Changing reserved child support

[sharms2010]

Minnesota

My husband, a stay at home dad due to his youngest having autism, recently filed for physical custody of his oldest son and won. I have a good job and for the most part can afford to cover the basic needs of all of us. When he and his ex-wife divorced he took custody of their youngest and allowed her to keep custody of the oldest due to feeling uprooting his oldest would not be in his best interest. There was no child-support because they each had one child. However, his oldest started failing school and getting in trouble so he went for custody. His ex-wife agreed because she was already overwhelmed from having a third child with another on the way and their son wanted to move in with us.

When they went to the court to finalize the agreement my husband felt bad for her and agreed to her request that child support be reserved. In the papers it says it was reserved because she was expecting another child and my husband believes that the needs of his sons could be met. Part of the agreement was that she would pay half of (but not limited to) clothing, school supplies and school lunches.

Due to complications she lost the baby shortly after birth. I hate for this to sound heartless, but since she lost the baby can we have the child support revisited? She has a decent job and no longer has the financial responsibilities of their oldest so actually has less financial responsibility than before. At this point, she has only paid $70 of the $280 we've spent for just school clothes and supplies and says she can't afford to pay the rest. This is the very least of the expenses she was supposed to pay and is only for the oldest. Would we have to go back to court to have the support revisited or can we go through the county/state?

I hate for this to sound petty, but with a teen eating machine and both boys growing out of clothes faster than we can shop, our funds are dwindling quickly and I am constantly worried about unforeseen expenses that could pop up. God forbid I lose my job.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Antigone*]

Minnesota

My husband, a stay at home dad due to his youngest having autism, recently filed for physical custody of his oldest son and won. I have a good job and for the most part can afford to cover the basic needs of all of us. When he and his ex-wife divorced he took custody of their youngest and allowed her to keep custody of the oldest due to feeling uprooting his oldest would not be in his best interest. There was no child-support because they each had one child. However, his oldest started failing school and getting in trouble so he went for custody. His ex-wife agreed because she was already overwhelmed from having a third child with another on the way and their son wanted to move in with us.

When they went to the court to finalize the agreement my husband felt bad for her and agreed to her request that child support be reserved. In the papers it says it was reserved because she was expecting another child and my husband believes that the needs of his sons could be met. Part of the agreement was that she would pay half of (but not limited to) clothing, school supplies and school lunches.

Due to complications she lost the baby shortly after birth. I hate for this to sound heartless, but since she lost the baby can we have the child support revisited? She has a decent job and no longer has the financial responsibilities of their oldest so actually has less financial responsibility than before. At this point, she has only paid $70 of the $280 we've spent for just school clothes and supplies and says she can't afford to pay the rest. This is the very least of the expenses she was supposed to pay and is only for the oldest. Would we have to go back to court to have the support revisited or can we go through the county/state?

I hate for this to sound petty, but with a teen eating machine and both boys growing out of clothes faster than we can shop, our funds are dwindling quickly and I am constantly worried about unforeseen expenses that could pop up. God forbid I lose my job.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

It does sound very petty, but pettiness aside, you have no legal recourse for revisiting child support.

 

[Just Blue]

Minnesota

My husband, a stay at home dad due to his youngest having autism, recently filed for physical custody of his oldest son and won. I have a good job and for the most part can afford to cover the basic needs of all of us. When he and his ex-wife divorced he took custody of their youngest and allowed her to keep custody of the oldest due to feeling uprooting his oldest would not be in his best interest. There was no child-support because they each had one child. However, his oldest started failing school and getting in trouble so he went for custody. His ex-wife agreed because she was already overwhelmed from having a third child with another on the way and their son wanted to move in with us.

When they went to the court to finalize the agreement my husband felt bad for her and agreed to her request that child support be reserved. In the papers it says it was reserved because she was expecting another child and my husband believes that the needs of his sons could be met. Part of the agreement was that she would pay half of (but not limited to) clothing, school supplies and school lunches.

Due to complications she lost the baby shortly after birth. I hate for this to sound heartless, but since she lost the baby can we have the child support revisited? She has a decent job and no longer has the financial responsibilities of their oldest so actually has less financial responsibility than before. At this point, she has only paid $70 of the $280 we've spent for just school clothes and supplies and says she can't afford to pay the rest. This is the very least of the expenses she was supposed to pay and is only for the oldest. Would we have to go back to court to have the support revisited or can we go through the county/state?

I hate for this to sound petty, but with a teen eating machine and both boys growing out of clothes faster than we can shop, our funds are dwindling quickly and I am constantly worried about unforeseen expenses that could pop up. God forbid I lose my job.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Dad and Mom need to support their children.

 

[CSO286]

Minnesota

My husband, a stay at home dad due to his youngest having autism, recently filed for physical custody of his oldest son and won. I have a good job and for the most part can afford to cover the basic needs of all of us. When he and his ex-wife divorced he took custody of their youngest and allowed her to keep custody of the oldest due to feeling uprooting his oldest would not be in his best interest. There was no child-support because they each had one child. However, his oldest started failing school and getting in trouble so he went for custody. His ex-wife agreed because she was already overwhelmed from having a third child with another on the way and their son wanted to move in with us.

When they went to the court to finalize the agreement my husband felt bad for her and agreed to her request that child support be reserved. In the papers it says it was reserved because she was expecting another child and my husband believes that the needs of his sons could be met. Part of the agreement was that she would pay half of (but not limited to) clothing, school supplies and school lunches.

Due to complications she lost the baby shortly after birth. I hate for this to sound heartless, but since she lost the baby can we have the child support revisited? She has a decent job and no longer has the financial responsibilities of their oldest so actually has less financial responsibility than before. At this point, she has only paid $70 of the $280 we've spent for just school clothes and supplies and says she can't afford to pay the rest. This is the very least of the expenses she was supposed to pay and is only for the oldest. Would we have to go back to court to have the support revisited or can we go through the county/state?

I hate for this to sound petty, but with a teen eating machine and both boys growing out of clothes faster than we can shop, our funds are dwindling quickly and I am constantly worried about unforeseen expenses that could pop up. God forbid I lose my job.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

What does Dad think about this?

Why isn't Dad here posting and asking?

I work in MN child support. I know the answers to your questions.

 

[stealth2]

We can't really do anything, but your husband could file for child support. However, why not provide her with a list of clothes the kids need, and allow her to buy them? Then she can shop where she can afford to and the kids still have clothes.

And... Dad should expect that she will ask that he be imputed at least a F/T minimum wage income.

 

[sharms2010]

It does sound very petty, but pettiness aside, you have no legal recourse for revisiting child support.

Thank you for your response. So my next question is, what would happen if I lost my job? We recently had a "re-org" and there's rumors of another. My unemployment would be less than what she makes and my husband cannot work due to the needs of his youngest son. I've never been in this position and don't know how all this would work. Would his denial of child-support affect our request for assistance at all? Could there be a change in custody due to us not being able to support the kids? Sorry for all the questions but I'm a worried mess at this point. Our savings is just about tapped out so if I lose my job we're screwed.

 

[Isis1]

I suggest dad gets a job. I have two special needs children. Both my husband and I work. I work around the school schedules. Dad works at night. Sometimes, you just have to make it work.

I'm not suggesting dad not file for child support, just suggesting you learn not to rely in it.

 

[CSO286]

Thank you for your response. So my next question is, what would happen if I lost my job? We recently had a "re-org" and there's rumors of another. My unemployment would be less than what she makes and my husband cannot work due to the needs of his youngest son. I've never been in this position and don't know how all this would work. Would his denial of child-support affect our request for assistance at all? Could there be a change in custody due to us not being able to support the kids? Sorry for all the questions but I'm a worried mess at this point. Our savings is just about tapped out so if I lose my job we're screwed.

Ok, here's the deal.

Child support in MN is fluid. One cannot permanently waive it. If it is reserved, the issue can be brought into court at any time.

If you lose your job and you and Dad must apply for any type of public assitnace (EXCEPT child-only MA), Dad must cooperate with the child support office to get an order for Mom to pay.

If he failed to do so, then the family unit (the adults' benefits) could be sanctioned down based on non-cooperation.

Again, I ask, since this is DAD's legal issue, why is DAD not here presenting it?

 

[Antigone*]

Thank you for your response. So my next question is, what would happen if I lost my job? We recently had a "re-org" and there's rumors of another. My unemployment would be less than what she makes and my husband cannot work due to the needs of his youngest son. I've never been in this position and don't know how all this would work. Would his denial of child-support affect our request for assistance at all? Could there be a change in custody due to us not being able to support the kids? Sorry for all the questions but I'm a worried mess at this point. Our savings is just about tapped out so if I lose my job we're screwed.

You need to be talking to your husband about his feelings toward the support for his children. This is between him and his ex.

I don't see why your husband can't work. I know many people with special needs children who still manage to earn a living. Has your husband looked into resources available to help him with care during the hours he can work?

 

[Just Blue]

Thank you for your response. So my next question is, what would happen if I lost my job? We recently had a "re-org" and there's rumors of another. My unemployment would be less than what she makes and my husband cannot work due to the needs of his youngest son. I've never been in this position and don't know how all this would work. Would his denial of child-support affect our request for assistance at all? Could there be a change in custody due to us not being able to support the kids? Sorry for all the questions but I'm a worried mess at this point. Our savings is just about tapped out so if I lose my job we're screwed.

You, your job, and your issues are not an issue. Dad is responsible for 50% supporting his children. Dad need to post is own legal issues. Please refer him here. Thanks.

Blue

 

[sharms2010]

What does Dad think about this?

Why isn't Dad here posting and asking?

I work in MN child support. I know the answers to your questions.

I love my husband to death but to be honest he's an extremely passive person. He just keeps saying "oh she'll come around" or "we'll be fine" and I'm the opposite. I want to know all the options in case things don't work out and to prepare for the worst. We've fought over this many times. He thinks that if he asks her long enough she'll help out. In the meantime we have tapped out our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, this shouldn't be any of my business but since I'm the sole financial supplier I would like to know our options. I've asked him if he would do cs and he says he would if it came to it. I don't think he wants to face our financial situation nor cause waves with her. And yes, all this is out of my control. All I can do is put the information in front of him and ask that he seriously consider it. But if there's no way to get financial help from her then that's the end of it and we will have to figure something out to get out of this "on the edge" situation.

 

[Antigone*]

I love my husband to death but to be honest he's an extremely passive person. He just keeps saying "oh she'll come around" or "we'll be fine" and I'm the opposite. I want to know all the options in case things don't work out and to prepare for the worst. We've fought over this many times. He thinks that if he asks her long enough she'll help out. In the meantime we have tapped out our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, this shouldn't be any of my business but since I'm the sole financial supplier I would like to know our options. I've asked him if he would do cs and he says he would if it came to it. I don't think he wants to face our financial situation nor cause waves with her. And yes, all this is out of my control. All I can do is put the information in front of him and ask that he seriously consider it. But if there's no way to get financial help from her then that's the end of it and we will have to figure something out to get out of this "on the edge" situation.

There are no "OUR" options. There is his only HIS option. He obviously does not want to exercise it.

 

[Zigner]

I love my husband to death but to be honest he's an extremely passive person. He just keeps saying "oh she'll come around" or "we'll be fine" and I'm the opposite. I want to know all the options in case things don't work out and to prepare for the worst. We've fought over this many times. He thinks that if he asks her long enough she'll help out. In the meantime we have tapped out our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, this shouldn't be any of my business but since I'm the sole financial supplier I would like to know our options. I've asked him if he would do cs and he says he would if it came to it. I don't think he wants to face our financial situation nor cause waves with her. And yes, all this is out of my control. All I can do is put the information in front of him and ask that he seriously consider it. But if there's no way to get financial help from her then that's the end of it and we will have to figure something out to get out of this "on the edge" situation.

You are crossing the line from "helping" to "meddling." Your husband has decided how he wants to handle this situation.

 

[Isis1]

I love my husband to death but to be honest he's an extremely passive person. He just keeps saying "oh she'll come around" or "we'll be fine" and I'm the opposite. I want to know all the options in case things don't work out and to prepare for the worst. We've fought over this many times. He thinks that if he asks her long enough she'll help out. In the meantime we have tapped out our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, this shouldn't be any of my business but since I'm the sole financial supplier I would like to know our options. I've asked him if he would do cs and he says he would if it came to it. I don't think he wants to face our financial situation nor cause waves with her. And yes, all this is out of my control. All I can do is put the information in front of him and ask that he seriously consider it. But if there's no way to get financial help from her then that's the end of it and we will have to figure something out to get out of this "on the edge" situation.

can i share something with you? you sound like my husband a few years back. stressed out, no end in sight and the feeling of out of control. this happens with single income families. alot. he was supporting me, two of our children and two of mine. all on his income. he moaned and complained about the ex not paying support. there was an order to pay, but the ex wasn't paying it at the time. me, i'm very "everthing will be fine and work it's way together". i signed up for everything that came with special needs children. parenting classes. respite care. headstart programs. school district special needs classes. SSI. now that all of that is in place, i am finally working. it worked out. it just took alot of work and patience. he's alot happier now. wasn't happy then. at. all. but once it was figured out, and we redid out budget. now, child support is fun money for us. it took a minute.

 

[CSO286]

I love my husband to death but to be honest he's an extremely passive person. He just keeps saying "oh she'll come around" or "we'll be fine" and I'm the opposite. I want to know all the options in case things don't work out and to prepare for the worst. We've fought over this many times. He thinks that if he asks her long enough she'll help out. In the meantime we have tapped out our savings and are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes, this shouldn't be any of my business but since I'm the sole financial supplier I would like to know our options. I've asked him if he would do cs and he says he would if it came to it. I don't think he wants to face our financial situation nor cause waves with her. And yes, all this is out of my control. All I can do is put the information in front of him and ask that he seriously consider it. But if there's no way to get financial help from her then that's the end of it and we will have to figure something out to get out of this "on the edge" situation.

Well, this matter shouldn't even be on your radar. This is his legal issue and if he isn't interested in taking any steps, then you shouldn't be pushing it.

Something you can push him to do, if your family is in such dire financial straits? Tell him he needs to get a job.