Contacted about paternity after 17 years

[Jvincent]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Live in California the child is in TN.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Live in California the child is in TN.

We will need more information. Please post without using the preview function.

 

[Jvincent]

Sorry. I have been contacted by someone I was with 18 years ago. She said she might be pregnant but she was also with her boyfriend. I heard nothing more. Now she has contacted me say I am the biological father. She says she only wants to talk. I am in California and she is in TN.

 

[Just Blue]

Sorry. I have been contacted by someone I was with 18 years ago. She said she might be pregnant but she was also with her boyfriend. I heard nothing more. Now she has contacted me say I am the biological father. She says she only wants to talk. I am in California and she is in TN.

You are not the biological father till a court order DNA test determines that.

 

[Jvincent]

Understood. So do I talk to her to find out why she is contacting me so many years later? Do a "lawyer up" which will cost me a fortune?

 

[CSO286]

Sorry. I have been contacted by someone I was with 18 years ago. She said she might be pregnant but she was also with her boyfriend. I heard nothing more. Now she has contacted me say I am the biological father. She says she only wants to talk. I am in California and she is in TN.

No harm in talking.

Age of majority for Tennessee is 18. Child must be 17 (or pretty close).

What are you worried about? Are you getting a vibe that she's looking for child support? A vibe that she might be looking into legal options? (Asking, not judging.)

As a previous poster stated, you aren't the father until a legal DNA test says so.

Info about your state's child support laws: https://ocsp.acf.hhs.gov/irg/profile.html?selection=STA&stateGeoBox=47

 

[Jvincent]

Money always comes to mind even though I have never be informed or taken a test. He has had a father his whole life essentially so I do not know why I have been contacted, which is now damaging my family that did not exist at the time.

 

[CSO286]

Money always comes to mind even though I have never be informed or taken a test. He has had a father his whole life essentially so I do not know why I have been contacted, which is now damaging my family that did not exist at the time.

Possibly they have been (sort of) honest with him and told him that that man isn't his biological father and now Billy wants to know.

Maybe there's a medical need for sorting out paternity.

Maybe it is all about money.

You aren't going to know without talking to Mom.

Be open, be kind. Don't borrow trouble. If things start turning nasty, or you get served, we're still here to help. Heck, even if they don't and you just have questions, we're still here to help.

 

[Zigner]

...which is now damaging my family that did not exist at the time.

Why would this damage your family?

 

[Jvincent]

My wife is taking this personally. Not believing I did now know, that the women was much younger than me and how it could cause financial issues for us.

 

[Just Blue]

My wife is taking this personally. Not believing I did now know, that the women was much younger than me and how it could cause financial issues for us.

Tell your wife to mind her own LEGAL business.

Please retype the bolded as it makes no sense.

 

[Ohiogal]

My wife is taking this personally. Not believing I did now know, that the women was much younger than me and how it could cause financial issues for us.

Tell your wife that this can't financially damage your family. Child support would most likely only be ordered for a few months if that IF and ONCE you are determined to be the biological father. And that is if no one else has been the legal father.
Your wife should not be taking this personally if you were not with her at the time.

 

[CSO286]

My wife is taking this personally. Not believing I did now know, that the women was much younger than me and how it could cause financial issues for us.

Well, it could. She is right.

You knew it was possible that you had a child out there. (Science 101: Sex often results in pregnancy.)

You have not followed up on that possibility.

It is not rearing its head, but is still only a possibility.


If Mom is saying you're dad, you need to begin walking down that path. Find out the truth, and that will give you your starting point.

Not legal advice, but you and your wife might want to consider some counseling to help process all of this and the accompanying chaotic emotions these kind of issues stir up. (More tools in the toolbox never hurt anyone, right?)

 

[CSO286]

Tell your wife that this can't financially damage your family. Child support would most likely only be ordered for a few months if that IF and ONCE you are determined to be the biological father. And that is if no one else has been the legal father.
Your wife should not be taking this personally if you were not with her at the time.

Should not......but often do we do things we should not do????

 

[CSO286]

My wife is taking this personally.

Not believing I did not know,

that the women was much younger than me and

how it could cause financial issues for us.

Tell your wife to mind her own LEGAL business.

Please retype the bolded as it makes no sense.

I think he's trying to express three different concerns there