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Child Custody/GAL Concerns

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rohan21

Member
OP, your child is FOUR. If it'ss "been a while" since the conversation occurred, then the child may have even been three when it happened.

You want to use the hearsay of a toddler? Their memories and recollections just aren't going to be reliable. And given you don't recall the details, probably also irrelevant.
A while meaning six months or so. It was around July. I do know that coming from a single parent household, and being in this situation myself as a child, I've never interrogated him in any way.
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
I'm thinking this person shouldn't read those threads. It might actually give him even more crazy ideas that he really does NOT need. Seriously, all I see coming from this poster is another spinny. We should get out while we still can..

Such is my folly :(

Dad, listen up a sec. With regards to the badmouthing, this child is 4 years old. The last thing he remembers tomorrow will be Mom made chicken but he didn't really like the crispy bits. You're already on a sour note because the reality is that it was mentioned only once, and 6 months ago. Already you're showing the GAL that you have a tendency to exaggerate. Saying that he cries because he doesn't want to go back with Mom is going to get you nowhere. If anything, it may work against you because in about 20 seconds flat, Mom can turn that right back at you and plead that the poor child gets confused and stressed every time he has to visit you. Then you accused an officer of the court of being biased against you based on gender.

You take just these three things together - badmouthing-which-actually-only-happened-once, insisting that your 4 year old cries because he wants to stay with you, and the response you sent to the GAL - and you've just sent a message telling the court that you're inflexible, stubborn and are refusing to acknowledge your part in this.

The only reasonable option I can see is hightailing it to an attorney.... as in yesterday.
 

rohan21

Member
Such is my folly :(

Dad, listen up a sec. With regards to the badmouthing, this child is 4 years old. The last thing he remembers tomorrow will be Mom made chicken but he didn't really like the crispy bits. You're already on a sour note because the reality is that it was mentioned only once, and 6 months ago. Already you're showing the GAL that you have a tendency to exaggerate. Saying that he cries because he doesn't want to go back with Mom is going to get you nowhere. If anything, it may work against you because in about 20 seconds flat, Mom can turn that right back at you and plead that the poor child gets confused and stressed every time he has to visit you. Then you accused an officer of the court of being biased against you based on gender.

You take just these three things together - badmouthing-which-actually-only-happened-once, insisting that your 4 year old cries because he wants to stay with you, and the response you sent to the GAL - and you've just sent a message telling the court that you're inflexible, stubborn and are refusing to acknowledge your part in this.

The only reasonable option I can see is hightailing it to an attorney.... as in yesterday.
If I mention it once, it's wrong. If she mentions it once, it goes on the motion? Really? Bad mounting is one thing, sending in appropriate texts, recording exchanged for no reason in from of him, has no consequences to it? Is that how the law works? Not insisting, stating the facts. And yes, the response to the GAL because of these instances being disregarded as if it has no relevance to the case, any normal human being would've thought of it as being biased. I hear a hundred different excuses for the mother. "Bad mouthing was a one time thing", "she can some back and say that he's confused", which would be a lie, but I agree with you that she can turn write back and say it, "how do you know the child is crying because he doesn't want to go back but because he's hungry"? Seriously? I'm not here to make myself look better, that's up to the judge to decide. What I came here for was because I have to do this on my own, help and advice on how to do it. I do appreciate your response.
 

CSO286

Senior Member
If I mention it once, it's wrong. If she mentions it once, it goes on the motion? Really? Bad mounting is one thing, sending in appropriate texts, recording exchanged for no reason in from of him, has no consequences to it? Is that how the law works? Not insisting, stating the facts. And yes, the response to the GAL because of these instances being disregarded as if it has no relevance to the case, any normal human being would've thought of it as being biased. I hear a hundred different excuses for the mother. "Bad mouthing was a one time thing", "she can some back and say that he's confused", which would be a lie, but I agree with you that she can turn write back and say it, "how do you know the child is crying because he doesn't want to go back but because he's hungry"? Seriously? I'm not here to make myself look better, that's up to the judge to decide. What I came here for was because I have to do this on my own, help and advice on how to do it. I do appreciate your response.
I really don't think you are capable of doing this on your own.

OP, you've got 3 days per week. That is an incredible timeshare. You are fighting to become the primary custodial parent. In order to succeed at that, you need to prove a significant change in the child's circumstances. Not your desire for more time.

All that notwithstanding, you present yourself as still pretty hung up on what you feel the other party has done wrong. That is not how one is successful. You need to focus on your relationship with Junior, and let the other parent sink or swim on thier own merits. At this point, you have probably already shot yourself in the foot with the GAL--and that's on your actions, not mom's.

You need to realize the GAL is not simply looking at the handful of things you are fixated on. He or she is looking at the whole picture if the child were to be in either household. The big picture is more than an inappropriate text or two, or a possible incident of bad-mouthing one parent or the other. It's working to meet all the child's needs while at the same time, encouraging the child's relationship with the other parent. The GAL is going to look at you and Mom and decide who can do this better. (Personally, I think you have botched this in your presentation from the get-go.)

This is why you need an attorney. An attorney would have coached you on the best ways to present yourself. Would have told you what is and is not important in the case, and whether or not you were fighting a winnable fight.
 
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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Having been relatively quiet on this thread, I do have some thoughts.

I wonder how much of the bias you believe is shown (in your opinion) by the GAL is due more to your spending more time highlighting Mom's negatives than your positives? That is often the kiss of death. GALs really do look at which patent is more likely to promote a positive relationship with the other parent. Constantly going on about what Mom/BF do wrong isn't going to indicate that you are willing to do so.

As for living w/Grandma.... In many cultures that embrace inter-generational living, the family elders have a lot of sway wrt the child-rearing. Is it possible that your Mom is a bit more involved than she should be? My kids and I lived with my parents for a period of time when the kids were younger (now the crazy people live with me - LOL). When I was at work, they did as grandparents do an spoiled them w/in reason. BUT, when I walked in the door? Mom's rules were back in effect. My parents understood very well that they were my kids, my parenting, my rules. I think it's very important for grandparents to understand that these are NOT their kids. Is it possible Grandma is a bit overbearing in "parenting" your child?
 
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