Child Support

[beautifulmama]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

Hi everyone!

I'm a 26 year old mother of 2. I was in a relationship w/ a man for 6 years & we conceived 2 children. Long story short, he broke it off with me & got married a week later. (I knew nothing of another woman) I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child 2 weeks after this. He wanted me to get an abortion & I did not. He claims that I entrapped him by birthing a baby he did not want. He wants a relationship with our 1st child but not with his son. We had a spoken agreement that he would have every other weekend with our daughter but every time there was a pick up/drop off he was disrespectful & making threats. I was pregnant at this time & asked him for a court ordered agreement regarding her visitation b/c I felt unsafe in his presence. i simply wanted a pick up/ drop off where we weren't in each other's presence. There was never court ordered visitation. I filed for child support after a year of him being completely absent as a father. Here are my questions...

1. Do fathers have right to be an active father to the children of their choice?
2. Can the statement "I'll take care of my own children, I don't need you for anything" be used against me in court?
3. Can the fact that I asked him to resign visitation until there was a court order be used against me as withholding my child even if it was for my own safety?

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

Hi everyone!

I'm a 26 year old mother of 2. I was in a relationship w/ a man for 6 years & we conceived 2 children. Long story short, he broke it off with me & got married a week later. (I knew nothing of another woman) I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child 2 weeks after this. He wanted me to get an abortion & I did not. He claims that I entrapped him by birthing a baby he did not want. He wants a relationship with our 1st child but not with his son. We had a spoken agreement that he would have every other weekend with our daughter but every time there was a pick up/drop off he was disrespectful & making threats. I was pregnant at this time & asked him for a court ordered agreement regarding her visitation b/c I felt unsafe in his presence. i simply wanted a pick up/ drop off where we weren't in each other's presence. There was never court ordered visitation. I filed for child support after a year of him being completely absent as a father. Here are my questions...

1. Do fathers have right to be an active father to the children of their choice?
2. Can the statement "I'll take care of my own children, I don't need you for anything" be used against me in court?
3. Can the fact that I asked him to resign visitation until there was a court order be used against me as withholding my child even if it was for my own safety?

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this.

1. Yes (unfortunately for the children).
2. Probably not.
3. Probably not. Given the fact that you are not legally obligated to allow visitation unless/until there is a court order in place that requires it, and you told him that, it's on HIM for never taking steps to get the court order.

 

[beautifulmama]

1. Yes (unfortunately for the children).
2. Probably not.
3. Probably not. Given the fact that you are not legally obligated to allow visitation unless/until there is a court order in place that requires it, and you told him that, it's on HIM for never taking steps to get the court order.

THANK YOU!!
I appreciate you taking the time to answer. One more question... can he be granted visitation of only one of our children?

 

[Proserpina]

THANK YOU!!
I appreciate you taking the time to answer. One more question... can he be granted visitation of only one of our children?

Yes, he can.

Will he? Well, that truly depends on the judge. I personally think it's incredibly craptastic, but then I'm not sitting on (or even vaguely near) the bench.

 

[beautifulmama]

Yes, he can.

Will he? Well, that truly depends on the judge. I personally think it's incredibly craptastic, but then I'm not sitting on (or even vaguely near) the bench.

Thanks again. It saddens me that someone wants to seriously treat our two beautiful children like this. I just want them treated as equals, nothing more, nothing less. I love them BOTH and I also know I can't force someone else to.

 

[ecmst12]

However, the court will NOT allow him to only support one of his children.

 

[beautifulmama]

However, the court will NOT allow him to only support one of his children.

Thanks, that's good to know.

 

[stealth2]

However, given that you were not married - has he been legally determined to be the father of either/both children?

 

[beautifulmama]

However, given that you were not married - has he been legally determined to be the father of either/both children?

no he hasn't although him & I both know that they are his children. We never had a dispute on whether they were his kids or not... just which one he wanted and which one he didn't. He filed for a visitation agreement w/ my daughter 3 years ago and decided that he then wanted a dna test but the judge told him he would have to pay for it. The case got continued twice more then dropped when he failed to show up.

 

[LdiJ]

no he hasn't although him & I both know that they are his children. We never had a dispute on whether they were his kids or not... just which one he wanted and which one he didn't. He filed for a visitation agreement w/ my daughter 3 years ago and decided that he then wanted a dna test but the judge told him he would have to pay for it. The case got continued twice more then dropped when he failed to show up.

I would say that there is a very good chance that a judge would not be at all pleased with him that he is only interested in one of his children. I also an pretty darned certain that if he hired an attorney his attorney would almost refuse to represent him if he didn't file to establish paternity and for visitation with both children.

I am also pretty certain that the whole "entrapment by birthing a child he didn't want" bit would cause a judge to seriously kick his butt in court if he is stupid enough to attempt to use it.

However, bottom line, you and the courts can force him to support both children, but you cannot force him to parent both children.

Is he actually attempting to establish any visitation at this point? Or are you only thinking about the possible future?

 

[beautifulmama]

At this point he's said that he's done trying to have a relationship with our daughter & never wants to have one with our son. He says that if he has to pay child support he doesn't want a relationship with them ever. He has even mentioned completely signing over his rights. So I'm not sure if thats what he'll want to do when we get to court. If he doesn't want visitation then I'm fine with that. I just feel bad for my daughter b/c she has a dad as well as half sisters that she knows and misses terribly.

 

[anearthw]

He can't just sign over his rights. However, it is unclear as to whether or not he actually has them - since you were unmarried, there are legal steps that must be taken to declare him the legal father (this is not the same as just knowing he is). I assume he is not the legal father of the youngest, not sure about the oldest, so you will want to take the steps needed for that.

He is not required to pay child support on children if he is not legally the father yet, so in order to obtain the support, you will need to have him declared the legal father of both.

Well, his new wife certainly won herself a booby prize.

 

[beautifulmama]

He can't just sign over his rights. However, it is unclear as to whether or not he actually has them - since you were unmarried, there are legal steps that must be taken to declare him the legal father (this is not the same as just knowing he is). I assume he is not the legal father of the youngest, not sure about the oldest, so you will want to take the steps needed for that.

He is not required to pay child support on children if he is not legally the father yet, so in order to obtain the support, you will need to have him declared the legal father of both.

Well, his new wife certainly won herself a booby prize.

Thank you for posting.

I agree that the first order of business would be to establish paternity because he refused to sign my daughter's birth certificate out of the fear that the government assistance program I was on at that time (for health coverage during my pregnancy) would contact him & order him to pay child support & my hospital bills. At that time he was actually helping me & being a great dad so I didn't push it. As far as with my son, he wasn't there at his birth so he hasn't signed his birth certificate either.

Ok so he actually has no rights until he is legally determined as the father. So after this is done can he then say "I don't want to be a father to my children?"

And yes his wife thinks she's won a prize.... he's definitely at the highest level on the jack ass scale..

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

OP, if there is a court order for visitation/ parenting time, you are OBLIGED to make the children available. He can choose whether or not to exercise his right. He is OBLIGED to support his children if the court orders it.

File for child support and have it taken care of. They will establish paternity, etc.

Also, file for sole custody of the children and for parenting time to be reserved. If he chooses to want a relationship in the future, then it will be on him to file for it. By sole custody, then if you want to get a passport, you don't have to hunt him down.

 

[I'mTheFather]

I'm surprised the state didn't go after him for child support already if you are/were receiving public assistance. How did he avoid that?

Also, he will not be allowed to relinquish his rights unless you have a husband willing to assume them.