A deadbeat is a deadbeat (Man or Woman) So why the double standards in court

[BBDoll725]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

2001
Unfit mother, drug addict, leaving the child with anyone who will watch him including having him in 2 daycares 1st shift and 3rd where he slept on a cot every night. Thats if she had him, most of the time he was dropped off at my husbands parents house and left him for weeks at a time. We found out what was really going on ( he was 3 ) and threatened to report her to DSS so he came to live with us.
She rarely showed up to get him on her weekends, and if she did she would show up at 9pm on Saturday and bring him back at noon on Sunday (She lived an 1.5 away) While he was living with us, she filed for Welfare who in turn came after us for support!!! We went to court an 1.5 hrs from our home to explain the story, and she was found guilty of welfare fraud. Needless to say, she soon stopped calling or coming to get the child.
About a year after her disappearance, we decided to file for CS but of course no one knew where she was, so they put the info in the system but told us there wasnt much they could do without a location and its not as if she had a job to find her with.

2008
7 years with no word from her at all..She shows up the day AFTER the childs bday, about 7pm on a Monday, with a gift bag like nothing ever happened!!! Shes claiming how shes changed and grown up over the last 7 years. My husband told her to get off of our property before he called the police. She said I am his mother you cant keep him from me! I said, uhm No your not, I AM!! I raised him, I supported him, I love him and he calls me MOM. He hasnt asked for you since you left. Your a serrogate, a donor, not a mother. he couldnt pick you out of a line up, you are a stranger and you have no one to blame but your self. She told US we better get a good lawyer and squeeled tires out of our driveway (Changed huh?). WE got one, and found out that during her disappearing act she filed for Custody (so she could commit some more welfare fraud) and was awarded it because we were never served so we didnt know! She gave them an address that was over 5 years old, that she KNEW wasnt correct.

We went to court, told our story and were granted FULL custody. The judge ordered a Psych evaluation, a HAIR follicle drug test, Mandatory AA meetings 3 times a week and NO tolerance for anything, even alcohol. If she did all of that...MAYBE she could have 1 hour every other week of supervised visitation in our home. We got a copy of the Evaluation stating that Shes been a drug addict since she was 14 and been on everything you can think of, Cocain, Meth, Crack, Pain Killers, Ecstacy, etc etc. She was arrested several times trying to sell drugs, ordered to long term treatment which she did not complete on 2 ocassions, running away each time. When they found her she had to do 9 months in jail. She was homeless, jobless and running the streets of California. (of course NC CS couldnt find her!)

She now claims to have been sober for 2 years (Really, so why didnt you contact the child before now?) Because its a LIE, as usual. Yet, this court appointed psychologist comes to the conclusion that she is FIT to become a parent to this child...WTF????? Really??? Am I being punked??? She sits with this pathalogical LIAR for a couple of hours during an interview and takes her statements as FACT.
She had 6 months to do the hair follicle test, its been over a year and she never took it (But shes been sober for 2 years) She hasnt gone to the mandatory AA/NA and she was ordered to pay a measly $114 a MONTH in CS...She said she doesnt make much money and lives with her step mother and they dont have much money. We were not granted any backpay for the last 7 years, she paid 3 very late payments, sent us 3 bad checks then never sent another payment again. Its been a Year since the order and she is 9 months behind!!! Our lawyer called to tell us that she quit her job as a waitress because she is pregnant and thats why she hasnt been paying CS.

So once again, she has absolutely NO regard for the child, and is having another when she cant even support herself, or the child she abandoned 8 years ago. Shes not married, quit her job, and lives with her step mother.

Im sorry this was soooo long but I wanted to paint as much as the picture as I could. Please, someone explain to me WHY she is allowed to do whatever she wants with no consequences. She abandoned the child, didnt pay any support for 8 years, doesnt pay whats ordered now. Cost us thousands in legal fees and hasnt done anything the judge ordered. But shes pregnant again.
If the tables were turned my husband would be in jail...NO Doubt about it.
He was never married or had any real relationship with this deadbeat. He was young, we were broken up and he made a mistake. Yet, while we were broken up back in 1997 he paid me $100 a week in CS, at 20 yrs old and when he got one month behind the judge told him to get another job if he couldnt afford his cs! But No one will make her pay a measly $114 a month. Give me a break!

He stepped up and did the right thing, yet here we are..... Seems as if the deadbeat Mother has all the rights when it comes to the law and we have NONE. When will the courts treat Deadbeat, Unfit mothers in the same manner that they do men?

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

2001
Unfit mother, drug addict, leaving the child with anyone who will watch him including having him in 2 daycares 1st shift and 3rd where he slept on a cot every night. Thats if she had him, most of the time he was dropped off at my husbands parents house and left him for weeks at a time. We found out what was really going on ( he was 3 ) and threatened to report her to DSS so he came to live with us.
She rarely showed up to get him on her weekends, and if she did she would show up at 9pm on Saturday and bring him back at noon on Sunday (She lived an 1.5 away) While he was living with us, she filed for Welfare who in turn came after us for support!!! We went to court an 1.5 hrs from our home to explain the story, and she was found guilty of welfare fraud. Needless to say, she soon stopped calling or coming to get the child.
About a year after her disappearance, we decided to file for CS but of course no one knew where she was, so they put the info in the system but told us there wasnt much they could do without a location and its not as if she had a job to find her with.

2008
7 years with no word from her at all..She shows up the day AFTER the childs bday, about 7pm on a Monday, with a gift bag like nothing ever happened!!! Shes claiming how shes changed and grown up over the last 7 years. My husband told her to get off of our property before he called the police. She said I am his mother you cant keep him from me! I said, uhm No your not, I AM!! I raised him, I supported him, I love him and he calls me MOM. He hasnt asked for you since you left. Your a serrogate, a donor, not a mother. he couldnt pick you out of a line up, you are a stranger and you have no one to blame but your self. She told US we better get a good lawyer and squeeled tires out of our driveway (Changed huh?). WE got one, and found out that during her disappearing act she filed for Custody (so she could commit some more welfare fraud) and was awarded it because we were never served so we didnt know! She gave them an address that was over 5 years old, that she KNEW wasnt correct.

We went to court, told our story and were granted FULL custody. The judge ordered a Psych evaluation, a HAIR follicle drug test, Mandatory AA meetings 3 times a week and NO tolerance for anything, even alcohol. If she did all of that...MAYBE she could have 1 hour every other week of supervised visitation in our home. We got a copy of the Evaluation stating that Shes been a drug addict since she was 14 and been on everything you can think of, Cocain, Meth, Crack, Pain Killers, Ecstacy, etc etc. She was arrested several times trying to sell drugs, ordered to long term treatment which she did not complete on 2 ocassions, running away each time. When they found her she had to do 9 months in jail. She was homeless, jobless and running the streets of California. (of course NC CS couldnt find her!)

She now claims to have been sober for 2 years (Really, so why didnt you contact the child before now?) Because its a LIE, as usual. Yet, this court appointed psychologist comes to the conclusion that she is FIT to become a parent to this child...WTF????? Really??? Am I being punked??? She sits with this pathalogical LIAR for a couple of hours during an interview and takes her statements as FACT.
She had 6 months to do the hair follicle test, its been over a year and she never took it (But shes been sober for 2 years) She hasnt gone to the mandatory AA/NA and she was ordered to pay a measly $114 a MONTH in CS...She said she doesnt make much money and lives with her step mother and they dont have much money. We were not granted any backpay for the last 7 years, she paid 3 very late payments, sent us 3 bad checks then never sent another payment again. Its been a Year since the order and she is 9 months behind!!! Our lawyer called to tell us that she quit her job as a waitress because she is pregnant and thats why she hasnt been paying CS.

So once again, she has absolutely NO regard for the child, and is having another when she cant even support herself, or the child she abandoned 8 years ago. Shes not married, quit her job, and lives with her step mother.

Im sorry this was soooo long but I wanted to paint as much as the picture as I could. Please, someone explain to me WHY she is allowed to do whatever she wants with no consequences. She abandoned the child, didnt pay any support for 8 years, doesnt pay whats ordered now. Cost us thousands in legal fees and hasnt done anything the judge ordered. But shes pregnant again.
If the tables were turned my husband would be in jail...NO Doubt about it.
He was never married or had any real relationship with this deadbeat. He was young, we were broken up and he made a mistake. Yet, while we were broken up back in 1997 he paid me $100 a week in CS, at 20 yrs old and when he got one month behind the judge told him to get another job if he couldnt afford his cs! But No one will make her pay a measly $114 a month. Give me a break!

He stepped up and did the right thing, yet here we are..... Seems as if the deadbeat Mother has all the rights when it comes to the law and we have NONE. When will the courts treat Deadbeat, Unfit mothers in the same manner that they do men?

immediately delete your entire thread.....

read this link....

https://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/newbies-please-read-before-posting-387214.html

then come back and ask your question.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? NC

2001
Unfit mother, drug addict, leaving the child with anyone who will watch him including having him in 2 daycares 1st shift and 3rd where he slept on a cot every night. Thats if she had him, most of the time he was dropped off at my husbands parents house and left him for weeks at a time. We found out what was really going on ( he was 3 ) and threatened to report her to DSS so he came to live with us.
She rarely showed up to get him on her weekends, and if she did she would show up at 9pm on Saturday and bring him back at noon on Sunday (She lived an 1.5 away) While he was living with us, she filed for Welfare who in turn came after us for support!!! We went to court an 1.5 hrs from our home to explain the story, and she was found guilty of welfare fraud. Needless to say, she soon stopped calling or coming to get the child.

YOU are not a legal party to this.

About a year after her disappearance, we decided to file for CS but of course no one knew where she was, so they put the info in the system but told us there wasnt much they could do without a location and its not as if she had a job to find her with.

You had NO standing to file for anything.

2008
7 years with no word from her at all..She shows up the day AFTER the childs bday, about 7pm on a Monday, with a gift bag like nothing ever happened!!! Shes claiming how shes changed and grown up over the last 7 years. My husband told her to get off of our property before he called the police. She said I am his mother you cant keep him from me! I said, uhm No your not, I AM!! I raised him, I supported him, I love him and he calls me MOM.

So you have LIED to the child. YOU are NOT his mother. YOU are not legally the child's parent. YOU are NOT the child's mother. But good try.

He hasnt asked for you since you left. Your a serrogate, a donor, not a mother.

Actually legally she is the child's mother.

he couldnt pick you out of a line up, you are a stranger and you have no one to blame but your self. She told US we better get a good lawyer and squeeled tires out of our driveway (Changed huh?). WE got one, and found out that during her disappearing act she filed for Custody (so she could commit some more welfare fraud) and was awarded it because we were never served so we didnt know! She gave them an address that was over 5 years old, that she KNEW wasnt correct.

Really?

We went to court, told our story and were granted FULL custody.

YOU were granted custody?

The judge ordered a Psych evaluation, a HAIR follicle drug test, Mandatory AA meetings 3 times a week and NO tolerance for anything, even alcohol. If she did all of that...MAYBE she could have 1 hour every other week of supervised visitation in our home. We got a copy of the Evaluation stating that Shes been a drug addict since she was 14 and been on everything you can think of, Cocain, Meth, Crack, Pain Killers, Ecstacy, etc etc. She was arrested several times trying to sell drugs, ordered to long term treatment which she did not complete on 2 ocassions, running away each time. When they found her she had to do 9 months in jail. She was homeless, jobless and running the streets of California. (of course NC CS couldnt find her!)

Okay.

She now claims to have been sober for 2 years (Really, so why didnt you contact the child before now?) Because its a LIE, as usual. Yet, this court appointed psychologist comes to the conclusion that she is FIT to become a parent to this child...WTF????? Really??? Am I being punked??? She sits with this pathalogical LIAR for a couple of hours during an interview and takes her statements as FACT.

She is fit. SHE IS a parent to this child. End of story. Legally she is the ONLY mother this child has.

She had 6 months to do the hair follicle test, its been over a year and she never took it (But shes been sober for 2 years) She hasnt gone to the mandatory AA/NA and she was ordered to pay a measly $114 a MONTH in CS...She said she doesnt make much money and lives with her step mother and they dont have much money. We were not granted any backpay for the last 7 years, she paid 3 very late payments, sent us 3 bad checks then never sent another payment again. Its been a Year since the order and she is 9 months behind!!! Our lawyer called to tell us that she quit her job as a waitress because she is pregnant and thats why she hasnt been paying CS.

And? You are STILL a legal stranger to this. Mom doesn't owe YOU any child support.

So once again, she has absolutely NO regard for the child, and is having another when she cant even support herself, or the child she abandoned 8 years ago. Shes not married, quit her job, and lives with her step mother.

She is allowed. She does not have to be married or working and she can live with her stepmother.

Im sorry this was soooo long but I wanted to paint as much as the picture as I could. Please, someone explain to me WHY she is allowed to do whatever she wants with no consequences.

She is the child's mother. She has constitutional rights.

She abandoned the child, didnt pay any support for 8 years, doesnt pay whats ordered now. Cost us thousands in legal fees and hasnt done anything the judge ordered. But shes pregnant again.

Then dad should have done something several years ago to prove abandonment and then you could have petitioned to adopt. You didn't have to pay ANY legal fees. You made a choice.

If the tables were turned my husband would be in jail...NO Doubt about it.

Not necessarily.

He was never married or had any real relationship with this deadbeat. He was young, we were broken up and he made a mistake.

He voluntarily stuck his penis in her vagina which caused her to become pregnant. HE decided she was a fit bedmate -- much the same he decided you were a fit bedmate.

Yet, while we were broken up back in 1997 he paid me $100 a week in CS, at 20 yrs old and when he got one month behind the judge told him to get another job if he couldnt afford his cs! But No one will make her pay a measly $114 a month. Give me a break!

So has dad filed contempt?

He stepped up and did the right thing, yet here we are..... Seems as if the deadbeat Mother has all the rights when it comes to the law and we have NONE. When will the courts treat Deadbeat, Unfit mothers in the same manner that they do men?

So other than his bedmate on here griping, what has dad done? Has he filed contempt?

 

[Proserpina]

Dad also chose this woman to be the mother of his child...

...and 50% of that child's genetic makeup came from Mom.

Please don't let that poor child see such disdain for the 50% of him that Dad didn't contribute.

(trust me - if you feel it, he'll see it)

 

[BBDoll725]

YOU are not a legal party to this.



You had NO standing to file for anything.


So you have LIED to the child. YOU are NOT his mother. YOU are not legally the child's parent. YOU are NOT the child's mother. But good try.



Actually legally she is the child's mother.



Really?


YOU were granted custody?

Okay.




She is fit. SHE IS a parent to this child. End of story. Legally she is the ONLY mother this child has.


And? You are STILL a legal stranger to this. Mom doesn't owe YOU any child support.


She is allowed. She does not have to be married or working and she can live with her stepmother.

She is the child's mother. She has constitutional rights.


Then dad should have done something several years ago to prove abandonment and then you could have petitioned to adopt. You didn't have to pay ANY legal fees. You made a choice.


Not necessarily.


He voluntarily stuck his penis in her vagina which caused her to become pregnant. HE decided she was a fit bedmate -- much the same he decided you were a fit bedmate.



So has dad filed contempt?



So other than his bedmate on here griping, what has dad done? Has he filed contempt?

Ohiogal: Im not sure why you feel the need to be nasty, I guess thats just your charming personality.

I did say that he made a mistake in lying down with her didnt I? I sure did, and he accepted his responsibility for his mistake. You never made a mistake, I guess huh?

I am the ONLY Mother this child knows. I NEVER lied to the child, he is very well aware that another person gave birth to him and CHOSE to leave him of her own free will. I NEVER asked him to call me Mom, He did that all on his own, it doesnt take a genius to know who takes care of you, who loves you, who supports you, and who tucks you in every night now does it.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 of our own children, Im not just his bed mate! Not to mention the fact that I am the one whos been here every day of this childs life even though hes not biologically mine.

My husband tried everything, met with DSS, went to the courthouse himself to see if he could file for anything on his own..... Including the fact that she abandoned the child...Each time he was told that if he didnt know where she was, and they couldnt find her, there wasnt anything they could do because they couldnt serve her with papers.

I said "WE" decided.....wether Im the legal plaintiff or not has no bearing on my statement because he is my husband, Ive been raising the child with him and WE discussed it and made a joint decision. Thats what you do in a marriage.


Shes FIT??? What planet do you live on? Apparently the Judge didnt see it that way regarding the Psych evaluation because she has no rights for visitation . The court papers may not legally name me as his parent because her rights have not been terminated, but the court order has my name in it plenty as this childs provider,caretaker and only mother that he knows. (yes, it says that)

What do her constitutional rights have to do with her not paying child support? I didnt say it was a crime to live at home or not be married. What I said was it is just one more thing showing that she is irresponsible and does NOT have the childs best interest at heart.

His lawyer has been saying for months that he will file contempt, and he has yet to do it. He is in another county, so we cant just pop in to see how its going. Hopefully, the ball is rolling now.

I was under the impression that this site was to give "helpful" advise to those in a sticky situation. Not to bash the person for using terminology not Legally binding. The bottom line is that we are a family, he is my husband, and I raise all 3 children the same and Im just looking for some "friendly" advise.

 

[Isis1]

Ohiogal: Im not sure why you feel the need to be nasty, I guess thats just your charming personality.

I did say that he made a mistake in lying down with her didnt I? I sure did, and he accepted his responsibility for his mistake. You never made a mistake, I guess huh?

I am the ONLY Mother this child knows. I NEVER lied to the child, he is very well aware that another person gave birth to him and CHOSE to leave him of her own free will. I NEVER asked him to call me Mom, He did that all on his own, it doesnt take a genius to know who takes care of you, who loves you, who supports you, and who tucks you in every night now does it.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 of our own children, Im not just his bed mate! Not to mention the fact that I am the one whos been here every day of this childs life even though hes not biologically mine.

My husband tried everything, met with DSS, went to the courthouse himself to see if he could file for anything on his own..... Including the fact that she abandoned the child...Each time he was told that if he didnt know where she was, and they couldnt find her, there wasnt anything they could do because they couldnt serve her with papers.

I said "WE" decided.....wether Im the legal plaintiff or not has no bearing on my statement because he is my husband, Ive been raising the child with him and WE discussed it and made a joint decision. Thats what you do in a marriage.


Shes FIT??? What planet do you live on? Apparently the Judge didnt see it that way regarding the Psych evaluation because she has no rights for visitation . The court papers may not legally name me as his parent because her rights have not been terminated, but the court order has my name in it plenty as this childs provider,caretaker and only mother that he knows. (yes, it says that)

What do her constitutional rights have to do with her not paying child support? I didnt say it was a crime to live at home or not be married. What I said was it is just one more thing showing that she is irresponsible and does NOT have the childs best interest at heart.

His lawyer has been saying for months that he will file contempt, and he has yet to do it. He is in another county, so we cant just pop in to see how its going. Hopefully, the ball is rolling now.

I was under the impression that this site was to give "helpful" advise to those in a sticky situation. Not to bash the person for using terminology not Legally binding. The bottom line is that we are a family, he is my husband, and I raise all 3 children the same and Im just looking for some "friendly" advise.

i'm sure you reminded that child every day his mother left him and doesn't love him.

i tried to warn you......

 

[Proserpina]

Ohiogal: Im not sure why you feel the need to be nasty, I guess thats just your charming personality.

I did say that he made a mistake in lying down with her didnt I? I sure did, and he accepted his responsibility for his mistake. You never made a mistake, I guess huh?

I am the ONLY Mother this child knows. I NEVER lied to the child, he is very well aware that another person gave birth to him and CHOSE to leave him of her own free will. I NEVER asked him to call me Mom, He did that all on his own, it doesnt take a genius to know who takes care of you, who loves you, who supports you, and who tucks you in every night now does it.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 of our own children, Im not just his bed mate! Not to mention the fact that I am the one whos been here every day of this childs life even though hes not biologically mine.

My husband tried everything, met with DSS, went to the courthouse himself to see if he could file for anything on his own..... Including the fact that she abandoned the child...Each time he was told that if he didnt know where she was, and they couldnt find her, there wasnt anything they could do because they couldnt serve her with papers.

I said "WE" decided.....wether Im the legal plaintiff or not has no bearing on my statement because he is my husband, Ive been raising the child with him and WE discussed it and made a joint decision. Thats what you do in a marriage.


Shes FIT??? What planet do you live on? Apparently the Judge didnt see it that way regarding the Psych evaluation because she has no rights for visitation . The court papers may not legally name me as his parent because her rights have not been terminated, but the court order has my name in it plenty as this childs provider,caretaker and only mother that he knows. (yes, it says that)

What do her constitutional rights have to do with her not paying child support? I didnt say it was a crime to live at home or not be married. What I said was it is just one more thing showing that she is irresponsible and does NOT have the childs best interest at heart.

His lawyer has been saying for months that he will file contempt, and he has yet to do it. He is in another county, so we cant just pop in to see how its going. Hopefully, the ball is rolling now.

I was under the impression that this site was to give "helpful" advise to those in a sticky situation. Not to bash the person for using terminology not Legally binding. The bottom line is that we are a family, he is my husband, and I raise all 3 children the same and Im just looking for some "friendly" advise.

You can raise the children with your husband, absolutely.

But you are not Mom.

You seriously need to sit back, read the sticky (and the forum archives actually), quit being defensive and understand why it's critically important for a step-parent to know their place in the scheme of things. Keep on in this vein and you can actually hurt Dad's custody. We've seen it happen.

These words are not being said to pick on you. It's not for the good of our health. It's not because we have nothing else to do in the afternoons. This IS a legal board and you're not Mom.

Look, obviously you care for the child. And that's wonderful. But if you want to keep Dad's family intact you've got to learn when to keep it zipped. You might end up adopting the child in the future - if that happens, excellent! But until and unless that happens you have to ensure as much as you possibly can that you're not handing Mom ammunition she can use against Dad.

(I learned the hard way. The very hard way. If you take nothing else from this site, at least leave with the understanding that an overstepping step-parent can do more harm than good. Surely the last thing you want is to give Mom a reason to fight Dad for custody, right? That's what you're risking)

 

[BBDoll725]

i'm sure you reminded that child every day his mother left him and doesn't love him.

i tried to warn you......

Wow, You guys have some high horses don't ya?

Why the hell would I do that? I love the child, why would I try to hurt his feelings. My husband and I have always asked him if there are any questions he had about the situation, or how it made him feel. He never had anything to say about it, lets not forget he was a toddler when she left so he probably doesnt have many memories of her. Hes 11 now, Out of sight out of mind, I guess. Maybe thats how he dealt with it, by blocking it out. I dont know because Im not a psychologist. Im sure he thinks about her every now and again, but hes a very well adjusted child, who gets straight A's in school and is in the AIG program. So, as of now there are no major issues regarding the situation. When she showed back up in 2008. We sat him down, explained that she came by and wants to see him. We asked him how it made him feel and what he wanted to do. His response was that in time he may like to talk with her on the phone, but that would be about it . Hes a pretty smart kid, and we would never try to manipulate him or make him feel bad. Just because I am upset with the situation doesnt mean that he hears it or knows anything about how me or his father feel about her. I am a woman, a mother and a wife. I would be disgusted with the situation even if I didnt know the woman.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ohiogal: Im not sure why you feel the need to be nasty, I guess thats just your charming personality.

I did say that he made a mistake in lying down with her didnt I? I sure did, and he accepted his responsibility for his mistake. You never made a mistake, I guess huh?

I am the ONLY Mother this child knows. I NEVER lied to the child, he is very well aware that another person gave birth to him and CHOSE to leave him of her own free will. I NEVER asked him to call me Mom, He did that all on his own, it doesnt take a genius to know who takes care of you, who loves you, who supports you, and who tucks you in every night now does it.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 of our own children, Im not just his bed mate! Not to mention the fact that I am the one whos been here every day of this childs life even though hes not biologically mine.

My husband tried everything, met with DSS, went to the courthouse himself to see if he could file for anything on his own..... Including the fact that she abandoned the child...Each time he was told that if he didnt know where she was, and they couldnt find her, there wasnt anything they could do because they couldnt serve her with papers.

I said "WE" decided.....wether Im the legal plaintiff or not has no bearing on my statement because he is my husband, Ive been raising the child with him and WE discussed it and made a joint decision. Thats what you do in a marriage.


Shes FIT??? What planet do you live on? Apparently the Judge didnt see it that way regarding the Psych evaluation because she has no rights for visitation . The court papers may not legally name me as his parent because her rights have not been terminated, but the court order has my name in it plenty as this childs provider,caretaker and only mother that he knows. (yes, it says that)

What do her constitutional rights have to do with her not paying child support? I didnt say it was a crime to live at home or not be married. What I said was it is just one more thing showing that she is irresponsible and does NOT have the childs best interest at heart.

His lawyer has been saying for months that he will file contempt, and he has yet to do it. He is in another county, so we cant just pop in to see how its going. Hopefully, the ball is rolling now.

I was under the impression that this site was to give "helpful" advise to those in a sticky situation. Not to bash the person for using terminology not Legally binding. The bottom line is that we are a family, he is my husband, and I raise all 3 children the same and Im just looking for some "friendly" advise.

I am NOT your friend. YOU are OVERSTEPPING and out of your league. Dad has done SQUAT regarding his rights. YOU are a legal stranger. Your role is to sleep with dad and act as live in babysitter but you are NOT this child's mother. You are overbearing and out of line.

When dad does something to enforce his rights then you may see something different. YOU need to butt out.

 

[BBDoll725]

You can raise the children with your husband, absolutely.

But you are not Mom.

You seriously need to sit back, read the sticky (and the forum archives actually), quit being defensive and understand why it's critically important for a step-parent to know their place in the scheme of things. Keep on in this vein and you can actually hurt Dad's custody. We've seen it happen.

These words are not being said to pick on you. It's not for the good of our health. It's not because we have nothing else to do in the afternoons. This IS a legal board and you're not Mom.

Look, obviously you care for the child. And that's wonderful. But if you want to keep Dad's family intact you've got to learn when to keep it zipped. You might end up adopting the child in the future - if that happens, excellent! But until and unless that happens you have to ensure as much as you possibly can that you're not handing Mom ammunition she can use against Dad.

(I learned the hard way. The very hard way. If you take nothing else from this site, at least leave with the understanding that an overstepping step-parent can do more harm than good. Surely the last thing you want is to give Mom a reason to fight Dad for custody, right? That's what you're risking)

I understand your point, and I do welcome the advise...I just dont see the point in being "rude" about it. I dont say anything to the woman, I dont act inappropriate in court or anywhere else. Unless something really horrible happens, we are in no great risk of losing custody. The child doesnt even know her, and it would NOT be in his best interest to go live with a stranger that he hasnt seen one time since he was a toddler. Again, I completely understand what you are trying to say, and Im not personally trying to do anything on my own, because as you said, my husband is the plaintiff, not me.

 

[BBDoll725]

I am NOT your friend. YOU are OVERSTEPPING and out of your league. Dad has done SQUAT regarding his rights. YOU are a legal stranger. Your role is to sleep with dad and act as live in babysitter but you are NOT this child's mother. You are overbearing and out of line.

When dad does something to enforce his rights then you may see something different. YOU need to butt out.

I never asked you to be my friend.
How do you figure Dad has done squat? Didnt I just list what he tried to do? If he has done nothing then why did the DSS director write a letter to the judge in this case explaining that they couldn't do anything without knowing her whereabouts? Doesnt sound like he did nothing to me. He is not a lawyer, therefore, he tried everything that he could possibly think of to no avail. The legal system isnt exactly the easiest or friendliest thing to navigate, but at the time, raising 3 children, he could NOT afford an atty and did the best he could at the time.

I am NOT overbearing and out of line..... According to you, I should go sit down with the child and remind him that Im not his mother....Maybe I should tell him that everyday, just so he knows... Does that sound better than treating him as my own??? I think not. In HIS eyes, I AM his mother....and if I wasnt, he wouldnt have ONE at all.

 

[Isis1]

I never asked you to be my friend.
How do you figure Dad has done squat? Didnt I just list what he tried to do? If he has done nothing then why did the DSS director write a letter to the judge in this case explaining that they couldn't do anything without knowing her whereabouts? Doesnt sound like he did nothing to me. He is not a lawyer, therefore, he tried everything that he could possibly think of to no avail. The legal system isnt exactly the easiest or friendliest thing to navigate, but at the time, raising 3 children, he could NOT afford an atty and did the best he could at the time.

I am NOT overbearing and out of line..... According to you, I should go sit down with the child and remind him that Im not his mother....Maybe I should tell him that everyday, just so he knows... Does that sound better than treating him as my own??? I think not. In HIS eyes, I AM his mother....and if I wasnt, he wouldnt have ONE at all.

when he calls you his mother, YOU correct him. you tell him his mommy loves him. and one day, when she is better, she will show him. plain and simple. you keep that up and one day you will cause your husband to lose custody. especially if mom is clean.

 

[Ohiogal]

when he calls you his mother, YOU correct him. you tell him his mommy loves him. and one day, when she is better, she will show him. plain and simple. you keep that up and one day you will cause your husband to lose custody. especially if mom is clean.

Let Blow Up Doll 725 have her way. At least she aptly named herself.

 

[BBDoll725]

Let Blow Up Doll 725 have her way. At least she aptly named herself.

Wow, you are so immature. That is funny!

Actually, Ms I know everything.

The Psychologist and the Judge think that everything we have done has been for the greater benefit of the child, including the fact that he calls me Mom!!

It shows that he feels just a part of the family as anyone else.
Otherwise, he may not have adjusted so well to the situation, and always felt abandoned, and would probably have a lot of behavioral and school issues...Which he clearly does NOT. So weve obviously done something right havent we?

If we did what you are suggesting, he would be reminded on a daily basis, while the other kids are calling me Mom, that he was abandoned by his.
Im not his biological Mother so he shouldnt be allowed to call me that, even though he knows no one else as such and choses to call me that? Such great advise you give.

Yeah, let me alienate the kid, so that you can be right!

Im done with this site, so you can continue to call me all the school yard names you want, like the mature adult that you are. You are an idiot!

You may have some legal experience (I really dont know, or care), but your not a child psychologist and the bile pouring out of your mouth is nothing short of absurd. I guess it makes you feel BIG and important to talk to people the way you do. (But Im overbearing...lol). Heres some advice for you: Maybe you should go see a psychologist yourself, because you have a severe personality disorder.

 

[Isis1]

Wow, you are so immature. That is funny!

Actually, Ms I know everything.

The Psychologist and the Judge think that everything we have done has been for the greater benefit of the child, including the fact that he calls me Mom!!

It shows that he feels just a part of the family as anyone else.
Otherwise, he may not have adjusted so well to the situation, and always felt abandoned, and would probably have a lot of behavioral and school issues...Which he clearly does NOT. So weve obviously done something right havent we?

If we did what you are suggesting, he would be reminded on a daily basis, while the other kids are calling me Mom, that he was abandoned by his.
Im not his biological Mother so he shouldnt be allowed to call me that, even though he knows no one else as such and choses to call me that? Such great advise you give.

Yeah, let me alienate the kid, so that you can be right!

Im done with this site, so you can continue to call me all the school yard names you want, like the mature adult that you are. You are an idiot!

You may have some legal experience (I really dont know, or care), but your not a child psychologist and the bile pouring out of your mouth is nothing short of absurd. I guess it makes you feel BIG and important to talk to people the way you do. (But Im overbearing...lol). Heres some advice for you: Maybe you should go see a psychologist yourself, because you have a severe personality disorder.

a guardian ad litem, a child's attorney, nope. she wouldn't know ANYTHING about the reprecussions a child in this position would suffer.

my two older boys don't call my husband "dad". and for some reason, don't suffer from it.