Could really use some help

[Jeff423]

No one had to "give him the words" as it was a very apparent "turn of phrase".

Thank You.

 

[Just Blue]

With all due respect I came here seeking advice, not for my words to be misconstrued. This has nothing to do with religion. If she can't handle rules then that is her problem & not mine. Part of what is wrong with kids today is they have no rules. In life you have rules, laws, etc. you have to live by. What kind of parent would I be if I allowed my child to think life had none of those? Should I allow her to just do whatever, whenever? To leave home & think "I don't have to live by rules because Mom & Dad never made me". I'll have my rules & if she doesn't want to visit because of those then so be it. But I will fight to keep my credit days simply because SHE chooses not to come here with my very few rules. I do not keep her under lock & key when she was here. I allowed friends over, took them places, did things with them, etc. The only thing I did not allow was her boyfriend to sleep over. And honestly, when she was with me, for the short amount of time I had her, I didn't have to allow friends over period. That was our time together. Not our time & 3 other friends.

I am not blaming just Mom for her not coming but Mom could also see to it she is at home when I come to pick her up. Isn't she suppose to have her ready for me to pick up? Isn't she suppose to help enforce the order for visitation? Is she suppose to leave with her so I can't pick her up? I will certainly own any part of this that I am at fault for but if I am where I am suppose to be when I am suppose to be & they have left the home am I to hunt them down? It's also kind of hard to parent or "not" parent a child when the child isn't in your home. Her acting like she does with her Mom is an issue her & Mom need to work out. I can't control what happens in that home.

Again, with all due respect to you & any other member of this forum, I don't feel the need to defend my choice of words anymore. That is not why I came here.

sigh...I am so sad to see this post. Up till you seemed very reasonable.

 

[Jeff423]

You are gifting her with an adult "emotional intellect". Most 17 year olds just don't have it.

Your DD has, per your postings, been allowed to roam free. She WILL learn, someday, that this is not in her OWN best interest (I hope). Try to be supportive when her epiphany hits.

She has been allowed to roam free, at her Moms. When your ex wife rings your doorbell looking for your child because she doesn't even know where she is, that's not a good sign. Hopefully she will learn & hopefully, one day, she will understand why I didn't want to allow certain things because I do have her best interest at heart.

 

[Just Blue]

Perhaps. I'd prefer OP to say so. But thanks for giving him the words.

I'm sorry...OP is showing his "colors".

 

[Just Blue]

She has been allowed to roam free, at her Moms. When your ex wife rings your doorbell looking for your child because she doesn't even know where she is, that's not a good sign. Hopefully she will learn & hopefully, one day, she will understand why I didn't want to allow certain things because I do have her best interest at heart.

You should hire an attorney to advise you.

Best of luck to your DD.

 

[Jeff423]

sigh...I am so sad to see this post. Up till you seemed very reasonable.

Would you mind explaining to me how I am not reasonable? I was asked to defend my choice of words & I did.

As for visitation, am I just not suppose to see her? Allow her to make the rules? As I said, I am new to forums & call me stupid or whatever anyone sees fit to call me but I came here seeking advice and some of have been very kind to offer that to me & I am appreciative of that. But are you saying I should allow her to make the rules up? Are you saying I shouldn't try to see my child? Are you saying I should allow her to have friends over every time she visits which allows us no time together? I like to talk to my kids about what's going on in life, how things are going with school, love lifes, jobs, etc. and that's hard to do when she is in her room with her friends. Am I wrong for wanting to spend quality time with my child with no friends on occasion? I have taken her & her friends on many occasions to theme parks, the beach, movies, etc. had bonfires for them, etc. but what is so wrong with wanting to spend time with just her? Watch a movie, cook dinner together, go out to dinner, etc. without a friend in tow?

Maybe I am at fault for misconstruing your words as it appears as though you are insinuating I shouldn't be concerned with seeing my child & allow her to think life has no rules? My apologies if I have taken you wrong, not my intent.

 

[stealth2]

With all due respect I came here seeking advice, not for my words to be misconstrued. This has nothing to do with religion. If she can't handle rules then that is her problem & not mine. Part of what is wrong with kids today is they have no rules. In life you have rules, laws, etc. you have to live by. What kind of parent would I be if I allowed my child to think life had none of those? Should I allow her to just do whatever, whenever? To leave home & think "I don't have to live by rules because Mom & Dad never made me". I'll have my rules & if she doesn't want to visit because of those then so be it. But I will fight to keep my credit days simply because SHE chooses not to come here with my very few rules. I do not keep her under lock & key when she was here. I allowed friends over, took them places, did things with them, etc. The only thing I did not allow was her boyfriend to sleep over. And honestly, when she was with me, for the short amount of time I had her, I didn't have to allow friends over period. That was our time together. Not our time & 3 other friends.

I am not blaming just Mom for her not coming but Mom could also see to it she is at home when I come to pick her up. Isn't she suppose to have her ready for me to pick up? Isn't she suppose to help enforce the order for visitation? Is she suppose to leave with her so I can't pick her up? I will certainly own any part of this that I am at fault for but if I am where I am suppose to be when I am suppose to be & they have left the home am I to hunt them down? It's also kind of hard to parent or "not" parent a child when the child isn't in your home. Her acting like she does with her Mom is an issue her & Mom need to work out. I can't control what happens in that home.

Again, with all due respect to you & any other member of this forum, I don't feel the need to defend my choice of words anymore. That is not why I came here.

And there we are, friends.

 

[Just Blue]

Would you mind explaining to me how I am not reasonable? I was asked to defend my choice of words & I did.

As for visitation, am I just not suppose to see her? Allow her to make the rules? As I said, I am new to forums & call me stupid or whatever anyone sees fit to call me but I came here seeking advice and some of have been very kind to offer that to me & I am appreciative of that. But are you saying I should allow her to make the rules up? Are you saying I shouldn't try to see my child? Are you saying I should allow her to have friends over every time she visits which allows us no time together? I like to talk to my kids about what's going on in life, how things are going with school, love lifes, jobs, etc. and that's hard to do when she is in her room with her friends. Am I wrong for wanting to spend quality time with my child with no friends on occasion? I have taken her & her friends on many occasions to theme parks, the beach, movies, etc. had bonfires for them, etc. but what is so wrong with wanting to spend time with just her? Watch a movie, cook dinner together, go out to dinner, etc. without a friend in tow?

Maybe I am at fault for misconstruing your words as it appears as though you are insinuating I shouldn't be concerned with seeing my child & allow her to think life has no rules? My apologies if I have taken you wrong, not my intent.

Please discuss this with your attorney.

Blue

 

[stealth2]

Try the boys.

http://forum.mensdivorce.com/index.php