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What is the name of your state? Oregon

My husband and his ex divorced approx. 7 years ago. In the divorce decree they agreed to each parent paying 1/2 of room/board/tuition for 4 years at a state school equal to University of Georgia for each of their 2 children.

This has me very worried. The oldest of the two children will be of college age in just 4 years. My husband has sole custody of the two children. So they do live with us full time. I have 4 children from a previous marriage that I also have sole custody of. They live with us full time. My husband and I have a 2 and 3 year old together. For a total of 8 children. The 3 year old is permanantly disabled and receives SSI.

The oldest of my 4 children will be of college age in 3 years. I have no wording in my divorce decree concerning college expenses for my 4 children. Except to say that my ex must continue paying child support until age 21 if any child attends college on a full time basis.

My husband and I are living pay check to pay check. We have absolutely no saving. I have the hope the kids will qualify for scholarships, because at this point in time I see no way to pay for college educations. I think their grades will help with the scholarship process.

My step children's mother has never remarried and has no other children besides these two. She also has a high paying job. At the time of the divorce my husband was a full time employee at IBM. He was downsized 3 years ago and has not been able to find another job making anything close to that salary since.

Is there any way to get the divorce decree amended? Will a judge hold my husband to the letter of the decree? At this point in time there is absolutely no way to pay 1/2 of 4 years room/board/tuiton at the University of Georgia or any other state. Is our current living and financial situation a significant enough change in circumstance to change the decree wording? What would happen to my husband if at the time his oldest child wants to attend college and we do not have the money to send him? My husband feels his ex will persue this in court at the time the oldest is old enough for college.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
mom6stepmom2 said:
What is the name of your state? Oregon

My husband and his ex divorced approx. 7 years ago. In the divorce decree they agreed to each parent paying 1/2 of room/board/tuition for 4 years at a state school equal to University of Georgia for each of their 2 children.

This has me very worried. The oldest of the two children will be of college age in just 4 years. My husband has sole custody of the two children. So they do live with us full time. I have 4 children from a previous marriage that I also have sole custody of. They live with us full time. My husband and I have a 2 and 3 year old together. For a total of 8 children. The 3 year old is permanantly disabled and receives SSI.

The oldest of my 4 children will be of college age in 3 years. I have no wording in my divorce decree concerning college expenses for my 4 children. Except to say that my ex must continue paying child support until age 21 if any child attends college on a full time basis.

My husband and I are living pay check to pay check. We have absolutely no saving. I have the hope the kids will qualify for scholarships, because at this point in time I see no way to pay for college educations. I think their grades will help with the scholarship process.

My step children's mother has never remarried and has no other children besides these two. She also has a high paying job. At the time of the divorce my husband was a full time employee at IBM. He was downsized 3 years ago and has not been able to find another job making anything close to that salary since.

Is there any way to get the divorce decree amended? Will a judge hold my husband to the letter of the decree? At this point in time there is absolutely no way to pay 1/2 of 4 years room/board/tuiton at the University of Georgia or any other state. Is our current living and financial situation a significant enough change in circumstance to change the decree wording? What would happen to my husband if at the time his oldest child wants to attend college and we do not have the money to send him? My husband feels his ex will persue this in court at the time the oldest is old enough for college.
A judge would probably hold him to it because he is not responsible to support your children and the two you had together are afterthoughts because he KNEW he had this responsibility before they were born.

There were dozens of things he could have done. He can help pay for schooling by taking out PLUS loans for the kids. He had 7 years to start saving and get a second job if need be. He also could have looked into state funding programs and should have taken into consideration whether or not he would have been laid off or lost his job. He didn't yet still agreed to it. If he doesn't pay for it, he will be in contempt of court. You don't have to have the money to send the oldest, your husband does. if he has 401k money available he may have to take a loan from it to pay for it. He will have to take PLUS loans. He will have to do some things in order to insure that he can fulfill the letter of the agreement. He may have to get a second job.

The father of your four should be supporting them. If things are tight, you really need to learn to live even more frugally so that you can afford to follow the decree. Dad AGREED to this. Because he made a bad deal doesn't mean he can get out of it.
 
Ohiogal said:
A judge would probably hold him to it because he is not responsible to support your children and the two you had together are afterthoughts because he KNEW he had this responsibility before they were born.

There were dozens of things he could have done. He can help pay for schooling by taking out PLUS loans for the kids. He had 7 years to start saving and get a second job if need be. He also could have looked into state funding programs and should have taken into consideration whether or not he would have been laid off or lost his job. He didn't yet still agreed to it. If he doesn't pay for it, he will be in contempt of court. You don't have to have the money to send the oldest, your husband does. if he has 401k money available he may have to take a loan from it to pay for it. He will have to take PLUS loans. He will have to do some things in order to insure that he can fulfill the letter of the agreement. He may have to get a second job.

The father of your four should be supporting them. If things are tight, you really need to learn to live even more frugally so that you can afford to follow the decree. Dad AGREED to this. Because he made a bad deal doesn't mean he can get out of it.
Well, I do understand what you are saying. But, there are so many other factors. For one, my husband was laid off from IBM 3 years ago. He was on unemployment for 1 1/2 years and was unable to find another job in his chosen career field. The job councel paid for him to go through job retraining. Unfortuanately in a field that pays less than half what he made at IBM. Because of the unemployment situation my husband filed bankruptcy 2 years ago. In addition to that, my husband has $43,000 in student loans that were not discharged in the bankruptcy. He has for the last year applied for deferments on the student loan repayments because we are so financially strapped. So strapped in fact that my 3 year old qualifies for SSI. SSI is only for low income. The higher the family income the less SSI payments per month. If the parents income is too high SSI payments are totally wiped out. My son receives the max SSI payment per month. My husband has continued to seek jobs in the IT field during this entire time with absolutely no success. As far as your suggestion of a second job for my husband. Kind of creates a problem there. If my husband gets a second job, then we lose my 3 year olds SSI payments(plus his medicaid card). It would have to be a very good paying part time job to qualify losing over $600 a month in SSI payments plus medicaid covers all out of pocket for my 3 year old. Some months this can be a substancial amount of money due to his medical problems.

So, as far as I can see the PLUS loans you are referring to would be totally out of the question. I looked them up online and the one totally prevasive requirement was a good credit record and an ability to repay. My husband can not prove either. My husband has a 403b through his employer but has only been contributing to it for less than 2 years. Not enough to do anything towards a college fund.

What would being held in contempt mean for my husband? While I agree that the two children my husband and I had together were totally our choice, the fact still remains that they have to eat and have a roof over their heads. College educations are not more important than basic living requirements. No it is not my personal obligation to send my husband's oldest to college, but if the money has to come out of my husband's salary my two youngest children will suffer greatly. No, I do not think my husband should have signed the divorce decree as written. His ex left him for another man and wanted a quickie divorce. My husband wasn't thinking clearly at the time and just signed. He was in total denial and wasn't thinking ahead to his own future. Had the idea that he would never date or marry again. Well, 2 years later he did. At this point I think he will have to take in chances in court. Just don't know what that will mean.
 
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You want to try to modify the agreement based on circumstances four years before the fact? :confused: How much did Dad put into the kid's 529 College Savings Plan in the four years following the divorce while he worked for IBM? Zip?!

Are you both receiving support payments for the combined 6 children that you have sole custody of? Has the child support fluctuated in amount? Does support payments count toward total household income for SSI reporting?

How much are you figuring the college provision is going to cost you, anyhow? Can the kid's live with you while they attend college? U of O is only $6K / year...right? That's $250/month/student. Sounds do-able...?
 
Inquiry123 said:
You want to try to modify the agreement based on circumstances four years before the fact? :confused: How much did Dad put into the kid's 529 College Savings Plan in the four years following the divorce while he worked for IBM? Zip?!

Are you both receiving support payments for the combined 6 children that you have sole custody of? Has the child support fluctuated in amount? Does support payments count toward total household income for SSI reporting?

How much are you figuring the college provision is going to cost you, anyhow? Can the kid's live with you while they attend college? U of O is only $6K / year...right? That's $250/month/student. Sounds do-able...?
I have no idea what a 529 is. Not in the wording of his divorce decree. Yes, the child support payments are part of the total household income and counts toward income factored for SSI.

No, he is not looking to modify 4 years in advance. But that 4 years will pass very fast. No foreseeable change in our circumstances between now and then. Wondering what will happen when the time comes. We also have another child coming up in 3 years that wants to go to college. He will most certainly have to live at home while going unless he can get a scholarship that will pay that portion too. We also have another child that will be looking a college in 4 years too. That will be 3 kids in college in the next 4 years. If this stands and my husband is required to pay for room/board for one child it could financially devistate us.

Yes, the child could live at our house, but this is not what the mom wants. She wants him to live on campus and have the 'whole' experience. Your example of U of O? U of O is 5 hours from where we live. University of Georgia, where mom wants him to go, is 3000 miles from us. Both parents lived in Atlanta at the time of divorce, now neither parent lives in Georgia. We do have a university here that is only 15 miles away. My husband wants his son to live with us while attending that university.
 
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stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It is entirely likely that the court will hold your husband to his obligation. How the court will respond should he refuse/be unable to meet it is impossible to say.

Your 4 children's college educations are a problem for you and their father to resolve - your husband is in no way responsible for providing anything towards that, now will a court consider their situation in dealing with the two children for whom he IS obligated to provide.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
mom6stepmom2 said:
Well, I do understand what you are saying. But, there are so many other factors.

And those factors don't matter!

For one, my husband was laid off from IBM 3 years ago.

He has been divorced for seven years which means he could have set up college accounts for the kids during the first four. If he drained them and took their money that was his stupidity.

He was on unemployment for 1 1/2 years and was unable to find another job in his chosen career field.

So he could have gotten jobs working outside his field just to make ends meet and bring money in. I was a broadcast engineer who worked as an assistant manager at a video store and waiting tables before I went to law school. Why? Because I had bills to pay. I have never had a problem finding a job -- not one in my chosen field but I have had a job within a month of looking for one. .

The job councel paid for him to go through job retraining. Unfortuanately in a field that pays less than half what he made at IBM.

Well he had a choice. He could have gone for retraining in another field. And what happened to his experience from IBM? That should be transferrable in some way shape or form.

Because of the unemployment situation my husband filed bankruptcy 2 years ago. In addition to that, my husband has $43,000 in student loans that were not discharged in the bankruptcy. He has for the last year applied for deferments on the student loan repayments because we are so financially strapped.


Again that is AFTER the fact. You can't discharge student loans or child support in bankruptcy. And this is a child support obligation.

So strapped in fact that my 3 year old qualifies for SSI. SSI is only for low income. The higher the family income the less SSI payments per month. If the parents income is too high SSI payments are totally wiped out. My son receives the max SSI payment per month. My husband has continued to seek jobs in the IT field during this entire time with absolutely no success. As far as your suggestion of a second job for my husband. Kind of creates a problem there. If my husband gets a second job, then we lose my 3 year olds SSI payments(plus his medicaid card). It would have to be a very good paying part time job to qualify losing over $600 a month in SSI payments plus medicaid covers all out of pocket for my 3 year old. Some months this can be a substancial amount of money due to his medical problems.


And that is a CHOICE your husband makes. He doesn't want to get another job because your youngest loses medicaid? So therefore he wants to get out of his obligations to his other children because he is with you. LOVELY! The court won't feel sorry for him.

So, as far as I can see the PLUS loans you are referring to would be totally out of the question. I looked them up online and the one totally prevasive requirement was a good credit record and an ability to repay. My husband can not prove either. My husband has a 403b through his employer but has only been contributing to it for less than 2 years. Not enough to do anything towards a college fund.

So his first children should be penalized? That is not their fault. Your husband agreed to this seven years ago. he could have been working on the college fund the entire time. And he wasn't.

What would being held in contempt mean for my husband?

It could mean jail. It could mean major fines. It could mean a lot of things.

While I agree that the two children my husband and I had together were totally our choice, the fact still remains that they have to eat and have a roof over their heads.

Then maybe you NEED to get a job. Quite frankly. There are dozens of jobs you can do from home that bring in an income. But if you are worried about necessities then you need to work a job or your husband needs another job or BOTH.

College educations are not more important than basic living requirements. No it is not my personal obligation to send my husband's oldest to college, but if the money has to come out of my husband's salary my two youngest children will suffer greatly.

Tough. YOur husband has an obligation. And you can go to work. Because you have responsibility fro the two youngest.

No, I do not think my husband should have signed the divorce decree as written. His ex left him for another man and wanted a quickie divorce. My husband wasn't thinking clearly at the time and just signed.

Excuses, excuses excuses. That was his stupidity and it doesn't matter now> he signed, He agreed, He is bound by it.

He was in total denial and wasn't thinking ahead to his own future. Had the idea that he would never date or marry again. Well, 2 years later he did. At this point I think he will have to take in chances in court. Just don't know what that will mean.
It means he is a slacker who doesn't want to take responsibility and abide by his agreement which doesn't make him much of a man. And you really need to get a job if things are that tight. You need to find something to do to bring in money. Get a state license for in-home day care. Sell stuff on e-bay. SOMETHING.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
mom6stepmom2 said:
I have no idea what a 529 is.

A 529 plan allows people to buy college credits at current prices and bank it for college at a later time. They have been around for several years. Including seven years ago.

Not in the wording of his divorce decree.

So the decree was nice in allowing him options in how he could save for college.

Yes, the child support payments are part of the total household income and counts toward income factored for SSI.

As they should be.

No, he is not looking to modify 4 years in advance. But that 4 years will pass very fast. No foreseeable change in our circumstances between now and then. Wondering what will happen when the time comes. We also have another child coming up in 3 years that wants to go to college. He will most certainly have to live at home while going unless he can get a scholarship that will pay that portion too. We also have another child that will be looking a college in 4 years too. That will be 3 kids in college in the next 4 years. If this stands and my husband is required to pay for room/board for one child it could financially devistate us.


Doesn't matter. What matters is that your husband has to SUPPORT HIS TWO CHILDREN per the terms of the support/custody agreement. Maybe if you give the EX custody of the children, in exchange she will drop that requirement. Your four kids need to be supported by their father and if they want college then you and their father are responsible.




Yes, the child could live at our house, but this is not what the mom wants. She wants him to live on campus and have the 'whole' experience. Your example of U of O? U of O is 5 hours from where we live. University of Georgia, where mom wants him to go, is 3000 miles from us. Both parents lived in Atlanta at the time of divorce, now neither parent lives in Georgia. We do have a university here that is only 15 miles away. My husband wants his son to live with us while attending that university.
And mom has a point and MORE of a say then you DO! There is a lot to be said for the child living on campus. You don't have a say so in this.
 
N

nicetryadmin

Guest
mom6stepmom2 said:
What is the name of your state? Oregon

My husband and his ex divorced approx. 7 years ago. In the divorce decree they agreed to each parent paying 1/2 of room/board/tuition for 4 years at a state school equal to University of Georgia for each of their 2 children.
See bold.

Why in the world do people put this kind of ridiculous language in a divorce decree??? "Equal" for what?

Where it lists on the best party schools?
Best dorms?
Worst graduation rates??
Worst career placement?

My point exactly.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Ohiogal said:
So he could have gotten jobs working outside his field just to make ends meet and bring money in. I was a broadcast engineer who worked as an assistant manager at a video store and waiting tables before I went to law school. Why? Because I had bills to pay. I have never had a problem finding a job -- not one in my chosen field but I have had a job within a month of looking for one.
Word. Late last year, I realized that I needed to (a) do something to bring in some additional income and (b) get myself out of the house and in contact with other people. It took me a day. ONE day. Is it a *great* job? Not really. Is it in the field in which I'm educated or the one I have experience? Not at all. But I make an honest dollar for an honest day's work. There ARE jobs out there for those who are willing to take them.
 
Ohiogal said:
It means he is a slacker who doesn't want to take responsibility and abide by his agreement which doesn't make him much of a man. And you really need to get a job if things are that tight. You need to find something to do to bring in money. Get a state license for in-home day care. Sell stuff on e-bay. SOMETHING.
I should know better than to ask a simple question on this board. Always biases thrown in.

A 'slacker'? I am sorry to say medicaid for our 3 year old is very important. About a year ago we incurred over $3000 in out of pocket that medicaid picked up in just one month. Average month is $300 out of pocket. Combine that with $600 a month in SSI payments and I am sorry, you can not convince me we would be better off. Total since my son was born? We are approaching $150,000 that we would have had to pay 'out of pocket' if it were not for SSI and medicaid. If my son qualifies for SSI he automatically qualifies for medicaid. My husband has continued to apply for all IT jobs that have come available during the last 3 years. The market is tight. Far more applicants than jobs available. Most large companies are farming the IT work out to countries like India these days. They will work for practically nothing. He would love to find another high paying job. Still looking. I assume one will open up again sometime and he will jump at the chance to apply.

I think it was you who suggested my husband let mom have custody? My husband just finished spending $8000 of (our own money) and I believe all tallied an additional $7000 from his mom and dad in attornies fees/airline tickets/rental cars/hotel/court reports/court transcripts/research/on and on and on, getting custody from his ex. She was proven unfit in court. She lost custody and only has visitation in my husband's home state. So yeah, that would be an option, NOT. It took 1 1/2 years from filing for change of custody where my husband was awarded temp custody to final paperwork being drafted, signed and filed with court. Mom made no attempt to see or even talk to the kids for a grand total of 19 months straight. Give me a break. She disappeared and didn't pay child support either. My husband was the sole support of these two kids for that 19 months. Yeah, that's an option. Oh, and let's see? Mom up and moves herself to Europe, 'cause it's just so beautiful over here and there are so many travel opportunities on the weekends'. So, then dad can see his kids for the 2 or 3 times a year mom has CHOSEN to see her kids. Not going to happen.

But like I have said previously my husband wants his son to live in his house and go to the university in our area. Some of the office campus class rooms are literally only a few blocks from our house and the campus itself is a 15 minute drive. One of the things I was wondering was----would a judge take this into consideration if my husband can not pay for a dorm room?

I just love all the 'that child is your HUSBAND's financial responsibility' or 'your 4 children are yours and your ex husband's responsibilty'. As if when a second marriage happens, the two spouses maintain 2 bank accounts and never co-mingle money. So who pays to support the two children we have together? Do we squable monthly on who will be the one to deposit money into the our children fund? My kids draw from my kid fund and your kids draw from the your kid fund? If this is the attitude of most 2nd marriagers, well then I can see why the divorce rate is so stinking high. I quess we did things totally wrong here. We co-mingled. YIKES. It was 'our' money that paid attorney fees to reverse custody of 'his' kids. I didn't tell him 'they are your kids, find your own money or they can just stay and rot with mom". But from responses I would say that would have been advice given.

I just love this board sometimes.
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
I suspect that you are over worrying about college. I read that clause as stating the University of GA or a comparable institution. It says nothing about living on campus. Yes, its says "room and board"...but it does not specifically state that it has to be on campus...just that those expenses must be covered. That of course assumes that the specific wording doesn't reflect something more specific.

Mom may WANT that experience for him, but if the orders really read that way she doesn't have the power to demand that. Plus, I really doubt that a judge would agree that it had to be an "on campus" experience.....UNLESS the orders truly spell out that they agreed that it MUST be an on campus experience.

Plus, your husband's responsibility for 1/2 is AFTER scholarships, grants and student loans.
Odds are that the kids will qualify for Pell Grants, and that will cover most of their tuition at an in-state university....and some relatively small student loans could cover the rest.
 
LdiJ said:
I suspect that you are over worrying about college. I read that clause as stating the University of GA or a comparable institution. It says nothing about living on campus. Yes, its says "room and board"...but it does not specifically state that it has to be on campus...just that those expenses must be covered. That of course assumes that the specific wording doesn't reflect something more specific.

Mom may WANT that experience for him, but if the orders really read that way she doesn't have the power to demand that. Plus, I really doubt that a judge would agree that it had to be an "on campus" experience.....UNLESS the orders truly spell out that they agreed that it MUST be an on campus experience.

Plus, your husband's responsibility for 1/2 is AFTER scholarships, grants and student loans.
Odds are that the kids will qualify for Pell Grants, and that will cover most of their tuition at an in-state university....and some relatively small student loans could cover the rest.
Thank you for your response. The exact wording is ---'Each party agrees to be responsible for one-half of the costs of a four-year college education for each of said minor children of the parties comparable to the costs for room, board, tuition and fees at the University of Georgia.'

Can I assume this means room and board on campus?

Also, I know she wants the oldest to live on campus. She just recently told him she couldn't wait till he lived in the dorm at U of G. She told him she knows about college party scenes. She would move close to him and 'party' with him and his friends on the weekends.
 
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I would think that if it doesn't say specifically DORM, then "room and board" could be interpreted as many things... apartment...house... YOUR house... who knows? It doesn't say so specifically.
 
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