child support 50 50 physical split custody

[nurturingdad]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

After a year and a half custody battle, court date came and went, I got 50 50 split physical custody (182 overnights) and joint decision making.
My ex was imputed income as it was proven in court that she not only was hiding money, but she was under employed and had not filed taxes for the last 2 years. (the judge was not happy!)
I was ordered to pay child support which I am OK with as It is only fair I support my children, always have and always will even if she earned 100K a month.

Having said that here is the issue, since the court hearing and the permanent orders came thru she has been emailing me non stop, wanting me to split the cost of clothing, haircuts and expenses that should be included in child support. In the past I paid for clothes in my house and also for her home as apparently the CS wasn't enough (I know prob not the best idea), heck I even bought tylenol because she couldn't afford it!
.. so she got used to that and is not only expecting it but keeping a tab on monies owed such as haircuts, clothes, etc.

I told her I will care for the kid's needs including clothing and haircuts while at my house and she can do the same at her home, also since I pay her child support she should use that money to pay for those expenses at her house, she now is asking me the following:

Then if I understand you correctly you will be buying winter boots, coats, shoes ect for your home? (I always did!)

The kids will have two winter coats, two winter boats, min if two pair of shoes, etc?
We will switch back and forth fir hair cuts?

Am I wrong and in physical split custody.. I am supposed to pay for these items for her house, mine and pay her child support?

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado

After a year and a half custody battle, court date came and went, I got 50 50 split physical custody (182 overnights) and joint decision making.
My ex was imputed income as it was proven in court that she not only was hiding money, but she was under employed and had not filed taxes for the last 2 years. (the judge was not happy!)
I was ordered to pay child support which I am OK with as It is only fair I support my children, always have and always will even if she earned 100K a month.

Having said that here is the issue, since the court hearing and the permanent orders came thru she has been emailing me non stop, wanting me to split the cost of clothing, haircuts and expenses that should be included in child support. In the past I paid for clothes in my house and also for her home as apparently the CS wasn't enough (I know prob not the best idea), heck I even bought tylenol because she couldn't afford it!
.. so she got used to that and is not only expecting it but keeping a tab on monies owed such as haircuts, clothes, etc.

I told her I will care for the kid's needs including clothing and haircuts while at my house and she can do the same at her home, also since I pay her child support she should use that money to pay for those expenses at her house, she now is asking me the following:

Then if I understand you correctly you will be buying winter boots, coats, shoes ect for your home? (I always did!)

The kids will have two winter coats, two winter boats, min if two pair of shoes, etc?
We will switch back and forth fir hair cuts?

Am I wrong and in physical split custody.. I am supposed to pay for these items for her house, mine and pay her child support?

Thank you.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

With 50:50 custody and you paying CS, it is fully expected that you will each provide a home which has all the child's needs - clothing, food, medicine, etc - using your own resources. You have no obligation to subsidize ex's home expenses. S/he needs to get a job that pays enough to support a family.

Alternating haircuts is fine, but don't be surprised if the other person doesn't care if the child looks a little shabby and forgets to do it. Or, s/he may take the kid to the cheapest place in town (or cut it him/herself) which is fine for a young kid, but maybe not as the kid gets older. In cases like that, the person who cares more may just end up paying it to avoid a fight.

That said, there are probably things that it makes sense to send back and forth with the kids. In my area, a kid only needs a winter coat maybe 3 weeks out of the winter and boots even less than that, so it's wasteful to have duplicates. I just buy them and they go back and forth with the child. Clearly, your kids will need winter coats more than that, so it might make sense to have one at both houses.

 

[LdiJ]

With 50:50 custody and you paying CS, it is fully expected that you will each provide a home which has all the child's needs - clothing, food, medicine, etc - using your own resources. You have no obligation to subsidize ex's home expenses. S/he needs to get a job that pays enough to support a family.

Alternating haircuts is fine, but don't be surprised if the other person doesn't care if the child looks a little shabby and forgets to do it. Or, s/he may take the kid to the cheapest place in town (or cut it him/herself) which is fine for a young kid, but maybe not as the kid gets older. In cases like that, the person who cares more may just end up paying it to avoid a fight.

That said, there are probably things that it makes sense to send back and forth with the kids. In my area, a kid only needs a winter coat maybe 3 weeks out of the winter and boots even less than that, so it's wasteful to have duplicates. I just buy them and they go back and forth with the child. Clearly, your kids will need winter coats more than that, so it might make sense to have one at both houses.

While its actually a good idea to have two winter coats, trying to have one at each house doesn't really work, because the child needs to WEAR the coat to get from one house to the other.

 

[mistoffolees]

While its actually a good idea to have two winter coats, trying to have one at each house doesn't really work, because the child needs to WEAR the coat to get from one house to the other.

Depends on where you live. In my area, you might need a winter coat 2 days this weeks with sub-zero temperatures and then have the temperature in the 40s for the next week - so a light coat would be fine. It's not uncommon for the exchange one way to occur in very different weather than the exchange the other way.

 

[LdiJ]

Depends on where you live. In my area, you might need a winter coat 2 days this weeks with sub-zero temperatures and then have the temperature in the 40s for the next week - so a light coat would be fine. It's not uncommon for the exchange one way to occur in very different weather than the exchange the other way.

Yeah, but he is in Colorado.

I have seen people try to have separate winter outerware for children at each house and most of the time it ends up being a mess...unless they actually have three sets. One for each home and one for the exchanges.

I would also like to emphasize to dad that he is paying less child support than he would have to pay if the schedule was not 50/50, therefore he does have to cover 1/2 of shared expenses. He can certainly minimize what is shared by fully duplicating everything as much as is reasonably practical, but I am kind of getting the impression that he isn't seeing it that way from the list of things he mentioned.

Certainly he has to provide clothing for his home (or 1/2 of shared clothing). His fair share of things like haircuts. Half of school expenses (lunch money etc, required school activities etc). He kind of gave off the impression that he was thinking that since mom receives child support she has to pay all the child's expenses, other than food and housing on his time, and it doesn't work that way.

 

[mistoffolees]

Yeah, but he is in Colorado.

But you were saying that it's a good idea to have 2 winter coats - as a general statement, not specifically OP's case.

I specifically stated that 2 coats might make sense in some parts of the country like CO, but that in some areas, you don't need winter coats enough for it to be worth while. You then said "having 2 coats is a good idea" as a general statement.

 

[LdiJ]

But you were saying that it's a good idea to have 2 winter coats - as a general statement, not specifically OP's case.

I specifically stated that 2 coats might make sense in some parts of the country like CO, but that in some areas, you don't need winter coats enough for it to be worth while. You then said "having 2 coats is a good idea" as a general statement.

Ok, Sorry, I misunderstood. Yeah, having two winter coats in some areas may not be as practical as others. I always made sure we had "spares" just in case, but in other areas "spares" are probably not so needed. I always kept my daughter's old winter coats for my nieces to use when they came to visit from Gulf Shores, Alabama, because they never needed to buy one for down there, and it was kind of silly for them to buy one just for visits.

 

[muchneededhelp]

Whatever clothes/accessories the children wear to your house, you should wash and have them wear them back to their mothers. This is the routine I use with my ex husband with regards to our child, and it works well. While in your house, provide them with all the clothing/necessities they need. You have your children 50/50, BOTH of you should be providing at your own residences. As for haircuts, maybe there are different monthly things you could split 50/50? Email her "I will take the kids for their monthly haircuts, and you can take/buy the kids (insert another monthly item). Then we are splitting the costs and responsibilities 50/50." Then you have a paper trail of what you are trying to work out with her, as well as keeping emotions out of it.

You are not obligated to pay more than the support order recognizes; she can keep tabs all day long, but in the end, you aren't obligated to pay it. Anything you buy for the children to use in her household will be considered a gift, not support.

But regardless of how your ex responds and acts in the future, please make sure your children are always taken care of.