Dad Took Daughter to an Attention Deficit Dr without letting me know

[penelope10]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I just found out that my ex husband decided to take Lil Bit to a doctor to see if she has attention deficit today. He never emailed me or let me know that this was the game plan. She has been going to the same pediatrician since birth and there has never been any mention of attention deficit. I email OZ today and basically stated I was surprised that he took her to a doctor without conferring with me first. And that my preference would have been that she had gone through her pediatrician to get a referral. (Lil Bit stated that her Dad found this doctor on the internet through his insurance health care providers).

Lil Bit has a heart murmur so I am reluctant to have her on any unnecessary medications. I don't even know the name of the doctor he took her to.

Per the decree it states that Penelope as a parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights:

1. the right to receive information from the other parent concerning the health, education, and welfare of the child;

2. the right to confer with the other parent to the extent possible before making a decision concerning the health, education, and welfare of the child, etc.

Is there much more that I can do about this? I have had the same phone number and email address since before we were divorced and am upset that this is the first that I have heard of this. (She's 17 and been going through the same school system with no mention of Attention Deficit) Lil Bit just mentioned that she thought she might have AD because she has trouble concentrating. (Never a complaint until she started Sr High this year).

What, if anything can I do about this?

 

[xylene]

Lil Bit has a heart murmur so I am reluctant to have her on any unnecessary medications.

Psychiatric medications are not unnecessary.

But fight a losing adversarial battle over your nearly adult daughter's mental health care.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TX

I just found out that my ex husband decided to take Lil Bit to a doctor to see if she has attention deficit today. He never emailed me or let me know that this was the game plan. She has been going to the same pediatrician since birth and there has never been any mention of attention deficit. I email OZ today and basically stated I was surprised that he took her to a doctor without conferring with me first. And that my preference would have been that she had gone through her pediatrician to get a referral. (Lil Bit stated that her Dad found this doctor on the internet through his insurance health care providers).

Lil Bit has a heart murmur so I am reluctant to have her on any unnecessary medications. I don't even know the name of the doctor he took her to.

Per the decree it states that Penelope as a parent joint managing conservator, shall have the following rights:

1. the right to receive information from the other parent concerning the health, education, and welfare of the child;

since i'm not wearing my contacts, i missed the age part. um...she's medically emancipated.

2. the right to confer with the other parent to the extent possible before making a decision concerning the health, education, and welfare of the child, etc.

Is there much more that I can do about this? I have had the same phone number and email address since before we were divorced and am upset that this is the first that I have heard of this. (She's 17 and been going through the same school system with no mention of Attention Deficit) Lil Bit just mentioned that she thought she might have AD because she has trouble concentrating. (Never a complaint until she started Sr High this year).

What, if anything can I do about this?

i'm going to get bitten for this....

he hasn't denied you access.

he took her for an evaluation.

was medication prescribed?

i missed the part where she is 17 because oi'm not wearing my contacts. she's medically emancipated.

 

[Proserpina]

i'm going to get bitten for this....

he hasn't denied you access.

he took her for an evaluation.

was medication prescribed?

i missed the part where she is 17 because oi'm not wearing my contacts. she's medically emancipated.

Wait, really?

A non-pregnant 17 year old is medically emancipated in Texas?

(I agree with the rest of it so I'll not bite you. Unless you ask me nicely )

 

[penelope10]

The central problem that I have with this is that she has a pediatrician that she has been seeing for years. My preference would have been that she was referred to a doctor by the pediatrician. She has not been given any medications as far as I know. She stated that the new doctor asked her questions for about 90 minutes and then he came up with the diagnosis of AD.

She has never had any problems until this year. She and her father have not had a good relationship for a number of years and things came to a head since the beginning of the school year. My eldest daughter suggested recently to OZ that he and Lil Bit go to counseling together. So my thought process is that Lil Bit may want attention from her Dad, rather than having AD. And that the ex wants an easy fix rather than going to counseling with her. (His current wife does not believe in counseling).

And just for the record my middle child was misdiagnosed as having ADHD. He was actually later diagnosed as being a bipolar type II and committed suicide at the age of 18. So I am very aware of what depression etc. looks like in a teenager. And what can happen if a child is put on the wrong type of medication.

 

[xylene]

And just for the record my middle child was misdiagnosed as having ADHD. He was actually later diagnosed as being a bipolar type II and committed suicide at the age of 18. So I am very aware of what depression etc. looks like in a teenager. And what can happen if a child is put on the wrong type of medication.

Oh, so you have a family history of mental illness and your ex's having daughter seeing a specialist who performed a lengthy diagnostic work up is unacceptable?

 

[Proserpina]

The central problem that I have with this is that she has a pediatrician that she has been seeing for years. My preference would have been that she was referred to a doctor by the pediatrician. She has not been given any medications as far as I know. She stated that the new doctor asked her questions for about 90 minutes and then he came up with the diagnosis of AD.

She has never had any problems until this year. She and her father have not had a good relationship for a number of years and things came to a head since the beginning of the school year. My eldest daughter suggested recently to OZ that he and Lil Bit go to counseling together. So my thought process is that Lil Bit may want attention from her Dad, rather than having AD. And that the ex wants an easy fix rather than going to counseling with her. (His current wife does not believe in counseling).

And just for the record my middle child was misdiagnosed as having ADHD. He was actually later diagnosed as being a bipolar type II and committed suicide at the age of 18. So I am very aware of what depression etc. looks like in a teenager. And what can happen if a child is put on the wrong type of medication.

Is there any reason you can't take her to the pediatrician for a second opinion yourself?

I know for you it might the principle of the thing, but what exactly do you want to accomplish?

 

[goddessoflubboc]

OP states "She has never had any problems until this year.". She being the daughter. She's 17 going in to her first year of high school? Best case scenario her school starts at 10th grade and she has a late birthday but that still puts her back one year. Was that recent?

And as was stated given the family history a consult is not a bad thing.

Nothing is stopping mom from getting a 2nd opinion if she doesn't agree with this doctor's conclusion. ADD and ADHD are notoriously over diagnosed.

 

[penelope10]

Oh, so you have a family history of mental illness and your ex's having daughter seeing a specialist who performed a lengthy diagnostic work up is unacceptable?

First of all my son did not have the same father as my daughter. I do not have AD and neither does my current ex. And yes my daughter may be suffering from some depression arising from the relationship that she has with her father. I would have preferred to have been conferred with as the other parent to come up with a game plan for our daughter. And yup my son went to a specialist that diagnosed him as having ADHD which he did NOT have. It was only until he was 17 that the proper diagnosis was come up with as Bipolar Type II.

I have no problem with medications being prescribed as long as they are the correct medications. And I would like for her to have more than one medical opinion as to what the problem is.

A month ago my ex husband told his current wife that my daughter did not care for her. He did this in a fit of anger during a fight with his wife. She then texted my daughter and told her that she was no longer welcome in their home. Lil Bit has never been allowed to have a key to their home, or the pass code to their home security system.(So she never really felt welcome there anyway) The step mother refused to wake up in the morning to let my daughter of the house. My daughter couldn't leave the house without setting off the alarm, so she had to leave earlier when her Dad left for work.

About two weeks ago my ex told Lil Bit that he was going to divorce his wife because he couldn't stand how his wife treated his daughter. And that he wanted to read the text sent. The following day he met with Lil Bit and told her that he wasn't going to divorce his wife and that he understood why Lil Bit did not feel comfortable going over to his home, but that he still hoped that she would want to see him. So yeah, I have no doubt that she is having some problems, which she has talked over with to me and to her older sister. I have no objection to her going to counseling with her Dad in an attempt to get this mess straightened out, and if she needs to be put on antidepressants, I have no problem with that. I just don't want her put on AD medication if she doesn't have attention deficit.

And yes that is what I will end up doing is taking her for a consult myself. She is in the 11th grade. Sr high here is 11th and 12th grade.

 

[mistoffolees]

Here's the reality of the situation: It's over and done and there's nothing you can do to change that. All the whining in the world isn't going to undo the exam.

Should he have talked with you? Of course. But he didn't. It's past.

What is the best thing for the child going forward? If there's a concern about a mental illness, the child should be evaluated. Get a second opinion - although I would suggest that it NOT be your pediatrician. Rather, ask your pediatrician to recommend a psychiatrist with lots of experience with teens.

In the future, you have to learn to let little things go. And ignore things that don't concern you. It's none of your business whether he divorces his wife or not, for example.

 

[Nevergrowup]

I understand why you'd be extra sensitive about a possible misdiagnosis of ADD, considering what transpired with your son. But instead of fighting with your ex about it, simply take her to get a second opinion. If that doctor disagrees, then you might have something to fight about, although if you have daughter most of the time (sounds like you do but I'm not sure) you'll be able to control it if she is given medication anyway.

Your daughter is 17. What does she think? Is she having problems in school? What are her grades like? I have a 17 year old...if I were you, I'd start with her, and find out if she is truly having concentration issues. She may be afraid to talk to you about it, given what happened with your son.

 

[BL]

Sorry about your loss but one thing that sticks out here is this child is 17 ( a teen with emotions also ) ,nearing 18 ,the age your other child took his/her own life and the 17 yr. old knows this and must have some thoughts and memories as well.

I'd be concerned .

get a second opinion , ( ADD meds can cause issues if RX'd ) ,and what's wrong with family therapy.

 

[penelope10]

The game plan is that I am going to call my daughters pediatrician tomorrow and find out if she has even heard of this doctor. I just found some paperwork regarding the doctor. He practices under the name of ADD/ADHD Treatment Center. Next I am going to try and call the doctor's office and make an appointment to go in, as there are a lot of issues that this doctor may not not know about. I certainly want to make this Doctor aware that there has been a sibling that has committed suicide, and was on ADHD medication early in his life.

And yes, I do believe that I will get a referral from her pediatrician for a second opinion. I do believe that my daughter needs to get some counseling. She and her Dad have a lot of issues and Oz had told my oldest daughter that he was going to go to counseling with Lil Bit. That may or may not happen, but at least she can go in and see someone that may help her deal with the current situation.

 

[penelope10]

Here's the reality of the situation: It's over and done and there's nothing you can do to change that. All the whining in the world isn't going to undo the exam.

Should he have talked with you? Of course. But he didn't. It's past.

What is the best thing for the child going forward? If there's a concern about a mental illness, the child should be evaluated. Get a second opinion - although I would suggest that it NOT be your pediatrician. Rather, ask your pediatrician to recommend a psychiatrist with lots of experience with teens.

In the future, you have to learn to let little things go. And ignore things that don't concern you. It's none of your business whether he divorces his wife or not, for example.

I don't care if he divorces his current wife or stays with her. What I want is for my child to be treated decently. And not to have her emotions jerked around.

 

[mistoffolees]

I don't care if he divorces his current wife or stays with her. What I want is for my child to be treated decently. And not to have her emotions jerked around.

Then it's time for you to do your part.

A legitimate concern has been raised about her mental health. Instead of you going off the deep end wondering how you can use this to attack Dad, you need to address the issue. Talk with your daughter. Ask how she feels. Get a second opinion. Talk to the doctor who gave the first opinion so he has the entire history.

IOW, do PRODUCTIVE things rather than destructive ones.