Day Care expenses for 13 year old

[OctScotts]

Maryland.

My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for 5 years. They have equal joint custody of their daughter. She's with us one full week and then her mother, so forth and so on. I have looked through posts and I would assume that there is no custodial and non-custodial parent. They equally share all medical expenses and extra-curricular activities with one exeption. There is a clause that says "In lieu of child support, husband agrees to pay for child's summer care expenses". We have struggled through this for the past few years, paying over $1000 per summer because the ex keeps threatening to take us to court, which we honestly cannot afford. His daughter turned 13 last August. In our state, is it legal for her to be home by herself. The ex has now informed us that she needs to go to Teen Camp this summer, another $1500. Do we have a legal foot to stand on? I don't think child support should be a factor because they have her 50/50 and the ex and her new husband certainly make more than us. Do we have to pay for this camp now that she's 13?

 

[seniorjudge]

Maryland.

My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for 5 years. They have equal joint custody of their daughter. She's with us one full week and then her mother, so forth and so on. I have looked through posts and I would assume that there is no custodial and non-custodial parent. They equally share all medical expenses and extra-curricular activities with one exeption. There is a clause that says "In lieu of child support, husband agrees to pay for child's summer care expenses". We have struggled through this for the past few years, paying over $1000 per summer because the ex keeps threatening to take us to court, which we honestly cannot afford. His daughter turned 13 last August. In our state, is it legal for her to be home by herself. The ex has now informed us that she needs to go to Teen Camp this summer, another $1500. Do we have a legal foot to stand on? I don't think child support should be a factor because they have her 50/50 and the ex and her new husband certainly make more than us. Do we have to pay for this camp now that she's 13?

Q: Do we have to pay for this camp now that she's 13?

A: There is a clause in the judgment in the lawsuit which says, "In lieu of child support, husband agrees to pay for child's summer care expenses". Have hubby ask ex-spouse where in the judgment of the lawsuit it is written that he must foot the bill for summer camp.

 

[OctScotts]

Thanks for your advice. If my step-daughter really wanted to go, this wouldn't be an issue. I guess we'd find a way. We're even willing to split the cost 50/50. We're just a little tired of the ex dictating how things should go. We rotate who gets to claim her on the taxes and we wouldn't even be able to recoup anything because she's too old to have "daycare".

Thanks again.

 

[stealth2]

One thing to consider is - while it may be "legal" for her to be home alone, is SHE mature enough to do so on a regular basis for the entire day?

I can tell you that while both of my kids are very mature and very trustworthy - and DO stay home on their own for varying periods of time - my oldest has only been home alone for an entire day a couple of times. He's 14, and I just don't think every day for the entire summer would be a good plan at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

Maryland.

My husband and his ex-wife have been divorced for 5 years. They have equal joint custody of their daughter. She's with us one full week and then her mother, so forth and so on. I have looked through posts and I would assume that there is no custodial and non-custodial parent. They equally share all medical expenses and extra-curricular activities with one exeption. There is a clause that says "In lieu of child support, husband agrees to pay for child's summer care expenses". We have struggled through this for the past few years, paying over $1000 per summer because the ex keeps threatening to take us to court, which we honestly cannot afford. His daughter turned 13 last August. In our state, is it legal for her to be home by herself. The ex has now informed us that she needs to go to Teen Camp this summer, another $1500. Do we have a legal foot to stand on? I don't think child support should be a factor because they have her 50/50 and the ex and her new husband certainly make more than us. Do we have to pay for this camp now that she's 13?

I agree with what all the posters say however you are wrong about something... Her new husbands income DOES NOT MATTER NO DOES YOURS. Look at what your hubby makes in relation to what his ex makes. $1000 may not be much child support and your ex may have to pay child support depending on his income in comparison to hers even with 50/50 time. Summer care does not equate to summer camp. How much would summer day care be for the child. If you are close enough to have 50/50 are there other alternatives that can be worked out. Where does the child spend the weeks when with you? How much is that cost.

 

[OctScotts]

To Stealth2:

I should have included in my original post what our alternative would be to camp. We have a neighbor who had asked us if my step-daughter would be willing to babysit her granddaughter for the summer. We took her to the babysitter's course at the local hospital and she passed. We thought it would be a good way to earn a little money for herself. Then she decided she didn't want to work all summer. My Mom is retired and said she wouldn't mind coming over M-F so there would be someone home, but my step-daughter would still have the freedom to be outside, hang out at her friends 2 houses down, so forth and so on. If my Mom couldn't make it one day, she would be fine by herself every now and then. I don't leave the house until 7:30am and my husband's home by 4:30. Neither of those choices are suitable to the ex. Needless to say, she's very difficult to deal with.

To Ohiogal:

I guess I need some claification. Just by reading some posts, I understood that the non-custodial parent pays the custodial parent because obivously, whoever the child is with the most, spends more money on the child. We literally have her 26 weeks a year and her mother has her 26 weeks a year. We also rotate years that we can claim her on our taxes. We split all costs - medical, school, field trips, swimming lessons, etc.

Taking her husband's and my salary out of the equation, they work at the same company with lateral positions, so they're salary is probably close. She gets bonuses, however so that would put her ahead I think. We've never requested financial documents, because my husband has never wanted to rock the boat. Everytime she threatens to take us to court, he has acquiesced.

As far as summer day care, we've always used the summer camp at the local Y and we've always had to pay for it. It was $1300 last year ($130 x 10 weeks) plus any field trips they went on was extra. This year the Teen Camp would be $1500 ($150 x 10 weeks) plus field trips. My husband asked last year if she would be willing to split the cost of camp and it was an emphatic NO with her bringing up the divorce papers again. That part that says "In lieu of child support husband will pay for summer day care". We're just trying to be proactive instead of being on the defensive all the time. I want to know exactly where we stand legally. Again, we sacrifice all the time for my step-daughter because that's what you do for kids. However, I'm no longer willing to rob Peter to pay Paul because the ex has made that decision.

 

[Ohiogal]

To Ohiogal:

I guess I need some claification. Just by reading some posts, I understood that the non-custodial parent pays the custodial parent because obivously, whoever the child is with the most, spends more money on the child. We literally have her 26 weeks a year and her mother has her 26 weeks a year. We also rotate years that we can claim her on our taxes. We split all costs - medical, school, field trips, swimming lessons, etc.

Taking her husband's and my salary out of the equation, they work at the same company with lateral positions, so they're salary is probably close. She gets bonuses, however so that would put her ahead I think. We've never requested financial documents, because my husband has never wanted to rock the boat. Everytime she threatens to take us to court, he has acquiesced.

As far as summer day care, we've always used the summer camp at the local Y and we've always had to pay for it. It was $1300 last year ($130 x 10 weeks) plus any field trips they went on was extra. This year the Teen Camp would be $1500 ($150 x 10 weeks) plus field trips. My husband asked last year if she would be willing to split the cost of camp and it was an emphatic NO with her bringing up the divorce papers again. That part that says "In lieu of child support husband will pay for summer day care". We're just trying to be proactive instead of being on the defensive all the time. I want to know exactly where we stand legally. Again, we sacrifice all the time for my step-daughter because that's what you do for kids. However, I'm no longer willing to rob Peter to pay Paul because the ex has made that decision.

I'd take her back to court for a modification and see what the judge could do if not for this summer then for the future because if she earns more and you get equal time (50/50 completely) then she should pay him cs based on incomes. Was it his choice for the Y day camp? If so then maybe she has to go to Teen Camp because of her age and it is not a different day care but a different level at the same day care? Which means it would the same obligation as previously and under the support/custody agreement mom is right -- he pays for summer day care. Teen camp is that. Based on these facts I would go back to court and ask for a deviation based on incomes and time spent.

 

[OctScotts]

We didn't pick the Y persay. We just live in a small town and that's what my husband & his ex used when they were together. The wording is what's sticking with I guess because I know tax-wise, the federal government doesn't allow summer daycare expenses be deducted for a 13 year old. To me, this isn't summer day care. I guess I'm going to have to bite the bullet and get a lawyer.

 

[fairisfair]

Get a lawyer??? and you are worried about a $1000 - 1500 day camp**************.. okey dokey

 

[OctScotts]

Ouch! It's been suggested that we take her to court. Am I to assume that we should take her to court on our own? My husband did that the first time around and this is where it got him and ultimately us. We've lived by her rules for 4 years. I don't think our family will survive another 5 years of her intrusion.

 

[MrsK]

I dont think it would hurt to get a CONSULTATION with an atty & see what he thinks. If you have her equal times and salaries are close, chances are she will have to pick up @ LEAST 50% of the cost of summer care. I would bet she would not be so willing to send her to one if she had to pay 1/2.

This kid has another 5 yrs until she is an adult, so going to court to modify child support/summer issues would probably cost as much as 1 yr of camp, but maybe save you years of paying for this (IMO) *crap*, b/c I dont see why #1 her staying home alone isnt acceptable (when I was that age, I stayed @ home and had to help around the house by cleaning, doing laundry, etc EVERY DAY and I wasnt allowed to go to my friends down the street & I would been in it DEEP if I had messed up the house, left, did not do the work, whatever....so I behaved myself. I stayed home & did my chores like I was supposed to, because it was my obligation to help around the house. Children who know what is expected of them and know there are consequences to bad behavior usually stay in line.) and #2 WHY the scenario with your mother was not acceptable b/c I would find that PERFECTLY fine. The mom just wants dad to have to pay up, it seems.

Personally I think you are being taken advantage of by mom & you could do better. So I'd go & see that lawyer.