Child support accountability and civil court

[davidpen]

What is the name of your state? Missouri.

My ex spouse has been squandering child support for years. I send over $700 per month for my children to her and I still have to pay for them to have decent clothes, be involved in activities, etc. My question is, can I file a civil case for child support money that my daughters never benefit from in any way?

 

[Litigation!]

What is the name of your state? Missouri.

My ex spouse has been squandering child support for years. I send over $700 per month for my children to her and I still have to pay for them to have decent clothes, be involved in activities, etc. My question is, can I file a civil case for child support money that my daughters never benefit from in any way?

My response:

No. Like most NCP's, you're living under the misapprehension and belief that the money you pay is yours. It's not.

How that money gets used is none of your business, as long as the children having housing, food, and clothing on their backs. That's it.

Now, as to the money for the extracurricular activities, have you ever heard the word "No"?

IAAL

 

[davidpen]

Well....

...I guess when it comes to my kids either being involved in extra-curricular activities or NOT being involved in activities, then I guess the answer is no, I don't know how to say no. I take it you're a CP.

 

[Litigation!]

...I guess when it comes to my kids either being involved in extra-curricular activities or NOT being involved in activities, then I guess the answer is no, I don't know how to say no. I take it you're a CP.

My response:

Then, you "take it" wrong. I'm neither. I'm an attorney in California. When you voluntarily pay for extracurricular activities, you do so voluntarily. You have the right to say "No."

IAAL

 

[DL11]

Please don't think that the children have to wear designer clothing, or your child support is supposed to immediately be used to take the children shopping for their desires... the child support money is needed to assist with utilities, gas, food, rent/mortgage, insurance, medical costs (which are HUGE) and many other issues, like school lunches and all the enormous school fees constantly barraged at parents.

My ex-husband has instilled in my children's brains that the child support is for THEM, to go get what they need and want, and not for me to spend on anything else. Now they are teenagers and I refuse to just hand over my child support (which I am just getting again after he's now $60,000 in arrears) so my daughters can go get nicer cell phones, Ambercrombie & Fitch and Hollister clothes and shoes, shoes, shoes b/c they are "cute and I need them". They have the mindset that their "wants" are "needs" when it comes to money their daddy sends, because he's brainwashed them as I am the enemy to drive a wedge in between us.

I'm not saying you did or do this, but child support all those years I didn't get it.... well, my parents had to help me with diapers, formula, clothing, food, transportation, utilities to keep from getting shut off. I lost a car to repossession once and then subsequently lost my job and home because he wasn't paying child support and I just couldn't make it. Think about your children's needs, and not the extras life gives. Being divorced - well, there's suffering involved if you had children (they without the two parents at home) and the CP struggling to meet all the financial and emotional needs of a single parent home. It's not easy by any means, and I made pretty decent money for a young single mother, it still wasn't easy, especially with childcare added to the mix.

 

[betterthanher]

...I guess when it comes to my kids either being involved in extra-curricular activities or NOT being involved in activities, then I guess the answer is no, I don't know how to say no. I take it you're a CP.

You're missing the point. Just because a parent is collecting child support, they think it's a "pass" for children to be involved in extracurriculars. That is NOT the case. The cost of extracurriculars is VERY expensive and the amount of school districts in this country that are "pay-to-play" is at an (almost) all-time high. There are married couples that can't afford it either. Remember, the public policy behind child support (in most states) is "as if the parents were together." So, if you were together, would the financial situation be any better?

If there is no language in your order regarding paying for a part of extracurriculars, than you are under no legal obligation to pay anything towards them. Child support should be used for that. If there isn't funds available for it, then the child will have to go without. Plain and simple.