Can One Child Destroy The Family

[reallytired]

What is the name of your state? Missouri

We have a 17 year old son in a sexual offender treatment program due to his abuse to his younger brother. He is in this program due to a court order. He is in the custody of the Division of Family Services.

Prior to this offense we had lost the ability to control him over the last two years. He does not seem to want to listen to any person of authority. He had become violent towards his younger brother and his mother.

The staff at the program he is in, now say that they too can no longer control him and he has stalled in his progress. And there is nothing else they can do for him. Our last visit with him he, in no uncertain terms, stated to us that he will do whatever he wants and no one can stop him.

Child Support Enforcement is now asking for a substantial amount of money each month, plus medical coverage. This is money that we do not have as we are a paycheck to paycheck family.

Our younger son seems to have gotten past the abuse and is now very focused on his future. We are trying to create a "normal", positive and productive family environment for him. But this new monthly child support would hurt us very bad financially. It could very well cause us to lose our home and/or a vehicle (which we need to get to work).

We spoke, very briefly, with an attorney (who did not seem interested in what we had to say). He told us that there was nothing that could be done and that we would have to find a way to pay the support, even if it meant we did lose our home.

Surely there is some way to not allow "one child to destroy the family".

Our oldest son will be 18 on 1/23/05 and will graduate high school in May. We love both our children very much, but cannot continue to allow him to continually hurt the rest of the family.

We are wondering if severing parental rights is an option and would it do us any good. And if so, how do we go about it.

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,
Really Tired

 

[stealth2]

The thing is, SOMEONE has to pay for the child's support and that really shouldn't be the taxpayers. He is your responsibility until he's an adult/graduates from HS. And if he can't be in your home, then you have to pay for him to be taken care of elsewhere.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

You are caught between a rock and a hard place, on one hand, he is being considered as a minor child intil age 21 and thus your responsibility for his support. However under other sections is considered an adult at age 18

See Missouri Revised Statutes Chapter 454 Enforcement of Support Law Section 454.460 August 28, 2004
Definitions.

454.460. As used in sections 454.400 to 454.560, unless the context clearly indicates otherwise, the following terms mean:

(1) "Court", any circuit court of this state and any court or agency of any other state having jurisdiction to determine the liability of persons for the support of another person;

(2) "Court order", any judgment, decree, or order of any court which orders payment of a set or determinable amount of support money;

(3) "Department", the department of social services of the state of Missouri;

(4) "Dependent child", any person under the age of twenty-one who is not otherwise emancipated, self-supporting, married, or a member of the armed forces of the United States;

(5) "Director", the director of the division of child support enforcement, or the director's designee;

(6) "Division", the division of child support enforcement of the department of social services of the state of Missouri;

(7) "IV-D agency", an agency designated by a state to administer programs under Title IV-D of the Social Security Act;

(8) "IV-D case", a case in which services are being provided pursuant to section 454.400;

(9) "Obligee", any person to whom payments are required to be made pursuant to the terms of a court order for a child, spouse or former spouse;

(10) "Obligor", any person required to make payments pursuant to the terms of a court order for a child, spouse or former spouse;

(11) "Parent", the biological or adoptive father or mother of a dependent child;

(12) "Public assistance", any cash or benefit pursuant to Part IV-A or Title XIX of the federal Social Security Act paid by the department to or for the benefit of any dependent child or any public assistance assigned to the state;

(13) "State", any state or political subdivision, territory or possession of the United States, District of Columbia, and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico;

(14) "Support order", a judgment, decree or order, whether temporary, final or subject to modification, issued by a court or administrative agency of competent jurisdiction for the support and maintenance of a child, including a child who has attained the age of majority pursuant to the law of the issuing state, or of the parent with whom the child is living and providing monetary support, health care, child care, arrearages or reimbursement for such child, and which may include related costs and fees, interest and penalties, income withholding, attorneys' fees and other relief.

(L. 1982 S.B. 468 § 13, A.L. 1986 H.B. 1479, A.L. 1988 H.B. 1272, et al., A.L. 1997 S.B. 361, A.L. 1998 S.B. 910, A.L. 1999 S.B. 291)

Effective 7-1-99

(1990) Federal regulations for calculating amount of child support arrearages owed to a state as reimbursement of AFDC assistance paid to custodial parent preempted Missouri statute authorizing director of Missouri division of child support enforcement to "set or reset" amount of arrearage in an amount not to exceed amount of public assistance paid. Jackson v. Rapps, 746 F.Supp. 934 (W.D.Mo.).

You might try to emancipate him under this statute:
Missouri Revised Statutes Chapter 660 Department of Social Services
Section 660.400 August 28, 2004
Definitions.

660.400. As used in sections 199.025, RSMo, and 660.403 to 660.420, unless the context clearly indicates otherwise, the following terms mean:

(1) "Adult", an individual over the age of eighteen;

(2) "Adult day care program", a group program designed to provide care and supervision to meet the needs of functionally impaired adults for periods of less than twenty-four hours but more than two hours per day in a place other than the adult's own home;

(3) "Adult day care provider", the person, corporation, partnership, association or organization legally responsible for the overall operation of the adult day care program;

(4) "Department", the department of social services;

(5) "Director", the director of the division of aging;

(6) "Division", the division of aging;

(7) "Functionally impaired adult", an adult who by reason of age or infirmity requires care and supervision;

(8) "License", the document issued by the division in accordance with the provisions of sections 199.025, RSMo, and 660.403 to 660.420 to an adult day care program which authorizes the adult day care provider to operate the program in accordance with the provisions of sections 199.025, RSMo, and 660.403 to 660.420 and the applicable rules promulgated pursuant thereto;

(9) "Participant", a functionally impaired adult who is enrolled in an adult day care program;

(10) "Person", any individual, firm, corporation, partnership, association, agency, or an incorporated or unincorporated organization regardless of the name used;

(11) "Provisional license", the document issued by the division in accordance with the provisions of sections 199.025, RSMo, and 660.403 to 660.420 to an adult day care provider which is not currently meeting the requirements necessary to obtain a license;

(12) "Related", any of the following by blood, marriage or adoption: parent, child, grandchild, brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, stepparent, uncle, aunt, niece, nephew, or first cousin;

(13) "Staff participant ratio", the number of adult care staff required by the division in relation to the number of adults being cared for by such staff.

(L. 1984 H.B. 1131 § 4)

Revisor's note: Definitions contained in section 660.053 are also applicable to sections 660.400 to 660.420.

 

[nextwife]

The thing is, SOMEONE has to pay for the child's support and that really shouldn't be the taxpayers. He is your responsibility until he's an adult/graduates from HS. And if he can't be in your home, then you have to pay for him to be taken care of elsewhere.

Actually, BOTH parents should be paying for him to be taken care of elsewhere (if they are not already).

 

[stealth2]

Actually, BOTH parents should be paying for him to be taken care of elsewhere (if they are not already).

My impression is that this is an intact family, so the "you" was OP & spouse.