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Child Care Reimbursement

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NC Parent

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Ex-Wife (Custodial Parent) became SAHM after having another child with her new husband. She continued to bill me for "child care." Our Divorce Decree states that I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." I paid it for 18 months. As she didn't need to place our children in child care being that she as not employed or in school, I don't think I was required to pay this. I'm not trying to receive any "credit" for this financially, just may be needing to prove that I have paid over my fair share when I was financially able to, as I am no longer in that position. Thank you for reading and providing any insight/experience you have on the topic.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? AZ

Ex-Wife (Custodial Parent) became SAHM after having another child with her new husband. She continued to bill me for "child care." Our Divorce Decree states that I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." I paid it for 18 months. As she didn't need to place our children in child care being that she as not employed or in school, I don't think I was required to pay this. I'm not trying to receive any "credit" for this financially, just may be needing to prove that I have paid over my fair share when I was financially able to, as I am no longer in that position. Thank you for reading and providing any insight/experience you have on the topic.
You need to file for a modification. Expect it to be retroactive only to the date of filing, at best. How old are your kids?
 

NC Parent

Junior Member
You need to file for a modification. Expect it to be retroactive only to the date of filing, at best. How old are your kids?
Thanks for the response.

I was trying to be concise, but the extra details- I became unemployed for several months, then had to take a job that paid far less than I was accustomed to. I continued to pay CS, but far less than ordered amount. I absolutely SHOULD HAVE filed a modification, but was overwhelmed and thought I would find something better quickly and pay it back. Lesson learned. Now I owe arrears, but she hasn't filed anything legally yet to collect them. A year ago I found a better position and have routinely paid my full amount of CS since. Again, not trying to get "credit" for the excess to put towards arrears, but my Ex routinely bashes me for "having a history" of not supporting our children. For the first 7 years of divorce I never missed a payment, even continued to pay this child care that I don't think I even had to. I had a rough 2 years but am back on my feet and committed to fulfilling my responsibilities. I was just hoping that if I can show that I paid more than I needed to for so long I could prove I am not the "deadbeat" she makes me out to be. I fairly certain she is getting ready to file for these arrears and am trying to get all of my records in order.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Thanks for the response.

I was trying to be concise, but the extra details- I became unemployed for several months, then had to take a job that paid far less than I was accustomed to. I continued to pay CS, but far less than ordered amount. I absolutely SHOULD HAVE filed a modification, but was overwhelmed and thought I would find something better quickly and pay it back. Lesson learned. Now I owe arrears, but she hasn't filed anything legally yet to collect them. A year ago I found a better position and have routinely paid my full amount of CS since. Again, not trying to get "credit" for the excess to put towards arrears, but my Ex routinely bashes me for "having a history" of not supporting our children. For the first 7 years of divorce I never missed a payment, even continued to pay this child care that I don't think I even had to. I had a rough 2 years but am back on my feet and committed to fulfilling my responsibilities. I was just hoping that if I can show that I paid more than I needed to for so long I could prove I am not the "deadbeat" she makes me out to be. I fairly certain she is getting ready to file for these arrears and am trying to get all of my records in order.
She's entitled to the arrears (plus interest). It really is as simple as that. Your decision npt to file for any modifications doesn't change that.
 

NC Parent

Junior Member
She's entitled to the arrears (plus interest). It really is as simple as that. Your decision npt to file for any modifications doesn't change that.
I totally agree. Not in dispute on paying arrears.

I may not have stated my original question clearly enough:
Ex-Wife (Custodial Parent) became SAHM after having another child with her new husband. She continued to bill me for "child care." Our Divorce Decree states that I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." I paid it for 18 months. As she didn't need to place our children in child care being that she was not employed or in school, I don't think I was required to pay this​

Was I required to pay that Child care since she was not employed or in school at the time they were enrolled in said care?
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Again, until you file to modify a court order, that is the court order that governs what you owe.

*If* you file to modify a court order, and the court order is modified, it will only be backdated to go into effect the date you filed, at best. It won't be backdated to years before you filed.

You have been divorced for 10 years. How old are the children, and what sort of "day care" are you being billed for?
 

NC Parent

Junior Member
We don't ask these question for our health. It matters.
Sorry- I totally appreciate the advice, just trying to do a lot of research at once here.

I made about a million mistakes dealing with my Ex. I didn't enforce things that were in our Child Support agreement or divorce decree that were in my favor. I didn't save the receipts she had sent for the childcare or even ask for them when they weren't sent. Honestly, I was able to send the money so I just did it- directly taken out of my pay check and deposited into her bank account. I've been told it was a pretty classic way of dealing with the guilt for not being near my kids. And as long as I sent her money every month we got along pretty well which made my life less stressful. When I lost my job and couldn't send as much money, all that "goodwill" changed.

Our Agreement states I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." There is no actual amount listed under "Adjustments for Child Care." That is why I don't think I had to file a modification for the child care expense and wasn't understanding your statement. I was trying to say I knew I should have filed one when my income changed, but I think when the boys got older and she became a SAHM, I should have stopped paying for the child care. They are 12 and 9 now and I haven't paid anything towards childcare since they were 9 and 6 (I lost job about 1.5 years after she became SAHM).

My question was really hypothetical- IF I would have stopped paying it for those 19 months before I lost my job, would that had been enforced? Again- NOT because I am trying to get that money back or get out of my Child support arrears- Just when she says I have this "History" of not supporting our kids I want to show her, look, I paid you all of this money when I was able to, even though I didn't have to. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.

New at all this. Apologies for my ignorance.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Sorry- I totally appreciate the advice, just trying to do a lot of research at once here.

I made about a million mistakes dealing with my Ex. I didn't enforce things that were in our Child Support agreement or divorce decree that were in my favor. I didn't save the receipts she had sent for the childcare or even ask for them when they weren't sent. Honestly, I was able to send the money so I just did it- directly taken out of my pay check and deposited into her bank account. I've been told it was a pretty classic way of dealing with the guilt for not being near my kids. And as long as I sent her money every month we got along pretty well which made my life less stressful. When I lost my job and couldn't send as much money, all that "goodwill" changed.

Our Agreement states I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." There is no actual amount listed under "Adjustments for Child Care." That is why I don't think I had to file a modification for the child care expense and wasn't understanding your statement. I was trying to say I knew I should have filed one when my income changed, but I think when the boys got older and she became a SAHM, I should have stopped paying for the child care. They are 12 and 9 now and I haven't paid anything towards childcare since they were 9 and 6 (I lost job about 1.5 years after she became SAHM).

My question was really hypothetical- IF I would have stopped paying it for those 19 months before I lost my job, would that had been enforced? Again- NOT because I am trying to get that money back or get out of my Child support arrears- Just when she says I have this "History" of not supporting our kids I want to show her, look, I paid you all of this money when I was able to, even though I didn't have to. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.

New at all this. Apologies for my ignorance.
Your hypothetical question is irrelevant. You did pay.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Sorry- I totally appreciate the advice, just trying to do a lot of research at once here.

I made about a million mistakes dealing with my Ex. I didn't enforce things that were in our Child Support agreement or divorce decree that were in my favor. I didn't save the receipts she had sent for the childcare or even ask for them when they weren't sent. Honestly, I was able to send the money so I just did it- directly taken out of my pay check and deposited into her bank account. I've been told it was a pretty classic way of dealing with the guilt for not being near my kids. And as long as I sent her money every month we got along pretty well which made my life less stressful. When I lost my job and couldn't send as much money, all that "goodwill" changed.

Our Agreement states I am responsible for my percentage "of any and all employment and or school related day care expenses." There is no actual amount listed under "Adjustments for Child Care." That is why I don't think I had to file a modification for the child care expense and wasn't understanding your statement. I was trying to say I knew I should have filed one when my income changed, but I think when the boys got older and she became a SAHM, I should have stopped paying for the child care. They are 12 and 9 now and I haven't paid anything towards childcare since they were 9 and 6 (I lost job about 1.5 years after she became SAHM).

My question was really hypothetical- IF I would have stopped paying it for those 19 months before I lost my job, would that had been enforced? Again- NOT because I am trying to get that money back or get out of my Child support arrears- Just when she says I have this "History" of not supporting our kids I want to show her, look, I paid you all of this money when I was able to, even though I didn't have to. I guess it doesn't really matter anyway.

New at all this. Apologies for my ignorance.
If you had not paid, and she attempted to take you to court for not paying, you could have challenged her based on the fact that she was no longer working therefore no longer needed daycare, and likely would have won. It would have been acceptable for you to stop, because your orders did not state that you had to pay a specific amount each month and did not have it rolled into your child support amount. It just stated that you had to pay a certain percentage. It sounds like mom really took advantage there.
 

NC Parent

Junior Member
If you had not paid, and she attempted to take you to court for not paying, you could have challenged her based on the fact that she was no longer working therefore no longer needed daycare, and likely would have won. It would have been acceptable for you to stop, because your orders did not state that you had to pay a specific amount each month and did not have it rolled into your child support amount. It just stated that you had to pay a certain percentage. It sounds like mom really took advantage there.
Huge thanks for understanding my questions. Appreciate your response.

Appreciate everyone's responses- Learning a lot here.
 

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