child support from an affair

[needhelp6]

My husband had an affair 9 yrs ago while we were married. A child was born from the relationship and the mother of the child sued him for child support. He has been paying every penny since the order. We on the other hand been trying to reconcile our relationship, we have 3 children, one was born months after the other child. We have moved from our current resisdence to move away from the mother who was seen at my husbands work and at our old residence. Now, after 7 years, she has found us and moved only 2 miles away from our house only months after our move . She has placed 2 invites in our mailbox that had no address on it just my husbands name for the childs birthday party. My husband responded back by writing a letter stating she is not allowed to come by our house. That was a year and a half ago, now she is filing for more child support and medical insurance and day care expenses. My husband has nothing to do with the child he just pays for the child support there is no visitation on his part. I was wondering were I stand. I make almost as much as my husband,. Can she get my earnings as well. I also hold the insurance because my husband's company does not provide it. Do I have to add the child on to my? If I decided to file a divorce will my child support be decreased because of her child and can I sue her for stress realated issues? I live in the state of Illinois.

 

[Neal1421]

My husband had an affair 9 yrs ago while we were married. A child was born from the relationship and the mother of the child sued him for child support. He has been paying every penny since the order. We on the other hand been trying to reconcile our relationship, we have 3 children, one was born months after the other child. We have moved from our current resisdence to move away from the mother who was seen at my husbands work and at our old residence. Now, after 7 years, she has found us and moved only 2 miles away from our house only months after our move . She has placed 2 invites in our mailbox that had no address on it just my husbands name for the childs birthday party. My husband responded back by writing a letter stating she is not allowed to come by our house. That was a year and a half ago, now she is filing for more child support and medical insurance and day care expenses. My husband has nothing to do with the child he just pays for the child support there is no visitation on his part. I was wondering were I stand. I make almost as much as my husband,. Can she get my earnings as well. I also hold the insurance because my husband's company does not provide it. Do I have to add the child on to my? If I decided to file a divorce will my child support be decreased because of her child and can I sue her for stress realated issues? I live in the state of Illinois.

While I understand your being upset about your husband's indiscretions, you must take into account the child that did not ask to be born into this situation. It does deserve the right to know the father and maybe have him present at the birhtday parties. The child is probably asking about it's father that's why the mother is trying to contact him. You never know.

Now on to your questions.
1. No she cannot get your earnings. However if your husband's income has gone up any since the last support order was granted, she will get an increase in the support.
2. If your husband is ordered to pay the insurance then he will have to do so. If his job does not provide it, you can (but are not obligated) do so. He will have to get an independant company and pay them for the insurance or have the mother get insurance through her job and he reimburse her for it.
3. Your support if you divorce him will be based on his income after the child support for the other child has been taken out so you will get less than you would if the order were not in place however since you have 3 kids you will probably get more than she will.
4. No you can not sue her.

 

[fairisfair]

How did your husband respond back by letter, if there was no address on the envelope? It isn't a crime to invite someone to a birthday party. No you can't sue her for duress, she hasn't done anything. Maybe you should sue him. And no, your income doesn't count towards her child support, but yes, whatever he pays to her for her child would bring down what he pays to you in the event of a divorce. Seems like you and he are both conveniently forgetting that there is a CHILD involved here, however illicitly he or she was conceived.

 

[needhelp6]

How did your husband respond back by letter, if there was no address on the envelope? It isn't a crime to invite someone to a birthday party. No you can't sue her for duress, she hasn't done anything. Maybe you should sue him. And no, your income doesn't count towards her child support, but yes, whatever he pays to her for her child would bring down what he pays to you in the event of a divorce. Seems like you and he are both conveniently forgetting that there is a CHILD involved here, however illicitly he or she was conceived.

The address on the invite is how he got the address. First off I know that there is a child involved here, I guess everyone is overlooking that there are 3 other children that are involved. Mine and this might sound mean but that is all I am concerned with right now.

 

[MominMass]

The address on the invite is how he got the address. First off I know that there is a child involved here, I guess everyone is overlooking that there are 3 other children that are involved. Mine and this might sound mean but that is all I am concerned with right now.

Funny, but you sounded a bit more concerned about your earrings**************...

 

[stealth2]

Funny, but you sounded a bit more concerned about your earrings**************...

Uuuuh, no, she didn't.

 

[AmarieNorton]

Funny, but you sounded a bit more concerned about your earrings**************...

Perhaps she's concerned about her earnings because that's what she uses to support her kids. I personally think it's a valid concern.

 

[stealth2]

LOL Read what MomInMass actually typed tho.

 

[saintkbsmom67]

Funny, but you sounded a bit more concerned about your earrings**************...

Sweet freudian slip.

And it's been 9 yrs...you managed all that time. Why now the thought of a divorce?

 

[MrsK]

Perhaps she's concerned about her earnings because that's what she uses to support her kids. I personally think it's a valid concern.

Agreed. I would also not be concerned with the other child, only my own.

 

[AmarieNorton]

Agreed. I would also not be concerned with the other child, only my own.

Amen to that. (I hope I'm not hijacking here) but alot of times people want you to be concerned with the “infidelity kids” and quite frankly, that's just not in my hard-wiring. I tend to think of my own and their financial and emotional happiness before that of anyone else. I feel like others would think that I’m a bad person because of this but I disagree. I’m like a lioness when it comes to my cubs, and I wouldn’t want any other cubs to jeopardize the welfare of mine. In this seemingly common situation people will want to jump on the bandwagon and say “this child didn’t ask to be brought into the world” and my response would be “neither did the wife or her kids – they didn’t ask for the child to be brought into the world either”. Some say “It’s not the child’s fault” and my response to that would be “it’s not the wife’s fault either”.

People will continue to handle these painful situations the best ways they can (they’ve got to look out for their own family and happiness). Surely people and children will be hurt simply because it’s a hurtful situation no matter how you deal with it.

Ok, I’m done.

 

[egq64]

WE have something in common

My husband had an affair approx. 4 years ago that produced a child that he has visitation with. My earnings were in no way affected except that child support for that particular child does affect family income as a whole....it is NOR YOUR responsibility nor are you legally responsible to provide medical insurance for the child....however, your husband is....if your husband should pass before the child is 18 the child support from his estate will still be due. Its very difficult, the whole thing is. My husband's liason was with a women who also stalked us and moved into our apartment complex and thus we had to leave....my husband is involved with the child but I am not....the child's mother had one time accused her father of sexual abuse and then recanted later...very scary! My husband wishes that this child would spend overnites with us but I'm too frigntend of the possible implications and I have a little baby girl. I've never spoken with anyone else in a similar situation....I thought I was out there alone.....

 

[Claire's mom]

Do you really believe that it's fair to the innocent child that 'you' not allow your husband to have the child over for overnight visits if he wants to. How can you, as a 'mother', stand in the way of a relationship between a father & child? I'm not sure under what circumstances this affair happened, but is it possible your husband misled her about the fact that he was married? Regarless, the child shouldn't be the one to suffer... he should! I don't blame the mom one bit for doing all that she can to try & create a relationship between father & child. When that child grows up, there will be only one parent that they will resent for not doing all that they can to be in the child's life - and maybe mom wants to be able to have that child know that she did everything she possibly could, instead of standing in the way of that relationship as you are. I understand that if you and your husband are able to work things out, that is great for you & your children. But, how would you like it if the situation were reversed & he was with her & she wouldn't allow your children to come over. How would 'you', as a mother, deal w/ that & explain it to those innocent children? If you chose to accept him back, then you have chosen to accept the affair, & the child that resulted from it.

 

[saintkbsmom67]

The address on the invite is how he got the address. First off I know that there is a child involved here, I guess everyone is overlooking that there are 3 other children that are involved. Mine and this might sound mean but that is all I am concerned with right now.

You're not being mean, but also take into consideration your husband overlooked his 3 other children when he decided to have another child that wasn't yours. Now he has to pay the price for the one night or one year or however long the affair went on.

 

[MrsK]

You're not being mean, but also take into consideration your husband overlooked his 3 other children when he decided to have another child that wasn't yours. Now he has to pay the price for the one night or one year or however long the affair went on.

He is paying- child support. There is no law that says he must spend time with this child, and I think he's made it clear to the mother that he doesnt want to spend time with the child.

OP- you might look into getting a restraining order on the mother, to keep her away from your house & your family, and so she can no longer contact you. Or, you could try moving again, and keep your phone number unlisted. He doesnt have to give the mother his address and CSE should not be giving his address out either.