer. She has fallen extremely behind on payments. When the father does get a payment, it's squandered on video games, alcohol and other useless garbage.

What I need to know is, if she and I were to marry, could he legally come after me for the payments when she cannot pay them? Do I become legally responsible because our finances would become one in the state's eyes?

Up until now, I have always refused to chip in any money because I knew exactly where it was going when he got it. I have a $50K+ per year job. I work very hard for that money and makes me sick to the stomach to think it could be forcefully taken from me and handed to this guy. I also own a small business under an LLC banner and I am afraid he could try to come after that asset, as well.

His lawyer did a real number in court on her and really painted her as a horrible mother. He managed to get the court's sympathy and that is why she is where she is today in this matter. I could see him using the same tactics to come after me and I want to avoid it. Even if that means walking away from her and not asking for marriage.

Thanks, in advance!

I'm sorry, but being a student doesn't mean she shouldn't be supporting her child/ren. Perhaps it's time to put her studies on hold until she can afford to do both.

The State cannot come after you directly - but they can absolutely come after anything with Mom's name on it, including joint bank accounts and her portion of any tax refund.

Incidentally, unless the court has ordered that Dad provides an accounting what he does with the child support is nobody else's business.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'm sorry, but being a student doesn't mean she shouldn't be supporting her child/ren. Perhaps it's time to put her studies on hold until she can afford to do both.

The State cannot come after you directly - but they can absolutely come after anything with Mom's name on it, including joint bank accounts and her portion of any tax refund.

Incidentally, unless the court has ordered that Dad provides an accounting what he does with the child support is nobody else's business.

In addition, the court can impute Mom an income. It's not uncommon for the court to do that when someone is choosing not to work because a spouse is supporting them.

 

[ecmst12]

Considering that he is already paying for food, clothing, and shelter for the kids all on his own, he is absolutely welcome to "squander" any payments he gets from her. CS is intended to REIMBURSE the CP for money already spent in the childrens' support and how he spends it is entirely up to him.

You do not have to help her pay, of course doing so will not obligate you to those children or her ex, and it will help your family's finances become secure; if her arrears get large bad things could happen to her. But that is entirely on her if it happens so it's your choice. It could be wiser to help her figure out how to make the payments on her own.

 

[jrr1207]

Considering that he is already paying for food, clothing, and shelter for the kids all on his own, he is absolutely welcome to "squander" any payments he gets from her.

Actually, that could not be further from the truth. I left most of those details out since I didn't think they were needed. The father lives under his grandmother's household. She actually pays for everything since he can't keep a job longer than a month or two at a time. He doesn't pay for anything. In fact, when he took her to court, the grandmother not only paid for the lawyer, she found him an apartment on a short term lease so he could walk into court and state that he had a secure residence for the child. He was not paying for the apartment. As soon as he won custody, he moved out of the apartment and back into the grandmother's home. It was all a front to create this fake "home" for the child and trick the courts.

There is MUCH more to this than you are all assuming. The truth is, she is a wonderful mother and travels seven hours, each way, every other weekend to see her son. She is trying to get through school so she can have a steady, full time job to support her son. She is in no way a deadbeat mother. I see everyday what she goes through with his father. Every time the child comes to visit they call social services when they call the house and we are not here to answer it. I have had social services, Virginia State police and other agencies show up at my house for "welfare checks". It's insane. He is better taken care of here than any other time he is with the father. I really take issue with the fact that every one of you take it upon yourself to automatically assume that she just doesn't care.

Would you condone a father who sits his child in front of a TV with video games all day, so he can leave and go out with his friends? Is that REALLY the kind of father that you think has his child's best interest at heart?

My parents were divorced by the time I was five years old. I know very well what it's like to have a wonderful, caring father who would do anything for you. I may not have lived with him a majority of the time, but he NEVER let my brother or I go without. When I compare that to what this child's father does, there is just no match, in any regard.

 

[stealth2]

It really doesn't matter. You are not responsible for supporting your wife's kids. If she doesn't do so, according to the court order, there will be consequences. And it is still none of your business. Why you'd marry someone unwilling to support her kids is an enigma only you can solve.

 

[mistoffolees]

Actually, that could not be further from the truth. I left most of those details out since I didn't think they were needed. The father lives under his grandmother's household. She actually pays for everything since he can't keep a job longer than a month or two at a time. He doesn't pay for anything. In fact, when he took her to court, the grandmother not only paid for the lawyer, she found him an apartment on a short term lease so he could walk into court and state that he had a secure residence for the child. He was not paying for the apartment. As soon as he won custody, he moved out of the apartment and back into the grandmother's home. It was all a front to create this fake "home" for the child and trick the courts.

There is MUCH more to this than you are all assuming. The truth is, she is a wonderful mother and travels seven hours, each way, every other weekend to see her son. She is trying to get through school so she can have a steady, full time job to support her son. She is in no way a deadbeat mother. I see everyday what she goes through with his father. Every time the child comes to visit they call social services when they call the house and we are not here to answer it. I have had social services, Virginia State police and other agencies show up at my house for "welfare checks". It's insane. He is better taken care of here than any other time he is with the father. I really take issue with the fact that every one of you take it upon yourself to automatically assume that she just doesn't care.

Would you condone a father who sits his child in front of a TV with video games all day, so he can leave and go out with his friends? Is that REALLY the kind of father that you think has his child's best interest at heart?

My parents were divorced by the time I was five years old. I know very well what it's like to have a wonderful, caring father who would do anything for you. I may not have lived with him a majority of the time, but he NEVER let my brother or I go without. When I compare that to what this child's father does, there is just no match, in any regard.

None of that matters one bit to the legal issues involved.

1. It's not your child. You have no say in the matter.

2. Since Dad has custody, Mom must be paying him CS unless the court order changes.It doesn't matter if he's a good Dad, a bad Dad, or somewhere in between. As long as he has custody, Mom will be paying child support. If Mom wants to pay the grandparents, instead, she would need to go to court to get the order changed. Until then, Mom owes Dad the money.

3. Mom is voluntarily underemployed. The court can impute an income to her.

4. Dad can not come after you for child support. However, he CAN go after anything that's in your wife's name. So if you put your car or checking account or other assets in her name, they would be fair game.

 

[jrr1207]

It's not uncommon for the court to do that when someone is choosing not to work because a spouse is supporting them.

She does not "choose to not work", she works when she can find a job. We live in a very rural part of the country, so jobs are hard to find, especially since she does not have a degree. She always try's to work during the school year, but most places do not want to schedule around her course schedule. Again, I find it very disturbing the fact that everyone on here just assumes way too much without asking questions and finding the facts before jumping to such broad conclusions.

 

[Proserpina]

She does not "choose to not work", she works when she can find a job. We live in a very rural part of the country, so jobs are hard to find, especially since she does not have a degree. She always try's to work during the school year, but most places do not want to schedule around her course schedule. Again, I find it very disturbing the fact that everyone on here just assumes way too much without asking questions and finding the facts before jumping to such broad conclusions.

I think you're just surprised because people are suggesting that Mom needs to work to support her kids - even if that means giving up school for now.

 

[jrr1207]

Why you'd marry someone unwilling to support her kids is an enigma only you can solve.

She is NOT unwilling to pay! She would pay if she had the money to pay. She works every crappy job that comes her way and almost every cent goes to paying. She is trying to catch up the back pay, while trying to pay the current. She works herself to death to pay.

 

[jrr1207]

I think you're just surprised because people are suggesting that Mom needs to work to support her kids - even if that means giving up school for now.

That is NOT the case at all. I believe EVERYONE should have a job. I believe every parent should take care of their children. She has a job right now and is currently paying. She takes every job that she can find, even while in school. I resent the fact that you keep suggesting that I think she should just sit back and do nothing. I NEVER once said that and I don't believe that! Jesus, I came here for some legal advice and all that you are doing is attacking me with broad assumptions or you are just clearly ignoring everything that I am saying that actually shows I know what is right and what is wrong.

 

[jrr1207]

4. Dad can not come after you for child support. However, he CAN go after anything that's in your wife's name. So if you put your car or checking account or other assets in her name, they would be fair game.

Thanks you! Finally, this is what I really needed clarified for me. I already assumed that I would keep all assets in my name and keep her off of as much as possible. She has her own checking account and that is about it.

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks you! Finally, this is what I really needed clarified for me. I already assumed that I would keep all assets in my name and keep her off of as much as possible. She has her own checking account and that is about it.

I guess you missed the very first response to your question?

You're welcome.

 

[stealth2]

She is NOT unwilling to pay! She would pay if she had the money to pay. She works every crappy job that comes her way and almost every cent goes to paying. She is trying to catch up the back pay, while trying to pay the current. She works herself to death to pay.

No, she's not. She's not willing to do what she needs to - put school on hold - to take care of her kids. Sorry - no sympathy for a parent like that.

 

[mistoffolees]

She does not "choose to not work", she works when she can find a job. We live in a very rural part of the country, so jobs are hard to find, especially since she does not have a degree. She always try's to work during the school year, but most places do not want to schedule around her course schedule. Again, I find it very disturbing the fact that everyone on here just assumes way too much without asking questions and finding the facts before jumping to such broad conclusions.

I find it far more disturbing that people come here expecting to receive only the advice they desire.

The fact is that she CHOSE to be a full time student. That means that she's voluntarily unemployed.