Child Support Purpose

[tiredmom1010]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My ex and I share physical custody (week on/week off) and he pays me child support which I use to pay ALL the expenses for our children (school tuition, uniforms, extra-cirricular activities, shoes, school supplies, birthday parties, etc.) I NEVER ask him for money beyond what he pays in child support. My ex refuses to buy our children any basic casual clothes (sock, underwear, t-sirts, shorts, jeans etc.) Every time they say they need something he tells them "that's what child support is for". Please clarify for me...am supposed to furnish both homes with everything they need? He keeps requesting that his support be lowered yet he doesn't seem to want to meet their basic needs while they are in his care and custody. We live in Georgia. Your thoughts are apprecaited.

 

[Zigner]

Send an extra outfit or two.

 

[CSO286]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My ex and I share physical custody (week on/week off) and he pays me child support which I use to pay ALL the expenses for our children (school tuition, uniforms, extra-cirricular activities, shoes, school supplies, birthday parties, etc.) I NEVER ask him for money beyond what he pays in child support. My ex refuses to buy our children any basic casual clothes (sock, underwear, t-sirts, shorts, jeans etc.) Every time they say they need something he tells them "that's what child support is for". Please clarify for me...am supposed to furnish both homes with everything they need? He keeps requesting that his support be lowered yet he doesn't seem to want to meet their basic needs while they are in his care and custody. We live in Georgia. Your thoughts are apprecaited.

In a 50/50 arrangement, both parties are expected to provide for all of the kids' needs while under their roof. That means you buy what they need for your home, he buys for his. If you truly want to fight about it, sent the children to Dad's home with just the clothes on their backs. Or suck it up, be the bigger parent and let the kids know to pack extra to keep at Dad's place.

Even in true 50/50's support can be ordered, especially in states that use the income shares model.

 

[Silverplum]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My ex and I share physical custody (week on/week off) and he pays me child support which I use to pay ALL the expenses for our children (school tuition, uniforms, extra-cirricular activities, shoes, school supplies, birthday parties, etc.) I NEVER ask him for money beyond what he pays in child support. My ex refuses to buy our children any basic casual clothes (sock, underwear, t-sirts, shorts, jeans etc.) Every time they say they need something he tells them "that's what child support is for". Please clarify for me...am supposed to furnish both homes with everything they need? He keeps requesting that his support be lowered yet he doesn't seem to want to meet their basic needs while they are in his care and custody. We live in Georgia. Your thoughts are apprecaited.

That IS what child support is for.

On the other hand, you don't have to supply his home with clothing for them. Send a few outfits from Goodwill. Or tell him to handle clothing on his own time.

I never understood this argument: who's wearing the kid-sized clothing? The kid/s. Send the kid/s clothing -- it belongs to them.

 

[tiredmom1010]

Thanks for the replies. I always send everything they will need for the upcoming week and more often than not, the clothes don't come back. I am buying them replacement clothes on a regular because they "can't find anything that fits" at dad's. Which probably is the case because dad is very unorganized and they are forever not being able to find stuff that they took over there. I absolutely want to make sure my kids always have everything they need but it gets very costly and the child support doesn't stretch far enough to supply 2 households. I get absolutely NO cooperation from dad....he never even speaks to me unless it is to send a nasty text or email about something that has gone wrong in his life that is somehow my fault. I have ALWAYS been the bigger parent and taken the high road through out this process (it's been almost 4 years) and will continue to do so. I just didn't know if I was misinformed as to what child support is to cover and what his financial responsiblities are when they are in his care and custody.

Thanks for you help

 

[tiredmom1010]

Silverplum - I ALWAYS send clothes over to dad's.....they just don't always come back and I have to replace them

 

[SESmama]

I am n GA and Goodwill is your friend.

Buy enough for about a month. You can probably get enough for under $100 per kid.

Send only those with them to Dad's. Unless they are toddlers I doubt the will outgrow them in 3 months. Teach them (unless they are toddlers) how to keep track of their own clothing.

 

[AlmostThere]

Depending on the child's age, say 10 and over, send the clothing in a backpack in a plastic bag, and give the instruction to pack all clothes as they come off in the backpack. And bring the backpack back to your house with them.

Also at a certain age they should be responsible for straightening up the area where their clothes are kept. They could even say "Dad, I want to keep my belongings in this box here" so they can find the clothing that fits.

 

[mistoffolees]

Depending on the child's age, say 10 and over, send the clothing in a backpack in a plastic bag, and give the instruction to pack all clothes as they come off in the backpack. And bring the backpack back to your house with them.

Also at a certain age they should be responsible for straightening up the area where their clothes are kept. They could even say "Dad, I want to keep my belongings in this box here" so they can find the clothing that fits.

Yep. Kids should be able to keep track of their own clothing. And clothing doesn't disappear into thin air. If Mom has sent 20 outfits to Dad's house and only 10 came back, then there are 10 outfits still at Dad's (unless the kids ripped off their clothes in a public place and discarded them and went home naked). So explain to the kids that they need to keep track of their clothes because you're going to assume that any outfits you sent there are still there unless they were returned to you.

As an aside, this gets better over time. My ex used to be a royal PIA about clothes. She was constantly counting clothes at the end of our daughter's week at my place and if the clothes weren't returned to her (cleaned and ironed), she had a fit. (I suspect that she didn't extend me the same courtesy because there were lots of bags of clothes going one direction, but rarely the opposite. It made my daughter's life miserable because she didn't really care which home the clothes were in - she just wanted nice clothes to wear. Fortunately, after a couple of years, ex doesn't make an issue of it any more and daughter can take any clothes she wants to either house.

 

[smommy1992]

Thanks for the replies. I always send everything they will need for the upcoming week and more often than not, the clothes don't come back. I am buying them replacement clothes on a regular because they "can't find anything that fits" at dad's. Which probably is the case because dad is very unorganized and they are forever not being able to find stuff that they took over there. I absolutely want to make sure my kids always have everything they need but it gets very costly and the child support doesn't stretch far enough to supply 2 households. I get absolutely NO cooperation from dad....he never even speaks to me unless it is to send a nasty text or email about something that has gone wrong in his life that is somehow my fault. I have ALWAYS been the bigger parent and taken the high road through out this process (it's been almost 4 years) and will continue to do so. I just didn't know if I was misinformed as to what child support is to cover and what his financial responsiblities are when they are in his care and custody.




There is actually a clause in my CO that states "all clothing and personal items to be returned with child at end of visit with NCP." Never has our CO stated I had to provide clothing for our daughter while visiting her father, I just have done it to be helpful and not cause more issues. I went through argument after argument with my ex about even having a few articles of clothing for her at his home in case she needed it, like if she forgot her jacket, extra pairs of socks, underwear, etc. He refused to do anything more stating the same, "that is what child support is for".
Yes, it is costly to have to provide clothing for two households if the children forget their stuff at dad's, but there isn't much you can do except remind them to make sure they have all of their belongings when they come back home to you. I remind little miss if she forgets something at her fathers house, it will be 2 weeks before she gets it back, so be extra mindful if you really need that article of clothing or whatnot.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My ex and I share physical custody (week on/week off) and he pays me child support which I use to pay ALL the expenses for our children (school tuition, uniforms, extra-cirricular activities, shoes, school supplies, birthday parties, etc.) I NEVER ask him for money beyond what he pays in child support. My ex refuses to buy our children any basic casual clothes (sock, underwear, t-sirts, shorts, jeans etc.) Every time they say they need something he tells them "that's what child support is for". Please clarify for me...am supposed to furnish both homes with everything they need? He keeps requesting that his support be lowered yet he doesn't seem to want to meet their basic needs while they are in his care and custody. We live in Georgia. Your thoughts are apprecaited.

No, you are not supposed to furnish both homes with everything he needs. He is supposed to be providing everything the children need during his time and you are supposed to be providing everything they need during your time.

The reason you receive child support is because his income is obviously higher than yours. However, I believe that he is getting credit for having them 50% of the time in the child support calculation, therefore he would be paying a lot more child support if your custody was not 50/50. He is getting credit for expenses at his house.

 

[The_Non-Mom]

Yes, sending clothes and not getting them back is annoying. Depending on the age of the kids, I think "natural consequences" is the way to go. If they can't keep track of their clothes at either house, then they have nothing to wear.

As was mentioned, if you buy 20 outfits, then somewhere there are 20 outfits. Put the responsibility on your kids to know where the outfits are. You'll kill two birds: less to worry about for you and a lesson in personal responsibility for the kids.

 

[CJane]

Yes, sending clothes and not getting them back is annoying. Depending on the age of the kids, I think "natural consequences" is the way to go. If they can't keep track of their clothes at either house, then they have nothing to wear.

As was mentioned, if you buy 20 outfits, then somewhere there are 20 outfits. Put the responsibility on your kids to know where the outfits are. You'll kill two birds: less to worry about for you and a lesson in personal responsibility for the kids.

Yup. It reaches a point where it's not really Dad's "fault" anymore. My son is almost 6 and I wouldn't pack a bag for him anymore. He goes with the clothes on his back, and he either comes home with those clothes on, or a different outfit. Why? Because I'm not enabling the bad behavior of the other parent, nor am I enabling the "Gee I forgot, so you'll have to replace it" mentality in the child.