Can my children refuse to visit me

[jd35]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TEXAS

I have two children who are 13 and 14 yrs old. Their mom called me and said that the kids told her that they do not want to see me anymore unless I spend "alone time" with them. Apparently they said they are never coming over again or answering my calls until I start spending time alone with them. I am remarried and have other children and I try and do everything together as a family that includes everyone. My question is this: Can the children at that age decide to never see me again unless I change the way I do things? Their mom is obviously supporting them in their decision and told me I won't be able to see the kids unless I do things differently. Just curious if I have any rights?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TEXAS

I have two children who are 13 and 14 yrs old. Their mom called me and said that the kids told her that they do not want to see me anymore unless I spend "alone time" with them. Apparently they said they are never coming over again or answering my calls until I start spending time alone with them. I am remarried and have other children and I try and do everything together as a family that includes everyone. My question is this: Can the children at that age decide to never see me again unless I change the way I do things? Their mom is obviously supporting them in their decision and told me I won't be able to see the kids unless I do things differently. Just curious if I have any rights?

If you have court-ordered visitation, Mom is legally obliged to make the kids available.

Even if they don't want to.

 

[jd35]

Thank you. I do have court ordered visitations every two weeks. My ex-wife says she doesn't care because she is not making her kids do something they don't want to do.

 

[Antigone*]

Thank you. I do have court ordered visitations every two weeks. My ex-wife says she doesn't care because she is not making her kids do something they don't want to do.

Once visitation is actually missed, you can file a motion for contempt.

 

[Proserpina]

Thank you. I do have court ordered visitations every two weeks. My ex-wife says she doesn't care because she is not making her kids do something they don't want to do.

Politely explain to Mom that she has that legal obligation. If she fails to meet this obligation, she can be found in contempt and if it happens often enough she can actually lose custody.

Now with that said...what exactly does your court order say about visitation?

I'm not suggesting that you let the kids dictate everything - but if you have several days in succession, it likely wouldn't hurt to spend some time alone with them.

It might be worth it to preserve the relationship.

 

[cyjeff]

Please allow me to state that, in a divorce, the biggest fear that most children have is being forgotten and/or replaced in their parents' lives.

That they, too, have been divorced from one parent.

Add that they are teenagers... and I think it would help greatly to do some alone things with them.

It doesn't have to be anything specific. My kids and I talk most when we are running errands or grocery shopping. When we watch a show that only one kid and I care about ....

It is worth it.

 

[frylover]

I think it's important to try to carve out some one on one time with your kids, intact family or not. Hubby and I try to each spend some time alone with each of our kids.

OP, your ex is not legally allowed not to send the kids, they are not allowed to make that decision. BUT, with that being said, could you reserve some time for JUST them? If you pick them up on Friday, maybe do dinner before you go home. Or, take them to breakfast on Saturday or Sunday morning. No, children certainly shouldn't be allowed to dictate. But your children with your new wife get you to themselves all the time, maybe your older kids just want some of that.

 

[jd35]

Thanks guys. I completely understand them wanting time alone with me. I am sympathetic to that. There has been a lot of things over the past several years that I have been dealing with when it comes to seeing my children. Their mom moved them over 100 miles away and I begged and pleaded for her to meet me half way so I could see them and she refused. When they lived away I was suppose to get them for a whole month and then there mom called to say the kids didn't want to be gone that long (even though I explained how important my time was with them.) I only ended up seeing them for 4 days and then they went to spend time with their grandparents for a week who lived in the same town as me. They ended up moving back to where I live so I have been seeing them on a regular basis. I am going to make time for my kids but I am sick and tired of the games that my ex is playing as far as withholding my children or manipulating them. I feel as a man/father I have really no rights at all. Even my ex-wife said the courts always favor the mom. I just was curious if I had any rights if my children refuse to come over. Do the courts MAKE them visit regardless of the situation?

 

[Proserpina]

Thanks guys. I completely understand them wanting time alone with me. I am sympathetic to that. There has been a lot of things over the past several years that I have been dealing with when it comes to seeing my children. Their mom moved them over 100 miles away and I begged and pleaded for her to meet me half way so I could see them and she refused. When they lived away I was suppose to get them for a whole month and then there mom called to say the kids didn't want to be gone that long (even though I explained how important my time was with them.) I only ended up seeing them for 4 days and then they went to spend time with their grandparents for a week who lived in the same town as me. They ended up moving back to where I live so I have been seeing them on a regular basis. I am going to make time for my kids but I am sick and tired of the games that my ex is playing as far as withholding my children or manipulating them. I feel as a man/father I have really no rights at all. Even my ex-wife said the courts always favor the mom. I just was curious if I had any rights if my children refuse to come over. Do the courts MAKE them visit regardless of the situation?

It's not so much that the courts will force the kids to do anything - but rather the courts can force MOM to make the kids visit with you.

Or at least, they can hold her responsible and make her life quite difficult.

 

[stealth2]

If the kids don't come AND you attempt to exercise your time, you can take Mom to court.

But... I would also urge you to figure out a way to spend one-on-one (or you and them) time. Anecdotally, that is something our kids also had a huge problem with wrt their Dad. Both before and since he remarried. He insisted that they and his stepkids all have "equal" one-on-one time with him. What he failed to realize was that our kids understood that while they only saw him once a month and over the summer, his stepkids saw him every day - and had a greater opportunity to spend time with him. Just as your other kids do with you. That is just one reason why they are now estranged from him. Just a word to the wise.

 

[BL]

Thanks guys. I completely understand them wanting time alone with me. I am sympathetic to that. There has been a lot of things over the past several years that I have been dealing with when it comes to seeing my children. Their mom moved them over 100 miles away and I begged and pleaded for her to meet me half way so I could see them and she refused. When they lived away I was suppose to get them for a whole month and then there mom called to say the kids didn't want to be gone that long (even though I explained how important my time was with them.) I only ended up seeing them for 4 days and then they went to spend time with their grandparents for a week who lived in the same town as me. They ended up moving back to where I live so I have been seeing them on a regular basis. I am going to make time for my kids but I am sick and tired of the games that my ex is playing as far as withholding my children or manipulating them. I feel as a man/father I have really no rights at all. Even my ex-wife said the courts always favor the mom. I just was curious if I had any rights if my children refuse to come over. Do the courts MAKE them visit regardless of the situation?

It's time to put your foot down to Mom to utilize the time you are given per orders.. Court orders are not suggestions ,they are orders .

It's also time to put your differences with Mom aside while visiting with your children .

Set some alone time with them ,but explain you have a home and they are apart of that home as well but you will set up some alone time when they visit as well .

I'm sure your new wife should understand this as she knew you had prior children when entering into a relationship with you.

 

[LdiJ]

If the kids don't come AND you attempt to exercise your time, you can take Mom to court.

But... I would also urge you to figure out a way to spend one-on-one (or you and them) time. Anecdotally, that is something our kids also had a huge problem with wrt their Dad. Both before and since he remarried. He insisted that they and his stepkids all have "equal" one-on-one time with him. What he failed to realize was that our kids understood that while they only saw him once a month and over the summer, his stepkids saw him every day - and had a greater opportunity to spend time with him. Just as your other kids do with you. That is just one reason why they are now estranged from him. Just a word to the wise.

I wholeheartedly echo this advice dad. You can assume that this is all mom's fault (and to some extent it is) but if your children really feel that way, then you need to do something about it. After all, you have just a handful of years until they are legal adults and its their choice whether or not to see you, and the last thing that you want to do is damage your future adult relationship with them.

 

[mistoffolees]

I wholeheartedly echo this advice dad. You can assume that this is all mom's fault (and to some extent it is) but if your children really feel that way, then you need to do something about it. After all, you have just a handful of years until they are legal adults and its their choice whether or not to see you, and the last thing that you want to do is damage your future adult relationship with them.

While that's certainly true, I would point out that it is common for CP to make accusations like that which really have no bearing on reality. It is also common for teens to not want to do anything that they HAVE to do.

That said, OP should be spending alone time with each of the kids (both together and separately). It doesn't have to be a lot of time, but enough for them to feel that they're important and not second class citizens. But it's not an excuse for Mom denying visitation.

 

[stealth2]

While that's certainly true, I would point out that it is common for CP to make accusations like that which really have no bearing on reality. It is also common for teens to not want to do anything that they HAVE to do.

I won't disagree, and can only speak towards our situation. Our two felt this way from the get-go (at 4 & 6) - they just could not understand why EVERY visit had to be with one of Dad's "friends" in tow (some with their kids, some not). The explanation that "Dad thinks you guys are so terrific that he wants to share you with his friends" only goes so far. Now they're pretty well grown and, well... "The Cat's in the Cradle" comes to mind... Again - not that this was the only issue involved.

That said, OP should be spending alone time with each of the kids (both together and separately). It doesn't have to be a lot of time, but enough for them to feel that they're important and not second class citizens. But it's not an excuse for Mom denying visitation.

Definitely not an excuse for Mom to deny visitation. But... Dad has to do something about (a) enforcing his time and (b) sorting out the issue with his kids.

 

[Silverplum]

As a stepmom, I made it My Business to give each child at least one hour (usually more) alone with his Dad -- every single time they were at our home. I took one shopping, left the other with his Dad. Later, I'd take the one who'd already had Dad-time to run an errand or two and leave the other with his Dad. If one kid was asleep or at a sporting practice or otherwise occupied and the other was hanging with his Dad, I'd fade away and leave them be dudes together. Sometimes, I took one to play -- it wasn't all errands and shopping.

It was IMPORTANT to ME to make sure the kids had access to their Dad, without me.

Handily, this system also gave me frequent one-on-one time with each of my skids.

It worked out well for all of us. How else do you build close relationships, except by spending time together?

20 years later, I can attest to the fact that I did my stepmom job well, and the parent-grown kids bonds are very strong.