• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Child support

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.



Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
My ex husband says I can't claim my children on taxes, it was not written up in an agreement for our divorce he's claimed them for the last 4 years, now I think its my turn does he have a leg to stand on if according to Child Services I pay more than half of their care? He claimed unemployment during the inquiry, but that has since ended. He has physical custody which he blackmailed me into cause I didn't have money to fight him but now circumstances have changed. Also my children want to spend more time with me they are 13 and 9 and he won't allow it because I don't have a first shift job?
Absent a court order, if he has them for more overnights, then he is the one legally entitled to claim them.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Even if his own lawyer said he didn't have a right cause he doesn't technically support them financially with no job. He married into money.
His lawyer is wrong. There really is no question about how this is handled. The custodial parent is the one allowed to claim the child(ren). This may be done on a joint tax return.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
What about him saying that I can't have more visitation until I have a first shift job? I work 2-11:30 but would be able to bring them to school and do dinner and bed, while my husband is with them in between.
You will need to obey your court order regarding visitation. He's not required to give you anything beyond that given in the order.
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
One of my children's grades are falling, He wants to live with me he's 13, says he has no motivation to do good in school feels less distraction at my home. My youngest is only 9 but still wants to live with me with his brother.
So your son is simply being lazy? What do you tell him when he says this to you?

I have an older child that my ex let make the decision to not see me anymore and I have no control over that cause he's 14.
Does your court order say your child decides whether or not he wants to visit you?
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
He was a straight A student all of his life until now, since he's had issues. Started when he was sexually assaulted in Boy Scouts by a ex leader, and his father continued to force him to go even though he was scared to death. Then he made the decision that he wanted to live with me and his father keeps telling him that he can't. Even though he allowed his older brother to make that decision. My older son there was a lot going on at the time, and he had a brain aneurysm, had to have an emergency hearing so that I would get joint legal, and when he was recovering I was with him, till one day his father said he no longer wanted me there and haven't seen him since. So that's a long story that I should have gone to court about also. I was blackmailed into giving him physical custody when he told me that I was going to have to go through bankruptcy with the company we owned because I was 51% owner so he could get tax breaks when I was a stay at home mom. I could not afford to do that and coerced into signing him full custody.
Please answer the questions:

1. What do you say to your son when he tells you he is not motivated to work hard at school?
2. Does your court order say that your other son can decide to visit you or not?
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
I ask him why does he feel that way and he answers with I just don't feel at home at his dads house.
How about you encourage him? And explain to him that while he's with his father you expect him to do his homework and you will back up Dad when it comes to discipline for "I just don't feel at home". I know you're not trying to hurt anyone but you're not helping your son by sitting back and letting this continue. He needs rules at your house, too. Is he in counseling? Getting any help from his teachers?

No there is no court document that states my son can make his own decision on not seeing me except the fact that our court system allows children of the age of 13 to make their own decision about living with a parent.
Sigh. No, it doesn't. One state allows a minor to file an affidavit of preference, and one other state allows a minor to more or less make their own decision ... and neither of these states are Virginia. But even if that wasn't the case, even if one of those states was Virginia it doesn't apply to visitation. If you want to see your son, put in the effort and start seeing him again regularly.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I ask him why does he feel that way and he answers with I just don't feel at home at his dads house.
No there is no court document that states my son can make his own decision on not seeing me except the fact that our court system allows children of the age of 13 to make their own decision about living with a parent.
That is not true.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Tough Love time.

What your son (and perhaps you) does not understand is that his *decision* to fail in school will make him appear too immature to convince a judge to even consider his wishes regarding where to live.

What are the consequences *in your home* for his lack of effort? Have you contacted his teachers? Gone to speak with them? Gotten fresh copies of the work he has not handed in or done poorly - and then made him do over (not for credit) while at your house? Properly, neatly and to the best of his abilities?

My kids were very clear on my stance wrt their education - I didn't necessarily expect straight As (well, I did for one...), but I did expect them to do the best they could. And if that meant extra time on schoolwork vs doing fun stuff? Oh well - their choice. (and yes, if one was slacking - both lost out on fun stuff. Amazing what sibling pressure can do!) My ex (the NCP) didn't actually allow them to do schoolwork on his parenting time, but they learned quickly they could use time in the car or plane/at the airport to get it done. They also learned to speak to their own teachers to let them know of a potential issue with completing work due to a trip to Dad's and work out some extra time. Most teachers will go out of their way to help a student who is trying to help him/herself. Not so much for lazy students.

You might want to make it clear to your son that he is destroying his own future. At 13, I'm assuming he's in 8th grade. His grades this year determine the level of coursework he can take in HS. If he's failing, he won't get moved on to A-track, let alone Honors or AP classes. Which will keep him out of a decent college. Maybe he doesn't want to go to college - and that's okay. Not every kid should. But that should be a choice he has, rather than one he is forced into.

Seems to me that your son has you right where he wants you so he can continue to be lazy. It's on you to disabuse him of that idea.

And yes, I am a bit passionate about education.
 

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
Okay, I get that Dad is the custodial parent, but what does it *actually* say about your parenting time - not what you've been doing, but what it actually says in the divorce decree or subsequent court orders.

I'd say that the first thing to do is reestablish parenting time with the eldest. Yes, Dad has the obligation to foster and allow that, unless and until there is an actual court order changing that. Minors don't get to call the shots.

It may be reasonable to petition for a modification of the court order if your schedules and ability to actually exercise parenting time has changed. I am not talking about increasing time or reducing time, I am talking about having the court order reflect the current schedule you seem to have established (if different from the existing order) and perhaps tweaking it to reflect the fact that the kids have aged, and perhaps have different interests/schedules of their own.

Has Dad been a little controlling - perhaps. Certainly don't take legal advice from him.

P.S. Love stealth's post.
 

CTU

Meddlesome Priestess
Tough Love time.

What your son (and perhaps you) does not understand is that his *decision* to fail in school will make him appear too immature to convince a judge to even consider his wishes regarding where to live.

What are the consequences *in your home* for his lack of effort? Have you contacted his teachers? Gone to speak with them? Gotten fresh copies of the work he has not handed in or done poorly - and then made him do over (not for credit) while at your house? Properly, neatly and to the best of his abilities?

My kids were very clear on my stance wrt their education - I didn't necessarily expect straight As (well, I did for one...), but I did expect them to do the best they could. And if that meant extra time on schoolwork vs doing fun stuff? Oh well - their choice. (and yes, if one was slacking - both lost out on fun stuff. Amazing what sibling pressure can do!) My ex (the NCP) didn't actually allow them to do schoolwork on his parenting time, but they learned quickly they could use time in the car or plane/at the airport to get it done. They also learned to speak to their own teachers to let them know of a potential issue with completing work due to a trip to Dad's and work out some extra time. Most teachers will go out of their way to help a student who is trying to help him/herself. Not so much for lazy students.

You might want to make it clear to your son that he is destroying his own future. At 13, I'm assuming he's in 8th grade. His grades this year determine the level of coursework he can take in HS. If he's failing, he won't get moved on to A-track, let alone Honors or AP classes. Which will keep him out of a decent college. Maybe he doesn't want to go to college - and that's okay. Not every kid should. But that should be a choice he has, rather than one he is forced into.

Seems to me that your son has you right where he wants you so he can continue to be lazy. It's on you to disabuse him of that idea.

And yes, I am a bit passionate about education.
*Standing ovation*
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
*blushing*

As parents, it is our job to push them to develop their strengths. Wherever they lie. Lay? I always miss that one...
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Everyone lost my focus of what was started in the threat, I want more time with my children! I am not a bad mother I have a wonderful job, and great benefits, by ex continues to torment me with the fact he can call the shots on how much I see them. Point Made!! That's all I was asking was can me working 2nd shift effect getting more time with them with the court.
Actually, time with your children seemed to be an afterthought in your initial post. (Just sayin')

My ex husband says I can't claim my children on taxes, it was not written up in an agreement for our divorce he's claimed them for the last 4 years, now I think its my turn does he have a leg to stand on if according to Child Services I pay more than half of their care? He claimed unemployment during the inquiry, but that has since ended. He has physical custody which he blackmailed me into cause I didn't have money to fight him but now circumstances have changed. Also my children want to spend more time with me they are 13 and 9 and he won't allow it because I don't have a first shift job?
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top