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change in custody=change in support?

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MissCSC

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

December 2012, my child was present during a verbal argument between my boyfriend and I. I have two children, 12 year old with ex, 16 month old with new boyfriend. My 12 year old`s father stepped in in when some of our argument was caught on his voicemail when our daughter was calling him to come pick her up (it was his day, he was on his way, but she was calling/texting him to hurry, i learned of this later)enroll
Since then, my daughter stayed mostly at my grandmothers house and my daughter was saying she wasn't quite ready to come back to my place. I would go see her and spend time with her there. March 2013, i have my son. My daughter comes over periodically but not staying for long periods of time. Im still taking her feelings into consideration by not " making her" come home. Which people were saying i should have done, and i let a child dictate what she was and wasn't going to.do. By me having a joint parenting agreement, i had every right to bring my child back home, making sure not to.argue around her anymore, and her father would not have been able to do what he ultimately ended up doing. During this time, he was planning a wedding no one knew about, so he really would not have put up too much of a fuss.
During.this time though, her father took it upon himself to withdraw her from the school.she was at and enroll her in a school in another county where he moved to with his 2nd wife. (i am not the first wife, we were engaged, didnt happen, we both moved on, he got married to his 1st wife, then left her for this new 2nd wife)
I was unaware of this because with my newborn and me not being on top of things with my daughter, he was able to do what he did. I would talk to my daughter by phone, and to keep the peace with dad, still.acted as if she was still at her other school.

So, to fast forward a bit. After many failed attempts at mediating between each other, with maybe a family member acting as mediator, i filed a petition for mediation. Unfortunately, it turned into more of a long, drawn out thing, with GAL`s becoming part of the case because he brought up that my daughter is scared of my boyfriend and she does not, to hear him tell it, want to be anywhere around him.

I feel this is not the case, and the work of him working on her throughout this time because before, she had no problem being around him. In her words, coming back to my house after the incident was little awkward, but she wasnt scared or disliked him to the point that she does not want to lay eyes on him.

He has petitioned to stop support and also not pay any arrears. He has not paid since nov. 2014. He was awarded temporary residential custody (we have/had a joint parenting.agreement, everything.50/50, with my support being lowered from $400 to $100) he is saying he was her sole provider since Dec 2012, when technically, she was with my grandmother majority becausd her school was less than 5min away. He put her in the new school and moved to the suburbs in Jan2014. So, he was not her "sole provider" since dec. 2012.

I have been given weekends with my daughter. It's been stated everything is temporary. Could i still get some type of support, even though i have been subjected to weekends after being primary for 12 years? And do i still have any type of rights to.claim her on taxes? We were taking turns claiming her.

I know this is not the thread for asking questions about how to combat a manipulative, scheming ex, who, my whole family knkws this is right up his alley and this basically fell in his lap as he failed at getting residential custody before and now, using my boyfriend and our argument.as his Ace, has been able to work on our daughter so that she also says zhe doesn't want him anywherr around, but just a few months ago, she was willing to give him another chance. I guess i will make a thread about that in the proper forum.
 


Eekamouse

Senior Member
Are you kidding? Why should you get any support from him when you don't have your daughter any more. You should be paying support to him for your daughter.
 

MissCSC

Junior Member
Are you kidding? Why should you get any support from him when you don't have your daughter any more. You should be paying support to him for your daughter.
What about the tax exemption. If you have a child part time, but still supporting the child either through child support or coming out of pocket for the child`s needs when you DO have them are you still able to do that.

If i recall correctly, even though i was primary and he paid support, we took turns claiming her
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
At this point with the father being primary parent, YOU are now going to be required to pay the FATHER child support. Illinois is a percentage of net income. As for who claims the child, that should have been addressed when you went to court.
 

MissCSC

Junior Member
At this point with the father being primary parent, YOU are now going to be required to pay the FATHER child support. Illinois is a percentage of net income. As for who claims the child, that should have been addressed when you went to court.
We are going back in 2 weeks. I will be with her these next two weekends and the GAL told him, if he plays games and interferes with my time, he will make SURE I get more time. We also have to fill out a disclosure statement (pursuant to Rule 13.3.1) the judge wanted us to pay the GAL 50/50, but him making way more, im assuming the fees will be adjusted?
 

CSO286

Senior Member
We are going back in 2 weeks. I will be with her these next two weekends and the GAL told him, if he plays games and interferes with my time, he will make SURE I get more time. We also have to fill out a disclosure statement (pursuant to Rule 13.3.1) the judge wanted us to pay the GAL 50/50, but him making way more, im assuming the fees will be adjusted?
The court fees are not prorated or divided using the income shares model many states use for child support. If the judge said you need to pay half, then you pay half.
Don't assume the judge meant anything other than what he or she said.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Actually - you both should have been paying support to Grandma while she was caring for your child - you should have forwarded her the support Dad was sending you, as well as contributing additional money on your own.

Dad was well within his rights to file for custody - and actually to remove the child from Grandma's home. I'm only surperised that it took him as long as it did.

Your daughter may not have been completely truthful with you about how she feels regarding your b/f. Since you have made it clear which of the two relationships is more important to you. Yes, you *could* have brought her home and made sure to quit the arguments with your b/f, but you chose not to do so. What is a 12yo to make of that?

Yes, you should be paying Dad support, and half of the GAL fees. That's quite standard.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
OP has deleted at least one thread in the past. Just to let you all know that the advice you are giving is gonna be gone soon...:(
 

MissCSC

Junior Member
Actually - you both should have been paying support to Grandma while she was caring for your child - you should have forwarded her the support Dad was sending you, as well as contributing additional money on your own.

Dad was well within his rights to file for custody - and actually to remove the child from Grandma's home. I'm only surperised that it took him as long as it did.

Your daughter may not have been completely truthful with you about how she feels regarding
your b/f. Since you have made it clear which of the two relationships is more important to you. Yes, you *could* have brought her home and made sure to quit the arguments with your b/f, but you chose not to do so. What is a 12yo to make of that?

Yes, you should be paying Dad support, and half of the GAL fees. That's quite standard.
I didnt bring her back home, not.because boyfriend was more important, if that's what you are implying. I didn't rush to bring her back home because she kept saying "well, i dont know yet" and kept saying she wasn't ready to return yet. I was being passive, althought we had a joint parenting agreement, i would have been well within my rights to bring her home and if ex didn't like it, if he tried calling police, there wouldnt have been anything the police or he could have done unless he wanted to lawyer up and demand she no longer be allowed to come to my house because of boyfriend. He wouldn't have done so because told me if he wanted to get her, it's no question a judge would automatically give our daughter to him, but he didn't because he had " better things to do with his money" as i found out later on was the wedding they were planning.

It's hard coming to grips that i was too passive and didn't bring her home like i should have and now he has complete control. I rsised my daughter for 12 years, now im reduced to Saturdays. Now holidays may even be restricted because they are harping on my boyfriend that all of a sudden she can't stand the sight of, so if the three of us do anything as a family (boyfriend, son and i) she cannot be there because he is there. Or if she is there, my son`s father can't participate in his own son`s activities.

My ex has even controlled our daughter to the point whete he pulled out emails between our daughter and him, where he made her (12 years old) email him our conversations. So, we cannot even have a heart-to-heart mother daughter convo without being scared that she will email the whole thing, or if he would somehow have her record everything. He has done so in thd past, illegally (in Illinois it is illegal, class 4 felony, to record convo without other person knowing,) record ing a convo between us. So i don't put anything past him to make her record or send him emails or texts throughout the day of what we are doing. I feel like giving up!!!!
 
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MissCSC

Junior Member
OP has deleted at least one thread in the past. Just to let you all know that the advice you are giving is gonna be gone soon...:(
What thread did i delete in the past???

When i first jointed, i started a thread, but i got a message saying the thread had to be approved first, then it would be posted. I don't even remember what i originally made a post about. But, th o my knowledge the post never started and there were no replies, so**************
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What thread did i delete in the past???

When i first jointed, i started a thread, but i got a message saying the thread had to be approved first, then it would be posted. I don't even remember what i originally made a post about. But, th o my knowledge the post never started and there were no replies, so**************
Yeah...You did. At times when a member posts a thread, does not get the answers they want and becomes abusive, I manage to save the profile of said member. I have a "special" file for such members. You are on it.
 

MissCSC

Junior Member
Yeah...You did. At times when a member posts a thread, does not get the answers they want and becomes abusive, I manage to save the profile of said member. I have a "special" file for such members. You are on it.
M`kay, please pull it up along with the thread i started. To my knowledge the thread wasn't even posted so please refresh my memory. Judging by your screename alone, i should just stick to reading and replying to the posters who are actually giving good advice, not being a troll that goes around baiting people for an argument. Are you my ex???!!! Have you hacked into my computer? Are you lurking my search history, ex????

But in all seriousness, I`ll just stick to reading and replying to actual advice and not someone whi is clearly just looking to start stuff. It it too early in the morning. I don't know what time zone everyone else is in, but HERE, it's too early for this mess.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
M`kay, please pull it up along with the thread i started. To my knowledge the thread wasn't even posted so please refresh my memory. Judging by your screename alone, i should just stick to reading and replying to the posters who are actually giving good advice, not being a troll that goes around baiting people for an argument. Are you my ex???!!! Have you hacked into my computer? Are you lurking my search history, ex????

But in all seriousness, I`ll just stick to reading and replying to actual advice and not someone whi is clearly just looking to start stuff. It it too early in the morning. I don't know what time zone everyone else is in, but HERE, it's too early for this mess.
As I said...I saved your PROFILE to the list.

I am sure another Sr may remember your Username as well. And I was just giving a "heads up" to the people taking the time to give you advice. They can respond or not...that is their choice.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I didnt bring her back home, not.because boyfriend was more important, if that's what you are implying. I didn't rush to bring her back home because she kept saying "well, i dont know yet" and kept saying she wasn't ready to return yet. I was being passive, althought we had a joint parenting agreement, i would have been well within my rights to bring her home and if ex didn't like it, if he tried calling police, there wouldnt have been anything the police or he could have done unless he wanted to lawyer up and demand she no longer be allowed to come to my house because of boyfriend. He wouldn't have done so because told me if he wanted to get her, it's no question a judge would automatically give our daughter to him, but he didn't because he had " better things to do with his money" as i found out later on was the wedding they were planning.

It's hard coming to grips that i was too passive and didn't bring her home like i should have and now he has complete control. I rsised my daughter for 12 years, now im reduced to Saturdays. Now holidays may even be restricted because they are harping on my boyfriend that all of a sudden she can't stand the sight of, so if the three of us do anything as a family (boyfriend, son and i) she cannot be there because he is there. Or if she is there, my son`s father can't participate in his own son`s activities.

My ex has even controlled our daughter to the point whete he pulled out emails between our daughter and him, where he made her (12 years old) email him our conversations. So, we cannot even have a heart-to-heart mother daughter convo without being scared that she will email the whole thing, or if he would somehow have her record everything. He has done so in thd past, illegally (in Illinois it is illegal, class 4 felony, to record convo without other person knowing,) record ing a convo between us. So i don't put anything past him to make her record or send him emails or texts throughout the day of what we are doing. I feel like giving up!!!!
Sorry - no, I wasn't implying anything - i thought it was quite straightforward. The message you sent your daughter was that she was not as important as your b/f. Yes, you could gave brought her home - you didn't. Dad has the same right to take her home - he did.

Yes - you were passive. Did it occur to you to get your daughter (jointly with you, if requested) into some counseling?

As for emails, heart-to-hearts, etc? Both of you are wrong in putting the child in the middle. But you are here, he's not. So I'm not going to comment on what he did/did not do.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Your child decided to move in with her great-grandmother in 2012. For TWO YEARS, both you and Dad allowed this situation to remain the same - child choosing where she lived, and whether or not she visited you.

Then Dad decided to man up, and take the child into his new home. That was six or seven months ago. And you're really only upset because he wants to stop child support?

You BOTH missed a SIGNIFICANT PORTION of this child's life. NEITHER of you were there for her day to day needs, you didn't even know she'd changed schools. That's not because she "wasn't sure" if she wanted to live with you. That's because you WEREN'T INVOLVED IN HER LIFE.

My husband is more involved in my daughters' lives (his step-daughters) from 2000 miles away than you've been in your child's life.

Seriously.
 
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