Epidural Bill from unwed mother of child.

[BrendonL]

The woman (lives in Ar) and I are unwed. From what I understand is that I dont have to pay any hospital bills that dont have my daughter's name on it. I have split the cost of everything including the hospital stay and...everything dealing with the hospital . I paid because I felt it was right. I now pay 280 a month. This has not been set up by a court but will be sometime. I am documenting everything I have paid.

I dont want to pay an epidural bill because it was by her request. It was not needed. She should have thought about having to pay it before getting one. So would I legally have to pay it?

Also I read that she is not legally mine (thus I dont owe her anything period) until her name is on the birth cert. I have a court legal paternity test to prove she is mine, I just dont have my name on the birth cert.

When all that is setup will be when I get the child support set in stone.

Also... I buy my daughter lots of diapers and wipes, can I put that towards my child support?

 

[mistoffolees]

The woman (lives in Ar) and I are unwed. From what I understand is that I dont have to pay any hospital bills that dont have my daughter's name on it. I have split the cost of everything including the hospital stay and...everything dealing with the hospital . I paid because I felt it was right. I now pay 280 a month. This has not been set up by a court but will be sometime. I am documenting everything I have paid.

That is correct. You are not legally obligated to pay anything until there's a court order. If you can document the amount you are paying now, that may prevent the court from ordering retroactive child support when everything is done. Or you may be able to get a credit for the amount you've paid against any retroactive support ordered.

I dont want to pay an epidural bill because it was by her request. It was not needed. She should have thought about having to pay it before getting one. So would I legally have to pay it?

Unless there has been some new development in biology, you were involved in creating the pregnancy. Paying part of the expense would be a very nice thing to do - although, once again, it's not legally required without a court order.

However, what gives you the authority or expertise to say what is needed and what isn't? Have you ever had a baby? Are you a licensed physician who was involved? My ex did need an epidural for the safety of herself and the child.

Doesn't anyone have insurance any more? What's with all the irresponsible people procreating left and right?

Also I read that she is not legally mine (thus I dont owe her anything period) until her name is on the birth cert. I have a court legal paternity test to prove she is mine, I just dont have my name on the birth cert.

That is correct.

When all that is setup will be when I get the child support set in stone.

Good idea. Might as well get visitation in place at the same time. Your attitude toward Mom suggests that it's unlikely that you're going to have a very cooperative co-parenting relationship.

Also... I buy my daughter lots of diapers and wipes, can I put that towards my child support?

Nope.

 

[AlmostThere]

The woman (lives in Ar) and I are unwed. From what I understand is that I dont have to pay any hospital bills that dont have my daughter's name on it. I have split the cost of everything including the hospital stay and...everything dealing with the hospital . I paid because I felt it was right. I now pay 280 a month. This has not been set up by a court but will be sometime. I am documenting everything I have paid.

I dont want to pay an epidural bill because it was by her request. It was not needed. She should have thought about having to pay it before getting one. So would I legally have to pay it?

Also I read that she is not legally mine (thus I dont owe her anything period) until her name is on the birth cert. I have a court legal paternity test to prove she is mine, I just dont have my name on the birth cert.

When all that is setup will be when I get the child support set in stone.

Also... I buy my daughter lots of diapers and wipes, can I put that towards my child support?

You have no obligation to pay for anything until the court orders you to do so. It is unlikely you will be ordered to pay for the epidural.

What do you mean by a court legal paternity test? Was it ordered by the court, or was it advertised as the type of paternity test used by the courts? Unless it was THROUGH the court, it means nothing and while you may biologically be the child's dad, you are not her parent legally.

What you pay for outside of any court ordered child support will be considered a gift. Typically CS is issued from date of filing. Once CS is determined by the court, or agreed upon between you and the mom *and* signed off on by the judge, that is what you have to pay - you can't buy things like diapers, clothing, pay rent, etc, in lieu of paying that court ordered amount. Mom can use the court ordered amount to pay for those things.

Have you use a Child Support Calculator for Arizona to find out what your child support obligation will be? You might find that paying for her epidural is a bargain compared to what you would pay if you paid CS according to the state standards for CS. Try here: Family Law > 2011_CALC Without reading all the instructions, it appears that $15,000/year would result in $279/month CS.

 

[Silverplum]

Have you use a Child Support Calculator for Arizona to find out what your child support obligation will be? You might find that paying for her epidural is a bargain compared to what you would pay if you paid CS according to the state standards for CS. Try here: Family Law > 2011_CALC Without reading all the instructions, it appears that $15,000/year would result in $279/month CS.

It's not an "either-or" choice, pay for the epidural OR pay for child support for the next 18 years.

He never had to pay a cent of Mom's care. Paying for her epidural will not relieve him of his CS obligation, nor will it stop Mom from filing.

 

[CSO286]

The woman (lives in Ar) and I are unwed. From what I understand is that I dont have to pay any hospital bills that dont have my daughter's name on it. I have split the cost of everything including the hospital stay and...everything dealing with the hospital . I paid because I felt it was right. I now pay 280 a month. This has not been set up by a court but will be sometime. I am documenting everything I have paid.

Well, actually, until/unless ordered to by the courts, you don't have to pay anything.


Good of you to keep records, but I just dont' see them as being relevant.

I dont want to pay an epidural bill because it was by her request. It was not needed. She should have thought about having to pay it before getting one. So would I legally have to pay it?

Ever have a baby? Now, granted, I ended up with a spinal block and a C-section but having a baby is PAINFUL, any pain meds can be righfully deemed "medically necessary", as opposed to "optional".


In any event, my previous answer stands. until ordered to do do, you are not responsible for these bills.

Also I read that she is not legally mine (thus I dont owe her anything period) until her name is on the birth cert. I have a court legal paternity test to prove she is mine, I just dont have my name on the birth cert.

If you've established paternity through the courts, then regardless of whether or not your name is on the BC, you are her legal Father.

From http://www.dfa.arkansas.gov/offices/childSupport/custodialParty/Pages/paternity.aspx]DFA - Paternity

Will the father's name be on the baby's birth certificate?
If unmarried parents sign the AOP from at the hospital when the baby is born, the father's name will be shown on the baby's birth certificate. The parents must tell the hospital staff what name they want for their child. If the mother agrees, the baby can have the father's last name.

You will need to contact the dept of vital statistics to get your name on the BC.

http://www.azdhs.gov/vitalrcd/birth_index.htm]ADHS: Division of Public Health Services: Office of Vital Records: Birth Certificates

When all that is setup will be when I get the child support set in stone.

start that process now. Sounds like you've been declared legal Dad.

Also... I buy my daughter lots of diapers and wipes, can I put that towards my child support?

Not unless it's in the order.

 

[AlmostThere]

It's not an "either-or" choice, pay for the epidural OR pay for child support for the next 18 years.

He never had to pay a cent of Mom's care. Paying for her epidural will not relieve him of his CS obligation, nor will it stop Mom from filing.

You, of course, are correct, its not legally an "either-or" situation. What I was trying to say, but seemingly did not communicate clearly, is.. Right now OP is not ordered to pay CS, and we have no idea what his CS obligation would be if he was ordered to so. If OP is paying significantly less than what the court would award, and he refuses to pay for the epidural, he might be rocking the boat. Mom might just decided to file for CS sooner vs later, resulting in OP paying far more than he is paying now. It might be a better financial choice for OP to pay the epidural and what he is currently paying mom now.

 

[BrendonL]

Wow! You all have been superbly helpful!!! I have found a new favorite website. I am in a position to where I am scared to say anything like ,in summary, "I dont have to pay that until its legal" . Anything in that sort will get the response, "I dont have to let you see your daughter". Then it will turn nightmarish. I just wish she could be in my shoes. I will pay child support regardless because the child is mine, and I know if I didnt, I would then owe back support.

I think I am gonna say look, I have already paid for a big chunk of the hospital bills. I want the rest of the bills to be court ordered.

Its just really touchy because she is a single child and used to getting everything handed to her. Very annoying.

 

[ecmst12]

YOU go through labor and childbirth without any anesthesia and then you can say whether an epidural is "necessary" or not.

But you don't have to pay for it because it's mom's bill, not the baby's.

I would suggest you file in court to have your CS put into a court order and to legally establish paternity (preferably by DNA test) and custody/visitation. Until you have a court order for visitation, she in fact DOES NOT have to let you see the child. It's better to go to court now and get everything on paper so you can't fight about it (or at least it's less likely).

 

[CSO286]

Wow! You all have been superbly helpful!!! I have found a new favorite website. I am in a position to where I am scared to say anything like ,in summary, "I dont have to pay that until its legal" . Anything in that sort will get the response, "I dont have to let you see your daughter". Then it will turn nightmarish. I just wish she could be in my shoes. I will pay child support regardless because the child is mine, and I know if I didnt, I would then owe back support.

I think I am gonna say look, I have already paid for a big chunk of the hospital bills. I want the rest of the bills to be court ordered.

Its just really touchy because she is a single child and used to getting everything handed to her. Very annoying.

With all due respect, until and unless a court order is in place, Mom doesn't have to permit you any time with the child.

Just like you are under no obligation tpay any hospital bills until and unless you are court ordered to do so.

As annoying as you find her, you picked her to be your child's parent.

 

[BrendonL]

With all due respect, until and unless a court order is in place, Mom doesn't have to permit you any time with the child.

Just like you are under no obligation tpay any hospital bills until and unless you are court ordered to do so.

As annoying as you find her, you picked her to be your child's parent.

Touche. Well Put.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Wow! You all have been superbly helpful!!! I have found a new favorite website. I am in a position to where I am scared to say anything like ,in summary, "I dont have to pay that until its legal" . Anything in that sort will get the response, "I dont have to let you see your daughter". Then it will turn nightmarish. I just wish she could be in my shoes. I will pay child support regardless because the child is mine, and I know if I didnt, I would then owe back support.

I think I am gonna say look, I have already paid for a big chunk of the hospital bills. I want the rest of the bills to be court ordered.

Its just really touchy because she is a single child and used to getting everything handed to her. Very annoying.

I find your comment about not needing an epidural very annoying. Unless you are doctor trained to deliver babies, how on earth do you have the nerve to state she didn't need something medically administered? That is a lot of nerve.

Having said that, like the other posters said, you don't have to pay for it unless you are ordered to. But I would guess with that attitude, mr. she-should-suffer-because-it-would-be-cheaper, your coparenting relationship with the mother of your child isn't going to go well. That doesn't mean giving in to everything she wants...time to head to court to make things legal...but that does mean not saying stupid things like you did about the epidural. Hope you didn't say that to HER.

 

[Silverplum]

I find your comment about not needing an epidural very annoying. Unless you are doctor trained to deliver babies, how on earth do you have the nerve to state she didn't need something medically administered? That is a lot of nerve.

Having said that, like the other posters said, you don't have to pay for it unless you are ordered to. But I would guess with that attitude, mr. she-should-suffer-because-it-would-be-cheaper, your coparenting relationship with the mother of your child isn't going to go well. That doesn't mean giving in to everything she wants...time to head to court to make things legal...but that does mean not saying stupid things like you did about the epidural. Hope you didn't say that to HER.

I see all the Moms who gave birth are up in arms.

Keep in mind -- he owes her NOTHING. He's already paid a bunch of money he never had to pay, and balked at one bill that was never his to pay.

Eating him alive for not paying one bill -- that was NEVER his to pay -- is pointless.

 

[Zigner]

Ya'll gotta just suck it up! Heck...just last week, I had this hangnail that you wouldn't believe. You didn't hear ME belly-aching about it, did you?


















ETA: For the record, I don't mean a WORD of that!

 

[Nevergrowup]

I see all the Moms who gave birth are up in arms.

Keep in mind -- he owes her NOTHING. He's already paid a bunch of money he never had to pay, and balked at one bill that was never his to pay.

Eating him alive for not paying one bill -- that was NEVER his to pay -- is pointless.

I agree he owes her nothing...just pointing out that with that kind of attitude, coparenting will be a tough road for him. I don't think he should pay it without court order...or the hospital bills for that matter.

It isn't just the mom who gave birth in me finding that comment ridiculous...the argument can be used that some surgeries could be performed with no anesthesia and that would make it cheaper...doesn't make it RIGHT...Teeth could be pulled with no numbing or gas...doesn't make it sensible...and if he makes comments like that to MOM, coparenting is going to be extra difficult.

 

[Nevergrowup]

Ya'll gotta just suck it up! Heck...just last week, I had this hangnail that you wouldn't believe. You didn't hear ME belly-aching about it, did you?


















ETA: For the record, I don't mean a WORD of that!

I just showed this thread to my husband, we both got a good giggle from this