Child Custody/GAL Concerns

[rohan21]

What you're not understanding is that it's not the GAL's job to be impartial. It's the GAL's job to attempt to determine what's in the best interests of the child. And ultimately, that means choosing which parent is most likely to see to the child's best interests and foster a relationship with the other parent.

"Siding" with Mom isn't unethical bias, it's seeing that Mom is doing something right. You're not going to get hte GAL removed, or her recommendations thrown out because it seems like she "favors" Mom. And, before you start in on "Of course, because the Courts hate men"... the reverse is also true.

You're trying to gain primary custody, regardless of how you phrase it. And that's a HUGE burden.

To be honest with you, I've never looked at this so far as me wanting to gain primary custody. My concern is to be able to get a better parenting plan where I can see him more often. Due to that decreasing and not getting proper recommendations or answers to why, where I see better parenting plans online for children his age, made me feel the way I do. My understanding is, along with age, time sharing for the other parent increases. Questions I ask I don't get responses to, false allegations which I hear for the first time such as him coming back mean during exchanges, which have previously never been discussed or brought to anyone's attention, get put in to the motion. If I was the judge, with the allegations written, I'd also think that the Dad was doing something wrong at first glance.

I would greatly appreciate it if I could be assisted on how to speak to the judge to defend myself and what the GAL has written when she filed this motion.

 

[rohan21]

I'm a little unclear about these allegations the GAL made. From what I can tell, the allegations are 1) that you neglected to provide an insurance card to the mother, and 2) you made an inappropriate statement regarding the child not wanting to go with his mother. Is that correct? Is that all?


Also, what's so important about having exactly 50% of the parenting time?

Those were a couple of allegations she made. Others include that I resided with my mother, while she had her own place and was living with her fiancé. I don't in any way see this as something which concerns his welfare. I own the house I live in, due to my culture, I take care of my mom.
Me making a comment once about thinking she was biased and favoring the mother because she was a female.
Me not responding to written correspondence for the last couple of weeks.
Last one was I was delinquent in taking a co parenting class which was supposed to be taken in January but due to work, me not being able to take it until April. Also, me not paying the $2500 retainer because I was in a process of losing my house due to foreclosure. I was luckily able to get help from family members to get caught up and help me pay the retainer.

 

[I'mTheFather]

Those were a couple of allegations she made. Others include that I resided with my mother, while she had her own place and was living with her fiancé. I don't in any way see this as something which concerns his welfare. I own the house I live in, due to my culture, I take care of my mom.
Me making a comment once about thinking she was biased and favoring the mother because she was a female.
Me not responding to written correspondence for the last couple of weeks.
Last one was I was delinquent in taking a co parenting class which was supposed to be taken in January but due to work, me not being able to take it until April. Also, me not paying the $2500 retainer because I was in a process of losing my house due to foreclosure. I was luckily able to get help from family members to get caught up and help me pay the retainer.

Not one of those is an allegation. Those are facts. The GAL is allowed to include whatever facts she deems relevant.

I see some serious problems in how you communicate that are probably affecting the GAL's perception of the situation. When your son cries on pickup, you blame mom by saying he doesn't want to go with her. When he gets home to mom's, she says he is mean. She didn't say you made him mean. See the difference?

Accusing the GAL of bias due to gender was a HUGE error on your part.

Without a lawyer, and with your attitude to the situation, I wouldn't be worried about getting any more time. I'd be worried about losing time. Frankly, I can't see many judges being too sympathetic to the fact that you're in court over 6 hours of time.

So, why is the 6 hours so important to you?

Also, is the mother's culture the same as yours?

 

[LdiJ]

Those were a couple of allegations she made. Others include that I resided with my mother, while she had her own place and was living with her fiancé. I don't in any way see this as something which concerns his welfare. I own the house I live in, due to my culture, I take care of my mom.
Me making a comment once about thinking she was biased and favoring the mother because she was a female.
Me not responding to written correspondence for the last couple of weeks.
Last one was I was delinquent in taking a co parenting class which was supposed to be taken in January but due to work, me not being able to take it until April. Also, me not paying the $2500 retainer because I was in a process of losing my house due to foreclosure. I was luckily able to get help from family members to get caught up and help me pay the retainer.

However, all of those things are true.

You did delay in getting mom an insurance card.
You did make an inappropriate statement regarding the child not wanting to go with mom.
You did make an inappropriate statement about the GAL being biased because you are male.
You do live with your mother.
You have not been replying to correspondence lately.
You did seriously delay in taking the parenting class.
You did seriously delay in paying the retainer.

You think that the GAL shouldn't care about any of those things, and is biased if she does, because 1) you think you were justified in saying them, or 2) you think you have a valid excuse for them.

To me, you are demonstrating a fundamental lack of understanding about what is or isn't appropriate, what is or isn't important, and what is or isn't in the best interest of your child. That is also what the GAL appears to be seeing.

 

[stealth2]

What OP desperately needs is an attorney.

 

[rohan21]

Not one of those is an allegation. Those are facts. The GAL is allowed to include whatever facts she deems relevant.

I see some serious problems in how you communicate that are probably affecting the GAL's perception of the situation. When your son cries on pickup, you blame mom by saying he doesn't want to go with her. When he gets home to mom's, she says he is mean. She didn't say you made him mean. See the difference?

Accusing the GAL of bias due to gender was a HUGE error on your part.

Without a lawyer, and with your attitude to the situation, I wouldn't be worried about getting any more time. I'd be worried about losing time. Frankly, I can't see many judges being too sympathetic to the fact that you're in court over 6 hours of time.

So, why is the 6 hours so important to you?

Also, is the mother's culture the same as yours?

Thanks for your response. I'm actually Indian, she's Russian. It's a completely different culture.

My thing is, I don't have another number in mind. By the time I get a court date, I figure a month, my schedule will be close to changing. I don't want more time to be taken away depending on what my new schedule is going to be. I'm not worried about a couple of months.

I see the difference. I said both of those things once, in the two years she's been a GAL, because that's how I felt about it and I thought she should've known how he felt. Because of me saying that he didn't like going back and the hard time he was having when she came to pick him up at my place, I actually suggested that we do it at McDonalds or his school to make it easier for him. Just like she was stating the facts, so was I.

Why are the facts only from me but there are things that she's said and done which are similar that aren't included? I'm trying to understand why she only chose evert fact that was for me but nothing from her.

I would think the inappropriate texts, recording exchanges from her side should've been included also. Is it not important to let a judge know when her mother and his boyfriend say bad things and threaten me by telling him and him telling me when he comes over? Why are those things less important or something she doesn't see it as filing in the motion?What does a parent living with me in my house who I'm taking care of have any sort of relevance in this case?

 

[stealth2]

Thanks for your response. I'm actually Indian, she's Russian. It's a completely different culture.

My thing is, I don't have another number in mind. By the time I get a court date, I figure a month, my schedule will be close to changing. I don't want more time to be taken away depending on what my new schedule is going to be. I'm not worried about a couple of months.

I see the difference. I said both of those things once, in the two years she's been a GAL, because that's how I felt about it and I thought she should've known how he felt. Because of me saying that he didn't like going back and the hard time he was having when she came to pick him up at my place, I actually suggested that we do it at McDonalds or his school to make it easier for him. Just like she was stating the facts, so was I.

Why are the facts only from me but there are things that she's said and done which are similar that aren't included? I'm trying to understand why she only chose evert fact that was for me but nothing from her.

I would think the inappropriate texts, recording exchanges from her side should've been included also. What does a parent living with me in my house who I'm taking care of have any sort of relevance in this case?

Honestly? A lot of kids have trouble with exchanges. A lot of kids go through periods of preferring one parent over the other. It's normal.

 

[rohan21]

The last update I had today was if I didn't agree to the motion, I'd have to file a response. If I did, then she can prepare a stipulated order and there wouldn't be a hearing.

 

[rohan21]

Honestly? A lot of kids have trouble with exchanges. A lot of kids go through periods of preferring one parent over the other. It's normal.

I definitely agree it's normal. I was a single child of a single parent so I know how that's like.

 

[rohan21]

However, all of those things are true.

You did delay in getting mom an insurance card.
You did make an inappropriate statement regarding the child not wanting to go with mom.
You did make an inappropriate statement about the GAL being biased because you are male.
You do live with your mother.
You have not been replying to correspondence lately.
You did seriously delay in taking the parenting class.
You did seriously delay in paying the retainer.

You think that the GAL shouldn't care about any of those things, and is biased if she does, because 1) you think you were justified in saying them, or 2) you think you have a valid excuse for them.

To me, you are demonstrating a fundamental lack of understanding about what is or isn't appropriate, what is or isn't important, and what is or isn't in the best interest of your child. That is also what the GAL appears to be seeing.

This is not why I feel she's biased. It's because of her actions that she's taken in the past when I've had valid concerned over his best interests, and those getting ignored, is why I felt that way.

 

[LdiJ]

This is not why I feel she's biased. It's because of her actions that she's taken in the past when I've had valid concerned over his best interests, and those getting ignored, is why I felt that way.

Give me a concrete example...because so far what I am seeing is that she simply does not agree with you as to the child's best interest.

To be perfectly honest, I do not agree with you either. I do not agree that changing the child's parenting schedule every six months because your job schedule changes is in his best interest...and that will get worse once he starts school (which is not that far away). I do not think that its in his best interest AT ALL for you to have every weekend. I think that you should have every other weekend and then be responsible for some parenting time during the week. I think that a schedule based on hours, rather than overnights creates too many exchanges and that is not in his best interest. I think that you are so focused on what you think is fair to you, that you are not focused on what is in his best interest at all.

Now, maybe the impression that you have given the GAL and me, and others here is not as bad as it looks. I am quite sure that is why the GAL is asking for the psychological evaluation to be done. I strongly recommend that you either hire an attorney, or stop being difficult and agree to the psychological evaluation. I think that your ego/self esteem is getting in the way of getting things done.

 

[rohan21]

Give me a concrete example...because so far what I am seeing is that she simply does not agree with you as to the child's best interest.

To be perfectly honest, I do not agree with you either. I do not agree that changing the child's parenting schedule every six months because your job schedule changes is in his best interest...and that will get worse once he starts school (which is not that far away). I do not think that its in his best interest AT ALL for you to have every weekend. I think that you should have every other weekend and then be responsible for some parenting time during the week. I think that a schedule based on hours, rather than overnights creates too many exchanges and that is not in his best interest. I think that you are so focused on what you think is fair to you, that you are not focused on what is in his best interest at all.

Now, maybe the impression that you have given the GAL and me, and others here is not as bad as it looks. I am quite sure that is why the GAL is asking for the psychological evaluation to be done. I strongly recommend that you either hire an attorney, or stop being difficult and agree to the psychological evaluation. I think that your ego/self esteem is getting in the way of getting things done.

That's not the case going forward. Our schedule used to change every six months, but starting April, it'll be once a year. I'm looking at what I feel is in his best interest, and I'm sorry to say, but I disagree with you not thinking I shouldn't have him three nights a week. I've looked at different parenting plans for kids his age, and what I'm getting or what I should be getting is equal or less than what's recommended for his best interest.

What is the main reason for a psychological evaluation? How much can that be? I'm not trying to disagree to a psychological evaluation, but the other things she has said that I mentioned earlier is what I feel were unfair and inaccurate, along with them being one sided.

I'm still trying to find an answer to why my mother living with me, has anything to do with this case. As a working father, I take care of my responsibilities, just as you all do. She hasn't worked a single day of her life, lives with her boyfriend and they both tell him negative things about me when he's with them. How is this not important to a child's best interest and why is that getting ignored? Why does the GAL feel that who I live with is more important than the things they both tell him. Why are new concerns being addressed where indirectly, I look to be a bad guy, where none of those things are actually happening? Such as how when he was six months, when she told the court that I was neglecting and abusing my own child, to get full custody, thankfully didn't work. What about now when she brings up concerns about him coming back mean due to the way he's raised in my home, which first of all has never even been brought up or discussed, now part of the motion? I can easily say and make up things myself which aren't true, but that's not the type of person I am. Why is it that my concerns over the inappropriate texts she sent and her recording exchanges, which isn't to his best interest either, not part of the motion?

 

[Silverplum]

That's not the case going forward. Our schedule used to change every six months, but starting April, it'll be once a year. I'm looking at what I feel is in his best interest, and I'm sorry to say, but I disagree with you not thinking I shouldn't have him three nights a week. I've looked at different parenting plans for kids his age, and what I'm getting or what I should be getting is equal or less than what's recommended for his best interest.

What is the main reason for a psychological evaluation? How much can that be? I'm not trying to disagree to a psychological evaluation, but the other things she has said that I mentioned earlier is what I feel were unfair and inaccurate, along with them being one sided.

I'm still trying to find an answer to why my mother living with me, has anything to do with this case. As a working father, I take care of my responsibilities, just as you all do. She hasn't worked a single day of her life, lives with her boyfriend and they both tell him negative things about me when he's with them. How is this not important to a child's best interest and why is that getting ignored? Why does the GAL feel that who I live with is more important than the things they both tell him. Why are new concerns being addressed where indirectly, I look to be a bad guy, where none of those things are actually happening? Such as how when he was six months, when she told the court that I was neglecting and abusing my own child, to get full custody, thankfully didn't work. What about now when she brings up concerns about him coming back mean due to the way he's raised in my home, which first of all has never even been brought up or discussed, now part of the motion? I can easily say and make up things myself which aren't true, but that's not the type of person I am. Why is it that my concerns over the inappropriate texts she sent and her recording exchanges, which isn't to his best interest either, not part of the motion?

Since I can't get inside the GAL's head, I don't know why, why, why.

As to your Mother, perhaps you didn't present the info in a positive light. By the way, people of ALL cultures take care of their Mothers and Fathers. Why you harp on what you think is cultural, I do not know.

You appear here as very aggressive, and I know you want your son. Perhaps your assertiveness is off-putting to the GAL.

 

[rohan21]

Since I can't get inside the GAL's head, I don't know why, why, why.

As to your Mother, perhaps you didn't present the info in a positive light. By the way, people of ALL cultures take care of their Mothers and Fathers. Why you harp on what you think is cultural, I do not know.

You appear here as very aggressive, and I know you want your son. Perhaps your assertiveness is off-putting to the GAL.

Oh I know. I'm not saying that it's only my culture. It's more common in places where I come from where before and after we get married, we still live with our families, them living with us, etc. The reason this made me unhappy was because it has nothing to do with this case, and also the way she wrote it, makes me think that I'm not capable of taking care of myself and my son, hence, residing with my mother.

I do realize that I'm aggressive, and I also agree that this is off-putting to the GAL. I would bet money that was the reason why it has gone to what it has now. But does this aggressiveness that I know is hurting me right now, I figure as a professional, you would think of it just as how you did, that it's because of me wanting my son and it's not anything personal? I don't want to come aggressive to the judge, that is why I want to be better prepared and talking to you all for help.

 

[LdiJ]

That's not the case going forward. Our schedule used to change every six months, but starting April, it'll be once a year. I'm looking at what I feel is in his best interest, and I'm sorry to say, but I disagree with you not thinking I shouldn't have him three nights a week. I've looked at different parenting plans for kids his age, and what I'm getting or what I should be getting is equal or less than what's recommended for his best interest.

What is the main reason for a psychological evaluation? How much can that be? I'm not trying to disagree to a psychological evaluation, but the other things she has said that I mentioned earlier is what I feel were unfair and inaccurate, along with them being one sided.

I'm still trying to find an answer to why my mother living with me, has anything to do with this case. As a working father, I take care of my responsibilities, just as you all do. She hasn't worked a single day of her life, lives with her boyfriend and they both tell him negative things about me when he's with them. How is this not important to a child's best interest and why is that getting ignored? Why does the GAL feel that who I live with is more important than the things they both tell him. Why are new concerns being addressed where indirectly, I look to be a bad guy, where none of those things are actually happening? Such as how when he was six months, when she told the court that I was neglecting and abusing my own child, to get full custody, thankfully didn't work. What about now when she brings up concerns about him coming back mean due to the way he's raised in my home, which first of all has never even been brought up or discussed, now part of the motion? I can easily say and make up things myself which aren't true, but that's not the type of person I am. Why is it that my concerns over the inappropriate texts she sent and her recording exchanges, which isn't to his best interest either, not part of the motion?

I didn't say that you shouldn't have him three nights a week. I said that those three nights should not be all weekend.

For example if you have every other weekend Fri and Sat night, and every Mon and Tues night, that is the same number of nights (6) every two weeks. Yes, you will have to find child care if you work on any of those days, (which may be mom) and you will not have all day to spend with the child, but that is the way that its normally done. You get some of the quality time, and some of the working time.