Child support and paternity

[tanear1964]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ok here we go.. I know I am going to be called all kind of things so lets get it over with..
I got divorced in 1997... I have two sons with my ex.. I knew at the time of my divorce that the oldest boy was not mine.. But I did not want to push the issue.. going thru the splitting of his parents I thought was enough to deal with for a 7 year young boy.. He is now 21 and my question is.. How do I go about getting the test done to clear the air..

1) So if he knows maybe his mother will come clean to him who his real father is..(medical and family history)

2) He will have the questions answered of why him and his Brother are not alike(looks or build) and why his brother studders and he does not.and my daughter with my second wife studders

So my question is.. How do I go about doing this. And would there be any legal trouble to my ex for false documents and false child support for the 11 years I paid her 500.00 a month for him??..

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

Ok here we go.. I know I am going to be called all kind of things so lets get it over with..
I got divorced in 1997... I have two sons with my ex.. I knew at the time of my divorce that the oldest boy was not mine.. But I did not want to push the issue.. going thru the splitting of his parents I thought was enough to deal with for a 7 year young boy.. He is now 21 and my question is.. How do I go about getting the test done to clear the air..

1) So if he knows maybe his mother will come clean to him who his real father is..(medical and family history)

2) He will have the questions answered of why him and his Brother are not alike(looks or build) and why his brother studders and he does not.and my daughter with my second wife studders

So my question is.. How do I go about doing this. And would there be any legal trouble to my ex for false documents and false child support for the 11 years I paid her 500.00 a month for him??..

You can ask your legal child to participate in a paternity test. The court will not compel him to do so, though.

The court will also not compel Mom to come clean about who the father might be.

There's no false child support - you agreed that you were the child's legal father. You supported your LEGAL child.

End of story.

You might also want to take a few biology and genetics classes.

 

[NellieBly]

What do you hope to gain from this?

 

[ecmst12]

You are his "real" father regardless of whether you are his biological father. Why do you think it will not totally destroy his world if you tell him you don't think he is "yours"? How is this in your CHILD'S best interests?

 

[Proserpina]

What do you hope to gain from this?

I'll take, "Refund of past paid child support" for $500, Alex.

 

[mistoffolees]

I'll take, "Refund of past paid child support" for $500, Alex.

Just to make it 100% clear - that's not going to happen. OP will NOT get his past child support back.

I can't imagine any scenario where he could. Even under the best of circumstances, he can't get around the fact that:

1. He was LEGALLY the father, even if someone else donated the sperm
2. He accepted responsibility when they divorced. He could have raised the issue then.
3. He knew he wasn't biologically the father before the divorce, so there's no question of fraud.
4. Statute of limitations would be a problem for most, if not all, of the payments, anyway.

 

[tanear1964]

Ok as I said I knew I would be attacked.. so thanks for making me right... I was wondering if him knowing or not knowing would better his chance later in life with a family of his own... AND NO I DO NOT WANT THE MONEY BACK... So alex and Vanna can relax....
But thanks for the helpful comments.

 

[stealth2]

Ok as I said I knew I would be attacked.. so thanks for making me right...

As it happens, you were not attacked.

 

[ecmst12]

I was wondering if him knowing or not knowing would better his chance later in life with a family of his own

I don't see how it would have any effect on his future family other than feeling betrayed by his parents. There is no reason to treat your son as anything other than your son, legally and emotionally. DNA is irrelevent and this kind of revelation won't be any easier for a 21 year old than it would have been for a 7 year old. You are his dad, act like it.

 

[mistoffolees]

Ok as I said I knew I would be attacked..

Care to point out where you were attacked? Please read my post which answers the legal issues - and tell me where I attacked you, for example.

AND NO I DO NOT WANT THE MONEY BACK...

That's good. But your initial post sounded like that was some of the issue.

I don't see how it would have any effect on his future family other than feeling betrayed by his parents. There is no reason to treat your son as anything other than your son, legally and emotionally. DNA is irrelevent and this kind of revelation won't be any easier for a 21 year old than it would have been for a 7 year old. You are his dad, act like it.

Well, there IS one issue. It's not something that OP brought up, so doesn't seem to be part of his thinking, but medicine is finding that genetics plays a HUGE role in almost every element of your life. My doctor put it succinctly: "tell me what disease killed your parents and I'll tell you what's going to kill you". While that's obviously an exaggeration, there's a huge amount of truth.

If OP was looking for a way to convey the medical history to the "child" so that the child would be better able to take care of himself over the years, that would be reasonable. But that isn't a legal issue - it's simply deciding if Mom or Dad wants to tell the kid who the father is.

 

[nextwife]

Why do you think it will not totally destroy his world if you tell him you don't think he is "yours"? How is this in your CHILD'S best interests?

There is nothing WRONG with one's LEGAL parent being a different person than their bioparent, and there is no reason to delay letting one's child know that. It should not destroy a child's world to know that one or more parents CHOSE to become their parent regardless of sharing genes. Being a legal parent is no less a legitamate parenthood, and it need not be treated as a dirty little secret that is hidden. How can we expect our children to respect families created in other ways if we treat non-bioparenthood as too terrible to discuss freely? As too secret to let our child know?

Matter of fact, it is ESSENTIAL that one's child know if their parental genetics does or does not apply to them. As various genetic assignments come up in class, for example, kiddo simply advises her teacher that we do not share genetics and asks if she should proceed with the lab or assignment based upon ours, knowing that such a project will not yield results that apply to her. When any medical situation comes up (which could occur in our absence), and one's child is asked about parental med histories, it is important that THEY know to say: "My mom or my dad is not my biological parent."

You certainly don't want leave things so one's child ACCIDENTALLY figures it out because of eye color, blood type or some other recessive gene study in school!

However, it is essential that one's child KNOW we consider them "ours" regardless of the genetics.

 

[tanear1964]

I would like to thank you all for your comments and suggestions.. And yes I must eat CROW.. I have re-read the posts and answers... I was not attacked just giving the facts.. and for that I say thank you...

So yes I was wrong and I am man enough to say so....

again.. Thank you all for your answers and comments..

 

[stealth2]

Thank you. You're a quality dude to be able to admit it. Best wishes to you.