Child support...again

[RRevak]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FL

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible to save ya'll the drama. Situation involves ex (again) and there are no current orders for either child support or custody. Time came to pay for the end of year school trip for oldest kiddo. Cost was $100 plus another $100 for expenses. I told dad this weeks ago and have kept him up to date as to when payment was due and asked he pay for half. He agreed until time came to actually pay. Then it became how he didn't have money and how he was about to get cell phone shut off etc etc. Same song and dance as usual so I ended up paying the entire amount myself. Well literally the day after dad comes to pick kiddo up for the day and low n behold there are brand new rims on his tires. Hubs happened to catch this and lost his temper (after kiddo left of course) and said he had had enough of the situation and blames me for being "too nice" to dad by not going back for another round of child support orders. Says hes tired of spending money on kiddo (i'm not currently working due to our newest child having severe medical issues) while dad gets to do whatever he wants and that i'm encouraging it and taking advantage of hubs. So he says I either go back and attempt to gain another order for support or he will leave until I do. The last time I attempted support orders it dragged on for nearly 2 years and never came to anything. Every single time we went before magistrate ex would give some song n dance and boom, orders would be temporarily halted until the blah blah blah could be resolved. This nonsense dragged on so long that ex eventually left the state and that was the end of it per the CSE's stating he could not be found. Case was inevitably closed. This is precisely the reason I haven't attempted things again because I know here in FL that its useless. But hubs is very angry and rightfully so which brings me to my question. If I were to go back and file again would it be better to go through a private attorney or would it be just as slow as going through the state? I don't want another situation where he gets to use the court to his advantage but i'm now backed into a corner. If I were to go through the state again would they have records of previous dealings or is it like starting all over again? I do know that ex now has an official job (quit job where he was a 1099) and now lives locally. Would this help move things along?

 

[Zigner]

I think, with a proper fee agreement, a private attorney would have more incentive to get things done in a timely manner.

With that said, it's my opinion that your husband is out of line.

 

[justalayman]

If you believe it is an exercise in futility, I would go the cheapest route since it is simply to appease hubs. An added plus is he will be paying for whatever you do so why not have it cost the least amount possible if the result is going to be no benefit.

but given he is now local and has a "real" job, I would not give up hope that you are successful.


as to the rest, I'm not qualified to respond.

 

[Silverplum]

If you use an attorney, request Dad reimburse you for attorney fees. You might get it.

I'm sorry you are in this box. I don't understand why your H blames you, but there he goes.

 

[RRevak]

I think, with a proper fee agreement, a private attorney would have more incentive to get things done in a timely manner.

With that said, it's my opinion that your husband is out of line.

I've heard here though that using CSE means better access to collection than private attorney (because I know ex will fight tooth and nail to not have to pay). Is this true? Or does it not matter... We really don't have money for an attorney now but if that will move things along better then we'll figure something out.

Hubs was angry and i'm not sure if he really means it or not but I feel his frustration. We just signed an agreement with kiddos orthodontist to the tune of $2700 for "phase 2" of medically necessary mouth work after we already paid $2500 for "phase 1". Ex never contributed to phase 1 and has made himself clear he will not contribute to phase 2 and says we should have just found a cheaper ortho. This is just the tip of financial iceberg so I suppose I can understand? It still hurts like heck though. Hubs now sees things as me letting him be a wallet while dad gets the fun stuff.

 

[CJane]

I sort of understand your husband's frustration. It's not FAIR, by any stretch. After all, he knew about kiddo #1 when he married you, it's not like you surprised him one day with a previous child and butthead ex... but ... I'm certain my husband feels a bit of the same frustration. There's no order for CS for my girls, and so he ends up paying for most of the things they need (all of the things they need as of next Friday when I leave my job) - and there's no order for his ex wife to pay child support for THEIR kids. So he's 100% on the hook twice. I think a conversation with Hubby, acknowledging his frustration and explaining that you can only do so much - the STATE has to step up and actually issue orders - but you'll try again, will go a long way.

And I think that Dad being local and having a job helps. A lot.

 

[Zigner]

I've heard here though that using CSE means better access to collection than private attorney (because I know ex will fight tooth and nail to not have to pay).

To be clear - you are looking for the initial order, not for the actual collection, right?

 

[Silverplum]

What's unfair, IMO, is that RR is home because she is caring for a sick child, and that child belongs to her current H. His resentment is unfair given RR's reason for not working.

 

[justalayman]

What's unfair, IMO, is that RR is home because she is caring for a sick child, and that child belongs to her current H. His resentment is unfair given RR's reason for not working.

frustration is a bitch. It can manifest itself in so many ways.


Hopefully hubs is simply frustrated. After all, as another said; he knew the score when he took the field.

 

[RRevak]

Yes i'm looking for a new order and not collection on an existing. I told hubs we need to sit down and talk about this and that I'm not wanting to make him feel like i'm blind to his feelings. This has been a long road with the ex and there are a lot of things my husband is bitter about. There were proceedings for adoption but the ex changed his mind twice. Part of the withdraw last time was that he would step up and be a part of kiddos life as well as contribute financially. He stepped up...eventually...but the financial part has never happened. Then there was the tax return nonsense recently. The ex comes and goes when he pleases for his time with kiddo because his schedule is too erratic for anything else, and I keep quiet to not rock to boat so to speak. I'm afraid the minute he's served with papers he'll disappear again like he did last time. He actually told me at one point that him not seeing kiddo was because I was "forcing him to give money he didn't have so therefor him not seeing kiddo was my fault". I honestly feel if he disappears again kiddo won't be able to handle it. She had to go through a year of therapy before because of his comings and goings and I don't want to put her through that again. I've always made that clear to hubs but when ex shows up with new rims (among other toys) after saying he can't afford her school trip or her mouth work, well, I can see why hubs is upset. Honestly I feel he just spoke out of anger and really doesn't believe his words. If I attempt the state route first, and things appear like they're going the same route as last time, can an attorney take the case over from the state to help things move faster?

 

[Zigner]

There were proceedings for adoption but the ex changed his mind twice.

...and now your husband has given you an ultimatum based on his resentment of the financial burden the kids put on him.

 

[Zigner]

Yes i'm looking for a new order and not collection on an existing.

While I agree with the prior poster's statement that the state would be the cheaper route, I will stand by my earlier statement that a private attorney may be a bit more motivated to get the order done.

 

[RRevak]

...and now your husband has given you an ultimatum based on his resentment of the financial burden the kids put on him.

I know I know, its really confusing. I think if the ex were still "gone" then it wouldn't be an issue. But since the ex is "here" and playing a larger more active roll in kiddos life, hubs feels its dads turn to support the child he told my husband and the court he would.

 

[CJane]

...and now your husband has given you an ultimatum based on his resentment of the financial burden the kids put on him.

It's a good point. He was willing to go through an adoption - twice - but so ticked off he's ready to leave if you don't get CS from your ex?

Y'all need an intervention, stat.

 

[Silverplum]

I know I know, its really confusing. I think if the ex were still "gone" then it wouldn't be an issue. But since the ex is "here" and playing a larger more active roll in kiddos life, hubs feels its dads turn to support the child he told my husband and the court he would.

Pay for play, eh?

You might wish to polish your resume.