Child Custody/GAL Concerns

[rohan21]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico.

I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I have a son who's 4 years old. Due to financial difficulties, I'm currently a Pro Se in this case. I needed help in finding out how to resolve concerns about GAL that was appointed. To make things short, there was a motion filed today by her to do a psychological evaluation for the purposes of determining the capability or capacity of each of the parties to safely and securely provide for the welfare and maintenance of the minor child and to determine an appropriate time sharing schedule considering the development of the minor child, the personality traits of the parents, and the overall best interests of the minor child.

Along with this motion, there were allegations made about me which were untrue. Ever since she was appointed, there has been a pattern of her taking the mother's side on every occasion. Due to this, I feel as my son's best interest is not being looked at with the parenting plan. I can go into further details but I feel as what I wrote so far should be sufficient.

My next step before there's a hearing is to respond to this motion so the judge knows my side of the story. I've already sent my response to the GAL letting her know what my thoughts were in this matter.

I would greatly appreciate any legal advice that can help me and my son.

Thank you.

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? New Mexico.

I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I have a son who's 4 years old. Due to financial difficulties, I'm currently a Pro Se in this case. I needed help in finding out how to resolve concerns about GAL that was appointed. To make things short, there was a motion filed today by her to do a psychological evaluation for the purposes of determining the capability or capacity of each of the parties to safely and securely provide for the welfare and maintenance of the minor child and to determine an appropriate time sharing schedule considering the development of the minor child, the personality traits of the parents, and the overall best interests of the minor child.

Along with this motion, there were allegations made about me which were untrue. Ever since she was appointed, there has been a pattern of her taking the mother's side on every occasion. Due to this, I feel as my son's best interest is not being looked at with the parenting plan. I can go into further details but I feel as what I wrote so far should be sufficient.

My next step before there's a hearing is to respond to this motion so the judge knows my side of the story. I've already sent my response to the GAL letting her know what my thoughts were in this matter.

I would greatly appreciate any legal advice that can help me and my son.

Thank you.

You disagree with both parties being evaluated? It makes it seem that you have something to hide...

 

[rohan21]

You disagree with both parties being evaluated? It makes it seem that you have something to hide...

I'm not disagreeing to it. My concern is how I can respond to this motion and let the judge know how I feel about the allegations and because of her biased judgements in multiple occasion, how to remove the GAL. The only thing I'm concerned about with her recommendation is how to pay for it. Due to my work, my schedule changed a lot. This is one of the things that are being held against me. She doesn't work.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm not disagreeing to it. My concern is how I can respond to this motion and let the judge know how I feel about the allegations and because of her biased judgements in multiple occasion, how to remove the GAL. The only thing I'm concerned about with her recommendation is how to pay for it. Due to my work, my schedule changed a lot. This is one of the things that are being held against me. She doesn't work.

Dad, you do understand that it is the job of the GAL to help the judge to figure out what is best for the child? NOT what is best for mom or best for dad?

If mom isn't working and can be there for the child full time, and you have a variable schedule then odds are that any GAL is going to tend to favor mom for primary residential custody. You are simply going to have to give more detail if you want decent answers. You are going to have to spell out the allegations that have been made against you.

 

[rohan21]

Dad, you do understand that it is the job of the GAL to help the judge to figure out what is best for the child? NOT what is best for mom or best for dad?

If mom isn't working and can be there for the child full time, and you have a variable schedule then odds are that any GAL is going to tend to favor mom for primary residential custody. You are simply going to have to give more detail if you want decent answers. You are going to have to spell out the allegations that have been made against you.

I get that and you're right. That is the problem. Her recommendations and her job to look at his best interests are not what's happening. I'm a supervisor at a call center, and due to it being open 24/7, my schedule changed every 6 months. Luckily, that won't be the case in the future since we won't be overnights soon. I used to have him from Friday at 9 to Monday at 9. Now, it's from Thursday nights until Sunday morning. Our last parenting plan was until he turned 3. I wanted to revisit the plan and get more time, which never happened. My main issue is getting more time with him. Our schedule starting from April only would change once a year, preventing things that have happened in the past. This was one of the allegations against me that I had.

Due to my culture, my mother stays with me in a house I own. This was another allegation which was made stating she had her her own place and living with a fiancé, but I was residing with my mother.

We were both paying for his health insurance separately which I wasn't getting any credit on. I offered her so she can save money, that I would take care of it. She brought up that I never sent her or was giving her a hard time in giving her the insurance card. I've already made multiple copies and changed his insurance through her pediatrician to mine. I've called BCBS to get one mailed out to her so she has the card.

Ever since he was six months old, he has cried every time when we've had exchanges because he wanted to spend more time with me. I brought this up in an email once where I said that he didn't like going back to his mom. This was deemed highly inappropriate by the GAL. All I was trying to do was tell her how he felt. She never proceeded to come to any exchanges to see this herself and now is bringing this one instance in court.

Due to multiple instances where she favored the mom, during one of the meetings I told her that it seemed to me that as a male, I wasn't being treated equally. This was also added in the motion.

 

[LdiJ]

I get that and you're right. That is the problem. Her recommendations and her job to look at his best interests are not what's happening. I'm a supervisor at a call center, and due to it being open 24/7, my schedule changed every 6 months. Luckily, that won't be the case in the future since we won't be overnights soon. I used to have him from Friday at 9 to Monday at 9. Now, it's from Thursday nights until Sunday morning. Our last parenting plan was until he turned 3. I wanted to revisit the plan and get more time, which never happened. My main issue is getting more time with him. Our schedule starting from April only would change once a year, preventing things that have happened in the past. This was one of the allegations against me that I had.

Due to my culture, my mother stays with me in a house I own. This was another allegation which was made stating she had her her own place and living with a fiancé, but I was residing with my mother.

We were both paying for his health insurance separately which I wasn't getting any credit on. I offered her so she can save money, that I would take care of it. She brought up that I never sent her or was giving her a hard time in giving her the insurance card. I've already made multiple copies and changed his insurance through her pediatrician to mine. I've called BCBS to get one mailed out to her so she has the card.

Ever since he was six months old, he has cried every time when we've had exchanges because he wanted to spend more time with me. I brought this up in an email once where I said that he didn't like going back to his mom. This was deemed highly inappropriate by the GAL. All I was trying to do was tell her how he felt. She never proceeded to come to any exchanges to see this herself and now is bringing this one instance in court.

Due to multiple instances where she favored the mom, during one of the meetings I told her that it seemed to me that as a male, I wasn't being treated equally. This was also added in the motion.

Dad, are you saying that you currently have him EVERY Thursday, Friday and Saturday night? Or do you mean every other? If its the former you cannot get more time with him without becoming the primary residential parent. If its the latter you might be able to get more time. There are 7 nights a week and if you have every Thur, Fri and Sat that is 3 out of 7.

 

[Silverplum]

I've been googling, and because NM sucks (sorry, but I lived there once and fled within a year!) it does not have a good self-help website. I'll keep looking, but you should try to at least consult with a family law attorney.

 

[rohan21]

I've been googling, and because NM sucks (sorry, but I lived there once and fled within a year!) it does not have a good self-help website. I'll keep looking, but you should try to at least consult with a family law attorney.

Thank you. I have a couple of free consultations for Monday.

 

[rohan21]

Dad, you do understand that it is the job of the GAL to help the judge to figure out what is best for the child? NOT what is best for mom or best for dad?

If mom isn't working and can be there for the child full time, and you have a variable schedule then odds are that any GAL is going to tend to favor mom for primary residential custody. You are simply going to have to give more detail if you want decent answers. You are going to have to spell out the allegations that have been made against you.

I get that and you're right. That is the problem. Her recommendations and her job to look at his best interests are not what's happening. I'm a supervisor at a call center, and due to it being open 24/7, my schedule changed every 6 months. Luckily, that won't be the case in the future since we won't be overnights soon. I used to have him from Friday at 9 to Monday at 9. Now, it's from Thursday nights until Sunday morning. Our last parenting plan was until he turned 3. I wanted to revisit the plan and get more time, which never happened. My main issue is getting more time with him. Our schedule starting from April only would change once a year, preventing things that have happened in the past. This was one of the allegations against me that I had.

Due to my culture, my mother stays with me in a house I own. This was another allegation which was made stating she had her her own place and living with a fiancé, but I was residing with my mother.

We were both paying for his health insurance separately which I wasn't getting any credit on. I offered her so she can save money, that I would take care of it. She brought up that I never sent her or was giving her a hard time in giving her the insurance card. I've already made multiple copies and changed his insurance through her pediatrician to mine. I've called BCBS to get one mailed out to her so she has the card.

Ever since he was six months old, he has cried every time when we've had exchanges because he wanted to spend more time with me. I brought this up in an email once where I said that he didn't like going back to his mom. This was deemed highly inappropriate by the GAL. All I was trying to do was tell her how he felt. She never proceeded to come to any exchanges to see this herself and now is bringing this one instance in court.

Due to multiple instances where she favored the mom, during one of the meetings I told her that it seemed to me that as a male, I wasn't being treated equally. This was also added in the motion.

 

[CJane]

Do you have specific examples of the bias that you're alleging?

 

[rohan21]

Do you have specific examples of the bias that you're alleging?

A big deal was made about me saying that he didn't like going back to his mom. I was told to apologize more than once. There have been text messages where my ex has said things and recently, she began for no reason recording exchanges where there have been no issues. I asked my GAL about it and she said there was nothing wrong in doing so although it wouldn't be good for our son to see it. I sent her those texts and neither did I ever get a response to the question, nothing ever was said about the text messages. I was actually blamed for texting her.
With the parenting plan changes, since I was getting him three nights a week, 72 hours, I advised her that due to her not working, I should be able to get more time if not the same with my new schedule I have for three months. The parenting plan also was until he turned 3. Based on what I saw online, there were parenting plans with his age group where there was more time others were getting. My schedule change not only decreased my time, but since my ex was unwilling to give me the hours I had, recommendations based on my schedule by the GAL were also not helpful. I advised her my schedule would change in April and her recommendations were for the summer, which was no way a compromise or a schedule change I could accept. I had to accept the change where I get less time now that I used to get until it went to court. After the schedule change, since I started working Sundays, my ex wanted to keep him all day. I advised her that since I don't work until 4, I can drop him off at 3:30. Neither one was okay with that and the GAL made her recommendation until 12 instead which was still to me unreasonable since I kept him the entire day before. According to me, I don't feel as my recommendations which to me were fair, were being listened to. Now I'm being accused of forcing my ex to make changes and threatening her.
I understand it's very difficult to prove GAL when they do the wrong things, and maybe my examples aren't enough. But when you read their body language, the way they talk to each parent in person or via phone and emails, it's not hard to figure out if you're not being listened to.

 

[rohan21]

Do you have specific examples of the bias that you're alleging?

What things would you recommend or feel as would be strong enough examples where I can let the judge know in a better way that this is what I noticed?

 

[LdiJ]

A big deal was made about me saying that he didn't like going back to his mom. I was told to apologize more than once. There have been text messages where my ex has said things and recently, she began for no reason recording exchanges where there have been no issues. I asked my GAL about it and she said there was nothing wrong in doing so although it wouldn't be good for our son to see it. I sent her those texts and neither did I ever get a response to the question, nothing ever was said about the text messages. I was actually blamed for texting her.

You were texting the GAL and you do not realize how incredibly inappropriate that was?!!

With the parenting plan changes, since I was getting him three nights a week, 72 hours, I advised her that due to her not working, I should be able to get more time if not the same with my new schedule I have for three months. The parenting plan also was until he turned 3. Based on what I saw online, there were parenting plans with his age group where there was more time others were getting. My schedule change not only decreased my time, but since my ex was unwilling to give me the hours I had, recommendations based on my schedule by the GAL were also not helpful. I advised her my schedule would change in April and her recommendations were for the summer, which was no way a compromise or a schedule change I could accept.

You do understand that parenting time is generally based on overnights...not on hours?

I had to accept the change where I get less time now that I used to get until it went to court. After the schedule change, since I started working Sundays, my ex wanted to keep him all day. I advised her that since I don't work until 4, I can drop him off at 3:30. Neither one was okay with that and the GAL made her recommendation until 12 instead which was still to me unreasonable since I kept him the entire day before. According to me, I don't feel as my recommendations which to me were fair, were being listened to.

You seem to feel that if the GAL does not agree with you, that the GAL is being unfair. That is a bad attitude to have come across. Please understand that GAL recommendations carry great weight in court, and you could be shooting yourself in the foot.

Now I'm being accused of forcing my ex to make changes and threatening her.

It does sound like you are being a bit forceful. Maybe you need to back off and let the court decide.

I understand it's very difficult to prove GAL when they do the wrong things, and maybe my examples aren't enough. But when you read their body language, the way they talk to each parent in person or via phone and emails, it's not hard to figure out if you're not being listened to.

I don't see anything that the GAL is doing wrong.

 

[rohan21]

Dad, are you saying that you currently have him EVERY Thursday, Friday and Saturday night? Or do you mean every other? If its the former you cannot get more time with him without becoming the primary residential parent. If its the latter you might be able to get more time. There are 7 nights a week and if you have every Thur, Fri and Sat that is 3 out of 7.

It's every Thursday, Friday amd Saturday night. I gave her either the recommendation of me getting a 4th night, or getting an extra day and spend some time with him from 9-3 p.m. for example. What I told her was we needed to have a 50/50 plan or close to it.

 

[rohan21]

You were texting the GAL and you do not realize how incredibly inappropriate that was?!!



You do understand that parenting time is generally based on overnights...not on hours?



You seem to feel that if the GAL does not agree with you, that the GAL is being unfair. That is a bad attitude to have come across. Please understand that GAL recommendations carry great weight in court, and you could be shooting yourself in the foot.



It does sound like you are being a bit forceful. Maybe you need to back off and let the court decide.



I don't see anything that the GAL is doing wrong.

I never texted the GAL. I emailed her screenshots of the conversation me and my ex had and the inappropriate things she said.

I thought it was hours, days, overnights. I did not know there was a difference.

That's what I'm here to make sure of, I don't want to go to court and start saying bad things about the GAL. But her perception and allegations are completely wrong and unfair to me.

I don't see why my mother living with me, or me residing with her, the way she put it, is in anyway an issue.
Not getting any feedback or response on her recording exchanges or nothing done about the inappropriate texts my ex sent me, I don't think was right. Nothing my ex did was mentioned on the motion, everything she thought I did the way she perceived it was written.

I was trying to avoid having to go through court for everyone's sake and come up with a compromise.