Childs Father Doesn't Want To Work

[proudwifey]

What is the name of your state? NY

I'LL KEEP THIS AS SHORT AS I CAN. 5 1/2 YEARS AGO, I HAD A CHILD WITH AN EX BOYFRIEND. WE'VE GONE TO COURT OVER AND OVER AGAIN DUE TO CHILD SUPPORT (OR LACK OF). HE IS REQUIRED TO PAY A WHOLE $20/WEEK IN SUPPORT, $30/WEEK FOR CHILDCARE, AND MOST RECENTLY $70/MONTH FOR HEALTH INSURANCE.
SOMEHOW, HE'S MANAGED TO GET HIMSELF OVER $3,000 IN ARREARS. WE HAVE ALREADY GONE TO COURT 3 TIMES IN THE PAST 2 YEARS, ALL OF WHICH WAS FOR VIOLATION OF A COURT ORDER.
MY MAIN ISSUE IS THAT HE CAN'T HOLD A JOB. EVERYTIME WE GO TO COURT, HE CONVENIENTLY LOSES HIS JOB THE WEEK BEFORE THE COURT DATE. AND EVEN WHEN COURT IS NOT AN ISSUE, HE CAN NOT HOLD A JOB LONGER THAN 2 MONTHS. WE HAVE THE CHILD SUPPORT ORDERED TO BE COLLECTED THROUGH THE CHILD SUPPORT COLLECTION UNIT, AND THEY HAVE TRIED TO DO INCOME EXECUTIONS. BUT THAT TAKES UP TO 45 DAYS! WE WOULD BE LUCKY TO RECIEVE 1 PAYMENT BEFORE HE LOSES HIS JOB. HE CLAIMS THAT LOSING HIS JOB IS DUE TO BACK PAIN, AND NOW NOBODY WANTS TO HIRE HIM BECAUSE HE IS A "COMP THREAT".
I TOLD HIM MANY TIMES TO LOOK INTO A DIFFERENT FEILD OF WORK (HE "WORKS" IN WAREHOUSES AND JOBS WITH HEAVY LIFTING). I TOLD HIM TO GO TO MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING, JUST SO THAT HE COULD GET A REGULAR PAYCHECK AND NOT HAVE TO DO HEAVY LIFTING, BUT HE SAYS THAT HE "DOESN'T *WANT* TO WORK THERE".
AS IT STANDS, MY EX IS A FEW THOUSAND BEHIND IN ARREARS, AND MY HUSBAND IS TAKING CARE OF MY CHILD FOR HIM (WITH ME, OF COURSE).
CAN THE COURTS 'FORCE' HIM TO WORK? HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO PETITION FOR A VIOLATION BEFORE THEY FINALLY *DO* SOMETHING?!?!? IT'S JUST SO AGGRIVATING! WE HAVE ANOTHER COURT DATE ON 1/9. I'D JUST LIKE A HEADS UP ON WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAPPEN. THANKS SO MUCH IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR INPUT!

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Eventually the judge will get tired of seeing him. He'll be offered a 'purge' or go to jail option. Some people have an aversion to the three meals a day and a roof over your heads with NO freedom. Maybe that might convince him to keep a job.

 

[BL]

What he has coming from fed. & State tax returns can be intercepted , of what that may help .

If he has any licenses they should have already been suspended .

 

[proudwifey]

That's The Other Things I'm Worried About

As It Is, Right Now, He Has No Permanent Place To Stay. He's Been Going From Friends House To Friends House. If He Does Choose To Go To Jail (roof Over The Head And 3 Meals A Day), Then He Wouldn't Be Paying Support Either! I Already Told Him That There's A Chance He May Go To Jail, And He Told Me Straight Out "if I'm In Jail, You Won't Get Any Money Either. So It's Your Choice If You Want To Persue This". I Asked Him Within A Year Of Her Being Born To Sign Over His Rights. That Way He Wouldn't Be Financially Responsible, And She Wouldn't Grow Up Saying Where's My Dad. Now She Has Her Stepfather, Whom She Loves Very Much, And We've Already Talked About Adoption. But We Need Her "fathers" Permission For That. He Already Said No Way To That. He Doesn't Want To Realize That There's Only 2 Choices
1) Take Care Of Your Kid, And You Pay Support.
2) Let Someone Else Adopt, And You Don't Have To Pay Support

I'm Afraid That If He Does Go To Jail, He'll Milk It In There, Knowing That He Doesn't Have To Work Or Pay Support (though His Arrears Will Continue To Go Up).

 

[proudwifey]

What he has coming from fed. & State tax returns can be intercepted , of what that may help .

If he has any licenses they should have already been suspended .

HIS LISCENCE HAS BEEN SUSPENDED FOR OVER A YEAR DUE TO THIS. AND LAST YEAR, HE DIDN'T FILE HIS TAXES (WHICH HE'LL PROBABLY GO TO JAIL FOR THAT TOO!) AND I'M NOT SURE IF HE'LL MAKE MUCH OF ANYTHING THIS YEAR CAUSE HE'S ONLY WORKED (A GUESSTIMATE) ABOUT 15 WEEKS OUT OF THE PAST 49. HE'LL GET A JOB THAT WILL LAST FOR ABOUT 2-3 WEEKS, THEN LOSE HIS JOB. HE'LL STAY WITHOUT A JOB FOR A MONTH OR 2, AND DO THE SAME THING. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY RENT OR BILLS TO PAY. AS I SAID, HE'S BEEN GOING FROM FRIENDS HOUSE TO FRIENDS HOUSE. HE EATS AT FRIENDS OR FAMILIES HOUSES. EVENTUALLY THEY'LL GET SICK OF HIS ROUTINE, WHICH MAKES ME THINK HE'LL THINK JAIL WOULD BE A BETTER THING.

 

[Gracie3787]

proudwifey, please don't type in all caps, or capitolize every word, it makes your post difficult to read.

 

[nextwife]

How long had he been at his job when you and he met and got together?

 

[Accountable]

Do you work outside the home to support your child?

 

[proudwifey]

sorry about the caps. it's just a habit

in all honesty, when he and i met, i was 21 and a party girl. i was into the drugs and alcohol. i have been clean (with the exception of a few drinks here and there), since the day i found out i was pregnant.
he and i only 'dated' for a few weeks (hung out, did drugs, drank, had sex). we broke up before i found out i was pregnant. at that time, he was working at a gas station. i had seen him there many times before a friend introduced us, and we started hanging out. so i know he worked there for at least 6 months before we 'dated', and about 3 months after. then he lost his job, but got another one right away, and kept that one for almost a year. he "lost it" about 2 weeks before court (pretty much right after i got my court date in the mail). the judge only ordered $20 because of his last paystubs (wether he had a job or not). a few weeks after court, he got another job, making a little bit more/hour. i petitioned the court again, but by the time the court date came up, he lost his job again. the judge was unable to raise the support (the whole reason for court). a few weeks later, he got a job off the books. but that only lasted for about 2 weeks. then he went withouit a job for about 4 months before getting another job. once i found out the new job info, i petitioned the court again. and once again....he conveniently lost his job. ever since she's been born, he's been pulling this crap. i guess as long as he can scroung up enough money to feed himself (if he needs to actually buy food instead of eating at peoples houses) and buy his smokes, that's all he cares about.
i was on foodstamps in the past, but since i got married it went down hill. we have my income (which is temporarily disability checks), and my husbands income. those 2 alone, and we'd qualify. but since the support is court ordered (doesn't matter if he pays or not), that is considered income for the family. that put us JUST OVER the maximum amount you can make to get foodstamps. so he doesn't pay, and we are unable to get any government help because he won't pay. not that i WANT to be on foodstamps, but if he's not going to pay child support, it sure would help a whole lot

 

[proudwifey]

Do you work outside the home to support your child?

i'm currently on dbl because i just had lumbar discectomy (back surgery) 2 days before thanksgiving. i can hold a job. i had my first job (tops) for almost 2 years when i was 16. then i worked at tim hortons for over 6 years (pathetic, i know...lol). then i went to telemarketing for about a month (which was meant to be a temp job) until i got my recent job, which i've been at since august of 03. as soon as i get medical clearance, i will be back at my job (as a resident assistant)

 

[Snave]

laugh

My GD is 3 1/2 and has received $35.00. If he wants to avoid Child Support, he can and he will. They can order all the bench warrants, suspension of drivers license and everything else they want, but they're not looking for him. If he is stupid enough to get pulled over for something he'll get caught, other then that, you're screwed. Do what most of us do, "never depend of child support". Get job, babysit, do something!

 

[proudwifey]

i have a job! but i also had back surgery. i will be going back. i don't want to depend on his payments, but as i said, he's screwing me and my family out of the assistance we SHOULD be eligable for. but because he's not paying his court ordered child support, we are unable to recieve that assistance. my husband works about 50 hours a week, and i was at 40. mix daycare cost into that, and it's kinda tough to work another job (even part time).

 

[Ohiogal]

When is the last time he has seen his child? Or talked to her?

 

[proudwifey]

he hasn't seen her since about 2-3 weeks before she started kindergarten (9/5/07). and the last time he called was about 2 weeks ago. he said he wanted to set up a visitation, but that never fell through. but the whole time he was in NC (he hopped state from 5/20-11/20), he only called her 3 times...over that 6 month period. and i believe that all of those calls were only made because i'd send him numerous e mails asking <why is he "disowning" his daughter, he's not helping me raise her, and now he's not even bothering with a phone call>. and BOOM! the phone rings two days later and it's him.
BASICALLY, he has to be coaxed into making a phone call, and found and FORCED into paying child support

 

[txrose1998]

Just my two cents here......
I have been waiting for child support for over fiver years from my ex-husband. It is hard. But after many court hearing and talking to the people here, I realize that some things just cannot be fixed. The courts can tell him to get a job, but they cannot really make him. The courts can tell him to pay, issue license suspensions, order jail time, ect....but for someone dead set against paying....there is not much they can do. The courts are overloaded with your exact same story and not enough time or manpower to fix all the deadbeat parents out there. I wish you luck!